Copyright © 2014 Unalloyed Inc. Unalloyed Inc. 15213 NW 89th St., Alachua, FL 32615, USA www.unalloyed.org Photographs from the Bhaktivedanta Archives are © The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust International, Inc., www.krishna.com. Used with permission. All other photographs are courtesy of the photographers listed in the acknowledgments section. Design by Raghu Consbruck www.raghudesigns.com First print edition 2014: 3,000 copies ISBN: 978-0-9914350-0-5 (part 1) ISBN: 978-0-9914350-1-2 (part 2) ISBN: 978-0-9914350-2-9 (set) Printed in India
With eternal gratitude to His Divine Grace A.C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada Had you not come, Who had told The message of Krishna, forceful and bold, That’s your right, you have the mace. Save me a fallen, Your Divine Grace. The line of service as drawn by you Is pleasing and healthy like morning dew. The oldest of all but in new dress. Miracle done, Your Divine Grace. “ADORE YE ALL” BY SRILA PRABHUPADA 1936 VYASA PUJA OFFERING
Contents Part Two 8A Change of Heart VRINDAVAN 1973–1974 9The Blessings of Guru and Krishna Affirmed OREGON 1975–1978 10Guru Vani—The Decade of Differing Interpretations 1980’S 11The Splendid Odyssey of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine 1980’S–1990’S 12Full Immersion in the Nectarean Ocean 1990’S 13Seeing the Krishna Magic at Banabehari Mandir SARANAGATI 1998–2011 14Miracle Done—Your Divine and Loving Grace 2011–YAMUNA’S FINAL YEAR Appendixes Bibliography Expanded Table of Contents Index
CHAPTER 8 A Change of Heart VRINDAVAN 1973-1974
Parikrama with Srila Prabhupada in Vrindavan SRILA PRABHUPADA DID not often go on parikrama with his students in Vrindavan in 1972, but Yamuna recalled a memorable one on Govardhan Puja, when he went with them to Imli Tala. Yamuna wrote: Yamuna: Generally speaking, Srila Prabhupada didn’t often go to other temple sites. Once he went to Imli Tala with the devotees for Govardhan Puja. The temple was kept very neat and clean, and there was, of course, the wonderful imli tree that Lord Chaitanya sat under. Vrindavan was all forested then, and when Lord Chaitanya first came there, He sat under the imli tree and uncovered the sites of Krishna lila pastimes, which were not marked at the time. So it was a very special pastime site, overlooking a branch of the Yamuna River. We had a very nice kirtan, then Srila Prabhupada spoke, and there was wonderful Bengali prasadam. Srila Prabhupada’s sister, Pishima, also came with the ladies. The temple was decorated so nicely—the centerpiece being a large Govardhan Hill mound made of rice. Srila Prabhupada seemed to enjoy the afternoon very much.
Afterward, Yamuna recounted some of the highlights in her journal entry for November 6, 1972: Yamuna’s Journal: IMLI TALA VISIT—1972. Srila Prabhupada, Rsi Kumara, Shyamasundara, Guru Kripa, Radha Raman and Ksirodakashayi Vishnu all walked together. Several others were already at Imli Tala, and we greeted them as they arrived. Very old ladies with shaved heads wearing white saris sat at the entrance and bowed as Srila Prabhupada arrived. He headed toward the open fields and gestured with his hands, explaining to us that this was once a forest in Lord Krishna’s time. It was here under this imli tree that Lord Chaitanya Mahaprabhu ascertained various places of Lord Krishna’s pastimes. The pujaris then showed us a footprint of the Lord. Today, these fields are nothing but white sands, beige clay and long grasses, and the imli tree is immense. We honored Govardhan Puja prasadam.
Yamuna: Once Srila Prabhupada was walking around the Radha-Damodara Mandir, showing everyone where the Goswamis ate, where they preached, and where they spoke to one another morning and evening. He pointed out sacred sites where they lived and wrote, but as we walked past Seva Kunj Park, Subala Swami said, “Would you like to go in here, Srila Prabhupada?” And Prabhupada said, “No, I’m not advanced enough.” So Srila Prabhupada wasn’t paying attention to this story and that story. He wanted us to try to understand the philosophy—to just practice simple Vaishnava behavior—because he said that if we become captivated by the words of the caste goswamis and babajis in these areas, we were certain to become contaminated. He used to say that over and over and over again: “Don’t get involved in learning or studying Krishna Consciousness from these people, because it will lead to a certain falldown.” That’s why the words of the Spiritual Master have to be our authority, because when you are living in a holy dhama, there is so much new information. Our Western mentality especially seems to always seek something new, even though it may take us thousands of lifetimes to digest what’s already been translated and presented by our Spiritual Master. We instinctively knew that Srila Prabhupada was using this time and place to teach by example—by humbly taking the position of being unqualified even though he was the most qualified.
Visakha devi: VRINDAVAN, NOVEMBER 1972—The full moon of November marks the end of the holy month of Kartika, and on that last night, Yamuna, Gangamayi and I take our mats to the roof of Keshi Ghat Palace to lie in the moonlight and relate Krishna’s childhood pastimes. One of those pastimes, Krishna’s confrontation with a nasty horse, had happened at Keshi Ghat right where we are, and when I retell it, Yamuna remarks that it seems as if it had happened recently. For me, spellbound, this month has been like no other. It has been the happiest month of my life.
1973 — A Year of Rising Turmoil After Prabhupada’s 1972 visit during Kartika, he was away from Vrindavan for an entire year, directing things through correspondence. With the Krishna Consciousness Movement growing quickly on all continents, he had many places to visit. Still, his three main projects—Bombay, Vrindavan and Mayapur—were his major subjects of correspondence and his greatest financial investments. —SRILA PRABHUPADA-LILAMRTA
Bombay and the Second Cross Maidan Pandal In Bombay Srila Prabhupada, to encourage and assist the devotees in the fight for the Juhu temple land, requested Yamuna devi to come and lead kirtans at the second Bombay pandal in January. She was to go first to Jaipur to see if a pair of five-foot Radha-Krishna Deities found by Malati devi would be suitable for the Krishna-Balarama Temple. From Jaipur, she would then proceed on to Bombay. And if Yamuna wants to come for that Festival here, she may come here for a few days to lead kirtan before my lectures, then return. But I think that Guru das may have to stay for the work, or if there is opportunity, he may also come, but the work must not be jeopardized. Hoping this meets you both in good health. —LETTER TO GURU DAS AND YAMUNA, DEC. 19, 1972 And if she gets time, then Yamuna may come also for a few days to Bombay pandal, being on this side. —LETTER TO GURU DAS AND YAMUNA, DEC. 31, 1972 The pandal program has been comprehensively covered by others, along with the film and beautiful photographs from Visakha devi which give a visual sense of how impressive it was. When Yamuna and Guru das arrived in Bombay, Srila Prabhupada was being hosted by the Kartikeya Mahadevia family.
Yamuna: The next time I saw Srila Prabhupada was at the home of Mr. Kartikeya Mahadevia, a Life Member Srila Prabhupada showered a great deal of mercy upon. Of course, the joint family system was in place for his family, and he owned several apartments in a prestigious complex just off the beach near Akash Ganga. Mr. Mahadevia had arranged a very comfortable flat for Srila Prabhupada—all marble floors and sea breezes. Mrs. Mahadevia was an expert cook—mostly Gujarati cooking—and the entire family would come to the morning program and attend mangal arati. They established small Radha and Krishna Deities, lovingly cared for by a young girl. It appeared that Srila Prabhupada was so nicely taken care of—they were all eager to render service to him—that there wasn’t much cause for me to bother Srila Prabhupada. Shyamasundara was still his secretary, and Malati was his cook at this time. His other secretary was Devananda Swami. Also present were Tamal Krishna Goswami and Giriraja das. So our visits with Srila Prabhupada were generally short. I went to see him to get more information on ordering Deities for the Krishna-Balarama Temple, and then left to try to be of service for the pandal. We also went on one or two morning walks with Srila Prabhupada. On January 18, Srila Prabhupada again engaged in a teasing pastime with me on the drive to his morning walk. I have mentioned before that sometimes he would quote the famous Chanakya Pandit verse about never trusting a politician or woman in order to gauge my reaction. So on this morning, Srila Prabhupada sat in the car with Mr. Mahadevia, two other invited Indian gentlemen and Tamal Krishna Goswami. We were all crowded in one of those small Ambassador cars, and I was the only woman. So it was like Srila Prabhupada was speaking just to men—as though no women were present. There was definitely a different atmosphere when Srila Prabhupada preached informally only among men. When women were present, another mood was usually observed. So the story of Lord Chaitanya stopping kirtan at the home of Srivas Thakur because he sensed a woman present was brought up. By now, I was used to these exchanges, understanding on the one hand that there is some difference, yet having personal experience that Srila Prabhupada overlooked this and accepted the devotional service of any aspiring servitor—always seeing to the welfare of the soul, regardless of the body he or she inhabited. So Srila Prabhupada and the men were speaking and joking in Hindi in this crowded car, with me crowded in there with them. Then, just as they were getting out of the car, he spoke about the terrible politics in India and again quoted the Chanakya Pandit shloka that a politician or woman cannot be trusted. Everyone was laughing in a very jovial way and then, all of a sudden, Srila Prabhupada turned around, looked at me and said, “What do you think, Yamuna?” “Of course, I totally agree,” I replied. “A woman’s nature is discussed in so many places in the Srimad-Bhagavatam. She has many things that she must try to consciously conquer in this lifetime to go back to Godhead. It is the truth.” I was also laughing. But then Srila Prabhupada again became a little serious and said, “But you—you are not a woman. You are cent percent a devotee,” and then the laughing stopped. Srila Prabhupada and I had a close relationship over the years, and I was present several times when he teased me in this way. He would always look over at me to check my reaction to his statements, and this was another such time.
The pandal itself was glorious and especially memorable for Yamuna, because Srila Prabhupada preached in his uncompromising fashion, yet at the same time enthusiastically chanted and danced with the devotees in ecstatic kirtans. Visakha devi eloquently described her feelings on the final day of the pandal: Visakha devi: The last day of the pandal was a Sunday, and more people attended than ever before. There were tens of thousands of people in the huge pandal. Prabhupada lectured very strongly from the vyasasana. And then when he finished, the kirtan began, as it did every evening. This kirtan was especially enthusiastic. And then at one point he got up off the vyasasana and went before the Deities, clapping, and then he started to circumambulate the Deities with a very light step. He went around once, and then he went around a second time, and then a third time. And when he came before the Deities, very gracefully he put his arms in the air and he began to dance. It was almost as if he was weightless, he danced so effortlessly, and everyone was electrified by this. Everyone in the audience was riveted by Srila Prabhupada dancing before the Deities. At that point I was in the audience, photographing the pandal program, and it felt as if all the sinful reactions of all those people suddenly lifted. It was an extraordinary feeling. There was such a lightness there. It’s stated in The Nectar of Devotion that if you clap your hands in kirtan, then the sinful reactions leave you just like birds leaving a tree when there’s a sudden noise, they all fly off together. And that’s what it felt like. There was this burden of karma lifting all at one time.
Yamuna Devi’s Travels Outside of Vrindavan After the festival, Yamuna and Guru das resumed their Vrindavan services. Srila Prabhupada had requested them to periodically travel to New Delhi to assist Tejas das and his wife, Madira, in establishing the temple there. Yamuna was also given the responsibility of arranging for the Delhi Deities, Sri Sri Radha-Parthasarathi, and later in assisting with the second Delhi pandal. She commissioned the same murtiwalla who had carved the Vrindavan Deities, Pandey Murti Kala Kendra in Jaipur, and carefully oversaw Their carving. Yamuna had made some powerful friends in New Delhi during their short time there, among them Dr. Chandra, an honorary Member of Parliament, who helped them overcome the volumes of red tape in procuring virtually anything in India, arranged meetings with ranking politicians, and assisted in defusing the allegations of ISKCON being a front for CIA activities. Yet, a high point of visiting New Delhi for Yamuna was seeing her young friend Madira, the president’s wife, and engaging with her in kirtans, often lasting for hours. Whether Madira came to Vrindavan or Yamuna went to New Delhi, they found time to chant together and forged a bond through the chanting. For Yamuna, it was a respite from the increasing challenges she faced as a woman and, as time went on, the fractious and sometimes brutal behavior among the devotees.
Madira and Yamuna
Years later, she spoke about Madira’s exquisite mridanga drumming and their kirtans: Yamuna: My Godsister Madira and I were somehow put together in Srila Prabhupada’s service. Her husband was the president of the Delhi temple for some time, and my husband was president of Vrindavan. Our lives crossed (between Vrindavan and New Delhi), and we bonded over kirtan. There was one kirtan I particularly remember very strongly. It was in a place called Anand Niketan in New Delhi, and I was in Delhi on a shopping trip from Vrindavan. Srila Prabhupada was there. I came in the afternoon, and when it was time for the evening program, he asked me to lead the kirtan. Madira was sitting with the drum, a chaddar over her shoulders, and her head down, and I began leading kirtan. And Madira always played a really good drum—she was a solid and talented drummer. But that night, for some reason, she went beyond being good to being extraordinary. It was like a Bengali drummer had dropped in from a heavenly place. She started playing complex rhythms and counter rhythms with such expression that I opened my eyes, which I usually kept closed during kirtan. And then I looked over at Srila Prabhupada, and his eyes were just riveted on Madira. You know how a cat stalks a bird, and the cat becomes completely focused and not moving? So Srila Prabhupada’s hands were playing the kartals, his grip very relaxed, but his eyes were completely focused on Madira. And meanwhile, I watched Srila Prabhupada off and on through the whole kirtan, as he was just appreciating one of his disciples playing the drum. Finally, Srila Prabhupada closed his eyes and started moving his head back and forth, entering into a trancelike state. This is the power of kirtan. I love remembering that wonderful event with Madira’s drumming. The Holy Name is so powerful that it is the all-in-all; it is everything.
The Yuvaraj of Alwar — An Inspiration and Well-Wishing Friend Another inspiration for Yamuna devi came through her visits with the Yuvaraj of Alwar. The district of Alwar in Rajasthan, about 70 miles from Mathura as the crow flies, was once
described as “The Gateway to Rajasthan.” When Yamuna and her husband first went to Alwar in the early 70’s, the Yuvaraj, Sri Pratap Singh, was the de facto ruler, as his father, the Maharaja, lived in New Delhi and rarely came there. Although still young, he was well respected as a dedicated and compassionate ruler, inspiring host, and devoted worshiper and pujari of his beloved Deities, Sri Sri Sita-Rama. He often personally performed Their seva for upwards of six hours a day. He and his wife also maintained a famous animal sanctuary, with elephants, tigers, lions and many other exotic species of animals. When Indira Gandhi imposed her Indian Emergency in June of 1975, effectively turning India into a dictatorship for twenty-one months, her tax inspectors came to Alwar in March 1976 to forcibly search the palaces for valuables. Although the circ*mstances remain mysterious, it was said that Alwar Yuvaraj killed himself rather than surrender the Deities’ possessions to the Government. Yamuna last visited him in 1974, but of all the political leaders she met in those days, he made a lasting impact on her, and over the years she spoke of him with deep fondness.
Yamuna: [When] we were in India in the early 70’s, the area [surrounding Alwar] was in total drought condition. Alwar Yuvaraj was the crown prince, and he had a rather demoniac father, yet he believed so much in the process of bhakti. From the age of seven, he was a Rama bhakta…. There were many mystical stories about his devotion. And because he believed [in the ksatriya dharma], he protected the people and animals in his whole kingdom very conscientiously and opulently. He had a compound of maybe one or two hundred acres. And even though he was in the desert, and there was drought all around, the rain was still falling on his land. It was a wonderful place. Somehow, when we were on sankirtan, by the grace of the Lord we met this very saintly man, the Yuvaraj, and we cultivated him. I bonded with him so deeply because of his sterling example. Even though young (he was only 36 at this time), he worshiped his Deities every morning for up to six hours, and he would also engage anyone from the village who wanted to serve the Deities. He dedicated himself to the principles and values he believed in, protecting everyone he was responsible for like a loving father.
In India, there are often big courtyards in the middle of palaces and large compounds. In Alwar, there was a very large, square grass compound in the Yuvaraj’s palace. One side contained the family residence, one side contained quarters for guests, and one for servants and other business purposes. Once, during a visit, I woke up early one morning and felt a strange presence near me. When I turned my head from the pillow, I saw, directly in front of my face, a small lion cub and a Saint Bernard puppy, just about the same age as the lion cub. They were both staring at me, and when I made a movement to rise, the little lion cub went “fsssss,” and the little dog went “wrfff.” So Alwar Yuvaraj instilled this kind of harmony. The lion and dog were raised together, and it is just one example of the kinds of things we would see there. They played together in this big grassy area all day long, and they were coming to check me out in the morning. Another time, we were sitting in his large reception area and a full-grown lion calmly walked in and sat down. So for me, Alwar Yuvaraj was the only living example I had seen of a caring, devotional ruler who was also a true gentleman in every way. Many of the former rulers were actually despotic and neglected the care of their people for the needs of themselves. But Alwar Yuvaraj was a true prince among men, and when the tax collectors and soldiers of Indira Gandhi came to take the wealth of the Deities, he killed himself rather than give in to them. Whenever I was there, I asked so many questions about the gorgeous Deity worship. I made diagrams and collected pictures of Their festivals for my Deity Book; and I never forgot his kindness—and his living example of what it meant to be a true ksatriya.
The Tamal Tree in the Krishna-Balarama Temple Yamuna: The tamal tree in the courtyard of the Krishna-Balarama Temple needed to be pruned in the spring. I remember the Muslim workers used to hang their clothes on it, and by the time the temple was planned around it with the courtyard in the center, Srila Prabhupada decided that he wanted it cut down because he felt we weren’t advanced enough to respect and properly take care of it. And it wasn’t something he was about to discuss with us; he just announced it. He was in Vrindavan sitting in his room, and on that particular day Krishna das Babaji had come to visit, along with another of Prabhupada’s Godbrothers (I have forgotten his name). Anand Prabhu and Prabhupada were in the room, and there was an extremely intoxicating atmosphere with all four Godbrothers in the same place, each with the same Spiritual Master, but having taken different directions in their service. And they started having this very lively conversation about the tamal tree, and all three of the Godbrothers forcefully said, “No, no, no.” But Prabhupada was
rather firm; he was taking the other side and saying that it should be cut down. It was one of the most visibly beautiful scenes I ever experienced in my life, and there’s a photo in my mind, but not on film. They all went together with interlocking arms to look at the tamal tree, and there was a chain of the four of them walking down the dirt path—so beautiful, tears were just pouring from my eyes at such a glorious sight, to see Prabhupada with his Godbrothers in such a friendly way. So they all went out to the tamal tree and held this very lively discussion. And then Srila Prabhupada said, “All right, we will keep it.” Shortly after they had gone, Srila Prabhupada called me into his room and began describing his childhood. He said that he was very happy that our [temple] designs were coming out like they were because it was very much like the temple compound he had grown up in as a child. And he said, “Instead of a tamal tree, there was this quin….” He said this funny word, and I couldn’t figure it out. He said they are not like grapefruits, but the fruits are very bitter, and good for treating malaria. Finally we figured out that it was a quinine tree. He added that a prickly pear tree was also in the courtyard. And then he said, “Now this tamal tree is here, so every day you must take the arati paraphernalia to it and clean them in the dirt from the base of the tree. Make a nice path around it, and then I will come and sit and watch you worship Krishna and Balarama under this tree.”
Yamuna always retained a special affection for the sacred tamal tree at the Krishna-Balarama Temple. Whenever she went on pilgrimage there, it would disturb her to see advertisem*nts and other things displayed on the tree, especially after they had come so close to losing it due to Srila Prabhupada’s fear of neglect. On one such pilgrimage in 2000, Yamuna reminisced about the tamal tree: Yamuna: [kirtan in background] There is the barest hint of a breeze on this morning of Ekadasi, sitting in front of the tamal tree. The fog is still to burn off in the morning sun. A long leaf dangles in the wind by an invisible thread. An old flower garland of orange and yellow marigolds drapes across a branch. The brambles of the tamal tree are black against the ochre and mauve of the temple walls in the courtyard of the Krishna-Balarama Temple. This is Srila Prabhupada’s tree; the whole temple was built around this tree. It was originally meant to be in the southeast corner of the courtyard; and in the northwest corner of the
courtyard would be a tulasi stambha for circumambulation. It was under this tree that Srila Prabhupada said that he would sit and watch his disciples worship Sri Krishna-Balarama. Even then, long before the temple was even a shell rising from the brown sands of Vrindavan, I could envision Srila Prabhupada sitting and worshiping under this tree with Krishna and Balarama resplendent on Their white marble asana, and young brahmacharis enthusiastically engaged in Bengali kirtan as Srila Prabhupada watches, nodding his head, clapping rhythmically with his hands. [Yamuna then chants Hare Krishna along with kirtan.] During Srila Prabhupada’s bout with malaria the next year, Yamuna recorded the following in her journal as Srila Prabhupada spoke about the tamal tree: Yamuna’s Journal: I have recorded that on September 2 at about 9 PM in the evening, Srila Prabhupada was sitting on his bed underneath a mosquito net, and Pishima was sitting at his feet. His servant Srutakirti, who so carefully served Srila Prabhupada on twenty-four hour call, was also sitting at his feet. Srila Prabhupada commented that the tamal tree is worshiped and embraced by Srimati Radharani and is therefore nondifferent from Radharani. “You must worship this tree as Radharani Herself is worshiped. One tree is at Radha-Damodara, one tree is in Seva Kunj, and we have one tree. You may place tulasi plants at her base on a raised platform and worship her very nicely.”
“Srimati Radharani Must be Dancing” — Changes in Deity Concepts Yamuna once compared the changes in concepts of the Krishna-Balarama Deity program to the waves of the ocean—consistently flowing toward the shore, yet constantly changing in size, tenor and movement. It seemed to her that as soon as she had meticulously planned the Deity program based on instructions from Srila Prabhupada, he would either change something or request another arrangement entirely. The excerpt below, from a letter to Guru das and Yamuna, is an example of this. Malati devi had been commissioned by Hansadutta das to arrange for large Deities for the Hamburg temple and had found a five-foot pair of Radha-Krishna Deities in Jaipur. After returning to Bombay and telling Srila Prabhupada about Them, he immediately wanted Them for Vrindavan, even though Yamuna had been painstakingly working on plans for the Deities who were eventually installed. Regarding the Deity at Vrindavan, Malati has just now returned from Jaipur and she has found out one very nice murti of Radha and Krishna more than five feet tall. I want these Deities shall be installed in Vrindavan, so Yamuna may make arrangements to go there and see if they are available, what is the cost, and make all program how they shall be transported to Vrindavan, like that. I think these will be just suitable for our Vrindavan temple, and they will save us time also. You may order the Balarama Deity to be made also by this murtiwalla. I think Malati has written you one letter in this connection. —LETTER TO GURU DAS AND YAMUNA, DEC. 31, 1972
Yamuna cited this as one such “wave” in the ocean of requests and changes in her Deity service for the Krishna-Balarama Temple. She later used it to illustrate that the duty of the disciple is to follow the instructions of the Spiritual Master—in essence to flow with the waves of change.
The altar at Raman Reti in 1973 Yamuna: So, using the Vrindavan Deities as an example, if one is a true disciple of a bona fide Spiritual Master, then he or she must be willing to carry out his orders. So if the Spiritual Master says a rope is a snake, to the disciple it is a snake, and vice versa. The key words here are “bona fide.” When shastra, the previous Acharyas and the Spiritual Master are all in philosophical agreement, then it is the disciples’ duty to simply follow—that is all. So Srila Prabhupada went through a number of configurations for the Vrindavan Deities, and if he asked for my opinion, I gave an answer if the arrangement would not work or would cause problems (such as putting pictures on the grand altars). Otherwise, I tried to simply flow with whatever instructions he gave. A major difficulty for me was that although Srila Prabhupada put me in charge of the Deity arrangements, there was never any mention at any of our initial meetings about the financing or what exactly the size, shapes and numbers of the Deities were going to be. All I knew was that Krishna and Balarama were going to be on the center altar. Our architect, Saurabha das, had hired a firm in Delhi to prepare the initial drawings of the marble mandaps where the Deities stand. That was the first thing we did, and then we were going to slowly build the rest of the temple. So we actually dug that foundation first, although the remainder of the temple had not been fully planned out. When Saurabha came into the fold, he then wanted another design, but it was already too late. So the size of the area where the Deities were to stand was already determined before the final decisions on the Deities Themselves were made.
Temple foundation Before Srila Prabhupada had been informed of the limitations on the size and number of Deities due to the already laid foundations, he held a meeting with Yamuna and the rest of the team where he expressed his desire for magnificent and unprecedented Deity worship in the Krishna-Balarama Temple. Yamuna: Originally Srila Prabhupada wanted the entire Panca Tattva [on the first altar], along with the murtis of himself and Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati. On the central altar were Krishna and Balarama in the Back to Godhead cover pose, along with two cows. And on the third altar would be Radha, Krishna and the eight gopis, like in the Ashta-Sakhi Mandir. And he wanted them all to be seven feet tall. So he looked at me and said, “Can you do that, Yamuna?” And I said, “No, Srila Prabhupada, because we’ve already dug our foundation, and the Deity rooms are already the size they are going to be. We have to have a certain size altar to fit in that space, [and] to fit in the doors for darshan and everything. There simply isn’t room for them. That’s the first reason. And secondly, Srila Prabhupada, I don’t think we will be able to maintain.” I added, “Right now, we have only aluminum plates, and they are still being lost, so what to speak of caring for the Deities.” Srila Prabhupada then said, “Yes, that is so. All right, we will cut down. We will have Gaura-Nitai, Krishna-Balarama and Radha-Krishna.” He said that it would be balanced by the murtis of Bhaktisiddhanta and himself, which was revolutionary in those days. And then he wanted two gopis based on those at the Radha-Govinda Mandir in Jaipur. He [also] said we could reduce the size, because there just wasn’t enough room. Then we asked him about the mudra that Srimati Radharani would stand in—the position. I said, “Srila Prabhupada, should She be in the same position as the other three sets of Deities?” These were the Deities donated by the Dalmia Trust in Bombay and made in Jaipur. In each case, Srimati Radharani had Her right hand raised with palm facing outward and Her left hand down at Her side holding a lotus flower. This is frequently the mudra of Laksmiji in a pose offering
auspiciousness. At Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati’s temple in Mayapur, Srimati Radharani (Gandharvika) has both of Her arms bent at the elbows and Her hands held straight out in a somewhat closed-fist position (flower-holding mudra). I said, “Should She be like that?” Srila Prabhupada replied, “No. She should stand like this.” And then he struck the most magnificent pose, with his head tilted slightly sideways and facing towards Krishna, and his right arm raised close to the body up to about shoulder length. The forefinger and thumb were held together, with the other three fingers making a slight, v-curve, cupped palm; and the left arm was slightly bent and just out from the hip, with the palm facing downward again in the exact opposite of the right hand, the forefinger and thumb together. It was a very classic, graceful and beautiful pose of Srimati Radharani in a dancing position, and Srila Prabhupada imitated it so beautifully, so perfectly, that we were just stunned. Then he immediately and emphatically said, “In Vrindavan, Srimati Radharani must be dancing. If Radharani were ever to stop dancing in Vrindavan, this whole business [the creation] would be finished.” So Radharani never stops dancing. It is eternally one of the things She does for the pleasure of Krishna. Srila Prabhupada then began to speak about Her cooking. He said that Srimati Radharani is unsurpassed in qualities and superexcellent in so many ways, but particularly in Her cooking. Eternally She cooks for Krishna, and never once does She make the same preparation twice. She keeps Krishna under Her control by her cooking. Radharani’s ability to cook for Krishna is so wonderful, but even above Her skills in the art of cooking for Krishna is Her dancing. Her dancing is magnificent, and She pleases Krishna so much by Her dancing. So Srila Prabhupada said, “In our Vrindavan Krishna-Balarama Temple, Srimati Radharani will be dancing.” Later in the conversation, he also made the statement that just as the Krishna murtis in Vrindavan are usually made in black because Krishna is a blackish color, so Srimati Radharani is the color of sindhura powder and hing powder mixed with milk. We had to have photographs of Srila Prabhupada to take to Jaipur for having his murti made. So as he sat during his massage one morning, Visakha devi took beautiful pictures of Srila Prabhupada from many different angles—from the top, the side, the front and back. There were also close-ups of many different angles of his head and face. Unfortunately, Visakha said that the first roll of that film was later lost.
The Deities of the Krishna-Balarama Mandir Yamuna: By early 1973, Srila Prabhupada had entrusted me with responsibilities and services quite unprecedented for women in India, what to speak of a Caucasian Vaishnavi serving in the holy dhama of Vrindavan. Along with assisting the others on our Vrindavan team, I was responsible for the Deity arrangements—everything from Their design to sringar. To do that, of course, I had to have an equal voice on our team. Initially I interfaced daily with almost every member of our team—in the office and the kitchen, while preaching or traveling, designing and commissioning, during class and in kirtan. In the beginning, for the most part our crew of around a dozen worked hand-in-glove as a close-knit family.
Also in early 1973, Srila Prabhupada arranged for Pradyumna das and me to begin studying Deity worship procedures with Hari Goswami, a sevaite at the Radha-Raman Mandir. Much of what I learned through the open-hearted kindness of him and other sevaites at Sri Radha-Raman, especially Padmanabha Goswami, was immediately copied into my Deity Book. Their consistency of worship was amazing to me. Deity procedures in place over 400 years ago were still being followed, and I felt extremely grateful to witness their regulation and high standards in both their worship and cooking.
From Yamuna’s Deity Book Initially, I went alone to Jaipur to commission the Deities from murtiwalla Pandey Murti Kala Kendra in the southwest part of the old city of Jaipur, and brought back estimates for Srila Prabhupada. I took with me photos of Deity faces we found desirable (including the beautiful face of Srimati Radharani from Madras), and Kala Kendra supplied me with ink line drawings of the Deities for Prabhupada’s approval. When Bharadraja das and Rukmini devi came to Vrindavan, Prabhupada then engaged Bharadraja in the Kala Kendra venture as well. Toward the end of the Deity carving, both of us were dispatched to Jaipur to oversee the final carving and painting of the Deities. Bharadraja, a talented artist, was skilled in the subtleties of both sculpture and painting, and his contribution to the Deity project was invaluable.
Sketches approved for carving in Jaipur
So twelve marble forms were commissioned in Jaipur for the Krishna-Balarama Mandir. On the left altar: white marble Gaura-Nitai Deities, and two seated murtis—ISKCON Founder-Acharya A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada and Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur. On the center altar: black marble Lord Krishna and white marble Lord Balarama, and two white marble cows to sit at Their feet. On the right altar were four Deities: white marble Radharani and black marble Shyamasundara, with white marble Lalita and Visakha gopis facing Them on either side. The commission for the small ashtadhatu (eight metals) Deities of Radha-Shyamasundara was given to Nanda Kishore Mukutwalla in Vrindavan. The form of Lord Shyamasundara was inspired by the archa vigraha form of Sri Radha-Raman. The first sringar (clothes and jewelry) for the Deities were made by Lalit Prasad, the tailor I had used for both large and small Deities in the past. Unfortunately, we had no women to sew and make jewelry at that time, but when Prabhupada saw the bill from Lalit Prasad, he said it was too high, and that in the future, the dresses should be stitched by our own temple devotees. In early 1974, Guru das and I traveled to Nathdwara to order three sets of silver arati paraphernalia, and at the same time we ordered silk backdrops in Udaipur. While Guru das and his crew mostly stayed in Vrindavan to oversee construction, I had to travel to Delhi to collect funds door-to-door for the Deity bank account. My only prior experience soliciting money for Krishna was while traveling with our small band in Delhi at the onset of the Life Membership program. But I was mostly just baggage, with Giriraja das or Guru das doing most of the talking. This collecting proved to be a daunting service for me. Strangely, I never had any control over the funds after they were deposited into the Deity Fund. I was never allowed to write checks or to remove funds. That was done with a check and balance system of two male signatories.
Yamuna’s Journal Notes for the Vrindavan Deities The following notations from Yamuna’s journal give an indication of how careful and meticulous her planning was for the Deity service in Vrindavan. Yamuna was always a prodigious note-taker, and carefully planned out every detail of anything she set out to do, whether it be shopping, cooking, designing or any Deity-related service. ARCANA NEEDS FOR VRINDAVAN KRISHNA-BALARAMA TEMPLE MURTIS: Marble from Rajasthani Kala Kendra, Jaipur. Ashtadhatu from Nanda Kishore Mukutwalla, Vrindavan 42" Gauranga-Nityananda, white marble Rs. 5000/= 42" Krishna-Balarama, white marble Rs. 4000/= 42" Radha-Krishna, white marble Rs. 4000/= 30" Srila Prabhupada, white marble Rs. 3600/= 36" Srila Prabhupada, white marble Rs. 4000/= 14" models of all above murtis Rs. 1000/= 14" Ashtadhatu: Gold, iron, silver, mercury, copper, zinc, lead, sheesha (The last four items in nearly equal amounts; small amounts of the first four metals) Rs. 425/= SIMHASANA MARBLE BASES Each approx. 5000, Total cost: Rs. 15,000/= SIMHASANAS SILVER PORTION W/ CHAIR Wooden and silver, each approx. 25,000, Total cost: Rs. 75,000/= SRILA PRABHUPADA VYASASANA Chair, umbrella and stairs, approx. Rs. 23,000/=
MEASUREMENT NOTATIONS Deity rooms: 16' × 20' Doorways: 4' × 6' each width in halls Deity doorways: 9' 6" × 10' 6" Ceilings in darshan mandap & griha: 22' Darshan mandap: 50' × 28' Pravesh mandap: 50' × 25' Courtyard: 50' × 56' 6" Basem*nt rooms Kitchen Back Hallway NOTES ON FORM FOR ORDERING IN JAIPUR Broad Foreheads Holes in ears and nose Radha 3" shorter Legs and arms separate Flute: straight across with good holes Krishna: three-curved pose Round faces, round eyes, chins, noses Fine arms and hands Thin long waist No jewelry, hair or clothes carved on Knob on top and base of head PRABHUPADA’S VYASASANA NOTES Marble jalli walls with stained glass lotus Base of white marble with three-step platform and lotus carving Simple throne in white marble with white marble lions Footrest in velvet and silver with silver shoes Benares gold jari pillows SUGGESTED DRESSES •(Benares silk) (Pajama-tunic—Krishna; Bell-shaped skirt—Radha) •Robin’s Egg Aquamarine with heavy silver and gold trims, purple contrast (synthetic hole cloth) (Govinda skirt—Krishna; skirt blouse—Radha) or (Pajamas and tunic) •Marshmallow cloth—orange with nylon satin crepe lining, silver sequins and floor length shawl—Gold trims, dark blue-purple borders. (Govinda skirt; skirt blouse) •Lime green lace with lime green linings with wide silver borders. Lavender sash and shawl—Krishna; lavender choli and chuni—Radha in nylon crepe. (Govinda skirt; sari) •Red and silver heavy embroidered Benares silk. (Vary Lalit styles) •White and Gold Lalit dress; lavender and silver Lalit dress. •Green and Gold Lalit dress; pink and gold Lalit dress, Peach and silver •Lalit dress in nylon crepe, no sequins only jari. Govinda skirt—Krishna; Blouse skirt—Radha) •White, lavender and silver lace with purple nylon satin lining. Dark blue borders with wide silver ribbon and gold jari. Krishna blouse (Govinda skirt; sari) •Maroon silk with gold embroidery with silver ribbon trim. (Benares silk)
An Unusual Role for a Woman
As the year progressed, new members joined the Vrindavan project, others left, and leadership suffered. Some were unable to tolerate the austerities, lack of funds, and slow progress. Others were defeated by illness or the extreme heat, and all were affected by the increasing contentiousness among team members. Yamuna found the atmosphere increasingly critical and debilitating. On the one hand, she was trying to adjust to the new reality in ISKCON in relation to women, and to the expected etiquette in India, particularly in Vrindavan, and yet Srila Prabhupada had entrusted her with extensive responsibilities on the Krishna-Balarama Temple project. Though inspired by the service, she remained uncomfortable as the sole woman in this position. She was only too aware of the differences in nature between the men and herself. They seemed to be able to vehemently oppose one another one day and work in accord the next. Yamuna found this hard to swallow. Her nature was such that she found conflict difficult to process and overcome—a lifelong challenge. She often attempted to deflect the difficulties by either internalizing their effect on her while outwardly remaining silent, or by requesting her husband to speak for her. To his credit, Guru das tried to spare her from the backlash of some of the infighting, but these were difficult times for many women in ISKCON, and Yamuna’s responsibilities, coupled with Srila Prabhupada’s respect for her vision and opinions, did not sit well with some of the men. Yamuna: But now, our society was dramatically growing and changing. Srila Prabhupada was creating so many sannyasis, and the GBC was in place. It was these men who attempted to create a society-wide template on the position and treatment of women. I was still a grihastha, and out of etiquette I was feeling, “I am not going to write any more to Srila Prabhupada.” Formerly he told me, “You report directly to me. I want to hear your reports on a regular basis.” I used to unfailingly write to him fortnightly or sometimes monthly. I was always writing. But with the increase of male members, along with their decision-making and directives, and with Srila Prabhupada having so much to handle, I did not want to be another burden to him. Yet, Srila Prabhupada engaged me in business dealings I was held responsible for, so I ultimately had to
report to him. But it became uncomfortable for me.
Yamuna’s Increasing Fear of Displeasing Srila Prabhupada One reason he [Srila Prabhupada] did not come more often to Vrindavan was that Guru das’s letters had been very optimistic, promising a temple opening by Janmastami 1973. Saurabha was in charge of the construction and knew well that the work was going too slowly, yet Guru das would write to Prabhupada, painting a picture of imminent completion of the construction and opening of the mandir. Prabhupada was enlivened to hear the good news, and he held Guru das to his promise, though with reservations. —SRILA PRABHUPADA-LILAMRTA As late as April 25, 1973, Guru das wrote an optimistic letter extolling the steady progress of the construction team of 22 laborers, and everyone else enthusiastically engaged in their services. Yamuna completed this upbeat description by adding a handwritten addendum to the letter: Dear Srila Prabhupada: Please accept my humble obeisances to your lotus feet, the reservoir of all transcendental pleasures. There is no endurance in this changing of body, but there is eternal pleasure in dovetailing our energies to your service. In the heat of scorching summer nights, I often wake up and think how we may increase in sincerity and agitate our energies to complete this project for you. That is our sole desire—to make this Vrindavan dhama a nest of devotional service in seva to Krishna-Balarama and our Vaishnava Acharyas, and glorify your purity. All the students who come here are wonderfully enthused by our nice program and jolly atmosphere just decorated by regulation, engagement and wonderful prasadam. The neem and tamal trees just seem to keep all our brains cool, and work is slowly and steadily maintaining an even tempo. Our vigrahas are presently being carved, and They are extraordinarily wonderful. In Delhi, Visakha is helping me compile some nice photos for you. Your servant, Yamuna devi dasi. [emphasis Yamuna’s] —LETTER TO SRILA PRABHUPADA, APR. 25, 1973
Yamuna on the construction site in 1973 Knowing Yamuna’s tact and her desire to please Srila Prabhupada, it is not difficult to read between the lines of her letter. Still reeling from the challenges of 1972, she was not anxious to incur Srila Prabhupada’s displeasure, and by nature she was both gracious and positive. Guru das had also received chastisem*nts from Srila Prabhupada, and naturally both of them wanted to give an optimistic report on the Vrindavan project. There was no question of their sincerity and dedication to the service—they had put their heart and soul into it. This can also be said of all of the devotees who worked under virtually unbearable heat, illness, money woes and a myriad of other frustrations to try and see Srila Prabhupada’s Krishna-Balarama Temple to its fruition. Yet none of them had any construction experience, nor were they accustomed to the de facto cheating in India when purchasing everything, from bricks to mortar. Further, the heavy-handed government of Indira Gandhi regulated virtually everything, so there was no certainty that what was ordered would arrive on schedule or at all. But anyone visiting the construction site in Vrindavan could understand that the building would never be finished in time. The temple area consisted of foundation lines and steel rods. Only three or four devotees were living there, struggling to organize laborers and to obtain funds and building materials. That summer was extremely hot, and each day the devotees were forced to spend the afternoon lying down in their huts, exhausted from the heat. Prices for cement and steel had doubled. Yet Prabhupada continued to respond to Guru das’s glowing reports, encouraging him to continue with determination.
But Prabhupada could also read between the lines, and he cautioned Guru das, “I simply want to see that the work is being carried on vigorously, and the money shall not be used to pay bad bills. The money should simply be used for construction.” Talk of a temple opening by Janmastami gradually disappeared, but Prabhupada did not express his disappointment. Rather, he continued to encourage and push the devotees onward, asking that at least his own room be completed, so that when he visited in October of 1973, he would have a place to stay. —SRILA PRABHUPADA-LILAMRTA Both you and your wife desired to go to Vrindavan some four to five years ago while you were in San Francisco, and because you were so much sincerely eager, Krishna has given you very good opportunity to stay there and construct a very nice temple for Krishna and Balarama. Take this opportunity seriously, and as you have stated that you are feeling advancement in Krishna Consciousness, I wish both you, husband and wife, will go on increasing such consciousness more and more and thus be benefited. Offer my thanks to Yamuna for her note in your letter under reply. Hoping this meets you both in good health. —LETTER TO GURU DAS, MAY 6, 1973 Yamuna: From the beginning, in some ways our Vrindavan temple was plagued—I don’t know whether just by bad management or whatever—but it was very difficult to build that temple. Very difficult. There were offenses (against each other) being made by many among us … quarreling and so many things. So the construction went on very slowly on that project. And of course by our first opening [deadline], nothing was near being done.
Srila Prabhupada set the next Janmastami, August 1974, as the new Grand Opening and encouraged the devotees to work harder and in complete cooperation with each other. As the year progressed, because of the many frustrations with the work and the strong personalities involved, Yamuna increasingly attempted to stay in the background, not writing Srila Prabhupada directly as she had always done; she was beginning to become overwhelmed under the weight of so many challenges.
Yamuna Begins Serving Srila Prabhupada in Separation Yamuna: In 1973, except for rare instances, I started letting the reports go to Srila Prabhupada through my husband. It was extremely difficult for me, but in order to help broadcast the sublime message of Lord Chaitanya and Lord Krishna everywhere, I tried to become more conscious of the behavior and etiquette some leaders in ISKCON were expecting of women, even though this was the antithesis of my prior experience and training. So although I still felt very close to Srila Prabhupada internally through service, externally I was trying not to be too intimately involved in a direct way. This was extremely painful for me, yet although it took me a long time, I came to understand and accept it as a blessing rather than a curse. When Srila Prabhupada left this world, all of us were forced to serve him in separation and develop an internal relationship with him—something that I had already begun. So it was my good fortune that my training, as difficult as it was, had begun as early as 1973. Prior to that, there was never a time while in his presence that I wasn’t directly engaged in his service. When not in his direct personal association, I was personally responsible to him. So now I was training for serving in separation and trying to strengthen my relationship with him through his vani—his instructions and example. I did not see Srila Prabhupada again until the end of 1973. One of the practical problems for Yamuna during this time was that while many of the men had moved to the land for convenience, no separate facility existed there for women. Therefore, she and Guru das remained upstairs in the oven-like rooms at the Radha-Damodara Mandir. Yamuna: In addition to ISKCON’s changing precedents regarding the role of women, Vrindavan had its own strict standard of behavior expected of all women. A woman there was never independent—she was always to be in the association of her husband. There weren’t sannyasinis or brahmacharinis or bhaktins there. Srila Prabhupada instructed me that while I was there, my behavior was to be such that no one could ever find fault with it. So as there were no separate facilities for bathing or living at our land, I couldn’t move out there. Madan Mohan Goswami at Radha-Damodara Mandir had developed some affection for us after a year’s stay, so even though our contract had expired (after one year), he could see there wasn’t any facility for me to live in Raman Reti, so Guru das and myself stayed on in the rooms at Radha-Damodara for several months past the expiration date. Although it was extremely difficult for me because I had no training in this life for it, I understood the seriousness of observing etiquette in Vrindavan. Srila Prabhupada emphasized it to everyone in our party, but as the only woman, I was being especially scrutinized. So I assiduously endeavored to observe the etiquette expected of a Vaishnavi wife and disciple—no sex life in the dhama; separate eating stations from the men in our party, including my husband; separate bathing stations and sleeping area; no conversation alone with any male Vaishnava except my husband, and so on. Srila Prabhupada had given us this one principal instruction: “How you behave in Vrindavan will be charged to me. If you make offenses in the dhama, it is I who will be criticized, not you. You must always endeavor to act in an exemplary way in your dress, behavior and etiquette.” I wanted to represent Prabhupada and do my utmost to help his mission and the Vrindavan project, yet it seemed impossible to both strictly observe the etiquette
and at the same time manage the many responsibilities Srila Prabhupada had entrusted to me. I was trying to find my place as a woman in a man’s world while performing men’s services, all in separation from Srila Prabhupada. I did not know how to do this, and so I begin to close down internally, especially whenever male devotees came. I would perform any service I had to do with them, but during that period, I never became friendly, out of fear of being criticized or displeasing Srila Prabhupada.
Ironically, this was how I remembered Yamuna when I first met her in New Delhi and later Vrindavan. She was a whirlwind of activity—engaged in numerous services including cooking, cleaning, performing her Deity duties, helping with pandals, traveling, preaching or collecting donations—a seemingly endless marathon from one service to another. Yet, while always gracious and considerate, she was reserved in her dealings with men, and even with women she did not know well, like me. Of course, there were sometimes unforeseen circ*mstances which upended her determination to remain aloof from men, such as the time in February 1974 when George Harri-son came to Vrindavan. When he saw Yamuna devi, he not only warmly embraced her in a bear hug, but kissed her as well. Yamuna, though happy to see George, was mortified.
Yamuna: So it was starting to become massively challenging for me in Vrindavan by the end of 1973. As far as possible, I tried to remain in the background and not be seen, yet continue my services to Srila Prabhu-pada to the best of my ability. But I was beginning to sink into a sea of confusion.
My First Encounters with Yamuna Devi in India I first passed through Vrindavan for one night with Palika devi, who accompanied me from Bombay to New Delhi in early October of 1973. I had foolishly arrived in India on a three-week tourist visa, unaware that I would have to leave the country to extend it. Palika, the wife of Bhavananda das, who had recently taken sannyasa, was a competent, self-assured woman who was not afraid to reveal her mind. She was also fastidious, a dedicated cook to Srila Prabhupada, and meticulously clean. I served with her during much of my stay in India. Particularly memorable to me was acting as her shopping and cooking assistant for Srila Prabhupada in Bombay, Hyderabad and Tirupati. I once entered Srila Prabhupada’s room with her in Bombay in early 1974, and he matter-of-factly asked her if she needed any saris. I think she was taken aback by the question, but then he continued, “Now that your husband has taken sannyasa, I am responsible for all your needs, so if you require anything, you should come to me, and I will provide it.” I was extremely moved by his care and compassion because even though I had been blessed by his association a few times, until then I had constructed a rather dogmatic picture of Srila Prabhupada in my mind—a fictional characterization of someone with no human traits who wielded a sword of edicts and instructions. We stopped for a day in Vrindavan and stayed in Yamuna’s room at the Radha-Damodara Temple, although she was not there at the time. Palika found some of Yamuna’s rare imported pasta and made it for us, telling me that Yamuna wouldn’t mind because she was so renounced. Truthfully, I felt like a trespasser and was a bit intimidated, having heard so much about her in my Krishna Conscious life. We continued on by train the next day—Palika to join Yamuna in Delhi to prepare for the upcoming second Delhi pandal, and me to Nepal to renew my visa. I will never forget the return trip to New Delhi from Katmandu in early November. The devotees had moved into a new temple in Anand Niketan, and Srila Prabhupada was present to attend the second Delhi pandal. It was the first time I had seen him in India, and his mood was fiery and uncompromising, both in his preaching and with the devotees themselves. I had arrived just in time for the kirtan before class one evening, and Yamuna was among the devotees in attendance.
“You’ve Left Krishna Sitting on the Fence Post” — A Lesson for All Students This was an especially illustrative experience because it highlighted how Srila
Prabhupada was determined to teach the devotees that whatever was established in India, especially in relation to serving the Deities and the Vaishnavas, must be properly maintained. Yamuna and I both later recalled what happened in a talk at the Radha-Gopinatha Temple in Mumbai. Dinatarini: This took place in Delhi, and why it was so profound to me was that I had just arrived in India, and I found when I got to Bombay that my visa was only good for three weeks and I had to leave India to get it renewed. So I went to Nepal. On the return trip, I came to the Delhi temple. The devotees had just moved to Anand Niketan. Srila Prabhupada was … sitting on his vyasasana with a very stern, sober look on his face. Yamuna devi had come into the room, and then a kirtan began. Yamuna: I was leading the kirtan. Dinatarini: Yamuna began leading the kirtan, and all of a sudden, without any warning, Srila Prabhupada stopped the kirtan. And he looked over at Yamuna devi with deep gravity, his voice loud and piercing, and said, “How could you have let this happen? You have left Krishna sitting out on the fence post.” And the amazing thing was that Yamuna was not even from the Delhi temple. She was part of the Vrindavan project, and had just come to the Delhi temple as a visitor to help with the pandal program.
Yamuna arranging a taxi from Vrindavan to Delhi He didn’t direct his question to Tejas das, the temple president. He didn’t direct it to anyone else—just Yamuna. So, of course, Yamuna didn’t know what he was referring to; but Srila Prabhupada had noticed that the Deities were wearing the same marigold garlands They had worn the day before. Yamuna tried to defend herself and explained, “Srila Prabhupada, I am just visiting; I don’t have anything to do with the Deity program.” But he still chastised her, illustrating for all of us that what Srila Prabhupada has given, we have to try to preserve that. So Srila Prabhupada said to Yamuna: “I have trained you in Deity worship.” As much as she carried on her shoulders in Vrindavan, with all of her Deity and other services there, he still expected her
to teach others—to establish a standard to be met and maintained. And he felt that somehow that should extend to New Delhi and beyond. Yamuna: He also said to all of us, “You may think that ‘Here is a stone statue, an idol, standing before me,’ and you may think, ‘Let me give this rubbish garland to this stone statue.’ And Krishna will not protest. But if you do that, then this Krishna will remain a stone statue to you forever. So please take care.” He made it clear how important it is to be attentive to our service to Krishna and our service to Krishna’s devotees. Under the merciful instructions of the Spiritual Master and in a loving way, we’re supposed to help each other go back to Godhead. That’s a glorious thing to explore because there’s no end to it. As long as we’re breathing, there is no end to the potential for helping each other become Krishna Conscious in every minute of our existence by following the instructions of our Spiritual Master.
1974 — Yamuna’s Final Year on the Krishna-Balarama Project Yamuna: In 1973, some new and old women friends joined our ranks for some time. Most were saintly and uplifting souls, and exhibited kindness in thought and deed—Aditi from Europe, Bhadra Priya from Montreal, Rukmini from California, and Palika, Prabhupada’s off-and-on traveling cook in India. Each was mature enough to appreciate the challenges of devotional practice under trying circ*mstances, and they avoided piercing criticism and judgment. But not all were of that mood. In late 1973, two householder women joined the Vrindavan team armed with quivers full of sharp arrows. In both cases, I ended up as their target practice. Having had virtually no female company for a full year, I was especially eager for the warmth of female friendship. One woman and her husband quickly became close friends with my husband, but not with me. The wife especially found me lacking, particularly in submission to my husband. The other woman would have preferred me gone forever. In weakness, I caved in and began what would become a downward spiral of self-pity, self-criticism and a loss of self-worth. Feeling hopelessly unqualified to surmount these obstacles in addition to the mountain of challenges already faced, I began to think that I should leave the project. I began to feel the loss of my natural enthusiasm and footing in Krishna Consciousness and became more and more reclusive. All the while, I began devising ways to leave—to try to find some strength and clarity. Envy has no place in spiritual life, and I had experienced envy before. But I had become weakened by the obstacles and was now not able to overcome them.
Yamuna sits on darshan mandap steps, facing the tamal tree As the year progressed, the fighting, bitterness and frustration increased among our once happy devotional family, and it became heart wrenching. There was quarreling in our camp about everything, from how to do things to when to do things. Devotional practices became less regulated or strong as a group. Some members were “drinking water underwater on a fast day.” Because when Krishna Consciousness is followed, then success is assured. But for this work to be going so slowly, there was some deficiency in the practice of Krishna Consciousness and the sincere endeavor to do what the Spiritual Master asks. Srila Prabhupada was not pleased with the progress of the construction, and I believe our spiritual progress in Krishna Consciousness was being influenced to some degree by the material difficulties of living in a holy place of pilgrimage—so many extremes. Of course tapasya, or austerity, is required for one to advance in Krishna Consciousness, but the tapasya in Vrindavan was generally very difficult for the Westerners, at least initially, to endure. There was a great fluctuation in heat and cold and difficulty working with the Indian people, who were always trying to cheat. So progress in Krishna Consciousness could be difficult under those conditions. The great pitfall of trying to be materially happy or being dejected by material difficulties was something that everyone confronts when they serve in the holy dhama. So for me, not being able to report directly to Srila Prabhupada, and having to work instead with some of his deputed managers who had not had the experiences we had already dealt with was very difficult. Working with Srila Prabhupada was on one platform; trying to work through an ever-changing procession of managers with so many differences of opinion and no consensus was a different thing altogether. In all honesty, I didn’t meet this particular challenge with much equilibrium or steadiness. Someone once asked me what characteristic of Yamuna I found the most extraordinary or unique. I unhesitatingly replied that she was the most nonenvious person I had ever met in this life. It always left me amazed, because the scriptures say that envy is the most difficult obstacle to overcome on the devotional path because we originally derived our enviousness toward the Supreme Godhead Himself. In all the years I knew her, Yamuna was open-hearted, forgiving and
consistently nonenvious. She regularly extolled the wonderful virtues in others, often giving them credit for services she in fact had performed. If anyone committed an offense against her, she forgave them. If there was a negative side to this aspect of her character, it was that she often could not see envious behavior in others as envy. Sometimes, if someone exhibited envy toward her, she would say, “Why are they doing or saying what they are doing or saying?” And I would answer that it was simply envy. She would ask a series of questions like “How is that possible?” and I came to understand that she simply did not have the capacity to understand envy, because she did not have it.
The Opening of the Krishna-Balarama Temple is Again Delayed
Yamuna: Srila Prabhupada came in and out of Vrindavan many times in late 1973 and 1974 because we Western disciples had no knowledge of the language, nor of anything to do with business … but we were still trying to build the Krishna-Balarama Temple, so Srila Prabhupada had to come often to help us move the project forward in a timely fashion. So at the time the temple was set to open on Gaura Purnima, 1974. Srila Prabhupada conceived of two pilgrimages, beginning in Mayapur and ending in Vrindavan. Our Vrindavan camp was in total disarray. They had just partially finished one building in Mayapur, which they had started the year before. It was a skeleton of a building. But in Vrindavan we were all spread out—none of us living in the same place, and none of the construction anywhere near completed. When the devotees shifted from Mayapur to Vrindavan, everything was disorganized. I was feeling so much pressure from Srila Prabhupada in my service, and for the first time I felt I couldn’t possibly take care of the devotees—to arrange for their prasadam and see they had water buckets, arrange rickshaws to get them into town, and so many other things I had always done.
Yamuna was in so much distress about the possibility of many devotees coming from the West to Vrindavan at that chaotic time that she and Guru das actually went to Mayapur to plead with Srila Prabhupada to cancel the Vrindavan leg of the pilgrimage. However, it was not to be, and they had to rush back and arrange living quarters for them, rent a pandal, hire enough cooks for their meals, and try to create a warm and memorable atmosphere. Unfortunately, by the time the devotees arrived, most of them were already sick with dysentery and other tropical diseases, which added dramatically to the workload. Yamuna: The day the devotees registered I was struck by how many different nationalities were present: Americans, Brits, Scots, French, Poles, Irish, Canadians, Australians, New Zealanders and Africans. It was the largest international contingent of Vaishnavas in Vrindavan of the century. For many, it was their first visit to India. They had spent a fortnight or so in Mayapur, and by the time they arrived in Vrindavan, many had digestive problems and dysentery. We had little time to arrange for much more than a clean room, clean bedding, clean water for drinking and bathing and clean, healthy prasadam. They stayed at Fogal Ashram, a short distance from our construction site. Srila Prabhupada was living in his partially-built quarters. So for one of the first times, I didn’t cook for Srila Prabhupada and instead tried to care for the devotee pilgrims. Sometimes when he did not see me for a while, he would ask, “Where is Yamuna?” Then whoever he asked would say that I was busy serving the devotees at Fogal Ashram. Visakha devi: When I saw Yamuna in Vrindavan, she was always up against great odds. Sometimes the climate was oppressive. Sometimes the male devotees she was constantly dealing with were unreasonable and difficult to communicate with. One year, 1974, Yamuna was in charge of hosting the devotees during their annual pilgrimage to Vrindavan after their pilgrimage to Mayapur. She arranged for us to stay in Fogal Ashram, and she arranged our menus, which included salad and other healthy choices. In trying to satisfy the needs of so many devotees who had such diverse needs, Yamuna was clearly taxed. Srutirupa devi: I first met Yamuna in 1974 in Vrindavan after the Mayapur festival in 1974. She was like this ethereal being—larger than life. I had just come from Miami and became ill. We were staying at Fogal Ashram, and Yamuna was responsible for arranging the prasadam and getting all the devotees settled and caring for them. Even though it was just chaotic and she was doing everything, she still had the time to see to my personal well-being and care. Yamuna: The wife of one of our team members had just come from Europe and was very enthusiastic to cook for Srila Prabhupada. So I thought that she would cook for Srila Prabhupada, and I would try to take care of the devotees. Srila Prabhupada, of course, could tell there was some problem with my mentality—some difficulty in my Krishna Consciousness. So many times he asked where I was and what I was doing. Actually, I was working very, very long, hard hours trying to serve the devotees. Many days I didn’t even see Srila Prabhupada, and I was feeling more and more morose as the days went by and I hadn’t gone to see him. On the other hand, I felt that Srila Prabhupada knew everything and knew me, so he would see in my face such a dejected person who was not enthusiastic in Krishna Consciousness, and it would be painful for him to see
such a face. I felt at the time that I was such a fallen soul, it would be better if he did not see me this way. So I just worshiped him within my heart and prayed that somehow he would forgive me.
This went on for several days, and finally Srila Prabhupada said, “Bring her here.” So when I got there it was during the evening darshan hours. When he saw me, Srila Prabhupada began to tell the story from the Krsna book about how the Yamuna River had been offensive in not coming when Lord Balarama called her, and so Lord Balarama pulled her by force with His plow, thereby altering the course of the Yamuna River. He was speaking metaphorically about the fact that because I was fallen, he would personally drag me to Krishna. Of course, Srila Prabhupada was always dragging me, but this was more emphatic than I had ever experienced. Bharadraja das commented to me afterwards, “Do you know what happened in that room?” and I said, “I am so amazed right now that I am not sure what happened.” Yamuna never forgot the lessons of that exchange. Even seen through the veil of her despondency, she understood the compassion, blessings and extreme mercy Srila Prabhupada had bestowed upon her. She often reflected that all of Srila Prabhupada’s demonstrations of mercy, whether shown through kindness, chastisem*nts or instruction, were like precious gems which made up the necklace of her devotion throughout her life. Giriraja Swami: Yamuna was trying to make arrangements for the devotees’ prasadam [at Fogal Ashram]. She had no facility, she was unable to speak Hindi and communicate with the locals, and the assistant cooks were ready to walk out at any time. She was working practically twenty-four hours. And she didn’t go to see Prabhupada the entire time. She began to get messages: “Prabhupada wants you”—but she didn’t go. She just replied, “Tell him I am really busy.” She told me later, “Bad, very bad—really low consciousness.” When finally she came to Prabhupada’s room, he was about to go out. So she came back the next morning. Yamuna had given the new cook specific instructions. Still, the lady had taken Srila Prabhupada’s cooker and his unclean laundry and stuffed them into a bolster pillowcase meant for his seating area, now black all over the bottom. Yamuna arrived just as the lady was putting the cooker in with the clothes, into the pillowcase. Srila Prabhupada was also standing there,
watching the cooker being shoved into the pillowcase. He didn’t say a word—not to the cook, not to Yamuna. “Prabhupada knows everything,” Ya-muna told me later. Thus he said to her, “Are you too busy to come? So I am delaying my departure for one day.” The men said, “But the cars are ready. We’re just loading them.” “No, Yamuna will stay here and cook for me tomorrow,” Srila Prabhupada stated unequivocally. “I am staying, and she is going to cook for me tomorrow morning, and then we will go.”
Prabhupada’s cooker and shoes at Banabehari Mandir, Saranagati Yamuna clearly understood Srila Prabhu-pada’s unstated directive regarding his cooker and clothes. He had trained her that the bottom of a pot must be as clean as the inside—a lesson Yamuna was adamant about throughout her remaining years. She knew that had it been her who had put the dirty cooker in with Srila Prabhupada’s clothes, his chastisem*nt would have been immediate and emphatic. Yet, Srila Prabhupada understood the mentality of his students and seemed to have an acute sense when their faith was not strong enough to bear chastisem*nt. So without saying anything, Yamuna removed and cleaned the cooker, and the next day cooked as Srila Prabhupada desired. She had his clothes and pillowcase cleaned and ironed, and then quietly repacked them in his suitcase with the spotless cooker. I remember attending a program once wearing a white sari and carrying a large pot filled with a preparation Yamuna had made. When we entered, I sat down and placed the pot on my lap, which prompted a surprised reaction and intake of breath from some of the other guests. Just as they were certain that placing the pot on my white sari would make it black, I was certain that the bottom of the pot was immaculate. It did not even cross my mind that it could be otherwise, because this was one of Yamuna’s inviolable kitchen principles.
Yamuna’s Cooking Service for Srila Prabhupada at Raman Reti Yamuna: From the spring of 1972 through the fall of 1974, I was Srila Prabhupada’s unofficial Vrindavan cook. I took care of both the Radha-Damodara and Raman Reti kitchens and did most of his cooking. The Raman Reti kitchen (at the construction site for the Krishna-Balarama Temple) was a makeshift affair in a room under construction, with bare brick walls, a concrete floor, and unfinished window frames with temporary bars to ward off monkeys. Two metal trunks held pots, utensils and dry staples like dal, rice and spices. Like many kitchens in Vrindavan, this one had no electricity or running water, but Srila Prabhupada seemed to like it, wandering in on many occasions to observe cooking activities in progress.
The Raman Reti kitchen circa 1973 I worked within an area of the rough floor I’d marked off with bricks mortared together with Yamuna River mud. Every morning, 72-year-old Anand Prabhu, Srila Prabhupada’s Godbrother and one of my all-time favorite cooking teachers, would walk nearly two miles to bring me two buckets of fresh, sweet well-water for cooking. I used two stoves—a gas burner and a portable wood stove, called a chula, which was little more than a five-gallon galvanized bucket covered with a thick layer of smooth mud. On either stove, I cooked the main meal in Srila Prabhupada’s three-tiered brass steamer. But the chapatis were always griddle-baked and flame-toasted on the chula, over a mixture of four parts aromatic neem (margosa) coals and one part dried cow-dung patties. (BACK TO GODHEAD) Yamuna remembered many instructions and chastisem*nts from Srila Prabhupada during the 1974 months. Some were subtle, while others were almost surreal in their transparency. Already overwhelmed by the many responsibilities and difficulties she faced, she still cooked for Srila Prabhupada when he came to Vrindavan. When I arrived in Vrindavan in the summer of 1974, I had the fortune to witness Yamuna’s cooking in that makeshift kitchen. What she was able to prepare and serve Srila Prabhupada from what she called a “no-facility zone” was nothing short of a miracle to me. One particular incident remains prominent, and I’ve told this
extraordinary story to many aspiring cooks over the years. Srila Prabhupada arrived unannounced one night at around 10:00 PM, and immediately called on Yamuna to prepare a meal. Of course, there were no refrigerators then, so all produce and other cooking necessities were purchased as needed on a daily basis and used in one day. At this time of night there was no possibility of shopping for produce. Concerned as to how Yamuna would manage, I came into the kitchen to find, as expected, that there was only one tomato, one papadam (a thin, cracker-like wafer made with dal paste), one potato and about a handful of wheat. Yet, in what seemed like minutes, Yamuna had made a papadam-tomato soup, a moist potato vegetable dish and a large paratha. Srila Prabhupada was very pleased with the result and showered her with praise. With virtually nothing to work with, she had made a exquisite meal for Srila Prabhupada in less than fifteen minutes. Yamuna always had the ability to make everything taste delicious and unique. Srila Prabhupada used to sometimes say that she cooked like Radharani, who never made the same dish twice. Srila Prabhupada also used the cooking medium to teach Yamuna important lessons in devotional service through chastisem*nt. She often spoke of the unusual occasion when Srila Prabhupada sent his secretary, Satsvarupa Maharaja, into the kitchen to “teach her how to make chapatis.” As mentioned before, Yamuna had become expert in the art of regional chapati-making techniques—so much so that Srila Prabhupada regularly complimented her on her chapatis. In this case, she felt that perhaps Srila Prabhupada was addressing her overall frustration or her feelings of self-doubt in order to remind her of the importance of always practicing humility in devotional life. Yamuna later related the incident with a great deal of humor, but at the time she understood exactly what Srila Prabhupada was doing—dragging Yamuna to his lotus feet like Lord Balarama. Once, during a visit with Giriraja Swami in California, he recorded Yamuna as she told the story:
Srila Prabhupada’s Chapati Chastisem*nt Yamuna: One time when Srila Prabhupada came—I think it was the first time I met Satsvarupa das Goswami; he was Prabhupada’s servant—I was on a bucket stove again, on the floor—no kitchen. I was making Prabhupada’s prasadam, and as you may or may not know, when you cook with a bucket stove, and you have a little bit of hard coal and a little bit of soft coal, and then a little bit of cow dung, it is a little hard to regulate. There is a certain temperature, and you cannot turn a switch to make it higher or lower. And then, depending on the thickness of the pot, you know what intensity you want. And there is what you call a tawa, which is a concave iron griddle, and to make a chapati, you keep that on the stove and then lift it off to put the chapati on top of the flame. So I made chapatis for Prabhupada’s lunch. Satsvarupa Maharaja wanted to bring in the lunch, thinking that I probably shouldn’t do it. He brought in the plate, came back into the kitchen, and said, “Prabhupada wants me to teach you how to make chapatis.” And I said, “Oh, Maharaja, I would be so grateful if you could do that. I’d love to learn to make chapatis. Please.” Then I got up, and he began to wash his hands. By the time he sat down and rolled out a
chapati, the tawa was really hot. He rolled out an octopus-like chapati. Now, when you roll out a chapati, the ball bearings for rolling it out is a dusting of flour, and if you roll the chapati in too much flour, you actually roll flour into the surface of the flatbread, and then even if you try to flap it off, you will still have a crust of flour. So you use a minimal amount for the ball bearings and then flap off the little extra. His octopus was covered with flour on a hot tawa. When he put it on, I said, “Maharaja, what should I be looking for?” [laughter] He said, “You wait until there are pimples on the top.” As soon as the chapati hit the griddle—very hot—the pimples came very fast. He turned the chapati over, and there were little burnt holes. [laughter] So there was no question of it puffing up. So he put it on a plate … and he took it in to Prabhupada. Then he came back and told me, “Prabhupada said, ‘This is excellent.’” [laughter] So that’s how Prabhupada taught me. It was never with a whip, but they were beatings nonetheless. They were beatings over my head. Prabhupada mercifully revealed Vrindavan to us, sometimes with encouragement and sometimes with chastisem*nt. While we were trying to do the Vrindavan project, Prabhupada gave us lots of chastisem*nt. Chastisem*nt is a special relationship that one has with the Spiritual Master, and sometimes it’s difficult to appreciate its potency when you’re being chastised, but in retrospect it becomes a relishable mercy. When you get chastised; you feel your energy change, and sometimes it takes a long time to put the beauty of that chastisem*nt into perspective. We continue to learn from it years and years later. Because when you get chastised, you feel a little whip, a little like slapping. But that kind of mercy we got a great deal of on the Vrindavan project.
“This Temple Must be Opened by Janmastami” — An Impossible Task When I arrived in Raman Reti in June of 1974, I was confronted with a massive construction site. There was a hive of activity, yet it was far from being finished. Also, there was no place for women to reside, so Srila Prabhupada had given permission for Yamuna to stay in what became his dining area adjoining what was then the makeshift kitchen. Yamuna kindly allowed the other women, myself included, to stay with her in that room. Surrounding the walls on three sides were the glorious cloth-covered marble Deities. Although Yamuna was gracious and cordial, it was obvious that she was overwhelmed and despondent. She knew full well that the temple would not be completed by Janmastami, and yet Srila Prabhupada was still getting reports that all would be ready. Feeling massively pressured from within and without, Yamuna would leave early each morning to begin her services and return only to sleep. Yamuna: Now Srila Prabhupada was really pressing that “This temple must be opened by Janmastami.” Even though he had tried to bridge the differences among the members, the fighting and offenses were continuing. Quite frankly, as far as anyone could see, on every level there were differences of opinion. From Delhi, from the Bombay side, from Vrindavan and in between, there were differences of opinion. So once, Saurabha das and Guru das went to Srila Prabhupada to vent their differences. They each tried to speak their specific grievances in front of
Srila Prabhupada. And in the end, Srila Prabhupada would not take the side of either one. He said, “I have left this work to you both; now simply do it.” He then added, “This fighting must stop. The work cannot go on if it does not stop. You are both my sons. You must do this work jointly.” But even then it did not stop. So I could see that the temple was not going to be ready for the opening, and it fractured my heart. But for some reason, because Srila Prabhupada had so much wanted it opened, and no one wanted to disappoint him, others were saying, “We can do it. We can do it. We will be finished.” But we were too far behind schedule—it would not be finished.
In March, Tamal Krishna Goswami asked us to leave the Radha-Damodara Temple, but there was no place for me to live on the Raman Reti land except for Srila Prabhupada’s partially built quarters. The men were living in a series of three grass huts with a little kitchen off to the side. Much to my total amazement, Srila Prabhupada said, “You must stay in my house, Yamuna. It is your house. I just come to visit as a guest here.” He was so overwhelmingly considerate and trying to take care of me. It was a very difficult time, so I took one small room in his house. Of course, there was great opposition to that also. Wherever I lived, it seemed that there was opposition, and I felt I hardly had any place there to work or to live. So by Janmastami I was still staying in his house (much to my amazement), in the room which became his dining room. All of the Deities from Jaipur were also in that room, along with two or three other women. Srila Prabhupada’s bed was then in his greeting room, his bedroom was the temporary kitchen, and the little room on the other side was for his secretary.
To Live and Serve on a Construction Site One of the great blessings only realized by me later was that our meals were prepared by His Grace Anand Prabhu, a humble and glorious Vaishnava who was not only Srila Prabhupada’s Godbrother, but had also cooked for Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur. I did not have the maturity to appreciate this honor at the time, but I have wonderful memories of him. He was truly para-dukha-dukhi, kind to every living entity, and any person or animal that came to the kitchen
was given some prasadam or bhoga by Anand Prabhu. Needless to say, this was not appreciated by the managers. I remember once seeing no less than ten peaco*cks surrounding the kitchen area, and Anand Prabhu was carefully putting out grains for them. He was, as Srila Prabhupada said, a true and sincere Vaishnava.
Anand Prabhu serves the devotees One of the biggest hurdles we faced each day was bathing. The only place to bathe was the pit the bricks were soaked in. The women were given the time between 2:30 AM and 3:00 AM to bathe. We would go with our inefficient flashlights to find that often the trenches (sometimes six feet deep) had been changed and the pathway to the tank no longer existed. Upon finally finding our perilous way there, we were met almost daily by the extraordinary vision of a mangy, diseased dog stretched out in our bathwater, with only his head showing above it. We would chase him out and then have to bathe in the same water. When Srila Prabhupada came in August, the dog, nicknamed Dogwood by the devotees, would unfailingly attend his Bhagavatam classes in the unfinished temple. During Srila Prabhupada’s classes, the dog would find his way to the cool marble altars, stretch himself out on one of them, and begin to loudly wheeze. At first, Srila Prabhupada would stop class and say, “What is that?” and when informed of the dog, he would say, “Take him out.” But afterwards, Srila Prabhupada would usually ignore the wheezing unless it became too loud, whereupon he would simply say, “All right. Take him out.” Pooja Anand devi: Pishima shared how, during the building of the Krishna-Balarama Temple in Raman Reti, then mostly forested, the men would go to the river Yamuna for a bath. The ladies had to dress the Deities and prepare the bhoga in the early hours of the morning, and hence had only enough time to have a bath from a water tank that was used to keep the bricks meant for construction submerged in water. Soon the ladies noticed a dog sitting in the same tank, with only his head above the water, to relieve himself of acute itching and pain he was suffering from sarcoptic mange. There was no hair on his body, and his skin was itchy and full of pus. Pishima found the scientific name of the disease. A few days later, Pishima developed boils and an itch on her hands. She would just apply some turmeric and get back to her service. This time after being with her, I was heading back to my apartment with tears rolling down on my face. I was crying because it is thanks to the sacrifice, struggle, austerity, determination, and dedication to serving Srila Prabhupada and Sri Sri Radha-Krishna by devoted, exalted disciples
like Yamuna Devi that we are reaping the fruit of wonderful temples, books, paintings, Deities, music and much more…. I feel so indebted to every one of them.
The Krishna-Balarama Temple Does Not Open on Janmastami Although the devotees working on the Krishna-Balarama Temple project had often witnessed Srila Prabhupada’s anger and displeasure, I was not prepared for what occurred when he first arrived on August 4, 1974, expecting the temple to be ready for the Grand Opening celebration. Invitations had already been sent out to prominent politicians, businessmen and some of his Godbrothers. Satsvarupa Maharaja wrote of his arrival in the Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta: AUGUST 4, 1974—When Prabhupada’s car pulled up at the ISKCON property in Raman Reti, a group of devotees greeted him with kirtan and flowers. Some twenty-five devotees from temples around the world had already gathered for the grand opening celebration, and along with the Vrindavan devotees, they crowded happily around Srila Prabhupada. No formal walkways had been constructed, and Prabhupada walked through the half-constructed walls, past piles of sand and bricks, making his way toward the Deity house. Even here the lack of ornamentation and finishing was apparent, and rubble lay all around.
“What is this?” Prabhupada demanded as he toured the construction site. “There is nothing here. Where is the temple? You told me the temple was finished.” Guru das, Saurabha, Gunarnava, and others directly responsible were unable to answer. Their faces went white. Prabhupada was furious. “How can you open this?” The visiting devotees also began speaking among themselves: “It’s not ready. How can we open?” “But Prabhupada,” said one devotee, “devotees from all over the world are coming.” “Stop them immediately!” Prabhupada said. “There will be no opening!” Prabhupada had burst the bubble, the illusion that they would be ready for the grand opening. Prabhupada’s anger was frightening, and the devotees who surrounded him were no
longer carefree and joyful. “You were going to open this temple?” Prabhupada scoffed….
In his room Prabhupada’s anger only increased. He yelled at Guru das for mismanagement. He yelled at Saurabha. He yelled at all of them. No one dared to offer suggestions or excuses. There was nothing to do but turn white and become depressed. Prabhupada suddenly inquired whether the temple could be opened, despite the mess. “Can you have the Deity rooms ready at least?” He turned to Surabha. “This is an insult to our Society. What will people think? We have announced it everywhere!” —SRILA PRABHUPADA-LILAMRTA I was present at this shellacking by Srila Prabhupada and was stunned to see how each leader responded to Srila Prabhupada’s questions. In my recollection, as we all sat in his room, he asked each leader and responsible person why the temple was not ready, and particularly why he had not been informed before he invited people from all over the world. To my amazement, each person more or less cast blame on another person in the room. No one wanted to be the focus of Srila Prabhupada’s anger; I had never seen him this angry. Yamuna was sitting as far in the back as possible, head bent and sari pulled down over her face. After Srila Prabhupada had asked each and every leader what had happened, he looked over at Yamuna and said, “Now Yamuna, you tell me what is really going on here.” I could see the faces of the men become set like stone. Yamuna, already carrying the weight of her own feelings of failure on her shoulders, did not want to speak, and demurred. But Srila Prabhupada insisted. Finally, she revealed that she felt the problems were mainly due to the devotees’ lack of respect for each other and offenses committed in the holy dhama. She added that she felt it would not be possible to open the temple at this time under any circ*mstances and gave her reasoning: Yamuna: Devotees had come from all over the world for the opening, but there was no place for them to stay. The temple was not done—even the Deity area was nowhere near being finished. When everyone was in the room that first day, he asked all of the leading members what was their opinion. Everyone gave their opinion. When Srila Prabhupada finally asked me, I first said that I felt totally unqualified to speak and probably had no right to speak. But after he again pressed, I stated my feeling that it would be almost impossible to actually open the temple. There was no pujari, there was no facility—nothing was finished on any front. “We have invited so
many people from all around the world to come, and I was not informed of this. Now you all decide,” he finally said. So the leading members sat down with His Divine Grace, along with the Krishna-Balarama team members, including myself. They also agreed the temple could not be opened at this time. So Janmastami and Vyasa Puja celebrations went on in a limited way, and then Srila Prabhupada became gravely ill.
As a witness to these exchanges, I will never forget my sense of amazement that Srila Prabhupada held Yamuna’s opinion in such high esteem. Even though she had tried to remain in the background, he felt that above all others, her assessment of the project’s deficiencies would be the most honest and objective. In discussing this in later years, Yamuna mentioned that most of the team members were struggling under the weight of their own burdens, and these frustrations manifested differently in each of them. She ultimately empathized with them and forgave any offenses against herself. The date for the opening of the Krishna-Balarama Temple was extended once again to Rama Navami in April 1975. Yamuna immersed herself in her variegated services and wrote in her journal of a visit with Srila Prabhupada on Janmastami morning. Yamuna’s Journal: At about 10:30 on the morning of Janmastami, I brought to Srila Prabhupada some arati equipment we had made for the Krishna-Balarama Temple. Prabhupada looked at it and said, “Do you have these in silver?” and I said, “No, Srila Prabhupada. Our intention was first to have all of them made in bell metal and see if the organization is such that they are nicely taken care of, and there is no loss.” He replied, “Yes, this is a good idea.” I also proposed that in front of the Deity area there is a pravesh mandap. At one end is a place for Srila Prabhupada’s vyasasana. Just directly across from that there is another space the same size. So I proposed that in Alwar, we could get beautiful large kettledrums that are classically used in aratis in the prominent North Indian temples. We could add very nice gongs, and a bell that would sit atop the temple with a long rope attached to it. By pulling that long rope, the temple bell would ring during the arati ceremony. I had an idea that at the other end, directly across from Srila Prabhupada, we would have these instruments sitting there. During the arati they would all accompany the kirtan, and when the arati was not in session, there could be some cushions there
and twenty-four-hour kirtan could go on for the pleasure of the Deities. Srila Prabhupada replied, “Yes, this is a very good idea for pleasing Krishna and Balarama. They will bless you for such planning matters.”
“My Illness is Because the Leaders Are Not Strictly Following” The day after Vyasa Puja, Srila Prabhupada, deeply disappointed by what he had seen and heard in Vrindavan, fell gravely ill with malaria. It was the most disturbing event in my Krishna Conscious experience, because we all felt that he may leave his body. He had actually revealed to us that his illness was due to many of his leaders not following the practices of Krishna Consciousness.
AUGUST 12, 1974—Prabhupada explained that his illness was due to the sins of the ISKCON leaders, eighty percent of whom were not strictly following the rules and regulations, he said. Even in Vrindavan some of the devotees weren’t regularly rising at 4:00 AM. Since Prabhupada was speaking little, he had only briefly mentioned this cause of his illness. But brief as it was, it crushed his disciples. As for who was guilty, each disciple would have to say for himself. But in a mood of “Oh, God, what have we done?” all the disciples in Vrindavan immediately became very attentive to the rules and regulations…. Prabhupada said that his “misdeed” was accepting so many disciples, but he had no choice for spreading Krishna Consciousness. The Spiritual Master sometimes suffers, he said, so that the disciples may know, “Due to our sinful activities, our Spiritual Master is suffering,” and this always had a sobering effect on any would-be offender. But now, for the first time, Prabhupada was specifically blaming his disciples for a serious illness. By neglecting their Spiritual Master’s most basic instructions, they were causing him great distress. They understood that their Spiritual Master was no ordinary malaria victim, and they knew they had to correct their mistakes and pray to Krishna that Prabhupada would get better. —SRILA PRABHUPADA-LILAMRTA
Yamuna: Srila Prabhupada became bedridden for weeks. Brahmananda Swami was there for some time directing things. Bhagavan das came and tried to direct things for a while. He left, and then Jagadish das came and tried to direct things, and one night he left. So in the course of this short period of time things were quite disorganized. We had three GBCs in that period come and go. Finally Srila Prabhupada said, “I will be GBC,” and yet he was so sick. He was sometimes sleeping outside underneath a mosquito net, or inside in his greeting room next to the room the ladies were sleeping in. He had to be carried by two men now, and Srutakirti was always with him, serving him very sincerely. It was a very painful time for me. But even though Srila Prabhupada was sometimes moaning “uhhhhhh” sounds, whenever he was a bit relieved, he was preaching. He was seeing Krishna, he was thinking Krishna, and he was always surcharged with Krishna. Yet, this was the most severe sickness I had ever seen in him. Srila Prabhupada continued instructing us during his illness. Because of the heat, sometimes his bed, covered with a mosquito net, was moved to a cooler location outside—a place that every one of us had to pass when we went to the bathroom area. His servants, Srutakirti and Kuladri, would take turns massaging his feet, while Srila Prabhupada sometimes just moaned in discomfort. So we were literally confronted with the results of our offenses each time we passed his bed or heard him. I saw the entire painful saga as Krishna’s way of forcing us to bear witness to the results of our offenses to the Spiritual Master. It was a dramatic lesson, and one which I never forgot. Yamuna: A twenty-four-hour kirtan was established at this time just outside his door, and word was dispatched to all of the centers that twenty-four-hour kirtans should go on, along with prayers for Srila Prabhupada’s recovery. Srila Prabhupada did not take any prasadam for at least a fortnight, and Pishima was only making him Horlicks and sometimes just a little milk. Srila Prabhupada’s illness and its aftermath were torturous for Yamuna. It had been glaringly obvious to her for a long time that the temple would not be ready for the opening; yet because of her perception of her own lack of Krishna Consciousness, she felt unqualified to approach Srila Prabhupada directly. It was a low point in her devotional life—one which she later analyzed and drew great strength from. Many years later, Yamuna expressed her realizations of this arduous period in her life: Yamuna: My own consciousness was reaching a very low state of disillusionment. Krishna discusses the entire syndrome in Bhagavad-gita. From anger, delusion arises, and from delusion, bewilderment of the memory. When memory is bewildered, intelligence is lost, and when intelligence is lost, one falls down again into the material pool. The minute one forgets Krishna, he must be engaged in some kind of maya—whether gross or subtle—and they are both dangerous. When one is bewildered, there is no way to see anything because the intelligence is temporarily lost. And when that position comes, of course, one can fall into so many kinds of sense gratification. So I felt lost at this time—no place to bathe, great sickness all around (many others had contracted malaria, including Srutakirti and Kuladri), no place for doing any of the things that one does to practice sadhana, no facility even for chanting or even passing stool—nothing.
So I was beginning to feel so many pulls from many different elements. I was thinking, “If I could just remove myself from this particular situation and try to get some strength, then I could do more active service in Krishna Consciousness.” But of course I was married, had no money, and no way to rectify the situation. I never revealed my mind to any of the women, and I never complained to Srila Prabhupada. It just would never occur to me to do this. I tried never to complain to my husband, and went through the movements of service like a robot.
Srila Prabhupada’s Instruction’s to Yamuna on Cleanliness — The Black Floor Debacle Yamuna: So when we first made the Vrindavan temple, we made every mistake [possible]…. One mistake—one really good one—was the floor in Srila Prabhupada’s room. It was black, but not granite. It is an amalgamate floor, where you put color in it—like a mixture, and you put little marble chips in it—like that. So they put in it some wrong mixture of black in with the aggregate, and when the floor dried, if you just rubbed your finger across it, your finger became black. So we were really nervous. How are we ever going to fix this? So we started a day-and-night cleaning crew to try to clean Prabhupada’s floor. Wash it. Dry it. Black. Wash it. Dry it. Black. We had this project of constant cleaning, trying to get the floor so it wouldn’t show black. But nothing was working and, of course, I was in charge of Prabhupada’s rooms. So with our brilliant intelligence, we decided to copy people who had white floors, so we put down durries, and then put down white sheets over them. So any tiny bit of the floor that wasn’t covered with the rugs and the white sheets—your feet got black. And you can have completely white sheets, but when people came in the room and stepped from the floor to the sheets, there were black footprints all over the white sheets. So Srila Prabhupada commented, “Who has done this?”
So it was my shoulders that this would fall on. My role was the Deity department and Prabhupada’s rooms. So I had to make some ridiculous comment like, “What would you like, Srila Prabhupada? I am not sure what to do.” And he said, “No intelligence. There is no intelligence there.” “That is very true, Srila Prabhupada. Do you have any suggestions how I could better take care of the room?” “No, you can figure this out. You figure this out.” So for days I was trying to figure out what are we going to do. Finally, we took up the sheets. Then Prabhupada said, “Where are the sheets?” “Srila Prabhupada, I took them off.” “Is that your solution?” So really I don’t know how many months it took for those floors to be clean. But to show you how strict Srila Prabhupada was with cleaning, we had a whole system: we would clean everything above the floor last. We would do the floor first and then move up, clean everything, and then come back down and clean the floor. So the whole room was cleaned twice.
A Lesson on Waste Yamuna: Indian wooden matches have always seemed inferior to me. They snap easily, their igniting tip is thin, often flaring rather than lighting, and they are anything but water-resistant. One day as I was preparing the stove for cooking, I retrieved a matchbox from the trunk, knelt down before the stove and struck a match. It fizzled. I struck a second one, and it snapped into three pieces. The third went futz, futz and went out. The fourth flared briefly and went out. Then Srila Prabhupada took the fifth out of my hand before I could strike it. I recall his movements almost as if it were slow motion. With ease he struck the match against the box, cupping his hands around the budding flame as if protecting it from Arctic winds. The flame leapt out on the first strike as he lowered it to light the stove. As I looked at him with puzzled awe, he spoke before I could open my mouth. “A devotee,” he said, “should become expert, know how to use things properly and avoid waste.” As I looked at my small pile of unlit matches resting before the stove (I see them again as I write), I realized how far I had to go in these three areas. I am still working on them today. (BACK TO GODHEAD)
This year, let us pray for ever-deepening appreciation and glorification of Srila Prabhupada. Let us strive to increase our ability to relish him in new and fresh ways. Let us pray to understand more and more about the how, what, when, where and why of Srila Prabhupada’s mission.
The Stapler Story — “You Have Not Cleaned My Rooms Today?” Yamuna: One morning Srila Prabhupada came back from his walk and sat down at his desk. I had thoroughly cleaned his rooms while he was on his walk, as I did each morning. But this morning, he looked around his desk and reached across to the edge of the desk where there was a tiny staple gun, about two inches in length. The mini staple gun was in a little plastic envelope, like a little sleeve, to protect it. Prabhupada took the staple gun out of its case, opened it so it was lying flat, took his little pinkie finger and went into the space between the knob and the staple. He then rubbed his finger along it, held it up to me and said, “Dust. You have not cleaned my rooms today?” “Yes, I did Srila Prabhupada.” “Haven’t I trained you how to clean the room?” “Srila Prabhupada, I never thought to look there for dust.” “Asara. Useless,” he said.
So Srila Prabhupada was a little strict with me on cleaning—not just cleaning, but in many ways. But today I treasure those lessons. I treasure that dust between Prabhupada’s stapler, and I treasure his other instructions, because when the Spiritual Master is strict with you, it helps you to be conscious of what conditioning means. Otherwise conditioning is just a word. The concept that “I am conditioned from time immemorial” is hard to wrap your mind around. It is just a huge thing, this conditioning. Unless we are trained by the Spiritual Master, getting out of the conditioned state can be very slow. So when the Spiritual Master chastises you by giving you instructions on simple things like this, it is very helpful.
Yamuna Leaves Vrindavan but Keeps Vrindavan in Her Heart Earlier that spring, I had a botched surgery in a charitable hospital in Bombay, which left me ill and weak for years afterward. So although I was an unofficial “shopper” for Srila Prabhupada in Vrindavan while there, I was really ineffective as a servant or helpmate to anyone, partly due to ill health and partly due to my own immaturity. Witnessing what Srila Prabhupada went through, combined with my own health issues, prompted my leaving Vrindavan in early September for England, with a short stop in New Delhi. I felt great empathy for Yamuna’s suffering condition. It was etched on her face—a kind of expressionless “going through the motions” look which I had also experienced before and knew well. So when I got to England, I sent a letter offering two tickets for Yamuna and Madira in New Delhi to travel anywhere in the world for a few weeks’ respite. Yamuna wrote back that she had gotten permission from Srila Prabhupada to leave, and asked if I would meet her and Madira in Rome. I sent the tickets, and when I arrived in Rome, much to my surprise, Guru das had come instead of Madira, which was problematic because he had not been given permission to leave Vrindavan at the time. Of course, I was unaware of this, and we tried to make the best of the time we had. We traveled by train to Austria, and Yamuna and I read The Nectar of Devotion and took long walks in the beautiful countryside. For the first time she opened up about the problems in virtually every aspect of the Vrindavan project she had faced as a woman. What amazed me was that although she had undergone what seemed insurmountable obstacles, she never lost her dedication and faith in Srila Prabhupada. To the contrary, by the end of our stay, she was more determined than ever to become Krishna Conscious.
Yamuna: It was October 4, 1974, that I took leave of Srila Prabhupada for some rejuvenation from the Krishna-Balarama Temple project. Just prior to that date, I had realized the need for trying to regain my spiritual strength, so I had increased the quality of my chanting of Hare Krishna—trying to hear the chanting to the best of my ability. So that day when I entered the room, although I was still in a very much weakened spiritual condition, Srila Prabhupada said, “Oh, you look so beautiful. You have been chanting Hare Krishna.” I was struck by his
profound spiritual vision, always seeing whatever small spark of service there was within the heart of the devotee and also seeing if there was some slackness in their personal sadhana. Then he proceeded: “This Krishna Consciousness may not always be easy.” He was sitting at his desk, and above him, some carpenters and brick masons were pounding on the concrete roof. The sound was ringing very loudly throughout the whole land, what to speak of directly above Srila Prabhupada’s head. He said, “This sound is pounding on my brain,” and he raised his right hand and was patting the side of his temple in a pounding action—pound, pound, pound.
And he said, “But I must tolerate it.” And he was more or less saying that in Krishna Consciousness there may be so many pounding efforts in so many different ways, but in order to serve Lord Krishna one must tolerate the onslaughts of whatever Krishna sends our way, and continue to chant Hare Krishna. So this was the last meeting I had with Srila Prabhupada before I left India. On October 6, Srila Prabhupada left Sri Vrindavan dhama and went to Mayapur.
Yamuna realized that she had accepted things in her life and Krishna Conscious-ness which she could no longer abide. The major change was her household life. She felt that as long as she and her husband were solely focused on dedicated service to Srila Prabhupada and becoming Krishna Conscious as their life-long goal, she could remain in that ashram despite its challenges. Yet increasingly, she felt a divergence of interests in her household life, which she had previously tried to overlook. I remember in our talks her firm conviction to become more renounced—to live a celibate life dedicated cent percent to Srila Prabhupada and the practice of Krishna Consciousness. The more her strength and clarity of consciousness returned, the more determined she became to try to preserve and grow in her spiritual life by full immersion in the nine processes of devotional service. If she had had a male body, she would have easily adopted the austerities of the sannyasa order; but for a woman, her desire for renunciation was unusual, especially in a Western woman from a privileged background. By the end of those few weeks, Yamuna realized she could not return to the Vrindavan project. I went on to visit my mother in Florida, and Yamuna contacted me in December: “I am leaving my household life. Let us go somewhere and open a women’s ashram for other women like us.” So the onset of our devotional journey together began in both an enlivening and
turbulent way. Guru das wrote to Srila Prabhupada about Yamuna’s departure from their household life. Srila Prabhupada’s reply was the first in what would become a series of surprising and unexpected instructions over the next two and a half years. If Yamuna has left you, why remain as grihastha? Better take sannyasa like Tamal Krishna Goswami. I know Yamuna has Krishna in her heart. She’ll not be spoiled, but let her have some temporary independence and be more Krishna Conscious. I am glad you have sent the money to India that you have collected. Now, you left Vrindavan on account of Yamuna, but she has left you there also, although you wanted to live with her. Anyway, try to forget all this material attachment and try to be attached to Krishna more and more. —LETTER TO GURU DAS, DEC. 31, 1974 In January of 1975, Yamuna wrote a heart-wrenching, calligraphed letter to Srila Prabhupada, carefully explaining her reasons for leaving her household life and expressing her deep remorse at being unable to fulfill her duties in Vrindavan. Out of respect, I have purposefully not included the letter, nor have I gone into any detail about her reasoning, except to say that she was willing to accept the spiritual and societal repercussions with the hope that her future actions on the path of bhakti would ultimately please Krishna, Srila Prabhupada and the Vaishnavas.
Vrindavan is in Your Heart Once Yamuna was asked how she was able to leave Vrindavan, as it was originally her intention to stay there throughout her life. She answered that she came to realize that Vrindavan is in your heart, and quoted the following story: Yamuna: Once Srila Prabhupada came for a short time to New Delhi, and afterwards Tejas, Guru das, Shyamasundara and I brought him to the Delhi airport. His plane was delayed, and we were sitting in a little group waiting when we heard this click-clack, click-clack, click-clack coming from a young girl with high-heeled shoes, black stockings and a mini-dress. Shyamasundara said to Prabhupada, “We’re not in Vrindavan anymore, Srila Prabhupada.” Prabhupada looked at him and said, “Yes, we are in Vrindavan. This is not Vrindavan?” That made me see things in a different light. I began to think, “Yes, I may physically leave Vrindavan, but Vrindavan is also in the heart.” We can take Vrindavan into the heart, and when we leave the dhama, we can bring its atmosphere with us wherever we go. It gave me a little hope. So Vrindavan is also there within our hearts, within our consciousness, provided we make ourselves the receptacle. Everything is about making ourselves a fit receptacle. Srila Prabhupada is the representative of the mercy of Krishna and our entire disciplic succession. He is the cent percent emblem of religiosity. He had a perfect understanding of how to distribute love of Godhead according to the mentality of the recipients Krishna sent to him. He once said, “I favor none of my disciples. Whoever makes himself a fit receptacle to hear the message receives that
mercy. Just like the rays of moonshine are very much beneficial, but if you hide behind the rocks and the caves, how do you expect to get the mercy rays of the moon?” I was reflecting after leaving Vrindavan how Srila Prabhupada revealed the holy dhama to us. First, he revealed it by showing it to us personally—by being the pure living example of what the dhama is; secondly, he showed it to us by his inconceivable mercy through the Holy Names; and thirdly, by teaching us to appreciate the Vaishnavas and seeing Vrindavan in the hearts of the devotees. That was three ways he allowed us to see and experience Vrindavan.
Appreciation of Vrindavan from Yamuna’s Journal Yamuna’s Journal: I always want to remember the sounds of Vrindavan—its quiet, punctuated by the songs of flying green parrots and strutting peaco*cks, monkey shrieks and cow lowing, the call of “Jaya Radhe!” or “Hare Krishna!” proffered as greetings to strangers on the streets, the hooves of cows and the wooden clogs of sadhus on the cobblestone lanes, the recitation of shastra, temple kirtans and widow bhajans. These are the sounds that give Vrindavan a spiritual vitality, a wonderful persona.
A Letter Never Sent I found the following letter in Yamuna’s loose papers. Written sometime after she left Vrindavan, it is more a prayer of her feelings of remorse, her appreciation of Srila Prabhupada, and her begging for his mercy. Dear Srila Prabhupada, Today I have been reflecting on all my mistakes in your service and on my fallen condition in life. I reflected on wishing that I had more wisdom, more maturity and more ability to please you. You have given so much to all of us, and you have tolerated so much in return. I am deeply sorry for my mistakes and my failure to carry out your mission in Vrindavan. I only want to say that your mercy is everything to me, and although I have failed in so many ways, I beg you to please never withdraw your mercy from me. It is the only life force of this lowly Yamuna.
CHAPTER 9 The Blessings of Guru and Krishna Affirmed OREGON 1975-1978
THE MID-1970’S WERE uniquely challenging years for women in ISKCON. Being raised in the West as equals to their male counterparts, the requisite of submission, regardless of their qualifications or length of service, to the authority of virtually any male in ISKCON was a great act of surrender on their part. For many women it became an impossible obstacle to overcome, and they subsequently left the Movement, at least for a time. In varying degrees I believe that all of us women were affected by the sincere yet zealous leadership consisting of many young sannyasis “fired up” to preach and distribute Srila Prabhupada’s books. Some of them saw women as an impediment to this goal, even though women book distributors were often equal to or more successful in their distribution efforts than many men. If there was a silver lining among the clouds of disillusion, it was that women were forced to dig deep within themselves to strengthen and fortify their faith and commitment and to develop the qualities of tolerance, humility and forbearance. In my own practice of bhakti, I had never known the close-knit family atmosphere of loving Godbrothers and Godsisters Yamuna so eloquently described during her early years in ISKCON. Nor did I have a direct and intimate serving relationship with Srila Prabhupada lasting many years. So however arduous those years were for me, I cannot imagine how difficult it must have been for Yamuna devi, who had spent the first six years of her Krishna Conscious life in loving service to Srila Prabhupada and then had to adapt to a new and restrictive modus operandi. Always a brilliant organizer, she had been responsible for developing and overseeing many important ISKCON programs over the years, yet during these years she often found herself answering to an ever-changing procession of new young men in leadership positions. Had Srila Prabhupada himself not stepped forward to protect and nurture Yamuna during those tumultuous years before his passing, I do not know how she would have endured; but with his often behind-the-scenes encouragement, she not only overcame the challenges, she turned them into opportunities for spiritual growth, harmonizing them in her own unique way: Yamuna: I don’t know how many times from the very beginning of my association with His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami that I heard him say, “I am an old man; I may die at any moment.” Where the scriptures say that we have to develop a sense of urgency, he had that urgency a thousandfold. He often told us that he wanted us to take over the management so he could write books, and then he wanted us to distribute those books with urgency. He knew he had a limited time with us, and he so much wanted to fulfill the desire of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati. To that end, he needed knowledgeable, assertive and dedicated preachers, and he gave sannyasa to many men and strongly encouraged them against entanglement with women so they would remain focused on the service. Unfortunately, some of the leaders, traveling from temple to temple, emphasized this to the detriment of sincere and dedicated householders, women and children, and offenses were committed. So even though Srila Prabhupada pushed the devotees to produce and distribute his books, I have no doubt that he also expected us to imbibe and practice what is taught in the books—how to develop the qualities of a devotee within ourselves and give the essence of Krishna Consciousness to others by our example.
A Humble Ashram in Southern Oregon A most revealing facet of Yamuna devi’s devotion and compassion for others was the fact
that even when she felt at her most spiritually fragile at the beginning of 1975, she was still ready to take on the service of a women’s ashram to encourage others. I was initially surprised at this, yet I soon understood how deeply embedded her devotion to Krishna and Srila Prabhupada was and how determined she was to serve to the best of her capacity, regardless of past or future challenges. We began our spiritual odyssey fifty miles north of Portland in Longview, Washington, to visit Yamuna’s extended family. Her supportive aunt Edna, who had taught ballet to Yamuna as a child, attended her marriage, and had fond memories of Srila Prabhupada, lived with her husband Dean there. Aunt Edna’s son-in-law and daughter, Bill and Norma, owned the Ford dealership, and had a large family themselves. Yamuna had spoken to me of their kind and generous natures, their dedication to their Catholic faith, their philanthropic and humanitarian activities and moral and family values. I had never seen this among my own relatives and was taken aback by their warmth and acceptance. But mainly, Yamuna wanted to see her sister Janaki, who had moved to the area after leaving London. Although happy to see her sister again after almost five years, Yamuna left saddened by Jan’s then dormant spirituality and lifestyle choices. Driving south, we were charmed by the town of Grants Pass on the Rogue River in southern Oregon. Surrounded by lush forests of pine, Douglas fir and cedar trees, its gently undulating hills and mountains provided a peaceful respite for Yamuna after the pressure-cooker life of India. Money was a problem, as I had given the bulk of an inheritance to ISKCON and received only a modest monthly trust. Yet Yamuna was undeterred. We would settle there, start small, and then grow as Krishna desired. Initially we found a single-wide mobile home on ten acres of lush forest midway up a thousand-foot hill. Our landlords, the Stansfields, were retired fundamentalist Christians who lived across the street and soon became more like caring parents than landlords. The rent was one hundred dollars a month. It was about as humble a dwelling as you could get.
Yamuna immediately began artistically decorating each area—giving it a creative temple look and feel. I reworked what had been a chicken coop into a barn and fenced in a
sawdust-covered pen for a cow. Roses, jasmine and other fragrant flowers were planted, and land was dug for a garden.
The mobile home kitchen with Yamuna’s touch
Bimala the Wonder Cow Two months later, the farm we had requested a young heifer from called us to pick up our cow. When we arrived, they placed this two-day-old amber bundle in the car, wrapped to the neck in a burlap bag. Although we had no prior experience, we took on the duties of cow protection with great care and happiness. That little two-day-old Guernsey cow, named “Bimala” by us, would become famous in our valley, with her cream-filled milk products sold throughout the area and long waiting lists for her golden rich milk. On holidays she would receive greeting cards in the mail, and because she was protected, she had no fear of people, who were often surprised when she ran toward them instead of away when they approached. Her major vice was escaping from her pen to eat the prized roses in front of the ashram, and we woke on many occasions to the dreaded chomping sound outside the windows.
Yet Bimala had a sense of boundaries which was mystifying. When families came with small children, she would stand like a statue as the children ran in and out of her legs; yet sometimes with older guests she would enjoy pushing games. Once we visited our landlords for a neighborhood function. The Stansfields (who were very fond of Bimala) spoke to some of the guests about our philosophy of cow protection. One guest cynically replied that cows were only good for their meat. This particular neighbor lived nearly a half mile away on another road, yet late that same night we got a call from the landlord that Bimala had gotten out, made her way to that particular person’s garden and totally destroyed it. We raced over there, and the infuriated man met us holding a rifle. Needless to say we compensated him for the damage to his garden, but it was a measure of Bimala’s uncanny nature that the first and only time she left our property, she found her way to that particular far-away garden on that long-ago night.
Dinatarini with Bimala
A Peaceful Yet Conflicted Span of Time Initially, both Yamuna and I were blissfully unaware of the furor her departure had caused in ISKCON, especially among some of the sannyasi leaders. From the beginning we strictly followed the schedule and regulations established by Srila Prabhupada—rising early, chanting at least sixteen rounds of the mahamantra, and holding Bhagavatam classes in the morning and Caitanya-caritamrta or Nectar of Devotion classes at night. Our days were busily engaged in service, as Yamuna had begun recipe testing and writing what would become her classic cookbook, Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. Almost immediately some interested families began coming. Yet, when our address and phone number became known, Yamuna began receiving several disturbing letters and phone calls from some of the leaders criticizing her actions. In essence and tone, they were all similar, with each pointing out that because she was no longer in the association of devotees, she could never make advancement in spiritual life, and that she had lost the mercy of her Spiritual Master because she had left ISKCON. Yamuna felt that she was between a rock and a hard place. On the one hand, she felt as if a great weight had been lifted from her shoulders and was experiencing a new inner peace in her spiritual life. She often spoke of a renewed strength and sense of stability in her devotional life. Yet, what would be the point if what they said was true? She expressed her feelings in letter to Srila Prabhupada: I am deeply sorry that I have disappointed you by leaving my post and household life in an unauthorized manner, but I did not leave Krishna Consciousness nor my dedication to Your Divine Grace. It is only from your causeless mercy that Krishna has become embedded in my heart, and the debt I owe you is eternal. I will never forget that. Yet I could no longer fight the
obstacles of hypocrisy and futility I saw before me, and simply contemplated ending this life, with the hope of getting a better opportunity to serve in the next. By your and Krishna’s grace, I am feeling renewed strength and determination. But if your mercy and blessings are forever denied me, as I have been informed by [name withheld], how will I progress in my devotional life? —LETTER TO SRILA PRABHUPADA, APR. 18, 1975
On May 11, Srila Prabhupada wrote a lukewarm reply in effect addressing none of her concerns while focusing much of the letter on his dissatisfaction with Guru das. He did say that he was “feeling her absence” at the opening of the Krishna-Balarama Temple, but the question most disturbing her—that of his mercy—was left unanswered: It is good that you are now living separate from him [Guru das]. Wherever you live, you can follow the regulative principles and my instructions along with chanting. That will make you happy. Do not deviate from the path I have chalked out for every one of you. —LETTER TO YAMUNA, MAY 11, 1975 On reflection some years later, Yamuna likened Srila Prabhupada’s treatment of her to Krishna’s ambivalent treatment of the gopis—sometimes showing them great love and sometimes ignoring or neglecting them in order to enhance the intensity of their love for Him. Yet at the time she was devastated at what she perceived as essentially a rejection by Srila Prabhupada and blamed herself for not expressing her reasoning more thoroughly and frankly. This she did in a three-page calligraphed letter on June 3, 1975. Yamuna began the letter with a quote from Srimad-Bhagavatam (7.5.32) taken from the Teachings of Lord Caitanya: As long as one is not favored by the dust of the feet of pure devotees, he cannot even touch the path of devotional service, which is the solution to all the problems of material life. Because of her frankness, and out of respect for the parties involved, including Yamuna, I will not reproduce the letter. In it Yamuna feelingly wrote of being a woman with enormous
responsibilities in an environment where she felt denigrated simply due to her gender. She expressed to Srila Prabhupada that “with all the humility at my command” she had tried to conform to the ever-changing demands and expectations of women at that time in ISKCON. Yet she saw ambiguity and hypocrisy at each turn and felt her identity slipping away on all fronts. Again reiterating that she had neither given up the practice of Krishna Consciousness nor her devotion to Srila Prabhupada, she plaintively concluded: My only goal in life is to understand what really is my position or duty in relation to your lotus feet in Krishna Consciousness. I pray that you may kindly relieve my doubts. If it is within your grace, please write me at the below address. If you like, I beg that you consider this dog at your feet. —LETTER TO SRILA PRABHUPADA, JUNE 3, 1975 In lieu of a written reply, Yamuna and I received a call from the then GBC of the West Coast, Jayatirtha das, reporting that Srila Prabhupada would be arriving in Los Angeles on June 20 and had requested that we meet him there. During our short time in Oregon, both Yamuna and I had felt progress in our spiritual lives. A resurgence of faith and enthusiasm had replaced hopelessness and futility. Our Godsister Palika devi was in India arranging to bring Deities for us to worship, and we were making clothes, jewelry, and all manner of necessities for welcoming Them into our ashram. We had a young (and very spoiled) cow, and interested people were already coming. Yet, in truth, whether influenced by the criticisms of some sannyasi leaders or not, we had by then both come to the painful conclusion that without the blessings of Srila Prabhupada, there was an impassable chasm in our spiritual lives. So, as difficult as it was, by the grace of Krishna we were prepared to follow whatever instructions Srila Prabhupada gave.
We left our young cow in the care of our neighbors and drove to Los Angeles. I have explicit memories of standing behind a column of the temple with tears pouring down my face. Both of us were certain that Srila Prabhupada would ask Yamuna to reenter her household life,
and I would be sent to some ISKCON temple far away. Although resigned to our fate, no words can truly express how devastated we actually felt. Giriraja Swami: In 1975, Guru das’s life went in a different direction, and Srila Prabhupada wrote Yamuna, “It is good that you are now living separate from him. Wherever you live, you can follow the regulative principles and my instructions along with chanting. That will make you happy. Do not deviate from the path I have chalked out for every one of you.” Soon, Yamuna devi left India, but she apprehended that Srila Prabhupada would ask her to return to her husband, despite his deviation–and she was prepared to do whatever he asked. In her first meeting with Srila Prabhupada after she left India, in Los Angeles in 1975, she approached him with her friend Dinatarini, with whom she had teamed up. They were ready to follow any instruction that Srila Prabhupada gave them, however difficult, lest they lose his mercy.
June 1975 — Miracle Done — The Mercy of His Divine Grace Although his spiritual life later digressed in an unfortunate and tragic manner, Jayatirtha das was then our only advocate among the West Coast ISKCON leaders. During those years, he was thoughtful, compassionate and a gentleman. He made his way in ISKCON not by pushing himself forward but through his management and business savvy; and he had the rare quality of making you feel as if your problems were also his problems. His lovely wife, Manjuali devi, was his equal in every respect. She had been another of the recruits from the Morningstar Ranch commune, along with Tamal Krishna Goswami and Vishnujana Swami, having been known there as “Mary Moonlight,” a fitting moniker. I remember her in those years as having a thousand-watt smile, always optimistic, devoted to her husband, and everyone’s kind friend. Jayatirtha arranged our first meeting with Srila Prabhupada after the morning program. We followed Srila Prabhupada up the steep steps to his quarters, and at one point he turned around to look at Yamuna for what seemed a long time, and tears began streaming down his face. Yamuna was also overwhelmed and emotional, as was I. When he sat behind his desk, he told Yamuna that he had missed her very much at the Vrindavan opening. Both he and Yamuna had tears in their eyes. Yamuna handed him a gift of sweets she had prepared, and then his mood immediately changed. Manjuali devi: I remember when she [Yamuna] came to L.A. to visit from Oregon, and it was questionable, because some people were criticizing them to not be in the temple—that they couldn’t work with the men in the temple. She came to see Srila Prabhupada—I think it was 3 AM, before mangal arati—and she had made this box of sweets, like a chocolate box, and they were the most gorgeous sweets. We didn’t do this in those days, but she had little candy papers for each sweet, and she made it in the box; and then she got this colored cellophane, and the box had a bow on it. It was something from Vaikuntha—the ribbon just fell. Everything was done with the most impeccable style, creativity, elegance, love and skill, so in that way Yamuna was an archetype. She was just a teacher in how she worked, how she served, her shyness, her humility, her never putting herself forward. In Los Angeles, someone found a piece of paper in
the waste bin that Srila Prabhupada had thrown away after receiving the sweets, and it said “Yamuna has learned the art of cooking from Srimati Radharani.” It was a little scrunch in the wastebasket—but I believed it. You could say “Srila Prabhupada said” anything, but I could believe that. You could appreciate that here was something very special.
Yamuna’s sweets made in Oregon Srila Prabhupada then asked about our Oregon facility: Srila Prabhupada: What kind of facility do you have? Yamuna: It is very small, Srila Prabhupada, but very clean. Srila Prabhupada: Very nice. Do you have a veranda? Yamuna: Yes, Srila Prabhupada, there is a veranda. Srila Prabhupada: That is very good. I have seen in India, you can take a small room, sweep and clean very nicely, put some flowers in there, and even an old man like me will feel like a bridegroom. [laughs] Any old damn place! Old man like me—he’ll feel just like a bridegroom. [laughs]. Any old damn place! So how much money do you pay? We were a little proud that we had found an ashram (albeit humble) for such a low price, knowing that the devotees in Los Angeles were paying upwards of six hundred dollars for apartments near the temple. Yamuna: We pay only one hundred dollars a month, Srila Prabhupada. Srila Prabhupada’s eyes opened wide in surprise, and he replied: Srila Prabhupada: So much!? I only pay five rupees a month for my rooms in
Vrindavan. [laughs] Yamuna then told him about our cow and the programs held thus far, as well as our desire to worship Deities. Nothing relating to our future service was addressed until the next morning, and the meeting ended with Srila Prabhupada ensuring that we would stay the full duration of his visit. Jayatirtha knew Yamuna’s history of enjoying spending the early morning hours in proximity to Srila Prabhupada, and so he kindly arranged that each morning we would go to Srila Prabhupada’s rooms from 3:30 AM until mangal arati. Those morning visits, sometimes with one or two others present, sometimes with just the three of us, were a highlight of my Krishna Conscious life. We saw in Srila Prabhupada everything we feared we might not experience—compassion, mercy, humor, and his unequivocal love and protection at every step.
“Association Can Be Two or Two Hundred” We arrived the next morning at 3:30 AM. Srila Prabhupada was walking back and forth chanting japa. We sat quietly and began chanting. Eventually he sat behind his desk, and Yamuna began speaking: Yamuna: Srila Prabhupada, although we are very happy where we are, we are prepared to go wherever you would like to send us in order to have your blessings. Srila Prabhupada: You Westerners are always so restless. Why can’t you stay where you are? Yamuna: But we have been told that because we don’t have the association of devotees, we cannot make any advancement. Srila Prabhupada: Association can be two or two hundred. But you must be compatible. If you are two and you are compatible, you can go back to Godhead. But if you are two hundred and not compatible [his eyes opened widely], then no one will make any advancement. Yamuna: But Srila Prabhupada, some of the leaders are saying that we have lost your mercy because we left ISKCON, and without your mercy, there is no meaning to our lives. Srila Prabhupada: ISKCON is where you are chanting the Holy Names of Krishna. That is ISKCON.
Completely stunned, by this time we felt almost out of body. Every preconception we had that Srila Prabhupada would respond in a particular manner was completely quashed by him. Each morning we sat with him in his rooms and each afternoon in his beautiful garden. The chastisem*nt and banishment we had feared instead became a reaffirmation of the blessings of the Spiritual Master, and the realization that his instructions are individual and not limited by our own or another’s perception. Srila Prabhupada sometimes gave contrary instructions to different disciples because he understood what was in the heart. Among life-changing experiences, for us this was the apex. On one of our last mornings with him, we sat in his room as usual and began chanting. Yamuna noticed that Srila Prabhupada was intently looking from Yamuna to me, then back to Yamuna, then to me—perhaps three or four times. Then, without preamble, he said: I think you two are very good together. You should stay together for the rest of your lives and serve Krishna. We left Los Angeles recharged, reinvigorated and reinforced by Srila Prabhupada’s transcendent association. Giriraja Swami: For a long time, Srila Prabhupada carefully looked from Yamuna to Dinatarini and back to Yamuna, back and forth, back and forth, and then said simply, “You should stay together for the rest of your lives and serve Krsna.” And Dinatarini added that in the years that followed, Srila Prabhupada reaffirmed the arrangement and thus protected them—two like-minded souls on the path back to Godhead, back to Krishna, together. Over the years, both Yamuna and I have repeated this history to many devotees. Seeing how some disciples took statements Srila Prabhupada made in letters or conversations and built antithetical philosophies or movements around them, we sometimes said in jest that we could take only what Srila Prabhupada said to us and do the same. Yet we understood even then that Srila Prabhupada’s statements were not to be taken out of context, but rather were meant to encourage us in our Krishna Consciousness. Yamuna was always careful to make it clear that if
Srila Prabhupada was addressing an individual, his words or instructions were not automatically meant for everyone.
Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari Come to Southern Oregon When she first left India, Yamuna left her trunks in Vrindavan in the care of Srila Prabhupada’s friend Bhagatji. Unfortunately, when she did not immediately return, her trunks were ransacked, and the contents sold or otherwise disposed of. At one point, Bhagatji had expressed concern to Srila Prabhupada about this, and Srila Prabhupada prevented further access to the trunks. Yamuna heard about this from Palika devi and others and was deeply saddened, especially for the loss of the gifts Srila Prabhupada had given her over the years, including a tooth he left for her under his pillow, and the Radha-Krishna Deities in German silver and ashtadhatu Yamuna had commissioned from Nanda Kishore Mukutwalla. She had originally ordered five pairs of Deities, with German silver Krishna reproduced exactly to the specifications of Sri Radha-Raman. Three pairs were not acceptable to her: one pair are the beautiful small Radha-Shyamasundara in Vrindavan, and the final pair had been in the trunk. Thinking the Deities had been taken, Yamuna asked Palika to bring a pair of Radha-Krishna Deities back for us to worship. Palika devi was a qualified and straightforward devotee who keenly felt and acted on perceived injustices. On our behalf, she was not shy to approach Srila Prabhupada in Vrindavan for permission to see if anything remained in Yamuna’s trunks. After receiving his permission, she found that out of all of Yamuna’s possessions, only four items remained—two journals (one cloth-tied), her first handwritten recipe book from her studies in India and amazingly, the pair of gorgeous Deities who would become Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. We were elated, and I felt that these Deities wanted to stay with Yamuna and be worshiped in our humble ashram. Yamuna and I remained indebted to Palika for her initiative in securing these items. The Deities have since enlivened and nurtured thousands of devotees all over the world. Yamuna even had pictures taken with Them for some newspaper articles on her book tours. The recipe book significantly contributed to her award-winning cookbook, Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, and the journals formed the basis of her memoirs and this book.
Meanwhile, a month after our visit with Srila Prabhupada in Los Angeles, Yamuna’s former husband, Guru das, took the sannyasa order, and Srila Prabhupada spoke the following about Yamuna: He [Guru das] is very innocent boy, and I got him married. His wife is also a great devotee, you know, Yamuna. So now Yamuna has taken a very nice path. She has also become sannyasini. Although there is no sannyasini for women, but she has voluntarily taken. She is doing very nice; therefore I advised her husband that “You also take sannyasa.” Because wife’s affection is very, very tight knot…. It is very difficult to give it up. But Krishna is so kind that his wife has voluntarily become like sannyasini. —GURU DAS SANNYASA INITIATION, JULY 21, 1975
The Oregon Ashram Changes Shape With renewed enthusiasm, we prepared for the Deities’ arrival and worship. Yamuna designed four gorgeous sets of clothes with winter and summer variations, jewelry and crowns. Everything was essentially being done in one room, as the living area was so small (8 feet wide by 35 feet long). Although we were contented there as an initial place to settle, we realized that if our ashram plans were going to develop and our outreach and preaching programs expand, we had to move to a larger facility. Reluctantly we approached our landlords, the Stansfields, with the news. Much to our surprise, two days later they purchased a new double-wide mobile home with three bedrooms, because “we don’t want you to leave.” Two days later they moved it onto the same space, so we were able to save most of the flowering plants and lawn we had carefully tended. We saw this as the direct blessing of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, who would now be received and worshiped in a pristine temple. Mr. Stansfield immediately began building a covered porch/veranda, and in her usual way Yamuna soon had the whole ashram beautifully cleaned, organized and prepared.
The new mobile home when it was first bought
A few months later Yamuna and I both felt that although Srila Prabhupada had requested us to worship Deities, we needed his special permission to worship Radha and Krishna Deities. Yamuna wrote on October 11, 1975, informing Srila Prabhupada of the larger ashram, our ideas for a women’s ashram, and requesting his permission to worship Radha and Krishna Deities. Srila Prabhupada replied on October 22: You have my consent to go ahead with your plan for pratistha for Sri Sri Radha-Krishna archa vigraha. You may call them Radha-Banabehari. —LETTER TO YAMUNA, OCT. 22, 1975 Srila Prabhupada also addressed the idea of creating a women’s ashram: The idea of a woman’s ashram is good. Those not married, if there is not provision for separate living quarters for them in the temples, they can go there. —LETTER TO YAMUNA, OCT. 22, 1975
The Installation Ceremony of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari It was important to Yamuna and myself that all of the proper Vedic sacrifices and ceremonies be carried out for the installation of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. With little building experience, we constructed an elaborate altar with locally purchased moldings and fretwork. The date for Their installation, December 22, 1975, also marked the Disappearance of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur. Again, Jayatirtha das made all of the arrangements to bring devotees and articles for the installation sacrifice and festivities. Revatinandana Swami performed the fire sacrifice, and Dinabandhu das and his wife Akuti from the Portland ISKCON temple participated in a variety of services. Jayatirtha performed the bathing ceremony on the
veranda elaborately decorated with jasmine vines and waterfalls of flowers. We tethered our cow Bimala near the Deity bathing tank and were amazed to see her staring at the Deities for hours, her head gently resting on the porch. Yamuna made an elaborate feast of 108 preparations as Their first offering. It was an unforgettable day.
Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari’s installation abhisheka
Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari in Their first four outfits
“You Must Know that I am Always With You” — 1976 Because Srila Prabhupada had encouraged us to pursue our idea for starting a women’s ashram, the following day we showed Jayatirtha a property we had found just north of Grants Pass ideal for such a program. Beautifully laid out on the pristine Applegate River, it consisted of an eight-bedroom Victorian house and six separate studio apartments on over 100 acres. It was immaculately kept and then being run as a guest ranch. The asking price was $108,000. Jayatirtha was enthusiastic about the property and felt that we could ask Srila Prabhupada for a loan from the BBT for the down payment. We would then offer services to ISKCON, such as making Deity clothes and jewelry, and in that way pay back the loan and mortgage. However, when Jayatirtha wrote to ask Srila Prabhupada, he denied the request and further chastised us for our desire to “live independently.” Yet on the same day, January 13, 1976, Srila Prabhupada also wrote to Yamuna and me: I am very pleased to see the nice photos of your Deities Radha-Banabehari. The simhasana has also come out very nicely. You can attract the fair sex community. Most of them are frustrated being without any home or husband. If you can organize all these girls they will get a transcendental engagement and may not be allured to the frustration of life. Your engagement should be chanting and worship of the Deity. Jiva Goswami advises that in the Kali Yuga sankirtan is the principal worship. Even if one chants many mantras it must be preceded by glorious sankirtan. Sankirtan is the mahamantra…. It is better that you don’t make a large program. Remain a humble program. In bhakti there is no grotesque program. A humble program is better. We are doing all these grotesque programs to allure the masses. My Guru Maharaja used to say that no one hears from a person coming from a humble, simple life. You remain always very humble. —LETTER TO YAMUNA AND DINATARINI, JAN. 13, 1976
Again, we were thrown into a quandary, because we knew that in Los Angeles we had sincerely requested Srila Prabhupada to allow us to serve in whatever capacity he instructed. We openly expressed our willingness to leave Oregon and spent many hours with him. At no time did he instruct us to leave; in fact, just the opposite. He chastised us for being restless. Yet, we heard from others that some of the leading men, disturbed at the possible ramifications our attempt to form a separate women’s ashram might create within ISKCON, had appealed to Srila Prabhupada to order us to move. Jayatirtha das told us before he left for a new post in England that on one such occasion, Srila Prabhupada replied: “What can I do? They want to be independent.” Needless to say, in our still vulnerable state of mind, it was a real head-scratcher. But we knew in our hearts that Srila Prabhupada was with us—nourishing and encouraging at every step. Our growing happiness in Krishna Consciousness was proof positive of this. Jayatirtha and Manjuali shared with us a portion of a letter Srila Prabhupada wrote on January 22, 1976, which held great meaning, as it was foundational to our Krishna Conscious faith and practice: You cannot survive without my mercy, and I cannot survive without your mercy. It is reciprocal. This mutual dependence is based on love—Krishna Consciousness. —LETTER TO JAYATIRTHA DAS, JAN. 22, 1976 In our humble way, we continued the programs already in place at Radha-Banabehari Mandir, now with the addition of the daily bathing of the Deities, morning and evening dressing, and five offerings and aratis each day. In between, garlands were made, cows were taken care of (we were temporarily caring for another young cow), Tulasi devi was worshiped and her greenhouse circumambulated, gardening was attended to and outreach programs were established. We began the practice of reporting our activities before the Deities and Srila Prabhupada each night before resting. We were fully engaged and ecstatic.
As far as we could ascertain, Srila Prabhupada had become adamant in two ways: firstly, that we remain a small ashram; and secondly, that no men become involved in any way. Manage a small ashram, but don’t try a bigger scale; then you require the help of men. Don’t try manual exertion, then again there is mixture, and that is not desired. Simply keep yourself aloof from men—chanting many more times as possible, read books, and worship the Deity. —LETTER TO YAMUNA AND DINATARINI, JAN. 13, 1976
There is No Gift Greater Than Giving Krishna to Others Initially, two families became interested in our humble ashram. Un-beknownst to me, my brother, who had been out of contact with me for some years, happened to be living a few miles from us just outside of Grants Pass. A gathering place for former “hippies,” Wonder, Oregon consisted of a dome-shaped health food store and a smattering of jerry-built homesteads. In one of them lived the Rodgers family—parents Donny and Dolly—he a gentle and devoted father who was a carpenter/handyman by trade, she an earth mother, loving and patient with her then four children, and adept at crafting and simple living off the earth. The children were called Blue Lake, Leaf, Rosie and Saraswati. We developed a warm and meaningful relationship with them all, and even taught Krishna and Rama stories to the children in our makeshift little school. We noticed that the more interested they became, the cleaner they became. Soon the young boys were coming in dhotis and the girls in lovely flowered dresses. They enjoyed spending time with our cow Bimala, who seemed to instinctively know not to move her now enormous legs when the little ones ran underneath her. Although other local families also came, a special bond developed with the Rodgers family—one which lasted throughout our Oregon years.
Gradually, women devotees began coming for short periods of time. One young girl, Krishnaa, spent a few months with us and immediately became very dear to both Yamuna and myself. Although she was only fifteen, she was sweetness personified and engaged enthusiastically in service, especially to our cow Bimala, who saw in her a kindred spirit. She would spend at least two hours a day brushing, combing, washing and braiding Bimala’s tail, while Bimala would playfully head butt her and throw her in the air. I can still remember Krishnaa trying to reason with Bimala to no avail, and they both seemed to enjoy the exchanges very much.
Our Godsister Visakha devi came on what would be the first of several visits to assist in testing and photographing recipes, but mainly to enliven us with her dedication, service expertise and wry humor. Visakha and her husband, Yadubara, had been photographing and filming Srila Prabhupada since they became devotees. While Yadubara concentrated on the filming side, Visakha took thousands of iconic photographs of Srila Prabhupada over the years. With her fearless approach (she would stand right in front of him to get the perfect picture), her natural athleticism (she would sometimes walk backward as he went on his morning walks, keeping up with Srila Prabhupada’s fast pace as she took pictures), and her stoicism and unflappable nature when hampered by or denied access to Srila Prabhupada by some of the men, she epitomized excellence in service, and her often intimate photographs of Srila Prabhupada give unprecedented access to him for generations to come.
Visakha and Yadubara with Bimala the cow
We had also started some preaching programs in the community. One humorous story Yamuna often told involved the church group of our landlords, the Stansfields. Yamuna: Our neighbors in Oregon were Pentecostal Christians—the ones who speak in tongues. Knowing that we had lived in India, their church group invited us to tell them about India and show a slide show. We didn’t want to pass up the chance to speak about Krishna, but the only slides we had were all pictures of Deities from around India. So we boldly set up the slide show, and each time a slide of a particular Deity would appear, I would say something like, “Now this is Vrindavan, near the Taj Mahal,” or if it was Lord Jagannatha, I would say, “This is Orissa, on the Eastern Coast of India,” and then both Dina and I would speak a little about the place and about Krishna. Amazingly, most of the group loved the presentation, and commented on the flowers or the woodwork on the altars as though the Deities weren’t there. They liked it so much that we were invited to present it again at another of their functions.
“Just as You are Always Thinking of Me, I am Thinking of You” All year we had been hearing reports of Srila Prabhupada’s declining health. A Godsister informed us that Srila Prabhupada would be going to Hawaii in May for writing and recovery and would then proceed to Los Angeles on June 1. Beginning in the early months of 1976, Yamuna often expressed the wish that Srila Prabhupada would somehow come to our small ashram, even though we both knew it unlikely in the extreme. Still, she had it all planned out—we would move into a little trailer on the property, and Srila Prabhupada and his servants would occupy the ashram. Yamuna would cook all of the dishes Srila Prabhupada enjoyed, and his health would improve. She had so much love for Srila Prabhupada and was constantly thinking of him in this way. Part of this wish was fueled by our desire to see him again to find answers to his seemingly ambivalent instructions to us. However, we now had the added responsibility for the Deities and cows (a local family had given a young heifer to us) and were also limited financially, so we saw no possibility of traveling to Los Angeles to meet Srila Prabhupada. Yamuna remembered at least two prior occasions when she told Srila Prabhupada that she was always thinking of him. On each occasion he replied, “Just as you are always thinking of me, I am thinking of you.” This was never more evidenced than by the extraordinary circ*mstances which eventually did bring us to Los Angeles on June 1. While Srila Prabhupada was in Hawaii in May, the BBT Production Manager, Radhaballabha das, went there for meetings with him. At the time Radhaballabha was hoping to eventually marry our young guest, Krishnaa devi, and so he kindly recorded a meeting during which a letter from us was shown to Srila Prabhupada along with pictures of Radha-Banabehari covered in sandalwood paste for Chandan Yatra.
It was our custom to write at least quarterly to Srila Prabhupada of our devotional activities and send pictures of the Deities with prasadam Yamuna had made for him. In the letter, we informed Srila Prabhupada that with deep regret we would be unable to come to Los Angeles. The following exchange took place: Radhaballabha das: Palika has gone up there to learn cooking from her, and then she will come back and instruct the cooks in L.A…. Srila Prabhupada: So Yamuna’s ashram, how far? Radhaballabha das: Ashram? Devotee 3: From Los Angeles? Radhaballabha das: A thousand miles maybe. Devotee 3: It’s closer to San Francisco—very far. Devotee 2: Perhaps a thousand miles, because Los Angeles is on the southern portion of California, the southern half, and Oregon is… Remember we went to Portland? Srila Prabhupada: Hmm. Devotee 2: It’s Portland, and then we went to…, we drove across to Eugene that one day, you did a program there. Shyamasundara was driving very fast. Srila Prabhupada: Hmm. Devotee 2: I was in the car that day, and it’s more or less in that area of Eugene, I believe. So it is somewhere in between, around there, that area, Portland.
Srila Prabhupada: Near Portland? Devotee 2: Yes. It’s Oregon. Portland is… It is a horizontal state. Srila Prabhupada: Yes. Oregon I remember. So… Devotee 2: She mentioned that she would like to come, but because there is only two of them there, and they are taking care of the Deities and they don’t have much money, they may not be able to. She would like to come and see you. Srila Prabhupada: Money—we can send some money. Devotee 2: Hmm. But then she was wondering who would take care of the Deities. Srila Prabhupada: No, we can go there. Devotee 2: [laughs] Srila Prabhupada: See how they are doing. Devotee 2: [laughing] I don’t know if they’re… I don’t know what kind of facilities they will have there, though, Srila Prabhupada. Srila Prabhupada: No facilities. [devotees laugh] Just what facility? We are not for facility; we are for service. Devotee 2: I know that.
Hari Sauri das: At least you’ll get some good cooking.
Srila Prabhupada: Hmm? Hari Sauri das: At least you’ll get some good cooking. Srila Prabhupada: Not necessary. Devotee 2: We don’t know if there is a road up to the house or anything, really. Srila Prabhupada: Hmm? Devotee 2: Some farms, you know, they don’t have roads up to the houses. We just don’t know what the situation is. We have to make some inquiry first. [to other devotees: Do you know anything about it? I don’t know.] Radhaballabha das: Jayatirtha was there, I think. Now he is in England. Devotee 2: We can perhaps find out in Los Angeles a little bit more. I can write one letter to Yamuna. Radhaballabha das: Palika will be back. We can find… Devotee 2: So I will write and ask them what the situation of their farm is. Hari Sauri das: Revatinandana has been there. Srila Prabhupada: No man is allowed there, right? Devotee 2: So far I know. They are trying to remain completely free from any men whatsoever. Srila Prabhupada: That’s good. Radhaballabha das: You know, in Los Angeles, Palika and Jadurani have both cut all their hair. Srila Prabhupada: Hmm? Radhaballabha das: Palika and Jadurani have both cut all their hair off. [break] Srila Prabhupada: That’s good. Radhaballabha das: Ha. Jaya. Srila Prabhupada: That is the Vedic system. Those who are husbandless, they should not dress attractively to attract the attention of another man. It is very difficult civilization for the Westerners.
Radhaballabha das: Visakha will be coming here to…, for photography for BTG. She will be here soon. Devotee 2: It appears, though, that her farm is not growing very much. Srila Prabhupada: There is no need of growing. Devotee 2: Because there was two of them before, and still two. They are not expanding at all. Hari Sauri das: Prabhupada wrote to them not to expand. Devotee 2: But they haven’t expanded at all. Srila Prabhupada: What is the use of expanding? Devotee 2: No women perhaps want to stay there? I don’t know. Srila Prabhupada: Yes, that is tapasya, austerity. But she is maintaining? Devotee 2: Apparently. Srila Prabhupada: Deity picture is nice. Devotee 2: Yes. Flowers, everything.
Radhaballabha later gave us a copy of the recording, but at the time, we only learned of Srila Prabhupada’s plan to come to our ashram through a barrage of phone calls which started coming in from all over the United States. Although different in tone and assertiveness, they essentially reminded us that his coming to see us would disrupt his schedule and the programs temples everywhere had already planned and advertised. Further, it would deprive many sincere devotees who had long waited for his association. Yet the one call Yamuna and I both remembered years later was from the efficient, though sometimes brusque, leader of the Los Angeles temple community at the time, Ramesvara Swami, who bluntly told us, “Prabhupada is coming to see you if you don’t come to Los Angeles. I don’t care if you have to charter a 747, but you have to get down here.” We received Srila Prabhupada’s reply to our letter of May 10 about ten days later: My dear daughters, Please accept my blessings. I am in due receipt of your letters with photographs enclosed of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, dated May 10, 1976. I am very glad to see how nicely you are caring for the Deities. I am scheduled to be in Los Angeles from June 1 to June 11. I am even contemplating coming to see you there on your farm if you are unable to come to see me. Please continue to develop things there for women devotees as previously instructed. —LETTER TO YAMUNA AND DINATARINI, MAY 15, 1976 Needless to say, two weeks later, with Radha-Banabehari in the car and an attached U-Haul trailer carrying a young cow to a couple near San Diego, we made it to Los Angeles. For Yamuna and me, this episode substantiated what we already felt with certainty—that the love and mercy of our Spiritual Master was causeless and undeniable, and that he knew and reciprocated with what we felt in our hearts. If we had needed a reaffirmation of his blessings, this was more than we could have hoped for. Just as Yamuna had realized from 1972 onwards, Srila Prabhupada was teaching us that though he may not be physically present, he is never separated from us. Never think that I am absent from you. Physical presence is not essential; therefore presence by message (or hearing) is real touch. —LETTER TO STUDENTS, AUG. 2, 1967 Please be happy in separation. I am separated from my Guru Maharaja since 1936, but I am always with him so long as I work according to his direction. So we should all work together for satisfying Lord Krishna, and in that way the feelings of separation will transform into transcendental bliss. —LETTER TO UDDHAVA DAS, MAY 3, 1968 A postscript which could not have been missed in Srila Prabhupada’s Hawaii
conversation about us is the obvious uncertainty among the men as to our position. The further instructions and clarifications Srila Prabhupada gave to us in Los Angeles would still leave some of them perplexed, but would gradually lead us to an epiphany in our spiritual lives—that just as Yamuna had realized from 1972 onwards, Srila Prabhupada was preparing us for the difficult years to come after his passing.
“More Blessed than Heaven, Sweeter than May”
On Sri Sri Rukmini-Dwarakadish’s altar Upon our arrival in Los Angeles, Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari were placed on the altar with Sri Sri Rukmini-Dwarakadish, and we met later that morning with Srila Prabhupada in his rooms. We knew that he was planning on spending part of each afternoon in his beautiful, but confined, garden. We also knew that because so many sannyasis and other leaders were present, access to him in the garden had been apportioned according to leadership importance or amount of service rendered by each devotee. As Jayatirtha was no longer in Los Angeles, Yamuna made certain that we would be able to sit with Srila Prabhupada in his garden by saying at one point: “Srila Prabhupada, we are so much looking forward to sitting in your garden with you each day,” to which Srila Prabhupada replied, “Yes. That is very good.” So each day as we entered the garden, we would grab the hands of one or two women waiting outside to catch a glimpse of Srila Prabhupada. Over the years Yamuna was approached by some of those women thanking her for what was a memorable experience in their devotional lives.
Srila Prabhupada in the Los Angeles temple garden, photo taken by Dinatarini Yamuna also began cooking for Srila Prabhupada in Los Angeles. She had cherished the desire to cook for him again, and with great happiness she took up the service along with Palika devi: Hari Sauri das: Later on in 1976, we came to Los Angeles. Prabhupada arrived there on June 1. He spent 10 days there. I was delighted to find that Yamuna was there in Los Angeles. She’d come there from Oregon. And she cooked the whole time that Srila Prabhupada was there—herself and Palika devi—because Prabhupada’s servant, generally speaking … was the cook. I think I was probably the only servant that Prabhupada had that couldn’t cook anything, so I was very happy when Yamuna and Palika were there. They made these fabulous meals for Srila Prabhupada every day; he was so much appreciative. And at the end of the visit, when we were due to fly to Detroit, I had approached Ramesvara Swami—he was the GBC—that “You know, I am not a cook. Prabhupada really needs first-class prasadam because of the delicacy of his health, so can you arrange for Yamuna to travel with us while we are in America, and she can do all the cooking?” Unfortunately she wasn’t available; she had other things, other duties that she had to do, so Palika came with us instead. But I always remembered the special flavor, the wonderful preparations that Yamuna made there. It quickly became clear to us in Los Angeles that Ramesvara Swami was determined to get permission from Srila Prabhupada for us to move to Los Angeles and give up our Oregon ashram. In those days, we all knew that any instruction given by Srila Prabhupada was incontrovertible, and Ramesvara Swami directly approached Srila Prabhupada when we were with him and also outside our presence. Yamuna later wrote of one memorable meeting: Yamuna: I believe on this day only the three of us [Ramesvara Swami, Yamuna and Dinatarini] were with Srila Prabhupada, but perhaps there were one or two more. Ramesvara was telling Srila Prabhupada how much more service we could render there in L.A.; how it would be easier and less expensive if we would come there rather than sending women to Oregon; how he
would see that we had a nice apartment, and so on. Sometimes Srila Prabhupada would say, “No, you can send women there,” but then Ramesvara Swami would continue to try to convince Srila Prabhupada of the practicality of his position. I knew that he was waiting for Srila Prabhupada to just once say, “All right, they should come here,” but instead, Srila Prabhupada turned to me and said, “Yamuna, what do you think?” I replied that we were happy serving in Oregon, but … And before I could say that we would do whatever he asked of us, Srila Prabhupada turned to Ramesvara Swami and said, “Yes, they are happy there; they can stay there.” Ramesvara Swami then said something like, “All right, Srila Prabhupada, I can discuss it with them later,” and all of a sudden Srila Prabhupada’s eyes became big, his voice loud, and he said, “No! You will not talk to them. You are a sannyasi.” Quite frankly, at the time I think we were all astonished, because as GBC for Los Angeles, Ramesvara talked to women regularly. But Dina and I understood it for what it was—Srila Prabhupada’s causeless mercy upon us. Among Ramesvara Swami’s qualities was his undeniable tenaciousness. He still did not give up on the prospect of getting Srila Prabhupada’s order for us to move to Los Angeles. The following morning during Srila Prabhupada’s morning walk, the following conversation took place:
Ramesvara Swami: Yesterday you suggested that I send groups of brahmacharinis to that farm in Oregon where Yamuna Mataji is staying, but I was thinking that, actually, she is a very, very wonderful preacher, and if she can visit our temples more often, then she can … In other words, it’s more expensive and difficult to send so many people to her … Srila Prabhupada: So, do that. Ramesvara Swami: Otherwise, she can come to us. Tamal Krishna Goswami: It’s also a healthier environment, I think. It’s a little … Ramesvara Swami: She lives alone with Dinatarini. She doesn’t have much association. She’s keeping herself apart a little bit.
Tamal Krishna Goswami: Yes, I think, that’s one …, there’s one disadvantage is that they have a little bit of a …, their attitude is a little bit separatist from ISKCON in the sense of keeping aloof, and if the girls go there and live there, they may develop that same mentality. It might be better for her to come to the temples to teach. Srila Prabhupada: Then make arrangement; I have no objection. Ramesvara Swami: [laughs] She has objection. We can’t force her. Tamal Krishna Goswami: That’s the problem. And if that’s her feeling, then if you send people there they’ll get the same. [break] Srila Prabhupada: Worshiping Deity. Tamal Krishna Goswami: Yes. Oh, they’re doing that beautifully, and they’re expert cooks. They’re very good devotees.
Ramesvara Swami: They could just be so valuable to helping our temples if they agreed to preach to our devotees. They could train. [break] … brought the reporters from Time magazine over to see our temple. I had Mother Yamuna prepare some prasadam, and she was also serving them, and then she was explaining about prasadam and preaching. So I could understand that as long as she stays on that farm, she’s limiting herself, because she’s an excellent preacher. She could be very valuable, expert preacher. Their idea is that they would like to make their farm a little bigger, with more women living with them. Srila Prabhupada: I like that idea. Ramesvara Swami: There will be no man to help give advice, just the women manage it all themselves. Srila Prabhupada: Just like in Vrindavan, there is bhajan ashram, they’re only women.
Tamal Krishna Goswami: Shyamabhajis? Srila Prabhupada: Not Shyamabhajis, but bhajan ashram. Ramesvara Swami: So that’s a good idea. Srila Prabhupada: With man is dangerous for both. I have given that: man is good, woman is good, when they come together—bad. Both of them bad. Tamal Krishna Goswami: Bad. We see that. Ramesvara Swami: They say that that farmland in Oregon is too small, very small. Srila Prabhupada: Let them organize that.
“I Have Taught You Everything; Now You Teach Others” One morning we sat with Srila Prabhupada in his rooms. I particularly remember during this visit how forcefully and uncompromisingly he preached throughout his stay. In his garden, a devotee would read from Bhagavad-gita or from the Seventh Canto of Srimad-Bhagavatam, and then Srila Prabhupada would comment on the verses. Even in the presence of several scholars and theologian guests, he was direct and uncompromising, as can be readily seen when reviewing the transcripts of those talks. Yet, in his rooms with a few disciples, he was more often relaxed, composed and humorous. We were unfailingly in awe of his energy and preaching fervor, even though we knew his health was declining. At one point, without preamble, Srila Prabhupada stared at Yamuna for what seemed like eons of time (but was likely a minute) and said, “I have taught you everything; now you teach others.” This was an instruction he had given to Yamuna before, but for both of us, the bonds of duty, commitment to the practice of Krishna Consciousness, and the debt owed to the Spiritual Master were enhanced and enriched by his unequivocal causeless mercy to us. We clearly understood that he was protecting our tiny devotional creepers and acting toward us based on our eternal soul, not the body. Yamuna recorded a last conversation with Srila Prabhupada before he left Los Angeles on June 10, 1976, in the hope that he could clarify some specific questions regarding our service: Yamuna: Srila Prabhupada, we have one or two questions to ask of you. Srila Prabhupada: Yes. Yamuna: We are very much satisfied with the services that you have allowed us to engage in. We feel strength in these services. Now Ramesvara Swami has become enthused to send up women for learning cooking and other services, but we will have to get a larger place because now our quarters are small, and this requires finances.
Srila Prabhupada: You rent. For larger projects we buy, but you can rent or lease. That way you can vacate and not become encumbered. You are experienced, so you can teach others. Yamuna: We want to know if we may engage in this way as a lifetime work, but we do not know how much we will be able to travel to see you, because you are always traveling. Srila Prabhupada: [smiling] Yes, so you rent one place. When are you leaving? Yamuna: We will leave when you leave. Srila Prabhupada: Jaya. Hare Krishna.
Yamuna’s Last Meeting with Srila Prabhupada in India — October 1976 Again reinvigorated with new enthusiasm and understanding, we returned to Oregon with Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari after Srila Prabhupada’s departure. We resumed our services, including our pastime school sessions with the young children, and encouraged guests to come for prasadam and Bhagavad-gita classes. Needless to say, Yamuna’s prasadam was the biggest draw. Now determined more than ever to “teach others” as Srila Prabhupada had instructed, by writing a definitive cookbook on what she already termed “Lord Krishna’s Cuisine,” she continued testing and writing recipes in what would become a consuming ten-year service. To that end, she felt the need to return to India to ask Srila Prabhupada’s formal permission for such an endeavor, as well as to visit Calcutta to further study cooking techniques from the highly-skilled personal chef of Mr. C. L. Bajoria, a Life Member and well-wishing friend to Yamuna and many other devotees. She also wanted to visit Srila Prabhupada’s sister, Pishima, and question her on special dishes Srila Prabhupada liked. In A Transcendental Diary—October–November 1976, Hari Sauri das wrote of Yamuna’s unexpected arrival in Vrindavan:
Srila Prabhupada was surprised and pleased to receive Yamuna dasi today. She arrived from America just as he was taking his lunch. Normally he doesn’t receive guests while eating, but he immediately invited her to sit with him and offered her a small plate of his prasadam. After eating, they sat together in his darshan room and chatted. She showed him photos of their ashram in southern Oregon and their worshipable Deities, Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. Yamuna has come to ask for Srila Prabhupada’s formal blessings and approval to write a cookbook, something he suggested to her in 1967, but which she didn’t feel competent to do until now, although she has previously written and calligraphed a book entitled Krishna Prasadam, but this has not been published. She told him she intends to remain in Vrindavan for about a week and then go to Calcutta to stay with Mr. C. L. Bajoria, one of our prominent Life Members. Mr. Bajoria has a first-class cook with whom Yamuna has studied, and she wants to learn more from him about Bengali cooking. She is also planning further research and interviews with Pishima, Prabhupada’s sister. Srila Prabhupada was most happy with her proposal and gave her his full encouragement. —A TRANSCENDENTAL DIARY, OCT. 22, 1976
Srila Prabhupada under the tamal tree with his disciples, 1976 Although she did not know it, this would be the last time during his manifest presence that Yamuna saw Srila Prabhupada. She cooked for him several times during her Vrindavan stay, then reluctantly left for Calcutta, accompanied by both Palika devi and Srutirupa devi. Srutirupa devi: I didn’t see Yamuna again until October of 1976, in Vrindavan. Her arrival was very welcome and joyful. We whisked her right into Prabhupada’s quarters, and then she wanted to see how the kitchen was laid out and how everything was done. I remember her sitting with Srila Prabhupada in the garden and asking him questions about the cookbook project and then coming to us and telling us what he said. We talked about her trip to Calcutta, and we got permission from Srila Prabhu-pada for Palika and me to go with her. We left Arundhati in charge of the cooking.
Yamuna, Palika and Srutirupa stayed in the guesthouse at the colonial-style mansion of Mr. C. L. Bajoria, a tall and distinguished Marwari industrialist, who had a deep respect for Srila Prabhupada and his Krishna Consciousness Movement. When Yamuna required minor surgery in 1972, Mr. Bajoria made all of the arrangements, and she recovered in the same guesthouse on his beautifully landscaped property in the Alipore district of Calcutta. During her visits, she was consistently awed by the mastery of his principal chef and spent many long hours in the kitchen learning new techniques. She would later showcase some of those techniques in Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. Srutirupa devi: Each morning we would walk in the gardens with Mr. Bajoria and chant japa. Then we would have breakfast with him, and he would ask Yamuna what she wanted to learn that day. He told the cooks to make whatever she wanted, and that would be our day’s event. All the difficult things—kachoris, bel puris, Bengali singara (samosas) were taught to us, and Yamuna got down the timing for kachoris. I remember testing recipes with her years later, and she always had a thermometer in the oil to make sure everything was cooked to perfection. Yamuna had carte blanche to direct the head chef in teaching her difficult preparations. Mr. Bajoria would come home from the office and eat with the three of us what had been prepared. We would discuss so many things with him, as he was philosophical and thoughtful by nature. His wife was always gracious as well. Short in stature, she always wore thick silk saris covered in jari and accented with diamond jewelry. Yamuna always retained an appreciation and affection for “C. L.” as he was endearingly called by the devotees. He was “old school,” she would say, an aristocratic, generous and thoughtful man, and she knew that she could call on him, and he would graciously offer to assist her in any way despite his busy schedule.
The Land, the Cow and the Deities — 1977 We held the first celebration of the Appearance of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari on December 10, 1976. Yamuna made 108 preparations for Their Lordships, many of them milk preparations. Every variety of Bengali sweet she knew appeared on five huge plates. A beautiful abhisheka was performed, and each devotee brought a gift hand-made by them. The young children created wonderfully inventive crafts for the Deities, including a pugri (crown) made from cheese wax and carefully set stones, intended for our little Gaura-Nitai Deities.
In February, our cow Bimala had her first calf, which was stillborn. Our approach to and treatment of our cows was well known to our veterinarian, Dr. Conkel, who was sensitive and respectful of our vision. He removed the stillborn calf from her uterus in such a way that Bimala did not see it and therefore showed no lamentation. She began giving her trademark golden-colored milk immediately—four gallons a day—until we were pressured into breeding her again over a year later by others, who assured us that the milk would dry up. Yet they did not know that she had unfailingly given her daily four gallons for well over a year, or that when we called her name, she dropped her milk, often sprinkling the ground with it. She was no ordinary cow; even the veterinarian commented on her exceptional productivity and sweet nature. Rather, she was purely representative of how cow protection produces contented cows, who do not behave in the manner of their unprotected counterparts.
Yamuna began finding ways to use the milk. Even before calving, we had a waiting list of over twenty people who wanted to buy Bimala’s milk. We put an old refrigerator on the back porch and set up a system with the devotees, and other interested families, as well as our landlords. They would leave their clean bottles and money, and take fresh milk. This accounted for less than half the output. Another four gallons a week were used for milk sweets for the
Deities. Yamuna made the rest into crème fraiche, yogurt and kefir, and we sold it to local health food stores and co-ops. Bimala and her milk products soon became famous in little Grants Pass, Oregon, and for the first time, she contributed to the upkeep of the ashram.
Sporadically, women would come from Los Angeles and other West Coast temples to learn cooking and Deity worship, but the leaders were still reluctant to send them unless they were either experiencing a crisis of faith or were personal friends. Generally, we had one or two women for varying periods of time. In late spring, our Godsister Visakha devi came to test recipes and begin taking pictures for the cookbook. Just as Yamuna was meticulous in preparing, cooking and offering the recipes, so Visakha was just as meticulous in photographing them. Early in her life she had written a book on macro photography, so the close-up pictures were tasteful and exquisite. Visakha also became expert in all of the ashram services, including milking and caring for the cows, gardening, Deity worship and assistant cook. The Rodgers family continued flourishing, and several other guests came to the Sunday Feast programs and classes.
The prasadam pictures in this chapter were styled by Yamuna and photographed by Visakha devi Visakha devi: From 1975 to 1977, I often spent months with Dinatarini and Yamuna at their small, immaculate single-wide trailer tucked in a forest near Grants Pass, apparently to test recipes and photograph for Lord Krish-na’s Cuisine, but in fact to do much more. At that ashram I first encountered the exquisite worship of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. Formerly, in Vrindavan, Yamuna had extensively studied the worship of Sri Sri Radha-Raman, taken meticulous notes and made detailed line drawings of the sringara, mukut and every other aspect of seva. In Grants Pass she used all that, as well as the instructions Srila Prabhupada had given her over the years, as the basis for Banabehari’s worship. Although much of the detail was lost on me, the extraordinary expertise and devotion reflected in her worship of Radha-Banabehari was not. I was stunned by the beauty of the worship, and for the first time started personally serving Deities. I learned to milk their sweet-natured cow Bimala, and I learned about hyacinths, snapdragons, snap peas and weeds in their garden. Morning to night the three of us were satisfyingly busy, and I was repeatedly amazed at how much and how expertly Yamuna served. Her deeply felt sadhana, her high standard of service, her focus on Srila Prabhupada’s pleasure, and the intimate, personal environment she created awakened me to a new dimension of Krishna consciousness—one that has continued to have an impact on me. Yamuna, Dina and I regularly had straightforward, thoughtful talks that breathed vitality into my previously stuffy spiritual understanding. I realized that, in accordance with Srila Prabhupada’s teachings, it was all right to think for oneself—in fact, it’s an essential aspect of spiritual growth. Of all the many precious gifts I took with me from those Grants Pass months, that one was the most fortifying.
The Spiritual Master Lives Forever by His Divine Instructions — Srila Prabhupada’s Departure As 1977 progressed, our Godsisters and Godbrothers traveling with Srila Prabhupada regularly updated us on his deteriorating condition. Although it was heartbreaking on one level, because of Srila Prabhupada’s blessings, we felt his presence with us always. Yamuna had by now assimilated the hard lessons learned in her India years, and by Srila Prabhupada’s kindness, she understood his core teachings on vapu and vani—his physical presence and instructive presence. He had expressed this principle often to his disciples over the years, and the following letter from 1973 is one illustrative example. First quoting from his Srimad-Bhagavatam dedication, he wrote: “The Spiritual Master lives forever by his divine instructions, and the disciple lives with him.” Because I have always served my Guru Maharaja and followed his teachings, I am, now even, never separated from him. Sometimes maya may come and try to interfere, but we must not falter; we must always follow the chalked-out path laid down by the great Acharyas, and in the end you will see. —LETTER TO CIDANANDA DAS, NOV. 25, 1973 As Srila Prabhupada requested, we wrote to him every few months and sent pictures, prasadam or other gifts. On February 5, he replied to one of Yamuna’s letters from Calcutta: The picture of your Radha-Krishna Deities is very good. They appear to be like the Radha-Govinda Deities of Mullick Thakur which I used to see from my childhood. Yes, go on with your program. Live a simple life. Take a little milk and food grains, chant Hare Krishna and worship Sri Sri Radha-Krishna Deity, that’s all. That will make you perfect. —LETTER TO YAMUNA, FEB. 5, 1977
Abhirama das: Interestingly, Srila Prabhupada had just recently visited the house on Mahatma Gandhi Road where those Radha-Govinda Deities were still worshiped. He and the devotees held kirtan, and Srila Prabhupada fixedly gazed at Them and said, “Practically everything I have done is by the grace of Radha-Govinda.” Visakha devi came and spent much of the spring with us. This was a double blessing because at the time her husband, Yadubara das, would regularly send letters to update us on Srila Prabhupada’s health and his personal services to him. We would wait eagerly for those letters and discuss them at length, taking what solace we could: Visakha devi: The three of us fill with trepidation on reading of Prabhupada’s poor health, and for his pleasure we apply ourselves to our devotional service, which includes milking the agreeable cow Bimala Prasad morning and evening (we have more milk than we know what to do with), gardening, serving the Deities, and working on the encyclopedic cookbook…. Testing recipes, I feel like a freshman chemistry student on her first day in the lab as I struggle to distinguish mustard seeds from cumin seeds, urad dal from mung dal, garam masala from asafetida. I don’t know how to mix spices, how to knead dough or how to use any of the kitchen machinery (mixer, grinder, and so on). Nonetheless I test, and Yamuna is always somewhere in the vicinity, ready to instruct, correct, encourage and cajole, and sometimes to reprove for careless mistakes.
Halfway around the world, Srila Prabhupada is dealing with serious health issues, preaching strongly and teaching his disciples how to cook. And in a tiny town in southern Oregon I go into the kitchen after breakfast each morning armed with some of Yamuna’s recipes, take a deep breath, pray to Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krishna and begin cooking for their pleasure. As it turns out, the recipes aren’t the only thing tested. I quickly learn that turmeric is a bright yellow powder that stains my apron and that mustard seeds are small, round and black and go everywhere when I spill them. But other lessons take more time.
I study the jars of urad and mung dal intensely, trying to tell one from the other—too embarrassed to ask Yamuna again which is which. Is cumin brownish-gray and fennel greenish, or is it the other way around? And then there are measurements. How many teaspoons in a tablespoon, tablespoons in a quarter-cup, ounces in a pound? Toward the end of the morning I am so dazed by the mental exertion that I generally forget if I had salted a dish or not. By twelve o’clock both the dishes and the cook are finished. We offer the dishes to the Deities and then sit down together for lunch, our talks quickly turning to the news in Yadubara’s letters.
On July 6, 1977, we sent our last letter to Srila Prabhupada, along with pictures of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari and Yamuna’s sweet and savory spice mixture for digestion. Dearmost and respected Srila Prabhupada, Please accept our repeated humble obeisances at your sanctified lotus feet. Although we are certainly unfit to offer you our prayers and offenseless chanting for your well-being, still we beg to become purified to pour the nectar of the Holy Name of the Lord into your eternal transcendental service by following your divine instructions. From the beginning you have instructed to serve in sincere faith in vapu or vani. That is our life’s work, to make each and every moment a fit receptacle for receiving your benedicting rays of mercy. Enclosed is an offering of digestive spice for your pleasure, as well as two photos of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari on Chandan Yatra and Sri Nrsimha Caturdasi. Visakha devi remained here to photograph for the upcoming Vedic cookery book. The program here is flourishing under your shelter and glories. We beg to remain your servants eternally. Yamuna devi dasi and Dinatarini devi dasi. —LETTER TO SRILA PRABHUPADA, JULY 6, 1977
Although Srila Prabhupada was not dictating letters at this time due to his declining health, Tamal Krishna Goswami read the letter to Srila Prabhupada in Vrindavan, and his subsequent comments were recorded on July 14, 1977. Tamal Krishna Goswami: A very nice letter came from Yamuna devi with a few photographs. Would you like to see it? Srila Prabhupada: (Bengali) Bhakti-caru Swami: (Bengali) Tamal Krishna Goswami: She has very good handwriting. [he reads our letter] They sent these preparations. It says “savory” and “sweet.” It looks like they made these. Very expert. Srila Prabhupada: So you can give me little bit. Tamal Krishna Goswami: And they sent photographs. These Deities are super
wonderful. Srila Prabhupada: Very nice. Tamal Krishna Goswami: That says, “Sri Nrsimha Caturdasi. Sri Radha-Banabehari Mandir.” This is the Gaura Purnima outfit. Srila Prabhupada: Continue. Tamal Krishna Goswami: Chandan Yatra. Srila Prabhupada: Everything is very nice. Tamal Krishna Goswami: Do you want those spices now, little digestive spice? Srila Prabhupada: Hmm. When Srila Prabhupada left this earthly realm on November 14, 1977, all of his disciples were left bereft and devastated. A feeling of insurmountable loss and uncertainty pervaded the society which Srila Prabhupada had so carefully established and overseen. We at Radha-Banabehari Mandir also felt deeply bereft, but because he had so lovingly trained, cared for and protected Yamuna devi, and through her, myself, we felt Srila Prabhupada’s presence with us always. That was his lasting and most profound mercy upon us. In a Vyasa Puja homage in 2002, Yamuna spoke about the vapu and vani seva of the Spiritual Master: Dear Srila Prabhupada…. The presence of the spiritual master is experienced through two avenues—vapu seva and vani seva. These are two kinds of service to the Spiritual Master—vapu, defined as “physical presence,” and vani, as “preceptorial association” or “presence by vibration.” To the degree that devotees regard these two services as significant, to that degree devotees relish discussing ways and means to do so. By some mercy beyond my comprehension, I had the fortune of your vapu seva over a nine-year span, engaged in various capacities in your direct personal service or under your direct instruction. Thus it is, on any given day, that these vapu seva memories play over and over in my head. They may be as simple as remembering a smile, a glance or a few words. In some cases they are small events…. I remember how, as the years passed, your health dwindled. How, on many occasions, you candidly mentioned to me, “This body is finished.” How you were so detached from this discomfort and, to your last breath, as you lay emaciated on your disappearance bed in Vrindavan, allowed us your association and gave us Krishna. In this connection, I pray to understand how you did this—to allow this example to always remain in the forefront. We all have so much to be grateful for—so many cherished moments, small things, simple things that meant everything to us. From a material perspective, it is amazing how these simple little exchanges continue to be a source of inspiration for well over thirty years. But such is the potency of a great soul. Even a slight glance from you had the power to remove mountains
of sin. In tandem with relishing these vapu moments, it is equally important to relish vani moments—to contemplate your presence in our lives today; to reflect on and appreciate how your pastimes continue to go on in the present—how you are very much alive and here with us now, watching, guiding, inspiring us…. I pray that one day in the future I may see you face to face again. This vision may be many lifetimes in front of me, but I do not see any other goal worth achieving, however slow or difficult or impossible this task may seem from my fallen position. There is nothing else more appealing. Please bless me with the perseverance to continue on the path to meet you.
CHAPTER 10 Guru Vani- The Decade of Differing Interpretations 1980’s
THE YEARS IMMEDIATELY following Srila Prabhupada’s departure were marked within ISKCON by confusion, quarrel and misunderstanding. Later termed the “Zonal Acharya” years, this unfortunate period in ISKCON’s history would cause many sincere followers of Srila Prabhupada to feel marginalized by the leadership, creating an avalanche of discontent and subsequent exodus of members, at least for some time. Just as Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur did not name a successor, but rather asked for a Governing Board to manage the Gaudiya Math, so similarly Srila Prabhupada, with a Governing Board (GBC) already in place, initially named eleven disciples to give mantra, or diksha, initiation after his manifest presence. Some of the gurus were uncomfortable in the role of accepting worship on the level of Srila Prabhupada, and even openly expressed it. Yet others, more assertive and assured of their position, overruled the ambivalent gurus, and the rest is history. Far greater minds than mine have analyzed how this seemingly simple instruction of Srila Prabhupada metamorphosed into a mandate for an extravaganza of abuse of power. Although it is not my intent to delve deeply into the mistakes of the past, it is important to touch on them because Yamuna’s story is one of overcoming repeated adversities, increasing her maturity and devotional qualities with each challenge, and ultimately sharing her inner joy, wisdom and pure exuberance in Krishna Consciousness with others. From the time of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, there were three significant apasiddhantic eras when His sublime teachings of harinam sankirtan were not being widely promulgated. The modern history of Gaudiya Vaishnavism also records “dark” periods after the passing of a great maha-bhagavata. Before his departure in 1914, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur wrote of his disappointment at the reemergence of antithetical philosophies and apa-sampradayas among those who had previously been enlivened by pure bhakti. Many days ago, when we had just started the publication of Sajjana-toshani, our heart was enlivened with hope; the more an unadulterated Vaishnava dharma is promoted throughout the world, the more benefit its people would get. We took up our work with such honest intentions. Many learned goswamis and babajis started coming…. Several learned impersonalists joined us and, captivated by the beauty of suddha-bhakti, started manifesting pure Vaishnava behavior…. Even mundaners were enchanted by suddha-bhakti. Those fond of music and song who were previously averse to God now submerged themselves wholeheartedly in the waves of suddha Hari-kirtan, continuously rejoicing at their good fortune. In towns and villages devotional societies were established one after another. In this way suddha Vaishnava dharma manifested its glories in the hearts of almost every person in Bengal, astounding and delighting by its natural splendor and sweetness…. Unfortunately, at this very point the times and course of events suddenly altered. All those false religions that had hidden themselves hither and thither from the powerful rays of Vaishnava dharma, just as glowworms hid from the rays of the sun, suddenly started crawling out from their hiding places, taking on new forms…. Our heart shattered on seeing this drastic turn of events. While we were looking for the cause of what was happening, the following words of Srila Prabhodananda Saraswatipada suddenly unfolded in our heart: “It is Kali Yuga and our enemies the senses are powerful. In this world, the path is spiked with millions of thorny obstacles. O Chaitanya-chandra, if You do not bestow Your mercy on me today, then being confused, where will I go and what will I do?” —CHAITANYA CHANDAMRTA, SAJJANA-TOSHANI 15.1
Later, recognizing the unparalleled contribution of Bhaktivinoda Thakur in reviving pure Vaishnava dharma in an age when Vaishnavism had been relegated by many among the intelligentsia as crass sentimentalism or, worse, an excuse for debauchery, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati wrote: Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur is an extremely dear associate of Sri Chaitanya-chandra. In course of time, when those who preached the desires of Sri Chaitanya-deva had left this world to enter the Lord’s eternal pastimes, the sky over Bengal slowly darkened, being covered by thick clouds of sensual enjoyment and false renunciation. The heavens were obscured, and the world was deprived of the rays of light of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s sankirtan. One by one, the sun, moon and unlimited stars of that sky faded from view, leaving only the occasional flash of lightning to disrupt the unending pall of ignorance. Almost 350 years after the appearance of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur came to illuminate the Gaudiya firmament. —PREFACE TO JAIVA DHARMA
From Yamuna’s prayer book
In the same Preface, Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati then highlighted the 26 qualities of a devotee as they were manifest in the spotless character of Bhaktivinoda Thakur. Perhaps it is here that one can begin to ascertain how our ISKCON society could so fracture after the passing of Srila Prabhupada. As he had so often reiterated to Yamuna devi in his “I am an old man; I may die at any moment” statement, we were all under no illusion that Srila Prabhupada’s fundamental desire was to write, publish and distribute his books as widely as possible in the shortest period of time. Many leaders, in their efforts to fulfill this desire of Srila Prabhupada, allowed their sadhana to slacken. There were simply not enough hours in the day. Therefore after Srila Prabhupada left, the strengths and devotional qualities derived from sincere absorption in the practice of Krishna bhakti had not fully matured in their hearts, causing unfortunate and tragic consequences within ISKCON. With no mahabhagavata to lead us, the confusion in ISKCON during those years was eerily reminiscent of what had transpired in the Gaudiya Math after the departure of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati. Just as he so eloquently wrote in his preface to Jaiva Dharma about Bhaktivinoda Thakur (“the sky over Bengal slowly darkened, being covered by thick clouds of sensual enjoyment and false renunciation”), so the sky would also darken after Saraswati Thakur’s own departure. They would again become brilliantly illuminated with harinam sankirtan all over the world by the mercy of His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada; but after his departure, the sky of ISKCON would temporarily darken again. Srila Prabhupada wrote a heart-wrenching poem on the deviation within the Gaudiya Math twenty-two years after Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur’s nitya lila: 3.Those disciples who were irresolute in performing devotional service according to your instructions have now divided your mission in many factions. It appears that the tigress of ambition for material name and fame has appeared and personally provoked this upheaval. 4.The essential purport of your message obviously did not enter their ears. O where will I get the strength to perform this harinam sankirtan? —VIRAHA ASTAKA, DEC. 1958 The world of ISKCON was subsequently divided into eleven portions or zones, and new members or those waiting for Srila Prabhupada to initiate them would now be initiated by the guru who held dominion over the zone they lived in. In our Oregon zone, that guru was Hansadutta das (then Swami). In our idyllic Grants Pass ashram, Yamuna and I were initially unaware of how the new ISKCON policies would affect us. In retrospect, I suspect that we felt we would go on as we had, still keeping some distance from the political infrastructure, as Srila Prabhupada instructed, yet remaining loyal and dedicated to serving Srila Prabhupada’s mission. The gentle and loving devotees and new guests would continue to come, marvel at our protected cows, take shelter of Their gorgeous Lordships Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, become intoxicated on Yamuna devi’s prasadam, and experience devotional service in a peaceful and nurturing atmosphere.
Over the next months, Visakha devi again came to test recipes and take photographs. She and Yamuna visited stores within a 50-mile radius of Grants Pass and bought props for the cookbook photographs. Yamuna brilliantly envisioned how a pot, craft or other flourish could be used to highlight the dish being showcased. These beautiful color photographs, taken over a period of years through the combined artistry of Yamuna and photographic technique of Visakha, were unfortunately not used in the E. P. Dutton version of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine due to cost constraints.
Visakha devi: For the photographs, Yamuna makes delicious-looking dishes, and arranges them with a flourish in a variety of unique settings. We photograph a Bengali luncheon on a homemade leaf plate (traditionally a banana leaf, but we make do), a Marwari meal on a silver plate, flavors of faludas in unusual drinking glasses, vegetables cooking in a wok, an array of Indian spices, and dozens of other scenes. After intensive studio sessions we complete the illustrative photographs, and then, although Yamuna has already tested all 650 recipes, she decides that an inexperienced cook—me—should try. Yamuna devi had a unique perspective on any type of visualization. A common feature of our lives included her coming to me with a few lines drawn on paper and asking me to visualize something amazing and grand from it—a festival, a Deity outfit, a dinner for some VIP’s, or her constant room remodeling, yet I could only see lines on a page. “How can you expect me to see anything but a series of lines?” I would say. Yet that was part of her artistry—the ability to see the beauty and possibilities beneath the surface—a quality she also exhibited with people. Visakha devi: Inside, the ashram is immaculate. I later learn that Yamuna, in her
meticulous cleanliness, takes a Q-tip to the indentations in the storm window frames to extract the dirt that inevitably accumulates there. Yamuna’s sense of balance, elegance and excellent taste is visible in every aspect of the ashram, and her expertise in Deity worship is breathtaking. Banabehari is debonair and glowing, His alluring dancing form enticingly visible beneath His classy, perfectly fitted dress. What motivates Him to be so captivating? It is Srimati Radharani, poised on His left, unimaginably sweet, Her delicate svelte form perfect for awakening Banabehari’s love and for attracting an incredulous newcomer…. Each morning the spring sun, rising directly behind the Deities, streams in the window, encircles Radha-Banabehari in a ring of golden light and then settles on Yamuna and Dinatarini, who sit before Them singing traditional Bengali and Sanskrit songs of great Vaishnava teachers—Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur, Bhaktivinoda Thakur, Narottama das Thakur—for the pleasure of Radha-Banabehari, accompanying themselves with mridanga, kartals or a harmonium. Their melodious singing, an expression of their heartfelt devotion, is celestial. The sounds, the beautiful sight of the Deities, and the fragrances—pure oils and incense that have been offered to Them—transport me to a dimension I was not aware existed. We are no longer in a tiny town in southern Oregon but someplace timelessly sublime.
Our Godsister Srutirupa also came the following spring to assist with the cookbook. Artistic and creative by nature, she was a meticulous cook and all-around perfectionist who added a wonderful dimension to our small staff at Radha-Banabehari ashram. Initially shy and reserved, as she was unknown to me and had spent a limited time with Yamuna in India, she quickly became an integral part of our ashram and temple life, enthusiastically engaging in each of the services and always eager to learn. As we endeavored to use all of Bimala’s milk, make garlands and render other ashram services, we would have wonderful philosophical discussions, often lasting late into the night. Srutirupa devi: I was still shy and very young then, and Yamuna was larger than life to me. I was in awe of who she was, not only to me but to everyone at large, because wherever she moved, her persona filled the whole room. When she walked into the kitchen, she just took up all the air. It made me quieter because I wanted to understand who this person was. Every move was like a dance. Her movements and speech were thoughtful, her speaking was not random but specific, and her thoughts very controlled. I was taking it all in, but for whatever reason, we connected, and it was enduring. Yamuna would say that the glue that held us together was our shared love for Prabhupada. So it was natural. After Prabhupada left, I moved to Los Angeles and then came to visit Yamuna and Dinatarini in Oregon in early 1978 to help test recipes. Visakha was there also, and once Yamuna and Dinatarini had to leave for a few days and left Visakha and me in charge of the ashram. Yamuna gave us our chores and duties, and I remember it as an idyllic time. I stayed about four weeks that time and again returned in late 1978.
The morning Deity bathing paraphernalia
Disharmony Enters Banabehari’s Ashram with the Title “Guru” Early in 1978, Hansadutta visited our ashram for the first time. Now that we were part of his “zone,” he made it clear that we were to act in accordance with the new rules relating to the
Zonal Acharyas, which included turning over any prospective students to him for initiation and training. On reflection, the entire debacle which ultimately resulted in our leaving our peaceful and sattvic Oregon ashram was surreal on many levels. Like many devotees, we wholeheartedly wanted to see Srila Prabhupada’s movement expand and were initially willing to accept the edicts of the GBC regarding the new gurus. As long as they acted in accordance with Srila Prabhupada’s desires and strictly followed Krishna Conscious practices, we felt it our duty to support the leadership. Of course, Yamuna had known Hansadutta from the London and India periods. She spoke of his desire to lead kirtans, his starting temples, and book distribution efforts. Yet, she also expressed concern at his heavy-handed approach to management, and other enigmatic traits. However, as instructed, we encouraged our most serious family, the Rodgers, to establish a relationship with Hansadutta, and they later took initiation from him. Unfortunately, it quickly became clear to us that worrisome changes in character, focus and direction were manifesting in our zonal guru almost from the beginning. He established a “farm community,” yet this was no sattvic, simple-living, high-thinking, varnashrama community as Srila Prabhupada envisioned, but something else entirely. It was as if everything we had tried to exemplify from Srila Prabhupada’s teachings in our humble ashram was debunked with a dismissive sweep of the hand. We tried to adjust to the new norm in our zone, but it became increasingly painful for us to tacitly comply. It is not my intention to focus on the mistakes of those years except to highlight their effect on Yamuna devi’s spiritual growth. From the ashes of our painful and life-changing experiences over the next decade, Yamuna rose above any bitterness and ultimately found forgiveness in her heart, understanding that we were all still young in spiritual life. The obstacles she encountered and challenging situations she endured are mentioned to give context to how she overcame them. She depended on Srila Prabhupada and Krishna for guidance and protection through each challenging situation and increasingly developed detachment and inner strength. Above all, she learned to see adversity as the Lord blessing her with the opportunity to grow. One who has developed detachment can give up the bondage of material existence, and one who undergoes great suffering gradually becomes, out of a sense of hopelessness, indifferent toward the material world. It was due to my great suffering that detachment awoke in my heart. If I were actually unfortunate, how could I have undergone such merciful suffering? I can only conclude that I am actually fortunate because I have received the mercy of the Lord. Somehow or other, He must be pleased with me. —SRIMAD-BHAGAVATAM 12.2.38 For the first year and half after Srila Prabhupada’s departure we watched, incredulous, as activities in our “zone” having nothing to do with Krishna Consciousness took place under the banner of ISKCON. At the time, we felt very much as Srila Prabhupada revealed in his 1958 prayer to his Guru Maharaja, and realized with great sadness that we would have to leave. 5.The overflowing ocean of your compassion has once again been dammed up. This makes me feel as if a spear of great misery has indeed pierced my heart.
6.Without Chaitanya Mahaprabhu’s message being spread there is only confusion and upheaval in the movement. Seeing this situation, all the Vaishnavas are also feeling overwhelmed with the pangs of your separation. —VIRAHA ASTAKA, 1958
Banabehari Ashram’s Itinerant Travels Begin — England, August 1979 – April 1983 Over the course of those tumultuous years, Yamuna and I often compared our feelings of helplessness with Draupadi’s act of throwing her hands up in appeal to Krishna when the Kurus were attempting to disrobe her. Somehow, by the will of the Lord, we unwittingly found ourselves in and out of a progression of precarious situations in what Yamuna called our time of “high strangeness.” During the last years of her life, Yamuna carried a small quotation from a letter of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati which characterized how she dealt with the challenges of her life. In her last years, the challenges were predominantly physical, yet she would sit before the Deities and sing this as a prayer in English: You should perceive your former life and the impressions from it as conducive to performing bhajan. In other words, you should realize that the unfavorable conditions of your past are in fact a platform for the manifestation of favorable ones in the present. It is the very calamities that arise in unfavorable conditions that subsequently give birth to favorable conditions for bhajan. —PRABHUPADERA PATRAVALI
Zoned Out — An Invitation to England We had periodically kept in touch with Jayatirtha and Manjuali since they had left for England in 1976. We always remained grateful for the help and protection Jayatirtha accorded us as a GBC in the United States; now he was the only householder zonal guru. Both he and Manjuali had previously invited us to join them in England but, contented in our Oregon ashram, we never seriously considered the option. However, circ*mstances in Oregon had now made us rethink the offer. While still wanting to serve Srila Prabhupada under the banner of ISKCON, we could no longer tacitly support what was happening in our Oregon zone. In March of 1979, Yamuna wrote to Jayatirtha and Manjuali: We are saddened by what we see in the name of Srila Prabhupada and feel powerless to act. As women, Srila Prabhupada instructed us to remain aloof from the politics of ISKCON, but for us that is near impossible in this situation. Prabhupada gave us a simple and joyful process, but at least in the Northwest it has become something else, and we can no longer endure it. You know, having seen our peaceful and humble ashram, how hard this is for us, but when a leader
says that black is white and day is night, what can we do? —LETTER TO JAYATIRTHA AND MANJUALI, MAR. 21, 1979 Jayatirtha and Manjuali again invited us to move to England and temporarily stay with them at their large home in Aldenham, near Bhaktivedanta Manor. In his letter Jayatirtha reminded Yamuna that because she had been so instrumental in establishing Krishna Consciousness in England, it was actually already her home.
Once our decision to leave Oregon was made, the logistics of what such a move entailed were overwhelming. What to speak of packing up an entire ashram including the Deities and Their paraphernalia to move overseas, we also had to find a suitable home for our much loved cow Bimala and her young ox, Bolo. Unless we felt certain they would be protected, no move out of the United States would be possible for us. After many calls, we decided that the gurukula in Three Rivers, California, was the best fit. They had ample pastureland and had promised that both cows would be welcome. Renting yet another trailer, we drove the 600 miles, stopping every few hours to walk the cows around the rest stops, much to the surprise of other drivers. Then, leaving our beloved cows in their new home, with deep sadness we returned to Oregon to finalize the packing and other arrangements, including shipping our car to England. We left on July 28, 1979, our last vision of Grants Pass a small group of devotees and friends, including our landlords, the Stansfields, with tears in their eyes.
Visakha devi: So at that time they [Yamuna and Dinatarini] started traveling. They moved first to England, where they would enthuse the sankirtan devotees. And then they moved back to America. They lived in Washington DC, in New Vrindavan, in Florida, always trying to give the purity and sweetness of Krishna Consciousness to whomever they met. And in those years of the 80’s, it was a time of great tumult in our ISKCON movement. It was tumultuous. And because they were so absorbed in Prabhupada’s service, in his knowledge and his words, Dinatarini and Yamuna prabhus were able to see the situation clearly, understand it clearly, and be less affected by it. And those who came into their association also could get shelter from this tumultuous time in ISKCON’s history. So I learned from that, that we can also, in Prabhupada’s service and absorbed in his mood, take shelter of each other when there are so many difficulties around us, as there were at that time. It is not that we have to follow blindly. Prabhupada did not want us to follow blindly. He wanted us to use our intelligence in Krishna’s service. And that example was also there in Yamuna prabhu.
A Warm Welcome in England Yamuna devi had moved to India before Bhaktivedanta Manor was donated to ISKCON by George Harrison, so this would be the first time she actually saw it. Yet she knew the gorgeous Deities very well, as she had participated in Their installation at the first Delhi pandal. Yamuna: Prabhupada considered that these festival programs were an installation of the Deity. In other words, They were worshiped in his presence. So for a pure devotee to be introducing Them to worship is naturally a form of installation. So there were different pastimes in the three places of London and New York and Dallas where devotees actually made some adjustment on the archa-vigraha in some small way. When Prabhupada heard that, he said, “No, these Deities have already been worshiped; this should not take place.” (FOLLOWING SRILA PRABHUPADA, DVD 3)
Gokulananda circa 1980 It was wonderful to be welcomed with such warmth and enthusiasm not only by Jayatirtha and Manjuali, but many extraordinary devotees in the United Kingdom. My personal memories are rather vague, as I was quite ill at the time, yet I can recall acts of warmth and kindness, the joy of kirtan with the ladies’ sankirtan party, wonderful and reflective classes and exchanges among the devotees in Prabhupada’s immaculately kept quarters, and a leadership and management style quite different than what we had just left.
We moved into rooms at Church Farm House in Aldenham, a picture postcard village not far from the Manor, with Jayatirtha and Manjuali and their exuberant son, Vaishnava Charan
(now Vish). Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari were placed on the altar at Bhakti-vedanta Manor, and in the months before we moved to Berkhamsted the wonderfully devoted pujari and world-class seamstress Ramadevi made three outfits for Them, which They still wear to this day—one in orange and turquoise, another in black and gold with a beaded peaco*ck motif, and a pink brocade outfit with oval pink pearls.
Ramadevi: I was very proud of my sewing ability—I thought I was the bee’s knees, and then Yamuna came with Radha-Banabehari, and They had these little outfits. The stars were glued on and some things were done a little differently from the way I would do them, but They looked exquisite. They were on the altar at the Manor for a while, and there was a festival coming up. I was making an outfit for Radha-Gokulananda—orange and deep turquoise. It was from a readymade sari. I said, “Do you have an outfit which matches this dress, or shall I make one for you?” I was so sure of my abilities! She said, “That would be wonderful. Yes, please make it.” When I was finished, we put it on, and I thought, “Oh my God! It looks like They are dressed in potato sacks!” Even though I’m pretty delicate in what I do for small Deities—I don’t make things that are too big—but in comparison to how They are normally dressed, it was totally embarrassing. Then when I saw her in Mayapur in 2010, she told me They were still wearing that dress, and she spoke of it with such affection. I couldn’t believe I’d ever even thought to try and do it. For me it was actually so daunting how perfect she was. It almost made me more depressed than fired up, because I thought I can just never, ever reach that standard. The fabric used, the way it sat, the decorations—everything was so delicate. Even if it wasn’t all technically perfectly done, the overall effect was perfect—just perfection. Every single thing they wore was perfect. There was so much perfection—it was really difficult for me.
Yamuna and I were both impressed with the programs and sincere service attitude of the Manor’s devotees. Vicitravirya das, Jayatirtha’s right-hand man, was always a consummate gentleman, and Yamuna and I both appreciated his steady and balanced approach to leadership. By this time, Jayatirtha had already initiated many disciples, and Manjuali was like an earth mother to them all. Perhaps in our naivety we expected that nothing would change in someone who appeared as balanced, sincere and Krishna Conscious as Jayatirtha. Yet in reality Yamuna and I feared the possible insidious effects of the overall Zonal Acharya directive, especially with regard to pratistha (honor or distinction). What effect could such compelling access to fame, wealth and worship have on the heart, and how would it manifest? Certainly in his relationship with us, nothing had changed. He was still the protective and thoughtful person who had advocated for us with Srila Prabhupada in Los Angeles, and we remained grateful and unwilling to countenance the possibility of any wrongdoing or falldown in him. The difficulty is sometimes things are interpreted in a manner dovetailing one’s own sense gratification. I have got this personal experience in my Guru Maharaja’s institution. Different Godbrothers took the words of Guru Maharaja in different interpretations for sense gratification and the whole mission disrupted. —SRILA PRABHUPADA TO GODBROTHER, OCT. 24, 1969 Yamuna: Once, on the anniversary of Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance, someone asked me to talk about the most dramatic effect on the Society of Srila Prabhupada’s departure. Without hesitation, I answered that with two or three words Srila Prabhupada could stop or correct any deviant or misplaced philosophical understanding. An example is how ISKCON changed with the Zonal Acharya system. So many misconceptions suddenly appeared, whereas in Prabhupada’s time, he would hear one such misconception and say something like “No. Nonsense rascal,” and it would be finished.
The Unforgettable Women of ISKCON in the United Kingdom Reflecting on both the initial and lasting memories of those first months in England, I am certain that Yamuna would agree that it was the association of the sincere, dedicated and strong women who most inspired us. Whether they served in the temple or on the ladies’ sankirtan party under the able leadership of Kamadhuk, they were invariably enthusiastic and charming. We began holding kirtans and classes in Srila Prabhupada’s quarters, lovingly and immaculately cared for by Sarva Mangala. Even in my increasingly ill state, these were cherished moments, and Yamuna and I often felt nostalgia over the years for those too short periods of calm before the storm.
Meadow Cottage — An Ashram in Hertfordshire Drawing on her own difficult experiences as a woman in ISKCON, Yamuna always retained a heartfelt desire to encourage and nurture women in Krishna Consciousness. Often devotees were surprised at how approachable and welcoming she was, then and always. Devoid of pride in her own position and achievements, she made each person she connected with, whether male or female, feel as if their problems and concerns were her own. I never remember a time when she did not see it as a duty and privilege to enthuse others with what Srila Prabhupada had given her in Krishna Consciousness; and she did it with a graciousness, patience and love that deeply touched the lives of so many. Kamadhuk devi: No matter what was going on, Yamuna was a star in ISKCON. She had been for many, many years. Ever since I had joined, the name “Yamuna” was partnered with high society, and she had been so close to Srila Prabhupada, but she was always humble and modest, and she never wanted any fuss or bother or to be in the limelight, and even way back in those days, she would prefer to be at home with her Deities, with her close associates. She never really liked to come out and be the center of attention, so that was something that was always Yamuna’s
identity—as low key as possible. I think that mystery made people want to spend time with her even more, because no one could quite believe that someone could be so famous and actually so humble and modest about everything; it was so appealing. Everyone was attracted to that, and everyone wanted to spend time with her. It was more to make them happy than to make her happy a lot of the time. It was what every one of us needed, more than what she needed, because she was happy in her own right.
It had always been our intention on coming to England to have an ashram for women along the lines of our Oregon conception. Jayatirtha had enthusiastically encouraged such a program, and within months of arriving we began looking for a facility to lease. Even in 1980 any detached mid-to-large home in the area surrounding London was financially exorbitant, so we went further out into Hertfordshire to the town of Berkhamsted, where we found an oddly-shaped, private and beautifully situated home with the quaint address of Meadow Cottage, Gravel Path.
To share the costs, we initially moved in with two other ladies, Gangamayi, who Yamuna knew from Vrindavan, and Anada. We all wore white, and I was reminded of the time in Los Angeles when Yamuna, Palika and I were lined up as Srila Prabhupada walked by, and he said, “Oh, here are my women in white.” Then he asked Yamuna if she had read The Woman in White. Yamuna replied in the negative, but we were immediately curious to find this book that Prabhupada spoke of. Eventually we found it in a library—a classic epistolary novel written in 1859 by Wilkie Collins, a protégé of Charles Dickens. We speculated that Srila Prabhupada may have read it while in college. After Gangamayi and Anada left, we found it financially difficult to maintain the ashram, but again arrangements were made by Jayatirtha to engage the ladies’ sankirtan party directly in the service of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. Kamadhuk devi: After Ganga and Anada left, Manjuali and Jayatirtha really protected Yamuna and Dinatarini as family members. At that stage the sankirtan party was asked if we could help to support them. We felt it such an honor. If that meant they could stay in England, it was a privilege to be able to do that. A lot of the time, Yamuna was fully absorbed in research for the cookbook, but everybody wanted her association, and she reciprocated. The sankirtan women were introduced to Deity worship simply by the way Dinatarini and Yamuna were performing worship for Radha-Banabehari. The sankirtan ladies could not imagine that Deity worship could be so wonderful. It was Dina and Yamuna who gave many of the women of the English yatra this taste of how intimate Deity worship could be. No one had ever seen Deities worshiped in such a wonderful way—the opulence, the simhasanas, the mood of dressing Them every morning, the intimacy. We just had big temple rooms, but when you went to Yamuna and Dina’s, it was inside their front room, and it had been turned into a temple. It was carpeted and quiet, none of this loud banging and cymbals, and it was gentle, in a mood of love toward the Deities, and so when we were introduced to this, it opened up a whole new world of Krishna Consciousness to us, because we had never had the chance to do Deity worship. Jayatirtha saw how much women loved Deity worship, so they actually introduced a whole new mood of Krishna Consciousness.
Then Yamuna reciprocated in a very intimate way with the sankirtan devotees. She would
cook for them, and she would allow them to go up there on their days off to rest. She was always telling them stories of Srila Prabhupada, and they were allowed to help with the Deity worship in some small ways. So it really helped people to move beyond a neophyte view of Krishna Consciousness; it was a whole different wavelength. Then when distributing books, they actually understood and felt the reason for that activity—how they were supporting this wonderful seva. We could understand the principle of “when I see another devotee happy, I am happy.” Jagadatri devi: It was a bit like when Srila Prabhupada would come to the Manor, everyone would say later, “He looked at me,” or “He smiled at me,” and Yamuna was like that. It didn’t matter who you were, however high or low, when she was speaking to you, she was concentrating on you, and anything you said that she could inspire you in—whatever little bit of service you wanted to do—she could make you feel like it was worth doing. It was just any minute thing. She said to me, “What service do you do?” and I told her I looked after the children. Looking after the children in those days was practically not even a service. You couldn’t think of something lower, but she said, “Oh Prabhupada loved the children!” Whatever the service was, she would find something very positive to say and make you feel like it was valuable. Now living in Berkhamsted, we were distanced from the political climate of the Manor and therefore did not initially witness any changes in Jayatirtha’s devotional life. Out of respect and genuine affection for him and Manjuali, we turned a blind eye to the murmurings of concerned devotees, simply dismissing them as rumors. We bought a small Guernsey heifer that we named Bimala II and made the garage and tennis court into a cow pen.
Yamuna divided her time between working on the ever-expanding cookbook, associating with and cooking for the almost constant stream of guests, and taking me to appointments with doctors and alternative specialists. Just as determined and unrelenting in this service as any other, she found that a relative of George Harrison had been successfully treated with acupuncture for a
brain injury, so Yamuna took me to his London specialist. Although he was English and an obstetrician by practice, he had taken up alternative healing arts late in life. At a cost of two pounds per visit, this gifted healer cured the most serious manifestation of my illness, seizures, with acupuncture. Then, two weeks after my last treatment, he passed away. As she had been in Oregon, Visakha was a frequent visitor, taking pictures and working with our illustrator, David Baird, on beautiful designs of cooking procedures for Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. Srutirupa also came to assist. We all appreciated the company of the devotees there, and often reminisced in later years on the sweetness of the sanga. Visakha devi: The Manor’s sankirtan ladies come for weekly kirtan, katha and prasadam, and sometimes Dinatarini, Yamuna and I go to the Manor for similar programs in Srila Prabhupada’s spacious upstairs quarters. Yamuna appreciates how these young devotees, who are mostly bubbly, energetic and sincere novices in Krishna Consciousness, serve from early morning to late night all week. She also notes how, thrilled by the prospects they perceive from participating in genuine spiritual life, they collect lots of money for the temple but are not given the personal attention they need to help them grow spiritually. Yamuna puts her energy into befriending these ladies, encouraging their chanting of the Holy Names of Krishna and telling them about Srila Prabhupada’s qualities and pastimes. The ladies are deeply touched by Yamuna’s kindness and caring and appreciate her focus on Srila Prabhupada. They look forward to these get-togethers all week. Guru Carana Padma devi: We came there and they would engage us in different ways; they had all different areas of their ashram. We’d never seen “living as a devotee” and serving Krishna in your home. There were so many different aspects, and they were all for the pleasure of Radha-Banabehari. So if you got a chance, you could go in the garden, or polish the silverware, or arrange the jewelry, or help in the kitchen. If you got to help in the kitchen with Yamuna, then you really got good fortune! She would instruct you how to cut everything. She would make this khir with rhubarb sauce—it was celestial! She’d serve us all, and then while we sat and ate, she would read to us from Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta. Sarva Mangala devi: One thing about going to the house was that most of us were single, so to see Deities worshiped at a home and everything centering around the Deities—I had never been anywhere before where there were tapes of Prabhupada playing the whole time! I remember Ganga and Anada picked up on that and started doing it too. They gave people an experience of total saturation. Everything was such fun. It was a living experience—something completely different. We had lived in the temple for so many years, but it wasn’t as intense as the experience of being in their temple in terms of hearing Prabhupada all the time. And the Deities’ clothes were so gorgeous! Radharani used to have that stiff organdie that would go in at the waist, and Krishna would have the big bib like Radha-Raman and those thick ankle cuffs. We’d never seen anything so dainty and exquisite. We did a lot of fun things—it was so natural. We were all female—it was so cool!
The Meadow Cottage grounds
Inside the ashram
Kamadhuk devi: The way they were living also allowed the temple authorities to see and then try to bring that back. We then had Church Farm House for the sankirtan girls, which tried to be a model of what Yamuna and Dina had in their ashram—a self-sufficient ashram where ladies could worship Deities, enjoy association and have bhajans and kirtans. That was something totally unique at that time in our Society. Before we had just all lived in temples, but this was something unique, and it was introduced on the basis of what Yamuna and Dina had brought to England. They opened their doors to everyone. Everyone got an invite, and they would receive each person on a Krishna Conscious level. Gopimata devi: I remember early visits to Berkhamsted being the most exciting transcendental “girls’ day out” for the sankirtan party. The kirtan we experienced there was sweet and imbued with feelings that we may have been too shy to share in the company of our Godbrothers. We were asked to play the kartals more gently than the tinkling of Radharani’s ankle bells. Yamuna and Dina taught us that “the way you do anything is the way you do everything” for Krishna. We were given Q-tips to clean the wall boards of Sri Sri Banabehari’s ashram, bringing a whole new level of understanding of attention to detail. The whole mood was thick with devotion and excitement about the unlimited nature of happiness in Radha and Krishna’s service. That house was an immaculate offering to Their Lordships, full of exotic aromas and devotional feelings. It was there that Yamuna sat with me on the stair steps one day showing me a favorite photograph of Srila Prabhupada’s face. She explained that in this one facial expression all transcendental emotions were displayed, such as confidence, contentment, desperation, anger, awe, courage, curiosity, excitement, horror, joy, gratitude, chivalry, outrage, shyness, wonder, zest and deep affection. At that time, Yamuna described Srila Prabhupada as a person with so much depth of feeling for the Lord that we could only begin to appreciate who he was. As she spoke, I saw her eyes well up with tears that served to fill me with intrigue about the nature of spiritual happiness. Yamuna had the most elegant and sophisticated mind that I have ever had the honor to witness.
Some of Yamuna’s favorite photos of Srila Prabhupada When my parents came to visit England, we had the good fortune of being Yamuna and Dina’s dinner guests. I remember the prasadam as being so out of this world that it simply blew our minds. The preparations were so filled with bhakti that we couldn’t think of words to convey our delight! After the meal, Yamuna suggested that both my mother and father lay down on their left sides on cots that she provided. They politely declined, at which she insisted they must and would hear no more excuses. I enjoyed seeing my parents soften to her direction. They have always thought of her since with great respect and admiration. Yamuna always inspired us to
make development of saintly qualities a priority—to always see the best in others and to serve them as parts and parcels of the Supreme Lord. She encouraged us to be courageous and unafraid to offer the best we could manage to Krishna. She showed us by her example how to do this with enthusiasm and great love.
The ashram dining room Kamadhuk devi: It was Yamuna who first told us that cooking is one third preparation, one third cooking and one third cleaning. It’s not just about the cooking. That was the first time we’d heard that; it wasn’t just about being a prima donna in the kitchen. She was just exemplary—everything was spotlessly clean. We were young devotees, and we were like vessels. We wanted to drink up everything she had to offer. Here was a change from all the intensity, all the fanaticism. Here was just a mellow mood, and so people were aspiring to be like that. Probably even as we’ve grown older, there are many, many aspects of our association with Yamuna that we’ve carried with us—being sober, being kind to everyone, being equipoised—many, many qualities that you looked at and thought, “I wish!” She has inspired thousands of devotees to try to just become similar to her and that is powerful preaching. There’s no need to bring out books and quote philosophy and scripture. It was just as Srila Prabhupada said—leading by example. Yamuna and I were both awed by the sweetness and dedication of the sankirtan ladies. Each in her own way was multi-talented, and Yamuna was quick to notice their distinctive qualities and encourage their development in devotional service. One of the original sankirtan ladies was Kulangana devi, who Yamuna sometimes cooked with and saw in her a talent for making milk sweets. Kulangana went on to pioneer the production of some of the most famous milk sweets in ISKCON. Over the last 25 years, 90 sweets per day have been offered to Sri Sri Radha-Gokulananda. Kulangana devi: I was thinking that I can’t repay my debt to Mother Yamuna. There was no envy in her heart. She was selfless, the most merciful person I ever met, and she showed me incredible attention that I completely didn’t deserve…. My service that has been established so
well in this life [wonderful sweet-making for the Deities]—something very important to me that has given my life direction—only happened by her mercy, because she was so kind…. She just spontaneously appreciated my efforts to make these mangal arati sweets from the beginning…. Many people by her mercy recognized that we were making a special effort to produce the best sweets possible. I am always remembering how merciful she was, how she was non-envious, how much she wanted to help everyone. It was an incredible force—not thinking about herself, but to help others at any price. She was the greatest person after Srila Prabhupada. She showed me such incredible mercy. For some time she was living at Bhaktivedanta Manor, so I had a chance to assist her while she was cooking for Radha-Gokulananda. It was the perfection of my life, incredibly organized, and everything just to please the Lord. I was astonished to see her perfection. She wanted everything perfect. When she was cutting the vegetables, she would reject the ends and only accept the nice squares, nice shapes. She wanted to see that everything was equal—cut perfectly. She would not accept it if anything was not cut nicely. I was very surprised as I had never seen this before—that someone would put such great attention into making God’s food so beautiful. This astonished me. And she always put great attention into what I was doing—always asked me questions, always treated me absolutely personally, like family. I understood that “I am a person.” It was not impersonal. Whenever she would come, she would call me and ask about what I was doing. She was so humble. I felt that she was thinking I was so much better than her. After some time she decided to live outside Bhaktivedanta Manor in Berkhamsted. Even there, she was so selfless and constantly thinking about how to please the Lord and how to please the devotees; this was her life. She was inviting us sankirtan ladies to her house, and she would prepare prasadam for us. It was something that I have held so deeply in my heart. Each preparation was completely unusual; even upma was not like I had ever eaten—it was completely different, just full of love and devotion. She was working so hard, just going to an incredible effort to receive us. I just couldn’t believe it…. I will never forget it, because this enthused me in Krishna Consciousness so deeply. It was preaching.
Radha-Banabehari on Radha-Gokulananda’s altar
“My Dear Lord, What are You Trying to Teach Us?” Yamuna and I blissfully continued our programs in Berkhamsted by engaging the young devotees in Deity worship, cooking, scripture classes, kirtans and other ashram services. At least once a week we went to Bhaktivedanta Manor and attended classes there, in addition to hosting kirtan and classes in Srila Prabhupada’s quarters. In her talks, Yamuna invariably brought everything back to Srila Prabhupada—how he taught by example, how he saved us by his infinite mercy, how we could strive to be pleasing to him, and how we could always have his association through his instructions. Yamuna: So the reason that Srila Prabhupada is in this room, is that to the degree that each and every devotee is here and taking his instructions and associating with him, he acts right through your heart. Actually he is present in your heart along with the Supersoul, and he guides you in your spiritual life to the degree that you have a desire for it. If your consciousness is just a little bit favorable, and if you follow what he said to do, the most extraordinary things happen to you, and that is that the Spiritual Master will be present with you in your heart. And so he is definitely there. It is a most exciting thing. (BHAKTIVEDANTA MANOR, 1980) Gradually we could no longer ignore the increasingly odd behavioral changes in Jayatirtha. Unlike with our Oregon experience, this was someone we knew and respected, so it was especially difficult to bear. Yamuna: To be honest, Dina and I became concerned at the changing tenor of Jayatirtha’s classes. There was a new exhibition of “ecstatic” symptoms, which the young and impressionable devotees accepted as proof of his devotional advancement. Because we were mostly removed from everyday life at the Manor, we did not see this on a daily basis, and so we only sporadically heard the rumors and rumblings of discontent already taking place. We initially chose to ignore them as gossip or aparadha. What eventually did happen with Jayatirtha surprised us as much as anyone. He had wonderfully devoted disciples, a beautiful and loyal wife and son—everything in place materially and spiritually—and yet he lost it all. It was a great lesson on how careful we have to be in our Krishna Conscious motivation. And so many sincere devotees suffered that loss immensely, as did we. Our mantra became “My dear Lord, what are You trying to teach us?” Feeling helpless and uncertain as to our duty, Yamuna would often sit before the Deities and chant the Lalasamayi, or deeply yearning prayers of Bhaktivinoda Thakur and Narottama das Thakur. These prayerful bhajans were Yamuna’s way of not only petitioning the mercy of guru and Krishna, but also adjusting her consciousness to remain focused on the goal. Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur spoke on this subject just a week before his passing. There are certainly many difficulties while we are in this mortal world, but it is not our business simply to be overwhelmed with those difficulties or to try to overcome them only. We must know even during the duration of our present life as to what we shall gain after overcoming all those difficulties of life and what shall be the mode of our permanent existence. We must make an adjustment of all things that evoke our love and hatred and for those that we want and do
not want. Attachment and detachment of this mortal world will engage us more and more as we become farther and farthest from the lotus feet of Krishna. When we are able to transcend the position of attachments and detachments of this mortal world and be attracted with the Holy Name of Godhead, it is then only we can understand the import of the transcendental service of Sri Krishna the Personality of Godhead. —DEC. 23, 1936 Our good friend Manjuali, Jayatirtha’s wife, would often come for short visits at Banabehari’s ashram in Berkhamsted. It is a testament to her character, dedication and loyalty that she never spoke of the changes she surely must have been aware of in her husband. In early 1981 we were informed by the GBC that there had been some falldown, and Jayatirtha would now be taking sannyasa. Manjuali, devastated yet trying to remain strong for his disciples and the other devotees, came to stay with us in Berkhamsted: Visakha devi: At some point Manjuali lives with Dina, Yamuna and I, and we know something is seriously amiss in her life, but unfortunately she’s not at liberty to speak about it.
Manjuali devi: When Jayatirtha had taken sannyasa in 1981, I came back here [England] and stayed with Yamuna and Dina at Berkhamsted. That’s when Yamuna was working on the book. And then Visakha came and was working on the photographs, and I was working on some of the testing. I was living there for about a week at a time, then going back to Chaitanya College. Yamuna was so meticulous, and I’m a bit slapdash sometimes, but everything was measured with precision. I’m an intuitive cook, but it usually turns out, but with Yamuna, for her cookbook, it was a science…. They really wanted me to stay there with them, but at that stage I was 33, and I had a son who was in the gurukula and who was quite challenged because of Jayatirtha. I just couldn’t do it; I couldn’t be a widow. They were wearing all white, and I was also, but they were too advanced for me, for anything else. They were too focused, and I loved them dearly, but there was a little regret that I just couldn’t step up to the plate. But I did learn so much just staying with them…. Then my parents came and [they] couldn’t know that Jayatirtha was a sannyasi, so [they] went to Berkhamsted, and we had to pretend that the house was ours. Everyone moved out of the house, and Yamuna stayed and helped me cook. Then the following year Yamuna and Dina were down in Penzance, and Yamuna said, “Oh, bring them down; we’ll do the whole bed and breakfast thing!” So my parents came and stayed with them, and [my son] and I also went down to [Trewidden House].
Manjuali and Vish When Jayatirtha came back to England as a reluctant sannyasi, he visited us in Berkhamsted a few times, yet his demeanor had changed. He revealed that he had been severely chastised and “reigned in,” to use his words. We feared for him and for his disciples because it was clear that he was unhappy in the role of sannyasa and disgruntled at the way his falldown had been handled, even though we didn’t know at the time the details of what had occurred. Dina and I felt in our hearts that a schism would eventually occur, and when it did, it came in a dramatic way. At 2 AM one morning we received a call from Church Farm House, which was filled with upwards of 200 of Jayatirtha’s confused and heartbroken disciples, including the ladies’ sankirtan party. It is hard to reflect on those painful events because for us these were wonderfully sincere devotees, and to see them in such a distressed state broke our hearts. “You have to come over here,” they said. “They are saying that our guru is no longer bona fide, and we have barricaded the doors. Please help us.” So we immediately went, but all we could do was try to empathize with them. What could be said? They had been taught that the position of the guru was the same as Prabhupada, so how could he fall from the path? I have never felt so helpless. Yamuna and I last saw Jayatirtha sometime in the late summer or early fall of 1982 in Visalia, California. It was an unhappy occasion for us, because his personality and consciousness had changed dramatically from the person we had known and deeply appreciated for many years. At the time, we did not know that he had taken shelter of Srila B. R. Sridhar Maharaja, or that he had then created his own quasi-religious order. We would only learn of these things later. Suffice it to say, at the time of our meeting, what was being practiced bore little relation to Srila Prabhupada’s teachings, and we left with a prayer in our hearts that he would again embrace the practice and regulative principles of Krishna Consciousness.
1982 “Lord Krishna” Los Angeles and Three Rivers, California In late December 1981, Yamuna and I went on a short pilgrimage to India. With notebook
in hand, Yamuna polished recipes and studied cooking techniques, even once walking unannounced into the kitchen of a famous South Indian restaurant to study their dosa-making technique. Later, she had her English illustrator translate some of her rudimentary drawings into beautifully instructive illustrations for the cookbook. Yamuna then continued on to Los Angeles to work with the BBT on the cookbook, and I returned to England to finish moving and storing everything from our Berkhamsted ashram. Yamuna worked for almost three months in Los Angeles with the BBT, who were planning on publishing Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, and who felt it was long overdue for completion. Yet Yamuna, always a perfectionist, had seen the cookbook project from its inception as her service to Srila Prabhupada and the Vaishnavas—a fulfillment of Srila Prabhupada’s instruction to teach others what she had learned. She would not allow the book to be published until she felt Srila Prabhupada would be pleased with it. So she worked on perfecting new recipes, and Visakha again joined her to edit and work on the introductions to the recipes. Yamuna also enjoyed the company of some of her Godsisters in Los Angeles—Palika, Tusti, Rukmini, Kanka and others. Ramesvara das: Yamuna approached me about having the BBT funding the expenses for her to write the ultimate cookbook. I was very excited, and immediately agreed. So that year she came to stay in New Dwaraka to launch the project. She was working with three of her Godsisters—Visakha devi, Palika devi and Tusti devi. In sponsoring her work we set up a nice apartment, and every day she would prepare a different recipe, working on it until she deemed it perfect. Yamuna made perfection seem imperfect. She was like beyond perfection. So anybody, if you really follow the recipe as she puts it in the book, your preparation will come out perfectly. This is because she would just go over and over and over, and cook and cook and cook, until it was perfect. And she would write it down each time…. So by Krishna’s mercy every day, every afternoon at lunchtime, these amazing ladies would come to my quarters with a dazzling plate of prasadam, artfully arranged so that the visually astonishing presentation, the extraordinary aromas, the color, the texture, the scientific combining of flavors and spices, and the heavenly taste transported me every single day outside of the earthly plane of existence. She couldn’t imagine that her offering would be accepted by Srila Prabhupada and Lord Krsna if there was even the slightest deviation from the standard. Her kitchen was always saturated with the divine chanting of Srila Prabhupada playing constantly. So this standard of pure goodness or pure cleanliness surpassed anything I had previously experienced—even in any temple kitchen or temple altar. She aspired to be a living example of purity, and she taught cooking by pouring attentive love in her every motion, her every touch of the foodstuff and the paraphernalia she used for her offering. This amazing lila went on for months, until Yamuna decided she needed to be in a completely pastoral and rustic environment which would enable her to be even more absorbed in the mood of Vrindavan that she was trying to attain. But we all agreed that she could relocate to a farm so she could complete her masterpiece, Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking. So as devotees we all have had ecstatic, almost mystical, experiences while honoring prasadam. Words fail me as I try to describe this experience. For myself, all I can say is that the memory of the taste of the prasadam that Yamuna devi lovingly prepared and offered during those months remains with me every day of my life, as fresh as if it were just this very afternoon.
Visakha devi: The interminable cookbook saga continues. Yamuna and I sit across from one another in a sunny Los Angeles apartment near the temple, working on aspects of the encyclopedic book. Perhaps out of frustration at the length of time this book is taking to complete, she and I have an ongoing “White-Out” sparring match. White-Out, an opaque white liquid that comes in a small bottle with a brush attached to the cap, is used to paint over mistakes in copy. Yamuna and I both have our own bottles and use them to paint over not only mistakes, but also to put decorative white smudges on each other’s fingers, hands, arms and, on especially good days, faces. At least it brings forth relieving bursts of laughter, much needed at this point. It’s watermelon season, and daily we’re sticky from relishing ample slices of sweet, juicy fruits.
Visakha devi In May, we moved to Three Rivers, California, so Yamuna could work with the BBT’s then editor, Ranadhir das. Yamuna rented a small apartment, and I brought Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari from England. We held Jhulan Yatra and Rathayatra with the gurukula students and teachers, a highlight for us, and enjoyed the association of old and new friends. We also reconnected with our cows, Bimala and Bolo. Bolo, whose back now reached to the top of my head, had a rather scrappy horse as a companion. When I called Bimala from across the pasture after three years’ absence, her head immediately popped up, and she came running over to us. Yamuna and I became overwhelmed with emotion at the sight of our much-loved cow.
Radha-Banabehari at Three Rivers School in September 1982
On the cookbook front, however, although Ranadhir was a good editor, he was not a cook—making his service difficult at best, impossible at worst. Ramesvara Swami and the BBT were understandably anxious to publish and distribute the long-awaited book, yet Yamuna, though always gracious in meetings, was determined not to have her name on the cookbook until it met her exacting standards. To her, anything less was tantamount to committing an offense at the lotus feet of Srila Prabhupada, especially as he had so carefully and strictly trained her in excellence.
Banabehari’s Servants Return to England During the months Yamuna spent in California, her thoughts were never far from the plight of the devotees in the United Kingdom. Like a mother, she worried about them all, both male and female. While still trying to come to terms with Jayatirtha’s departure, their “zone” had now been ceded to the authority of Bhagavan das (then Goswami), and the former disciples of Jayatirtha were asked to become reinitiated by him. Unfortunately, by initially establishing the Zonal Acharya system with few checks and balances in place, the ISKCON management had no “wiggle room” when it came to a guru’s abuse of power or falldown, and therefore had to improvise and establish new mandates after the fact. Having now directly been impacted by this twice since Srila Prabhupada’s disappearance, Yamuna and I were tentative about our return, but felt pulled by the rope of affection for the UK devotees. Although stung by the Jayatirtha debacle and how it was handled, we still wanted to associate with and try to serve the devotees in England, yet also keep some distance from its political infrastructure. Yamuna was often asked over the years why, after witnessing so much exploitation and malfeasance in her devotional life, including a multitude of offenses against herself, had she remained determined to serve. Sometimes her answers would vary, but invariably they would include that she could never repay the debt owed to her Spiritual Master. He asked her to teach what he had given her, and she had taken that instruction as her raison d’etre, her purpose in life. That one instruction, in combination with her boundless compassion for all fallen souls, defined who Yamuna devi was.
1983 — Deja-vu — A Remembrance of Things Past and a Future Forewarned Between 1980 and early 1984, Yamuna and I lived in London, Letchmore Heath, Aldenham and Berkhamsted in Hertfordshire, Dorney in Berkshire, Penzance in Cornwall and Chaitanya College in Pershore, Worcestershire. Each move had its joys, challenges and similar regulative services—wonderful preaching programs, ecstatic kirtans, Deity worship, Yamuna’s tireless writing and recipe testing, and cooking for devotees and guests. From Three Rivers I traveled ahead to England to look for a suitable rental for
Banabehari’s next ashram. Within two weeks I had written Yamuna of my find: I found us a lovely Tudor cottage within two miles of Windsor and Eton called Dorney Cottage. It’s so old that even I have to bend to go through some doors, but it is private, reasonable, and will make a nice ashram. I think we can worship and have nice programs there. —LETTER TO YAMUNA, UNDATED 1983 What I didn’t read in the fine print of the lease was that the owners could rent the exterior of the building and grounds to various movie and television companies to film the ever-popular British period dramas. So on two occasions during our short tenure there, while we were worshiping Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari inside, a hundred people in Victorian costumes were spread around the grounds outside. It was quite surreal, and we soon realized that this would not work as a women’s ashram. Although I don’t recall many specifics of our Dorney Cottage months, Yamuna and I were both extremely impressed with Eton College, little more than a stone’s throw away. To this day, to be able to say one was an “Old Etonian” signifies status in British society. Founded in 1440 by King Henry VI, its students still comprise the sons of royalty and the corporate elite from around the world, and the school uniform remains a dark suit with tails. As we shared the same bank with the tailsuited, rosy-cheeked boys in Eton town, any students waiting for a transaction would unfailingly direct us to the front of the line, open doors for us and greet us politely. Yamuna would joke that we needed to bottle whatever they had and bring it back to the United States.
The Wonderful Resilient Devotees of the United Kingdom After Yamuna returned to England, we often attended programs at Bhaktivedanta Manor and the Soho Street temple. Yamuna would sit for long periods before her beloved Sri Sri Radha-Londonisvara Deities to offer prayers and seek guidance. Srila Prabhupada had spoken to her about the power of prayer before the Deities, and it became her lifelong practice at the
beginning and conclusion of each day. In India, Srila Prabhupada answered one of her questions on prayer using the same words he later wrote to another devotee. Needless to say, the challenges along Yamuna’s devotional journey compelled her to increasingly seek guidance and understanding through prayer as Srila Prabhupada had instructed: If your prayers are sincere then Krishna will accept them, and if Krishna accepts them then automatically I accept them, and if I accept them then automatically Krishna accepts them. So like this Krishna is everywhere. —LETTER TO KIRTIKA DEVI, FEB. 19, 1973 Just as Yamuna felt both the desire and duty to encourage others in their devotional lives, we were amazed to find that for the most part the resilient devotees in England continued to serve Srila Prabhupada’s movement with determination. Bhagavan Goswami was charismatic by nature and boldly promised a resurgence of faith, enthusiasm and Krishna Conscious expansion throughout the United Kingdom. Buoyed by his initial charm and service history to Srila Prabhupada, many sincere souls transferred their allegiance and worship to him. Yamuna and I took the position that we would not say or do anything to discourage the devotees in their surrender to their new guru. If they again became enthused in Krishna Consciousness, then we would be supportive of them and try to serve under the new administration ourselves, although truthfully we felt conflicted and apprehensive from the onset, largely due to our prior experiences. One of the disturbing elements of the Zonal Acharya years in ISKCON’s history was the directive that Srila Prabhupada’s own disciples should also exalt and in some cases worship the new zonal gurus just as Srila Prabhupada had been exalted and worshiped. This mandate was unsupportable for many devotees and simply impossible for Yamuna devi. From the moment she had dedicated herself to Srila Prabhupada, he remained her all-in-all throughout her life—the cynosure of her existence. The very real honor and respect she later developed toward some of her guru Godbrothers was based on her appreciation of their devotional qualities. I never remember a time when she could not distinguish the sincere from the pretentious. In her desire to avoid fault-finding or interrupting the faith of others she would often not voice her concerns, especially during those years, but she was never deceived by the presumption of devotion. Gopimata devi: Yamuna had such a rich and full inner life because of her complete faith in Srila Prabhupada. It gave me the kind of hope that I had always craved. Being with her gave me a sense of security and trust that saved me more than once. One very memorable time was the day that I learned that the person who had been acting as my spiritual authority for years was acting in unbelievably inappropriate ways. In desperation, and feeling like my life was about to crumble, I went to speak with her, exclaiming, “Yamuna, they’re saying that he is doing like this!” She immediately gave me a big bear hug while whispering to me, “I wouldn’t be surprised.” These four words were offered with a gesture which imprinted on my psyche forever that I was and would always be safe. Even though I was just a new devotee and have always been quite dull headed, this gave me the feeling that there was some hope that I might one day understand what it means to have spiritualized senses.
Yamuna and Gopimata devi
Trewidden House — A Cascade of Joys and Sorrows Yamuna still harbored the hope of engaging women devotees in a separate ashram program. Many Vaishnavis were feeling marginalized in ISKCON, and Yamuna, perhaps more than most, understood and empathized with them. We felt that if we could open a cooking school run by women and included sewing and craftwork departments as well, we could fulfill Srila Prabhupada’s instruction to us to engage and train women in devotional service. Initially Bhagavan was enthusiastic about the idea. I looked in Country Life magazine one day and happened across a property for lease near Penzance in Cornwall. The whole scenario seemed too good to be true. The house and grounds, Trewidden House and Gardens, was being held in trust for the younger son of the Simon Bolitho family, well-known and prominent landholders in Cornwall. An imposing nineteen-room manor house set in over a hundred acres of centuries-old, manicured gardens, the magnificent house held unsurpassed views over Mount’s Bay and St. Michael’s Mount.
The rent seemed miniscule for such a property, and in my naivety, I did not understand what a “full maintenance lease” meant. Essentially, if strong winds blew off the roof shingles or the massive boiler needed replacing, we were responsible; but we overlooked such eventualities in our enthusiasm for a property we felt perfectly suited to our purpose. Using my family’s financial credentials (which looked good on paper at the time), we went ahead with the lease. By borrowing money, we updated each room with new carpets where needed, and created an upstairs kitchen off the Deity room. Needless to say, Yamuna and I were both thrilled at the prospect of using this wonderful facility in the service of Srila Prabhupada and the devotees. As it turned out, due to reasons beyond our control, the cooking school and ashram never transpired, and with great sadness we were forced to leave after a little more than six months.
Some Special Memories of Trewidden House Major Bolitho and his wife were welcoming and courteous to us throughout our Penzance stay. Shortly after our arrival, knowing that Yamuna was a vegetarian cook and that we planned to give cooking classes at Trewidden House, his wife bought a vegetarian cookbook and prepared a full dinner for us at their Trengwainton estate. A few weeks later we received a phone call from Major Bolitho inviting us to come and see “Edward playing his drums.” Of course we accepted, thinking it would be a small family gathering, but shortly thereafter we received a formal invitation in the mail essentially repeating the same thing—“Edward will be playing his drums,” along with the time and date. Now a little surprised, we arrived to find no less than 300 people dressed in fancy attire, arrayed on the lawns in front of table after table of massive crystal bowls full of strawberries and clotted cream. It turned out that Edward was one of the Queen’s Grenadier Guards (the famous red-coated ones who guard Buckingham Palace), and his “drums” were their Corp of Drums. The entire Corps marched in perfect formation to the beat of the drums around the grounds of Trengwainton. It was quite a spectacle, and we felt rightfully embarrassed. Edward Bolitho is now the Lord-Lieutenant of Cornwall. Other sweet memories included the visits of some of our Godsisters. Visakha devi, now with her baby daughter Amrita, spent months with us at Trewidden House. We didn’t have a crib, so we used an inflatable dingy as a playpen. Amrita (now Rasamrita) was a delightful and
entertaining baby, and Yamuna and I both enjoyed the addition of this young devotee at Trewidden House.
Visakha devi’s daughter, Amrita Visakha devi: The recipes complete, now in the spacious Cornwall house Dinatarini and Yamuna are looking after, Yamuna and I spend months working daily on the explanations and descriptions for Lord Krishna’s Cuisine—the introductory words for the many chapters, the blurbs before the many recipes, the extensive glossary. Bhagavan (then Maharaja) expresses his dislike for the word “Lord” in the title, saying it’s unappealing for a cookbook. Jayadvaita Swami suggests I write a monthly cooking column in BTG, making it something more than “down-home Indian cooking.” Yamuna doesn’t know what Jayadvaita Swami means by that phrase and spends a good deal of time pondering it. While we’re there baby Amrita learns to sit up for the first time and later, lying on her stomach on a blanket on the spacious lawn, starts to crawl a little. Yamuna and Dina enjoy feeding her in her highchair and watching how she uses food as a plaything. While I go for long bike rides to the coast, Dina kindly babysits. Manjuali devi: My parents and I stayed at the incredible place that they had in Cornwall [Trewidden House]. They had horses there that they had to feed every day, and Bhagavan had promised that they could have a center there to train women. He also promised to send help to assist them in maintaining the grounds, because that was part of the deal for their rent. It was a proper estate; it was absolutely beautiful—a real manor house. It was all furnished, and they just had one room they stayed in that had bunk beds—[everything] was pukka! Yamuna would be on her knees doing the floors and [vacuuming]. It was such a big job—it was a huge place. And my parents absolutely loved Yamuna and Dina. She made such a fuss of them and made wonderful prasadam. Yamuna and Dina had a tremendous generosity of spirit. My parents said, “We never stayed at a bed and breakfast as nice as this!” They treated them like Srila Prabhupada.
New Changes in Directions, Dimensions and Diversions
Unfortunately, by this time, cracks of dissatisfaction were appearing in the carefully guarded walls surrounding the Zonal Acharya. It was deja-vu again, with devotees subjected almost daily to lengthy discourses on their duty to follow any and all directives of the guru. Yet it became difficult for these sincere souls to simply acquiesce, because many had already experienced a variation of this before. Again, it is not my intention to delve deeply into the mistakes of the past, yet Yamuna and I were also under the authority of the Zonal Acharya and were directly and dramatically impacted by what occurred there. Yamuna devi’s story is one of overcoming adversity after adversity, each episode adding strength and determination and ultimately becoming a positive impetus in her devotional life. It would not be possible to examine how she joyfully practiced Krishna bhakti herself and nurtured others in their practice without touching on the adversities she overcame.
“My Dear Lord, What are You Trying to Teach Us?” — Revisited Because Yamuna and I were now serving in the United Kingdom, the authority for inducing Yamuna to finish her cookbook had passed to Bhagavan Goswami. Years later, Yamuna would rarely speak of those infamous cookbook meetings. On two occasions she was called to France for meetings. By this time, we were already at the limit of our forbearance, and Yamuna described those meetings as a “tag team of intimidation.” Always trying to remain gracious yet forthright, she finally offered to relinquish the book; they could publish it, but not include her name on it. Agreeing to this solution, the cookbook was taken from Yamuna and given to a Godsister to finalize. Although Yamuna was willing to detach herself from her cookbook project after years of sincere and dedicated effort, I could not bear to see her offended in such a manner. For me it was the final nail in the coffin of our willingness to serve under that administration. We decided that we would quietly wind up our activities in England before our own disillusionment influenced others. Visakha devi: Yamuna and I visit Bhagavan in France, where he’s recently acquired the Ermenonville chateau. As we walk in, devotee carpenters are busy remodeling the lobby and temple room, which are construction sites. Heading toward Bhagavan’s quarters, we pass the unfinished kitchen, the unfinished men’s and women’s ashrams, and the unfinished guest rooms. Bhagavan’s front room has a chandelier so large and out of proportion to the room I think, mistakenly, it’s being stored there until the much larger room where it’s supposed to be is ready. We enter Bhagavan’s second room, where gold-leafed furniture lines walls covered by textured wallpaper and original oil paintings…. Bhagavan sits Prabhupada-style behind a low table, wearing a dark saffron sweater and ironed silk saffron robes. The perfectly formed white tilak marks on his forehead and nose are clearly visible. Looking at Yamuna he says, “How do you like my quarters?” Yamuna, unflinching and without hesitation, replies, “I like your tilak better.” Bhagavan gazes at Yamuna, speechless. It seems no one else has said anything like that to him.
Chaitanya College and Our Final Goodbyes Yamuna’s last few months in England were spent at Croome Court in Worcestershire, renamed Chaitanya College by the devotees. We both held fond memories of the wonderful devotees there—Vicitravirya and Jalastita; Urvasi, always gracious and elegant; Mondakini devi, whose smile lights up a room; Guru Carana Padma, now a super teacher, mother and wife; Sarva Mangala, with her quick wit and service attitude; Sri Kama, a talented actress—and so many other wonderful and sincere souls who did not know we were leaving and whose association we would always cherish.
Each year, a highlight for everyone in the UK were the plays and revues performed by the multi-talented devotees, especially after the Christmas marathon. These were usually slapstick skits and humorous, gentle puns on our own activities and were gleefully looked forward to by all. I remember Bhumadeva, Vicitravirya, Bhajahari, Sarva Mangala, Sri Kama and many others made these unforgettable occasions to laugh and let off steam. The last review we attended at Chaitanya College was remembered more for incurring the displeasure of the guru than for the inventive and humorous acting of the devotees. With untold regret, we would leave England in
April 1984, carrying the sadness of separation from those much-appreciated devotees in our hearts and a massive financial debt on our heads.
It is important to highlight here that Yamuna never held anyone else responsible for the challenges and adversities of her life. Yet she also did not follow blindly. One of her most outstanding devotional qualities was her capacity for forgiveness. When offenses were committed against her, she felt herself responsible for causing trouble to others. She invariably looked for the good in everyone and consistently examined herself for lessons to be learned from adverse situations. However, she also felt that it was important to honestly assess our mistakes and misdemeanors without rancor, so that individually we could advance in devotional service and societally we could learn from our past in order to become transparent via media in the future. Once, during a pilgrimage to India, we were warmly welcomed by one of the Zonal Acharyas. In her gentle yet probing manner, Yamuna reminded him of one of many defamatory offenses he had committed against her in earlier years. Recalling the incident, she asked, “Do you remember that?” The guru honestly admitted that he did not, but then added that had he remembered all the offenses he had committed to others in his immaturity, he would be consumed by it and not feel able to progress in his devotional service. Yamuna was encouraged to see his advancement, yet reflected at the same time that while it is hard for any of us to honestly look at our own past mistakes and correct them, it is an imperative in spiritual life: These people are not the cause of my happiness and distress. Neither are the demigods, my own body, the positions of the planets, my karma or time. Rather, it is the mind alone that causes happiness and distress and perpetuates one’s bondage to the vicious cycle of repeated birth and death. —SRIMAD-BHAGAVATAM, 12.17.42 Yamuna devi conducted interviews during all of her pilgrimages to the holy dhama. Once, during our 1994 pilgrimage in Mayapur, she interviewed a former sannyasi, and their exchange
and her comments poignantly highlight Yamuna’s devotional mood of support, encouragement and forgiveness: Former sannyasi [name withheld]: Mataji, I have lost all my ruchi. I chant the name, you know—I do it because it’s my duty—but my ruchi is gone; my ruchi has been destroyed by my own Vaishnava aparadas and my arrogance. Yamuna: But your honesty to say this is so purifying. Just to say this is purifying. This is honesty and is such a quality of a Vaishnava. And sometimes when we have the right address, we’re not honest. So it isn’t a matter of the externals; even for you to say that my taste is gone, or whatever, is so nice. All this is purifying—to sit here and to look within yourself is purifying; to sit here and even make the effort to be here [in the holy dhama] is purifying; and I have a very strong feeling that the highest you’ve risen, or any of us have risen, we can very quickly gain that and go up higher and higher and higher. And this is true for all—because you surrendered 100,000 percent when you did service, and you were cent percent sincere in that—maybe full of fears, maybe full of apprehensions, maybe full of all kinds of things … You had a bizarre scenario where you weren’t protected in your early youth, so now maybe you had to find that protection so that you could be strong on your own—you had to stand on your own two feet. At first we imitate; we’re like Prabhupada says in the “Autumn Season” of the Krsna book, where the peaco*cks are dancing jubilantly. We may become Vaishnavas externally, and when we don’t know the depth and the profound glory of Vaishnavism, we may try to imitate. Former sannyasi: Well, I don’t have the ability to jump and dance in front of Krishna. If I did that now, it would be totally artificial. I’ve got to feel joy and not just [try to] show people that I’m a devotee. Yamuna: No. Actually, the point is that the more we practice honesty, the more headway we make on it, and every devotee has to deal with that [artificial desire for honor] from the very beginning. Former sannyasi: When I came to Mayapur this trip, I was hoping to meet so many big sannyasis and gurus, and I must say I was a little disappointed no one was here. But by Krishna’s arrangement, I am more happy to meet you. I’m more happy to meet you than a hundred sannyasis.
CHAPTER 11 The Splendid Odyssey of “Lord Krishna’s Cuisine” 1980’s-1990’s
A Needed Respite in Key West, Florida — May 1984 to September 1985 IN 1984, OUR friend Srutirupa devi lived in Key West, Florida, with her husband, Abhirama das. Hearing of our intention to leave the United Kingdom, they invited us to come to Key West, a two-mile-wide by four-mile-long island at the southernmost point of the continental United States. Once home to Ernest Hemingway and Tennessee Williams, Key West is reached by driving 160 miles south across 42 bridges (one seven miles long) from Miami. Crystal clear, calm waters surround it. For Yamuna and me, this sounded like just the respite we needed to provide some distance from the turmoil in ISKCON, reflect in a peaceful environment on the lessons learned, absorb ourselves in intensive chanting, reading and worship of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, and move forward in our devotional lives in a positive way. Initially we settled into a second-floor apartment near the oceanfront house of Srutirupa and Abhirama. Each day we would attend the morning program and sing the prayers of Bhaktivinoda Thakur and Narottama das Thakur. In the afternoon we would sit under the trees, bathed in cooling breezes from the ocean, and read from the Caitanya-caritamrta. Srutirupa devi: My memories of our time together in Key West are some of the sweetest and spiritually deepening times of my life. Our coming together daily for morning prayers and bhajans followed by our classes and talks would often last for hours. Many days after the morning program at 5:30 AM, we would still be sitting and discussing the songs, verses, purports and stories of Prabhupada until noon. Association in Krishna Consciousness in this personal way was such a gift and is treasured by me as the happiest days of my life. Sharing what Srila Prabhupada had given us was more than special—it was a gift to the greatest degree. And it did not stop there. Our late-afternoon readings of Caitanya-caritamrta by the ocean brought us to new heights. Yamuna and Dina infused within me the joy of this process, and it became so relishable and easy to practice, even though we were not in an official ISKCON temple. There were no demands on us, no pressures, just our own desire to experience what Srila Prabhupada gave, and share the science of self-realization in a very personal and loving atmosphere. This was a turning point in my life. Our time together in Key West will be remembered and treasured as a time of deepening and solidifying all that Prabhupada taught, in a loving and real way.
Srutirupa hailed from one of Key West’s most prominent and wealthy families. Her father, a successful businessman and former sheriff of Monroe County, owned some of the island’s premier hotels and other properties, and her three brothers, all attorneys, oversaw the family businesses after his death. Yet despite all the trappings of wealth, Srutirupa’s mother and 92-year old grandmother were congenial and unpretentious. Sometimes Yamuna and I would visit Nana (Srutirupa’s grandmother), still working daily in her grandsons’ law firm to “stay busy,” just to hear firsthand from her the turn-of-the-century history she so succinctly remembered. Similarly, Srutirupa’s mother was that one-of-a-kind, rare person who never had a critical word to say about anyone. When she unfortunately passed away, Srutirupa said that virtually the entire community of Key West came to her funeral to honor her memory. Eventually Yamuna and I rented a U-shaped house in the center of the island from Chris and Kim Waters Murray. Kim, a gifted artist and talented singer who shared our love for the prayers of Bhaktivinoda Thakur, would later become a good friend and bhajan partner when we moved to the Washington DC area in 1987.
The Key West home
Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari’s Simhasana During our pilgrimage to India in 1982, Yamuna and I had commissioned a simhasana (throne) for the Deities from Ranchorbhai & Sons in Mumbai, who had made many gorgeous altars for ISKCON temples. Before beginning the design and carving, they considered the astrology of when Radha-Banabehari were installed, Their sizes and other details, so the Vastu (Vedic science of architecture) would be most auspicious. We went on a few occasions to their shoebox-sized storefront, where a group of six to eight men sat carving intricate designs on rosewood using rudimentary hand tools and their feet as vise grips. Yet like all such ancient arts in India, the work was exquisite, detailed and practical. The nineteen brass-covered domes were each removable, as were the spindles and ornate panels. It took the men five months to finish the throne, and we were amazed at the elaborately detailed design. In our Key West ashram, the temple room ceiling was too low for the domes, yet the structure of the throne even without them beautifully highlighted Radha-Banabehari’s exquisite forms.
Srila Prabhupada gracing the new simhasana in Key West By this time Srutirupa, now carrying her first child, was suffering from persistent nausea. I was also not well, so Yamuna spent many long and unforgettable hours reading and discussing philosophy with us as we lay stretched out before her, the scriptures and the resonance of her voice soothing balms to what ailed us. Srutirupa devi: Of course, Yamuna kept me fed when I was pregnant and could not cook. She would come for the morning program and put on a pot of dal and a gallon of milk for an herbal-infused curd. While attending the program she would leave once or twice to put the finishing touches to the dishes. This prasadam kept me going every day until my daughter Krishna Lila was born. These were all unsung blessings I now look back on with so much gratitude. I am humbled by the gifts and simple joys of those times and what was shared, gained
and learned from it all.
A Publisher Takes on “Lord Krishna’s Cuisine” Before we left the United Kingdom, Yamuna had again gained possession of her cookbook. The BBT would no longer be publishing it, and Yamuna approached Abhirama das in Key West with the task of finding a publisher. Abhirama knew that Yogesvara das had a children’s press, Bala Books, in New York City, and he asked Yogesvara and his friend and partner, Prahladapriya das, if they would take on the project. Of course, neither Yogesvara nor Prahladapriya realized the massive scope and complexity of the book—or that it would virtually consume the next two years of their lives. Prahladapriya das: At that time, Yogesvara charged me with the task of contacting Abhirama and having a lengthy discussion with him about the cookbook and about doing it…. I remember saying to Abhirama, “I think Yogesvara and I can do this.” At that time, I had no idea how. It was sheer enthusiasm. I knew it would take a lot of money, but I was so excited…. I remember hanging up the phone and calling Yogesvara and saying, “I think we can get this book. I know we can get it.” Yogesvara das: About a week later this truck pulls up outside my apartment on Twenty-third Street…. I heard the horn beeping and came downstairs, and the guy says, “Are you Joshua Greene?” I say, “Yeah.” “Sign there.” Out of the back of this truck comes a box that must have weighed about 13 tons—it was huge; it was heavy. He helped me lug it upstairs. I opened this thing and there’s a manuscript of more than 1600 pages … it was incredible! I’m looking at this thing and thinking, “What have I gotten myself into here? I can’t even lift it, let alone get it published.” I started reading the manuscript, and it was as devotional as Yamuna herself. If you read this book—open just any page at random—and … it is filled with devotional stories. This is like a scripture. Who’s going to publish this thing? Yogesvara and Prahladapriya then came to Key West to discuss terms and a timeline for the book. To this day, they both sound incredulous when reflecting on the daunting task of getting Lord Krishna’s Cuisine published, admitting that although they did not know where the money would come from, who would publish such a book and how it would manifest, they still felt enthusiastic to move forward as if impelled by an unseen force. I suggested to them that it was “the Krishna Magic,” and Prahladapriya replied, “No, I think it was Yamuna—just who she was.” Yogesvara das: Looking back, I don’t know what it was—youthful folly, divine inspiration, some chromosomal glitch in the DNA sequence—I don’t know what it was that prompted us to take this on…. We just felt compelled…. We had faith in Yamuna. We had faith in the fact that prasadam was so central to Prabhupada’s mission—that if we could do this, then we could die peacefully. I am not saying that in any kind of metaphorical way. I truly think that it was a service that we could look back on and say, “You know what? If nothing else happened, I
helped to get that done.” So we got somebody to pay for copies of the manuscript and sent them out [to publishers]. To this day I have at home the most beautiful collection of rejection letters from every publisher in America. They are the most heartfelt, “This is incredible research;” “It’s extraordinary”; “Good luck to you”; “I have no idea what to do with it”; “I don’t have any ideas for you”; “It’s fantastic.” But who wanted to publish it? Who wants to read 1,000 pages on Indian vegetarian food with all of these descriptions of Lord Krishna and this guru [Srila Prabhupada]? Prahladapriya das: We sent out two hundred letters to publishers and we received only three favorable replies. Two hundred letters! Yogesvara das: The best that we were able to get was someone saying, “Look, can you edit it down? Can you condense it and give us an abridged edition?” We went to Yamuna and said, “We’re finding that the publishers won’t touch it; it’s too much for them. They have no idea what to do with this. Will you condense it? Will you edit it down?” And she said, “No. If you’re going to do something for Prabhupada, do it right. Never compromise; never compromise.” And she lived her life like that.
So that became our mantra, our guiding principle—that we would not compromise on this book. Any time the publisher said, “Well, we’ll publish 100 recipes, but not 500 recipes,” we’d say, “No thank you,” until we reached a point where we ran out of options. We were kind of at our wit’s end about where to go with it. At the time, I had been doing some printing for children’s book companies, and I called a friend of mine, Christopher Kelly, at E. P. Dutton, a division of Penguin, one of the largest publishing companies in the world, and asked if he could introduce it to their cookbook editor [Amy Mintzer]. He showed the manuscript to her, and I think she was feeling a little bit obliged because the publisher had come to her and asked her to look at it. If I
remember correctly, she was hesitating the same way everyone else was, because it was just too big. She said, “It’s an amazing book, but it’s just too big.” It was just too expensive a project. They couldn’t afford to take the financial risk of doing all of the design and layout and production. I talked to Prahladapriya and said, “Look, can we get some people to help? And maybe we can make them an offer they can’t refuse.” So he went out and brought in some friends, and I brought in some friends, and we went back to the publisher and said, “Here’s what we’ll do. We will pay for it; we will pay for the typesetting; we will pay for the printing, binding and manufacturing. We’ll pay for everything. You just distribute the book. Also, if there’s any inventory left after one year, we will buy it all back.” So that was a no-brainer. We made her an offer that she couldn’t refuse; there was zero risk on their part. And I remember looking at Prahladapriya after we had made that offer and asking him how long he thought we had to live. Because what we had essentially taken on was a $200,000 risk—more money than I had ever seen in my life. But Prahlad just kept reassuring me, “We’ll find the money. We have to do this.”
A short time later, Prahladapriya came to Key West for a week to work on weights and measures for the cookbook. This was just one of many complexities Yogesvara and Prahladapriya faced over the next two years. Yamuna had wanted the cookbook to be truly international, and that meant that all of the American weights and measures (teaspoons, tablespoons, ounces, pounds, cups, quarts, etc.) had to be re-measured for the metric equivalents. Yogesvara das: We knew early on that it was not possible just to take an American weight or measure and do some kind of mechanical mathematical conversion. Everything had to be reweighed for every ingredient in every recipe. That is an important point. Our hope had been that in order for this to be an International book, it had to have both the US and the metric/imperial measurements. Yamuna made a very strong point about this—that because things settle, and you have a packed cup versus a loose cup, things don’t translate mechanically like that. If you are going to put in a European metric equivalent, you have to reweigh every single ingredient. And I remember the two of us thinking, “How much worse is this service going to get?” because it was just too much work. Prahladapriya spent that week in Key West reweighing and re-measuring each ingredient of the 500-plus recipes in the book. He continued the work in New York, and when Lord Krishna’s Cuisine was finally published, only two small errors were found in his precise measurements, which were then corrected on the second printing—an amazing feat of dedication!
Banabehari Ashram Moves Again Yamuna and I lived in Key West for a little over a year. We both felt spiritually surcharged by the peaceful environment and company of good devotee friends, yet Key West was an expensive tourist island, its isolation adding significant costs to everything, from drinking water to utilities. As we were already burdened with a heavy debt load, we could not afford to
remain there. In addition, with the cookbook on the road to being published and its future no longer troubling her, Yamuna felt a desire for more active service to Srila Prabhupada and the Vaishnavas.
Into the Fire — New Vrindavan — October 1985 Our friend Visakha devi had moved to the New Vrindavan community in June of 1985 with her husband Yadubara das. Knowing of our financial difficulties, Yadubara suggested to Yamuna that we move to New Vrindavan—a suggestion enthusiastically encouraged by New Vrindavan’s then leader, Kirtanananda Swami. Although he was vague as to what our services would entail, Yamuna and I saw the move as an opportunity to be part of a large devotee community and live simply enough to pay off some of our debt. We arrived sometime in mid-October and moved into a ramshackle trailer directly across the road from Visakha and Yadubara’s home. With her usual enthusiasm Yamuna tried to make the humble abode welcoming, but it was a near impossible task, partly because the trailer sat at an angle, and one felt that at any moment we or our guests might slide right out the patio doors. There were also hosts of large and small living entities sharing the small space with us. Yet, seeing how many in the community lived, we were grateful for what we were given and tried to make the best of it. Yamuna often said that she never saw devotees work as hard under such difficult conditions as in New Vrindavan. She remembered the sincere service Kuladri das, New Vrindavan’s president, had rendered to Srila Prabhupada during his illness in India in 1974. And we were both in awe of his wife, Kutila, who was in constant movement around the community—carrying heavy water buckets, cooking in the restaurant at the Palace, maintaining an ashram of girls and caring for her own children. There were many like her, both women and men, who humbly went about their services and were the heart and soul of the community. Yamuna always retained a deep and abiding respect for the often unheralded devotees of New Vrindavan who served Srila Prabhupada’s mission under extremely austere and trying
circ*mstances.
A Strange Timing Yamuna was determined to stay out of the political radar in New Vrindavan due to our past experiences. She had met Kirtanananda Swami a few times, beginning in 1966 in New York, but did not really know him. When we entered Prabhupada’s Palace for the first time and saw Srila Prabhupada’s study containing his life-size murti and a Deity altar similar to Radha-Banabehari’s, we saw an opportunity to serve and worship Them there. Permission was given, and Radha-Banabehari became established in Srila Prabhupada’s study. This arrangement allowed us to create a small temple within the larger context of New Vrindavan, where women could come to our very early morning program and still attend the morning program at the temple of Radha-Vrindavan Chandra. It also allowed the hundreds of people daily touring Prabhupada’s Palace to have the unexpected darshan of Their Lordships.
Each morning we would walk from our humble trailer to the Palace at 2:00 AM where, along with a small group of women, we would chant japa, wake the Deities, perform arati, bathe, dress and garland Them with roses from the magnificent gardens, and then have ecstatic kirtan before Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari and Srila Prabhupada. It snowed heavily that winter, and on several occasions I remember us walking in darkness through thigh-high snow to the Palace.
Rupa Rupesvari devi: [Yamuna devi] emphasized by example the necessity for the real qualities of spiritual life to be established in order to honestly and purely pursue devotional life in truth. Besides this eye-opening illumination was the amazing depth of presence one felt for Srila Prabhupada when you got to be with Yamuna. It was self-evident that her whole life [was] wrapped in Prabhupada’s values, examples, remembrance and teachings, without any ulterior motives. I learned a lot from Yamuna and Dina, and not just how to make a flower vase, but what it really means to be a Vaishnava from the inside out. Unfortunately, on October 27, within two weeks of our arrival, Kirtanananda Swami was
brutally attacked and nearly killed during a Dussehra (burning an effigy of Ravana) festival. Yamuna and I had attended the festivities and were later told the attack had taken place within a half hour after we left. With their autocratic leader now impaired by extensive neurological damage, philosophical and profane deviations in New Vrindavan became more flagrant. One morning within weeks of the attack, Yamuna confronted a surreal sight at Prabhupada’s Palace: Yamuna: When you first entered Prabhupada’s Palace, your eyes were immediately drawn to the imposing murti of Srila Prabhupada. Every morning and evening we would arrive at the Palace, offer obeisances to him and then proceed to the back study, where another murti of Srila Prabhupada sat behind a desk next to the altar with Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. So one day, very close to the time Kirtanananda was injured, Dina and I entered the Palace as usual and caught sight of Srila Prabhupada dressed in the full regalia of European royalty—complete with faux ermine cape, imperial crown and scepter. I think we just stared for a long time, and it was like we went on with our service pretending we hadn’t seen what we just saw. Later, a feeling of dread came over me—an “Oh, no, not again” kind of feeling. Things just continued to go downhill from there. Anyone who knew Yamuna during her devotional life quickly learned that she was a traditionalist in her understanding and application of Krishna bhakti. While she was enthusiastic to preach according to time and place (yukta vairagya), she could not bear to see the mission and core teachings of Srila Prabhupada breached or altered in any way. It is perhaps through understanding how strict Srila Prabhupada had been in Yamuna’s own training—sometimes humbly stating in reply to her praises of him that his one qualification was that he had presented what his Spiritual Master had given without change—that one can find the root of Yamuna’s aversion to the anomalies taking place before her eyes.
The Swanlike Separation of the Milk from the Water Much has already been said about the unfortunate occurrences at New Vrindavan, and we stayed there a mere nine months, each month witnessing more “high strangeness,” to use Yamuna’s words. Yet, as with our prior experiences during trying times, sweet and meaningful devotee relationships were established there which lasted a lifetime. Yamuna’s steady devotion, unwavering dedication to Srila Prabhupada and warm and compassionate nature encouraged and nurtured others. She welcomed guests to our ramshackle, tilted trailer just as she would if we had still been at the Trewidden Estate, making everyone feel at ease and feeding them sumptuous prasadam. Many years later in Mumbai, Nathji Prabhu and his glorious and circ*mspect wife, Maithili devi, reminded us of their visit to our tipsy trailer (“I can’t believe you lived in that place!”).
Guests in the trailer Yamuna devi also met Radhanath Swami in New Vrindavan on a few occasions, further forging a relationship of appreciation and gratitude that remained extremely meaningful to Yamuna for the rest of her life. Another new devotee friend was Nirmala devi, one of the legion of women sankirtan devotees whose sacrifices Yamuna never forgot. “I could never have performed the service that they did,” was a frequent comment, often followed by tears of appreciation. Visakha devi, of course, was right across the road, and her spirited three-year-old daughter, Amrita, often spent time with us. I have mentioned only a few of the many devotees in New Vrindavan who inspired both Yamuna and me with their spirit of dedication and tolerance. Over the years, Yamuna never forgot them and, when reflecting on her New Vrindavan experience, preferred to focus on its sincere devotees rather than its decline.
Yamuna encouraging young Nadia.
The Finalization and Publication of “Lord Krishna” — New York — 1986 While Yamuna devi resided in New Vrindavan, Yogesvara and Prahladapriya in New York were grappling with the complexities of preparing her massive cookbook manuscript for publication. It soon became clear that at some point Yamuna would have to come to New York to assist with the final editing and layout. Yogesvara das: In those days there were no digital coding programs. It was all manual. So on any given page of [Lord Krishna’s Cuisine] you had the heading of the recipe in a larger boldface type. Below it is the Hindi name; below that is a smaller type that is the introduction. Below that is a boldface type in a smaller typeface, giving the preparation and cooking time. Underneath that you have [another typeface for] the ingredients in chronological order, with words like ghee, mung dal badi, urad dal badi, and three quarters of a pound/340 grams. And then under the cooking directions you have boldface number one, period, space, and then the type starts. Every change on every one of those lines had to be preceded by a code, which would then tell the computer to change the typeface to this size. I truly remember staring into the depths of madness as we were sitting there night after night keying this in. Yamuna and I arrived in New York in July 1986 and moved into rooms at Bala Books on West Twenty-third Street, directly above a gypsy fortune teller. The bustling heart of Manhattan was a far cry from our rural New Vrindavan trailer and quite a culture shock for both Yamuna and me. With her usual enthusiasm, Yamuna plunged into layout work (a task she was already expert in) and collaborated with their exacting final editor. Finally, after a more than ten-year endeavor on Yamuna’s part and an intense two-year commitment by Yogesvara and Prahladapriya, Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking was published in early 1987.
Prahladapriya das: Once the first book came off the press, there is a (ceremonial) first hand-bound edition. And we grappled with it, because they always bind it in leather; it is a leather-bound book that you will always have. But we said, “No, we can’t go there.” So they hand-bound this particular copy and stamped it, and when the book came in, Yamuna devi sat down and showed every page to Srila Prabhupada. Shortly after that she turned to me and said, “Prahlad, you should have this.” And I have the very first copy, hand-inscribed by her.
“Lord Krishna’s Cuisine” Creates a Stir in the Food World
The impressive first printing of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking featured a beautiful white dust jacket containing both burgundy and black fonts highlighting a photograph of Indian spices. The distributors, E. P. Dutton & Co., sent first copies out to reviewers and food writers, and truthfully none of us had any inkling of how the book would be received. Certainly, due to its immense size, uncommon subject (Indian vegetarian cooking) and lack of glossy photographs, expectations were not overly optimistic, but then the initial reviews started coming in, and we were all left stunned. It seemed that Lord Krishna wanted His cuisine to be recognized. Extracts from some of those reviews follow: No, it isn’t the esoteric, limited audience work the title page suggests; it’s one of the most important cookbooks in years. The American-born Devi, who as the disciple and personal cook of an Indian spiritual leader spent eight years off and on traveling with him in India and elsewhere, has assembled about 500 detailed, carefully written recipes representing the vast range of Indian cooking styles. But the recipes pale in interest beside the vast amounts of information on ingredients, techniques, equipment and critical culinary indefinables. —KIRKUS REVIEWS, JULY 15, 1987
Yamuna Devi’s inspirational look at the vast and seemingly unlimited range of Indian vegetarian cooking is bound to get an enthusiastic response from the ever-increasing numbers of health conscious food enthusiasts. The author describes a major distinction between Indian vegetarian cooks and others in that their emphasis is treating the culinary experience as a religious and devotional one. This encompasses all aspects of food preparation, from shopping, menu planning to kitchen cleanliness and serving. —RAVE REVIEWS, FIVE STAR REVIEW, AUG./SEPT. 1987 Such elegant dishes might easily grace the most sophisticated table without a whisper of the pedestrian connotations sometimes associated with vegetarian cooking. A prodigious, 800-page labor of love illustrated with delicate line drawings, the meticulous, encyclopedic cookbook faithfully reflects the philosophy that cooking is “a spiritual experience … a means of expressing love and devotion to the Supreme Lord, Krishna.” —PUBLISHERS WEEKLY, JULY 17, 1987
Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking. Even the book’s publishers nicknamed it the “Taj Mahal of cookbooks.” In fact, when they first saw the manuscript they gave it the three boos of the cookbook world: it’s huge, it’s Indian and it’s vegetarian. The original manuscript was trimmed from 1,400 pages to 800, and the recipe count dropped to slightly more than 500. Yet author Yamuna Devi says this book only scratches the surface of all that Indian cuisine has to offer. Size aside, this cookbook is well written, the recipes are well tested, and the glossary and reference chapters are excellent resources … It is an invaluable volume for serious cooks and/or vegetarians…. —CHICAGO TRIBUNE, SEPT. 3, 1987
Food writers, reviewers and editors, intrigued by Yamuna’s ebullient and warm personality and the unique trajectory of her life so eloquently expressed in the cookbook, began interviewing her. Yamuna used these interviews as opportunities to speak about Srila Prabhupada, Krishna and her own devotional odyssey: Yamuna has been enamored with the Indian people, their culture and cuisine for the last 20 years. Born Joan Campanella, her life changed in 1966 when she met her lodestar, Srila Prabhupada, a swami who presided over her sister’s wedding. Shortly after meeting Prabhupada, she became one of his disciples, and he renamed her after a river in India…. Yamuna, in Chicago recently, emanates tranquillity and warmth. Her voice is gentle and soothing. She says, “One of life’s greatest pleasures is what we eat. The Indian philosophy is to use the best ingredients you can afford and cook them with love and feeling”…. —CHICAGO TRIBUNE, SEPT. 3, 1987
Among all the world’s cuisines, nowhere is the connection between food and spirituality so important as in India. The expression “You are what you eat” is more than a cliché in Indian cooking, particularly in the cooking of the approximately 600 million vegetarians. What you eat in these terms affects not only your physical well-being but also your mental and spiritual health. And by the same token, if you want to feel like a pagan slob, step into the kitchen of Yamuna
Devi, a Vaishnava—devotee of Lord Krishna, and a strict vegetarian who eats no meat or fish. Her cooking style is serene, clean and organized, quiet, even shoeless. Visitors to her kitchen will be asked if they mind removing their shoes—and something about the transaction makes it clear that the visitor will not mind. Devi grew up in Oregon and then spent many years in India and England, some of them cooking for and learning from Indian swami Srila Prabhupada, some of them hanging out with the Beatles. In another era, you might have called her a flower child, but with the recent publication of her encyclopedic work on Indian vegetarian cooking, you’d have to call her a scholar…. Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking is 771 pages long, not counting the index and list of ingredient sources. Recipes begin on page 8, surely a record for modern cookbooks, where the introduction often includes not only the autobiography but also the complete psychoanalytic profile of the author along with a justification for his or her book, whose length tends to be inversely proportional to the sense it makes. Devi devotes a mere two pages to her own personal part in this ancient cuisine, then plants the reader firmly in the midst of the recipes…. Devi began her work ten years ago. It has accompanied her on moves from England to the United States and back, and around various places in the United States as well. She has put as much work into every step and nuance of the project as a candidate for a doctoral degree would put into a dissertation. The result is a work of scholarship that also works as a cookbook. She seems to have found the middle ground—rare in the world of cookbook writing—between the desire to tell everything she knows and the desire to produce a book that people can actually cook from. Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking is an act of faith in more ways than one. Devi began the project before Madhur Jaffrey or Julie Sahni had introduced Indian cooking to the Western world. There were few Indian restaurants in the United States, even fewer Indian vegetarian restaurants. She had no publisher and not much hope that a publisher would find such a work of interest. In other words, she knew nobody was paying her for her time, but she persevered anyway. The first draft of the manuscript, completed around 1980, was 1,400 pages long. The outtakes alone—some 200 recipes—are enough to make up two average-size cookbooks. By the time she completed the first manuscript, the food processor had become standard equipment in American kitchens, so she made revisions to accommodate that. And as she worked, Indian restaurants opened, exotic produce and spices became more available and vegetarians were no longer considered especially dangerous. So she revised some more, able suddenly to include recipes for typically Indian ingredients. Along the way she found a man in South Devon, England—a shepherd by trade—who did wonderful little drawings to illustrate the book. That phase—getting the illustrations exactly the way she wanted them—took nine months of communications back and forth between David Baird, the illustrator, and Devi. Working on the layout took Devi and the publisher another nine months. Most authors don’t bother themselves much with this phase; Devi looked at every page layout. Those she didn’t like she revised herself. In other words this is a careful book. —LINDA GREIDER, THE WASHINGTON POST
When Joan Campanella was in her early 20’s, she went to New York for her sister’s wedding, expecting a traditional ceremony in line with their upper-middle-class upbringing in Oregon. Instead, she found that an Indian swami was to perform the wedding and oversee all the cooking—and he wanted her to help. The wedding became her initiation into Indian culture and vegetarian cooking … This book is the product of a spiritual and culinary journey that included five years in India with the swami, Srila Prabhupada, who became her teacher. Swami Prabhupada founded ISKCON and was a Vaishnava, or devotee of the Hindu god Krishna. He rechristened her Yamuna after a river in India. She uses that name as her only name…. “I became deeply interested in what he was saying.” She spoke as if their relationship had been merely interrupted, not ended, by his death in 1977. “I can never begin to say what he was to me,” she said. “He wasn’t [just] a charismatic personality. He was the most practical, humorous, perceptive, well-rounded human being I’ve ever come across.” In 1970, Yamuna went to India with her teacher and for nearly five years worked as his cook, often traveling around the country. For two years, they traveled through India by train. “We would visit private homes, sometimes palaces; sometimes we camped out in tents,” she said. Because she was with a holy man, she said, thousands of people sometimes turned out to greet them. Food was always a part of the experience. In the Vaishnava religion that she adopted, which she describes as “simply establishing a loving relationship with God,” food and cooking become a loving, spiritual experience….In a recent interview on a sultry day, Yamuna, a serene woman dressed all in white, served savory butter crackers flavored with lemon called nun gaja that come from Bengal. She
said she hoped her cookbook would introduce Americans to the variety of Indian cooking which she said is not reflected in Indian restaurants in the United States. “Indian cuisines, like the Chinese, are regional,” she said. “A lot of it has to do with the climate.” She said she thinks Americans are especially receptive to Indian food now, because it is spicy, but it can also be light and healthful…. —NEW YORK TIMES, AUG. 26, 1987
These are merely a representation from over one hundred clippings in a similar vein, from the most prestigious newspapers, magazines, and food writers in the country—and this was before any award nominations were announced. Perhaps one of the most poignant for Yamuna was a short handwritten note from cooking world luminary Peter Kump, of Peter Kump’s Cooking School, a past president of the International Association of Culinary Professionals (IACP) and founder of the James Beard Foundation. Dear Yamuna, I am very impressed with your book—“encyclo-pedic” is the only word that comes to mind—obviously a work of love done with respect and thoroughness. It should become a standard—and I hope it does. Best wishes to you. Peter
The Pulitzer Prize of the Cookbook World — The IACP/Seagram’s Awards By 1987, what had begun as the Tastemaker Awards honoring outstanding cookbooks and culinary professionals had evolved into the International Association of Culinary Professionals (IACP)/Seagram’s Awards. Considered the Academy Award or Pulitzer Prize of the cookbook world, it was the only award of its kind at the time. Just to be nominated in any of the 13 categories was considered a great honor for any author. One day we were informed that Lord Krishna’s Cuisine had been nominated in the Asian cookbook category. Everyone involved in the massive cookbook endeavor felt a sense of accomplishment and was delighted for Yamuna devi. As a first-time author writing about a then unheralded culinary tradition in the West, it was a privilege just to have been nominated.
Yogesvara das: Among the books nominated in the Asian cooking category was Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. We were going crazy, thinking, “If it’s nominated for best cookbook in the Asian cookbook category, that’s fantastic; we’re so lucky just to have been nominated.” The Award Ceremony took place on April 5, 1988, in the Seagram’s Building in New York. Each circular table was filled with the nominees, agents, publishers and other prominent professionals in the culinary field. Among the nominees that year were some of the most famous chefs in the world—Jacques Pepin, Craig Claiborne, Pierre Franey and Julia Child, among others. Yogesvara das: We show up at the Sea-gram’s Building and go into the hall, where these very august chefs were all there to find out who won the best cookbooks of the year. That year
we were sure nothing was going to happen [for us] because the best chefs in the world had all published books. When the President of the IACP stood at the podium to announce the nominees and winners in each category, the first thing he said was, “Well, this year we have some surprises.” I don’t think that any of us at our table thought for a moment that this might refer to Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. The nominees in each of the 13 categories were then announced, followed by that category’s winning cookbook. When Lord Krishna’s Cuisine was selected as the winner in the Asian category, our table virtually erupted in ecstatic applause. Yamuna very graciously accepted the plaque at the lectern, thanking everyone for their votes and support. Of course, everyone was anxiously waiting for the Book of the Year Award to be announced. Chosen from among the winners of the thirteen categories, it was the jewel in the crown award that everyone coveted. Yogesvara das: The President of the IACP then gets up to the dais and says, “This year we have another surprise. For the first time in our history we are awarding our best Cookbook of the Year Award to a non-Western cuisine.” We were looking at each other [questioningly]. He says, “The winner of the Book of the Year goes to Lord Krishna’s….” That’s as far as he got. We began screaming like banshees at that point…. Yamuna then graciously floats up, tears streaming down her face. She’s up there shaking, receiving this Award and thanking Prabhupada, thanking Krishna, thanking everybody. We were looking around, and there’s Julia Child, Jacques Pepin, Pierre Franey looking at each other like, “What world have we just entered?” We literally went screaming and dancing down Park Avenue chanting “Haribol! Haribol!”
After the Book of the Year Award was announced, virtually every news organization used the phrase “surprise winner” in their coverage. One of the judges, Iris Bailin of the Cleveland Plain Dealer, eloquently expressed her reasoning in an article on April 27: When the large cardboard box arrived at the food department, I knew I was in trouble. A couple of weeks earlier, I had agreed to be a judge for the IACP/Seagram’s Awards for the best food and drink books of 1987…. Well, it’s an honor, I thought. It’s not often one shares a panel with food writers like Mimi Sheraton, Florence Fabricant and Phyllis Richman. I’m glad I didn’t have to test recipes from the bad books; there were some real losers in there. But some were quite appealing. And when I started leafing through Yamuna Devi’s Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking, I knew I had a rare book in my hands. Here, slightly paraphrased, is what I wrote in my notes: “An astounding book, extraordinary for its depth, precision and complexity. It has everything I look for in a great cookbook. A personal voice. Respect for its subject. A sense of a cuisine and the people who cook it. It adds something new to the literature and stimulates me mentally and sensually. I couldn’t wait to try the recipes and—hurrah—they work! Instructions are detailed. The section on panir is amazing, and I’ve never seen such thorough directions for making ghee, dal (legumes) and buying and preparing rice.” I knew this was a special book. I knew it had a chance to win the Asian category (I wasn’t the only judge). But when I learned it had been named the best Book of the Year, I was shocked and delighted. This was, after all, a highly specialized volume with presumably limited appeal. It didn’t even have pretty pictures. It’s nice to know that sometimes excellence beats out pizzazz. —IRIS BAILIN, CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER, APR. 27, 1988
Some of the other judges mentioned the book’s scholarship and attention to detail, while others noted its unique voice and “presentation of its thesis.” Each year hundreds of cookbooks are published by large and small publishing houses. This year, 200 books were nominated to compete in 13 categories, the most cookbooks to be judged since the competition began 12 years ago as the Tastemaker Awards. Each category was judged by three judges in different cities, none knowing who the others were. Books were sent to judges’ homes along with scoring questionnaires. Some categories were large…. Winning “Best of the Year” was Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking by Yamuna Devi. “It had to do with scholarship and the detail of the book,” says Jan Weimer of Bon Appetit magazine and member of the awards committee. “In the past there have been some who have won no less for their pictures than this book has won because it didn’t have any.” The meticulous careful work of this book and the presentation of its thesis and development of its concept is “what done it.” —SACRAMENTO BEE, APR. 20, 1988 Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking, an 800-page masterwork by Yamuna Devi, has won the annual International Association of Culinary Professionals (IACP)/Seagram’s Food and Beverage Book Award for 1987. The voting for Book of the Year took place in New York City on March 10, and results were made public at a breakfast on April 5. Donald Schrader, chairman of the awards committee, called Devi’s cookbook “a breakthrough that will make American people sit up and take notice,” and compared its publication to that of Julia Child’s, The Art of French Cooking 20 years ago. Lord Krishna’s Cuisine: The Art of Indian Vegetarian Cooking was also named best book in the Asian category and was the first book from that category in the history of the Awards to win Book of the Year. “Judges were obviously impressed with the extraordinary depth of investigation and research,” said Schrader. “We’ve been presented with an astronomical amount of meaning in an area that hasn’t received
widespread attention in this country. Not only that but the recipes are easy to follow, they work, and the results taste good.” —COOK’S MAGAZINE, MAY/JUNE 1988
An 800-page book on Indian vegetarian cuisine? Sounds like something that would appeal to very few, but instead Reston resident Yamuna Devi’s work, issued last year by Dutton, cleaned up at the recent national cookbook awards. Named Book of the Year by the IACP, Lord Krishna’s Cuisine beat out efforts by Craig Claiborne, Jacques Pepin and Barbara Kafka, among others, and set the cookbook world astir. It’s the first time a non-Western book, a vegetarian book or a first-time author has won the top award. The book is not only a work of scholarship, it’s also workable. You can actually cook from it. Devi was as surprised as anybody at the awards ceremony. —WASHINGTONIAN MAGAZINE, JUNE 1988
The cornerstone to Devi’s successful translation of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine to the American dinner plate has been her own true immersion and spiritual training within the Indian culinary context. “The Vedic axiom Annam Brahma, or Food is God, never leaves the mind of a Vaishnava cook,” Devi writes, and this expresses her underlying philosophy concisely. Thank God for gurus who like to cook. And praise the Lord for cooks who write their autobiography in recipes…. On a technical level and in reference to the plethora of competition, Devi’s book is unquestionably excellent, even breathtakingly impressive…. With so much finesse and workmanship underpinning it, it’s not surprising Lord Krishna’s Cuisine took a double first place in the 1987 Best Cookbook and Best Asian Cookbook in a competition with 200 entries, co-sponsored by the IACP and Seagram & Sons. It was deservedly billed “the Taj Mahal of cookbooks” by one journalist. And its timeliness is certainly commendable. “Every cookbook author must feel that there is something unique in his or her work that justifies the effort of producing it,” comments Devi. What is unique in Devi’s presentation is the implicit embodiment of a vital holism about food and spirit, spiritual practice and eating. Both are daily and unending, certainly for the Hindu or Vaishnavite. We are equally fortunate that Devi isn’t evangelical or messianic about her food philosophy. Her ambiance is light, almost detached, as she demonstrates in word and in the way she lays out the instructions for “Lavish Rice and Mung Dal Bunchi Kitchari:” “India’s culinary heritage is a spiritual light…. Looking back I could never have imagined the treasure of transcendental philosophy, music, art and cuisine that awaited me,” Devi writes. —RICHARD LEVITON, SMALL PRESS JOURNAL (CANADA), OCT. 1988
In reviewing the two large three-ring binders of clippings on interviews Yamuna gave over the next years during book tours, cooking demonstrations, by phone or on television, it is telling to see how she openly and unabashedly honored Srila Prabhupada as her Guru and Krishna as the Supreme Lord. Her demeanor was so warm and unaffected that when she spoke of her spirituality, they somehow felt her depth of sincerity and were disarmed by her, even though they likely held contrary views. This was characteristic of Yamuna’s presentation of Krishna bhakti throughout her life. Because it was integral to her sense of self, she was able to present it naturally and appealingly, leaving her audiences charmed and wanting to know more.
A Close Encounter with the Restaurant Business In the interim between working on Lord Krishna’s Cuisine and its publication, Yamuna and I moved into a small apartment on New York’s Upper East Side. She had been encouraged by the local ISKCON guru to open a prasadam restaurant, something Yamuna had considered before. To test the feasibility of such an undertaking in New York City, we attended a two-day seminar given by a famous restaurant consultant entitled “So You Want to Open a Restaurant.” We should have been alerted by the somewhat negative connotation of the title itself, but we went—filled with hopes of creating a five-star restaurant featuring Yamuna’s recipes offered to the Lord. Unfortunately, the speaker, addressing a room full of similarly hopeful restaurateurs, opened her seminar by saying, “If I am successful leading this two-day seminar, you will all leave here and not open a restaurant.” She then proceeded to hammer us with distressing statistics, such as the fact that 90% of New York restaurants fail within the first year, and the even more distressing reality of giving bribes to “Vinnie and the boys” at the back door if you wanted your garbage picked up or your utilities to work. I don’t know about the others, but Yamuna and I left the seminar convinced by her arguments. When the cookbook was published and Yamuna began giving interviews, The Journal came to our small New York apartment, and their subsequent article featured pictures of Radha-Banabehari with Yamuna sitting next to Them. Yamuna had built beautiful floor-to-ceiling hidden shelving upholstered in white from a do-it-yourself manual, and publicity stills taken of her next to the shelving were later used on book tours and promotional events.
Unfortunately, by then we were again faced with the reality that New York City’s high cost of living, along with the debt burden we still carried, meant we were again forced to move. By the time Lord Krishna’s Cuisine won the IACP/Seagram’s Award, we had settled in Reston, Virginia, just outside of Washington DC.
Yamuna and the Media — “I am Simply Giving What My Guru Taught Me” Initially Yamuna devi and I chose the Virginia suburbs of Washington DC to work with our Godbrother Garuda das’s Institute for Vaishnava Studies (IVS). While on a pilgrimage to India, we had met devotees in Kolkata from the IVS who were translating Vaishnava literatures, and Yamuna was intrigued and appreciated their valuable service. Because of her immersion into the prayers of the Vaishnava Acharyas, Yamuna often expressed a desire to more fully understand our Vaishnava history and lineage, and this seemed like a good opportunity. However, when Lord Krishna’s Cuisine won the Book of the Year Award, popular interest in her unique approach to the culinary arts as a spiritual discipline created an opportunity for her to reach a wide audience through the mainstream press. It was an opportunity not to be missed, and with her usual meticulous preparation, dedication and charm, she immersed herself in spreading the glories of Krishna, Srila Prabhupada and vegetarianism. In addition to her interviews, cooking demonstrations, book tours and promotional events, Yamuna became a food writer for such august media as The Washington Post, which syndicated her articles in newspapers around the country, Bon Appetit magazine, Cook’s magazine, the Vegetarian Times and the Herb Companion. I was stunned during one of her phone interviews with a famous radio “shock jock” where he repeatedly tried to divert the conversation to Yamuna’s relationship with the Beatles—possibly in an attempt to elicit some salacious tidbit from her. Yamuna, unruffled, smoothly returned to the message of the cookbook. When he asked why she would undertake such a massive and obscure task (I am paraphrasing; his words were more graphic and disrespectful), Yamuna calmly replied, “I am simply giving [in the book] what my Guru taught me.” That brought the interview to a quick and merciful closure. Yamuna’s determination to honor Srila Prabhu-pada at every step never wavered, never faltered, never changed during her lifetime. And to the end, the desire to again have his personal association remained her aspiration—a goal she expressed repeatedly: I pray that one day in the future I may see you face to face again. This vision may be many lifetimes in front of me, but I do not see any other goal worth achieving, however slow or difficult or impossible this task may seem from my fallen position. There is nothing else more appealing. Please bless me with the perseverance to continue on the path to meet you.
CHAPTER 12 Full Immersion in the Nectarean Ocean 1990’s
“Yamuna’s Table” on Cherry Hill Lane — Washington DC — 1990–1993 AS YAMUNA’S REPUTATION continued to grow with her expansion into food writing, she traveled throughout the country to book signings, cooking demonstrations, promotional events and interviews. Meanwhile, I had taken a job at a large intellectual property law firm in Washington. Unfortunately, from our Reston ashram my commute took three hours daily, so in 1990 we purchased a small townhouse on Cherry Hill Lane in Georgetown, a short twenty minutes from my workplace. Although small, it was architecturally unique, with three levels and floor-to-ceiling windows on its front side, giving it a much larger and brighter aspect. It also allowed for the temple room to occupy one entire floor. Yamuna set about her usual ambitious interior design work, covering sofas, pillows, futons and mats with a distinctive pattern continuous throughout the ashram. The result was stunning. Those who knew Yamuna also knew of her penchant for redesigning spaces. Wherever we lived, whether humble or grand, she changed the configuration of the ashram many times. “Doesn’t this look better?” she would say. “It looked perfect before you changed it,” I would reply.
An East-Meets-West Concept for a Cookbook Once an author’s book receives great recognition and/or sales, a publisher will strongly encourage them to immediately begin another. Yamuna was well aware that some of the hard-to-find ingredients and lengthy procedures in Lord Krishna’s Cuisine made it difficult for busy people to regularly cook from it. She decided that she would write a cookbook integrating Indian vegetarian cuisine with the healthy spa cuisine being popularized in America and create an East-meets-West fusion utilizing readily available ingredients and recipes that were lighter and easier to cook.
Just as she had done with Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, Yamuna embarked on the Yamuna’s Table cookbook with meticulous research and preparation, coming up with unlikely food combinations and cooking innovations such as using olive oil sprays and baking instead of deep-frying which not only met all the above criteria, but were delicious as well.
A Weighty Issue As Lord Krishna’s Cuisine was important to Yamuna for its presentation of cooking as an act of devotion, the creation of Yamuna’s Table, while also an act of devotion, was very personal for Yamuna for another reason. She had battled with her own fluctuating weight issues for as long as she could remember. Even with daily exercise and eating birdlike portions, she seemed to gain weight, and Yamuna’s Table provided a medium to further explore low-fat alternatives to high-fat vegetarian staples. In 1991 Yamuna under-went a battery of tests at George Washington University Hospital and was told she had hypothyroidism which caused her metabolism to be sluggish. At the time, the treatment options (mainly pharmacological) were unacceptable to Yamuna, so in Yamuna’s Table she created unique recipes to showcase low-fat, healthy, Indian-inspired vegetarian cuisine which was both delicious and elegant. Unfortunately, during the tests doctors found a precancerous condition as well, and Yamuna underwent major surgery which took her months to fully recover from. This discouraged her from seeking allopathic solutions for health issues in her life. Although Yamuna tried a myriad of herbs, medicines, diets and other solutions, she was never able to resolve her metabolic issues although she remained active and full of stamina until the last few years of her life.
Yamuna Promotes the Release of “Lord Krishna” in the United Kingdom There is a picture of Yamuna standing in front of Foyles’ Bookstore in London with the English edition of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine featured in the window. When the six American devotees first came to England in 1968, Foyles, a London fixture since 1903, was touted as the world’s largest bookstore. During their difficult first months in England, Yamuna would often spend time there, so when she arrived in November 1991 to promote the cookbook, she was very pleased to see it so prominently displayed in a bookstore that held poignant memories of her early years in England.
Yamuna: During those first months when the six of us were spread out all over London with no money and not knowing how we would preach or even live, Janaki and I would spend hours in Foyles’ Bookstore on Charing Cross Road reading about England, about India, about Krishna, about Indian vegetarian cooking, or anything to do with Vaishnavism. We passed many peaceful hours there, and it gave me a deeper understanding of the English people. I can’t say for certain, but maybe this helped in later preaching efforts. Now, 23 years later, Yamuna again revisited Foyles, but this time hers was one of the featured books. After two weeks of promotional interviews and book signings, as well as reconnecting with valued devotee friends, she returned to Banabehari’s ashram in Washington to resume her newspaper and magazine writing commitments and her work on Yamuna’s Table.
The Highly Anticipated “Yamuna” is Released in 1992
Unlike Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, which took over ten years to write, Yamuna’s Table: Healthful Vegetarian Cuisine Inspired by the Flavors of India, was completed in just over two years. For Yamuna, with her other writing and promotional commitments and her instinctive meticulousness, this was unprecedented. Because her first book had won the highest cookbook honor in the world, Yamuna’s second book was highly anticipated, and it did not disappoint. Reviewers were amazed at the healthy yet intricate combinations, ease-of-use, and low-fat alternatives. Some of their comments are included here: Renewed interest in vegetarian cooking is spawning new cookbooks. Few, however are as exciting or original as this one by Devi, who highlights “a personal cuisine inspired by many traditions, best characterized by ease of preparation and lightness; simple, elegant food with its own unique esprit.” While most noticeably influenced by Indian cuisine, with its depth of style and tastes nearly as broad as the country itself, Devi departs from the use of ghee and the deep-fat
frying that is popular in Indian food, delivering recipes enriched by spices and yet adeptly lightened…. Avid cooks (and cookbook readers) will be intrigued by Devi’s suggestions for seasoning blends, vegetable and fruit-infused oils and her use of olive oil sprays…. —PUBLISHERS WEEKLY, JULY 20, 1992 Oh bless Yamuna Devi! She is sugar and spice and everything tasty and vegetarian made easy to cook. Devi authored the award-winning Lord Krishna’s Cuisine in 1988 and brings us now Yamuna’s Table. It takes exotic recipes right into the easy-to-do category. Best of all, it offers authentic Indian dishes you can make without scouring eleven neighborhoods to find tiny tucked-away Indian spice shops. This is heaven to vegetarians with Indian tastes, some of whom swear they have to fly to London, at least, to load up on necessary Indian ingredients. And easy-to-find and easy-to-cook doesn’t mean boring. Oh not for a second! … Devi has tailored Indian recipes for health and nutrition so her foods are lighter, using less oil and fat and more fresh vegetables. Again, thank you, Yamuna. —BODY, MIND, SPIRIT MAGAZINE, OCT. 1992
There’s something a bit breathtaking about opening the still unbound galleys of a new cookbook by an author like Yamuna Devi. After all, her previous book, Lord Krishna’s Cuisine won the IACP/Seagram’s Award for Best Cookbook of 1987. It was the first cookbook featuring either vegetarian or non-Western cuisine to win this prestigious award. As I leafed through the pages of Yamuna’s Table, I couldn’t help but wonder could she do it again? Realistically, of course, the chance of an author taking the IACP award twice is nearly nil. But by my estimation, she ought to be in the running. Devi calls her new book a “flavor journey,” and indeed it is. She uses a wide range of ingredients, combining Indian and Western ingredients and techniques. Many of the recipes are adaptations of traditional Indian dishes that reflect current eating standards…. Other recipes have no apparent Indian influence, but are simply imaginative and sophisticated creations. In contrast to Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, the recipes in Yamuna’s Table are commendably low in fat…. I was impressed by the quality and quantity of salad recipes in Yamuna’s Table … Devi’s entrees cover the broadest range of all. Most of the 200 recipes are short, simple and easy to follow. This book is a unique collection of recipes from a highly
innovative cook. If you already have a large collection of vegetarian cookbooks and are looking for fresh, elegant, original ideas, you’ll find them in Yamuna’s Table. —VEGETARIAN TIMES, OCTOBER 1992
When Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, a massive work on Indian vegetarian cooking, won the 1987 IACP Cookbook of the Year award, it created a sensation. Never before had a book on non-Western cuisine been so honored and rarely had so many food processionals been so impressed by and so personally taken with a first-time author. Now for Yamuna Devi’s readers, and for cooks everywhere who seek light, lively and creative meatless cooking, there is good news indeed: the publication of Yamuna’s Table: Healthful Vegetarian Cuisine Inspired by the Flavors of India. Filled with intriguingly seasoned food, inspired by—but not limited to—that of India, Yamuna’s Table is a personal work, a collection of mouth-watering recipes and ground breaking techniques. “My own approach to cooking,” says Yamuna, “is constantly evolving, influenced by people, travel and working in many kitchens.” The evolutionary approach has been full realized in Yamuna’s Table in which a dish is as likely to be seasoned with ancho chilies as by ginger, as likely to include cranberries as lentils, as likely to be accompanied by a salsa as by a chutney. “As you cook with this book,” Yamuna notes, “you will begin a flavor journey. If you experiment with these dishes on a daily basis and use them as inspiration for our own creations, you may enjoy a diet transformation, one that enlivens the quality of your life. Your palate may never be the same again.” Spices and flavorings are combined according to the ancient Indian philosophy of Ayurveda—the yoga of herbs—pleasing the palate and promoting well-being and good health through “right usage” and “right combinations.” Like Indian cuisine, Yamuna’s food is rarely as fiery as its reputation might lead one to expect. Yamuna’s method of seasoning dishes with a spritz of flavorful extra virgin olive oil, cumin or beet infused oil just before serving is remarkable. The flavors fairly explode on the tongue while fats are reduced or omitted and the kitchen time is minimized…. Yamuna’s Table, a book on original and sophisticated food by a creative kitchen master, is an excitingly contemporary work firmly grounded in ancient tradition pairing good food with good health…. —BOSTON GLOBE, DEC. 9, 1992
The public relations firm hired by the publisher, E.P. Dutton, sent Yamuna on another whirlwind promotional tour. Yamuna kept copies of the extensive schedule of interviews, demonstrations and book signings for Yamuna’s Table in her files. She traveled to New York, New Jersey, Cleveland, St. Louis, Chicago, Las Vegas, Phoenix, Los Angeles, San Diego, San Francisco, Portland and Seattle, and there were often up to five promotional events in each city. In addition, Yamuna taught cooking classes at New York’s New School, the Omega Institute in upstate New York, De Gustibus at Macy’s, and many other venues. One interviewer described meeting with Yamuna in Cleveland: Any nearby visitor lingering over lees of a late afternoon tea would have to strain to hear Yamuna Devi talk about the Beatles. In the Lobby Lounge of the Ritz-Carlton, Devi’s soft voice, crocheted shawl and pearls are no more out of place than Miss Marple’s would be though it’s doubtful the Agatha Christie heroine would have hung around Apple Records in London with her friends, bringing an apple dish every day for three weeks until the Fab Four were intrigued enough to invite them in. Though it’s tempting to ask about making macaroni and cheese for John and Yoko … that’s not really what we’re here to discuss. We’re talking about learning to appreciate the vegetarian way of eating, a conversation Devi came to as an adult, similar to her transformation from Joan Campanella of Oregon to Yamuna Devi, a devotee of and an authority on Indian vegetarian cooking. Her latest cookbook, Yamuna’s Table, is as equally persuasive as her award-winning 1987 book Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. Both are replete with recipes as well rounded and satisfying as any four-food group dinner. —CLEVELAND PLAIN DEALER, DEC. 9, 1992
“Yamuna’s Table” Wins the James Beard Award The James Beard Foundation began giving its prestigious awards in 1991, honoring not only cookbook authors, but chefs, restaurants and food journalists. Ironically, the IACP’s award of Book of the Year to Lord Krishna’s Cuisine in 1988 had created so much controversy among the culinary establishment that they not only snubbed Yamuna’s Table in 1992, but subsequently created a new category for first-time authors. However, the Beard Foundation not only nominated Yamuna’s Table in the International Cookbook category, but it won the Award as well. Yamuna wore a sari to the Awards Ceremony on May 3, 1993 and again humbly thanked Srila Prabhupada as her principal inspiration.
The fact that Yamuna devi so openly represented Srila Prabhupada and her Vaishnava theology within the context of the mainly meat-oriented, spiritually-intolerant food world of the
time reveals much about who Yamuna was. It took great courage to field challenging or cynical questions in interviews with such poise, graciousness and conviction as she did. It would have been easy to focus on the Beatles, on her Maharaja friends or other aspects of her life which piqued the interest of our fame-obsessed society. Yet she had an uncanny ability to bring a conversation back to Srila Prabhupada and what she had imbibed from him. For Yamuna, recognition in the food world represented an opportunity to glorify Srila Prabhupada through the medium of cooking. And when she felt it digressing into something mundane, she lost interest and sought out other services.
Yamuna’s Disillusion with the Food World – “It Has Become Something Mundane”
By late 1993, I had worked at the Washington law firm for five years; and racing off to work after the morning program while finishing my japa meditation on trains and buses had taken a toll on my spiritual life. At the same time Yamuna had grown tired and disillusioned by the food world. What began as a wonderful opportunity for preaching now appeared mundane to her. On a teaching trip to New York in August, Yamuna wrote to me: I am tired and just want to sit and chant in front of the Deities. The teaching is going well, but everyone just wants to hear about the Beatles and George Harrison. I think I am ready for another direction because I feel my consciousness becoming affected—and not in a good way. This has become something mundane and no longer “positive attachment to the positive form.” —LETTER TO DINATARINI, AUG. 1993
Yamuna was always honest about the possible adverse effects of fame and distinction on her consciousness. Wherever she went or whatever she did seemed to attract intense interest. When people speak of a person’s having the charisma to become the center of focus in any gathering, Yamuna was one of those people. There was just this ineffable quality about Yamuna which drew others to her; something she was unaware of except where it impacted her Krishna Consciousness. How many of us could walk away from offers of recording contracts from George Harrison because it might interfere with our spiritual practice? For Yamuna it was an easy decision. In the same way, when she felt that her commitments in the food world began to encroach on her Krishna Conscious practice, she was willing to walk away from it all. Yamuna was all about “total immersion” in the process of bhakti. It was the axis around which her life revolved.
Back to Godhead and “Lord Krishna’s Cuisine” In 1991 Yamuna began writing a Lord Krishna’s Cuisine column for Back to Godhead magazine. Conceived of and written by Visakha devi from 1982, Yamuna took on the service until 1998. Surprisingly, although she had written cookbooks and articles for newspapers and magazines for years, Yamuna felt unqualified in writing for Back to Godhead. Yamuna: From the beginning I felt unqualified to write the column. Though at the time I had been teaching spiritual cooking for years, had written national magazine articles and two cookbooks, and was a special food writer for the Washington Post, I viewed these qualifications as insignificant for this task. Back to Godhead is Srila Prabhupada’s magazine dedicated to uplifting and spiritualizing humanity and to write for it requires a different acumen. From the onset I turned to prayer, and have kept doing so. Although I have infrequently included excerpts from these articles in this book, they are a rich source of illumination on how Yamuna taught the culinary arts as a means of loving service to Guru and Krishna.
A Long Pilgrimage in India 1993 – 1994 By the end of 1993, Yamuna and I were both looking forward to the spiritual invigoration a long pilgrimage to India would provide. We had decided to sell our Georgetown townhouse, and though our broker assured us it would take six to twelve months to sell, we sold it within three days to a member of President Reagan’s Secret Service detail. Unfortunately, we had been counting on those six to twelve months to wind-up our commitments and had to temporarily move our ashram to a suburban apartment in Virginia.
On December 13, 1993, we finally left for India on a five-month pilgrimage. Yamuna had several objectives planned for the trip. She wanted to become spiritually surcharged in the holy dhamas; she wanted to interview Prabhupada’s disciples still residing or visiting India for her memoir, she wanted to study more temple cooking practices, and she wanted to study Vaishnava music. During the pilgrimage we spent time in Mumbai, Mangalore, Udupi, Vrindavan, Jaipur, Udaipur, New Delhi, Mayapur, Jagannatha Puri and Mussoorie. Throughout the pilgrimage she also recorded her often humorous observations of daily life in India.
Mumbai — December 15, 1993 Yamuna: Finally we arrived in Bombay and going through customs was rather uneventful after all the trouble in London with the customs. We had prepaid the taxi and as he pulled up, he blew his engine and a black blob of soot literally splat onto my dress, my socks and my new silk purse. And then they tied our luggage on with what appeared to be twine and cord; we were certain it would fly out all over the streets of Bombay. When we got to the temple, there was a very nice reception from Giriraja Swami’s female disciple, Vishaka Priya. We had a wonderful mangal arati, but then there was this curious sound—an auto rickshaw outside playing “Jingle Bells” and “Santa Claus is Coming to Town.” Although we were in Mumbai for a short time, the women students of Giriraja Swami were especially nice and attentive. Yamuna commented on their sincere service mood: Yamuna: Giriraja Swami’s students are very nice; they’ve been taking wonderful care of us. Up in Prabhupada’s room at 5:30 AM in the afternoon, we had a nice kirtan and Prabhupada katha lasting until 8 PM at night. We also had the maha prasadam of the Deity from lunch—[it was] so pleasant. Nama Cintamani devi: Mother Yamuna did not think that she was worthy of any service or worship. One really had to beg to do some menial service for her. And if one ever got a chance to do even some small service, she would not forget and would reciprocate by giving some small token of appreciation…. I asked if I could prepare some prasadam for their journey [to Mangalore], and she asked if I could make some theplas. I asked her if she could give me a recipe I could follow, but she waved me off, saying that I would be able to make them without one…. When I offered them to her she accepted them very gratefully—thankfully and with a kind loving smile. Later when she was leaving, she turned around and gave me a warm, loving, and motherly hug. She made me feel so special, though I felt that I didn’t deserve it. She was such an elevated devotee, a disciple of Srila Prabhupada, but she still extended herself to me out of her natural love and also out of her love for my guru maharaja, Giriraja Swami…. Later I received a note from Mothers Yamuna and Dinatarini thanking me for the theplas and stating that they liked them!
Yamuna: Some observations on Hare Krishna Land—Srila Prabhupada’s presence is very strongly felt here. We were appreciating being dependent on devotees and having exchanges
that make us indebted to each other and fond of each other. This is what Prabhupada wanted in his centers, and thus far we are finding here in Bombay nothing but pleasant dealings. We will be leaving tomorrow morning at 11 AM for Mangalore to begin another leg of the adventure, but will miss the beautiful Bengali kirtans and wonderful devotee association.
Mangalore and Udupi Yamuna: We flew on one of the new startup Indian airlines to Mangalore on December 19, and it was memorable for all the wrong reasons. As soon as we reached altitude, the stewardess passed out plastic cups to anyone who wanted one, and then spent the rest of the flight walking up and down the aisles with giant beer bottles in each hand refilling the cups again and again. By the time we arrived in Mangalore, half the passengers were drunk and raucous. When the luggage was thrown onto an outside carousel, they dove over each other like they were in a rugby scrum. Culturally, things have changed so much since I came in 1970—it is sad to witness. One lesson learned—not to take any more flights in India on this pilgrimage.
Yamuna in South India
Vrindavan Reflections Yamuna was stunned at the changes in Vrindavan’s landscape since her last visit and frequently commented on them. Determined to interview devotees who were present in the early 70’s, she carried her recorder everywhere, and portions of those interviews are featured in earlier chapters of this book. Yet her own recorded impressions and reflections, spoken as we rode in a rickshaw or sat on the banks of the Yamuna, are equally poignant and revealing: Yamuna: Now we are heading down towards Dauji temple and the Punjab National Bank
where Prabhu-pada had all of his banking done. Millions of monkeys are hanging everywhere waiting to steal anything in sight—clothes, bags. I am hiding this tape recorder so they don’t grab it out of my hand, and Dina is trying to save her glasses. Keshi Ghat. I can’t even recognize that this is the Keshi Ghat I once knew. It is in complete disrepair. I used to sit on the third step down here, and the river was flowing briskly; now it is just a trickle of a river in the distance. You can’t go inside of Keshi Ghat itself anymore. The building is literally falling apart. Seva Kunj. I have just come to Seva Kunj; it has changed so much. I realized that you can’t go to Vrindavan and see Vrindavan. You have to go Vrin-davan and have Vrindavan revealed to you.
On this pilgrimage, Yamuna and I stayed in the ISKCON guesthouse. Each morning we studied Vaishnava music from a teacher working at the gurukula and afternoons were spent on pilgrimage, attending classes or interviewing devotees. Yamuna was happy to see that Giriraja Swami and Tamal Krishna Goswami were in Vrindavan, and we attended their VIHE classes on the Nectar of Devotion. Yamuna was asked to assist in updating the Deity kitchen menus and also Srila Prabhupada’s quarters: Yamuna: I am observing the world of Vrindavan through my little portable kitchen. The chipmunks are racing up and down the screens outside the window and monkeys are bothering the painters and knocking over ladders in Srila Prabhupada’s courtyard garden. A very nice devotee is in charge of Prabhupada’s quarters. I went with him through all of the glass cases and pointed out what was what of Srila Prabhupada’s and what wasn’t. He’s a sincere man and has a big job. Although he said that there are politics involved in getting things done here, he is very dedicated in trying to turn Prabhupada’s quarters from a museum back into rooms so Prabhupada can come and stay here—not come stay in a museum.
Jaipur, Udaipur and a Special Darshan at Nathdwara with B. G. Sharma Our Washington DC friend Henry Schoellkopf arrived the second week of January to take Yamuna and me to Jaipur, Udaipur and Nathdwara in Rajasthan. A gentle-hearted soul from a prominent family (his ancestors built the first hydro-electric power plant at Niagara Falls), Henry, an avid B. G. Sharma painting collector, wanted us to meet the famed artist in Udaipur. Each morning during our stay in Jaipur, as the gates opened at the Govindaji temple, shouting Haribol! Haribol!, we joyfully ran with hundreds of other worshipers to attend mangal arati before Radha-Govindaji, the first time Yamuna had had Their darshan since 1974. We then traveled on to Udaipur, an astonishingly beautiful city set amidst a panorama of lakes, hills and the gravity-defying royal palaces of the Mewars. It is impossible not to be awed by the setting—the robin’s egg blue houses of brahmanas, colorful pichwai paintings, carved stone frescoes, intricate marble inlay work, and the blindingly bright textiles all drew the eyes and senses. B. G. Sharma’s residence also housed a museum of his paintings on the ground floor. His family lived on the upper floors and although he was then 70 years old, he still painted for upwards of twelve hours a day. Yamuna was fascinated to watch him paint his exquisite miniatures with a special brush made from one hair of a squirrel’s tail. A humble and unpretentious man, he made a point of telling us how the squirrels were humanely caught, a few hairs extracted, and then again released after being given prasadam. Nathdwara or “the Gateway of Srinathji,” built around Madhavendra Puri’s Gopal Deity, is also the home of hundreds of artists famous for their colorful pichwais and miniatures. Yamuna had long wanted to take darshan of the Deity and B. G. Sharma graciously offered to escort and host us. This proved to be memorable beyond any expectations. Not only had he been born in Nathdwara of well-known artist parents, he was considered an artist laureate himself and was received with honor by all of the temple authorities. We were given a lengthy, special darshan of Srinathji, shown His jewels and sringar, His extensive gold and silver “toys,” and given special maha prasadam, all because we came with Mr. Sharma. As usual, Yamuna made her way towards the kitchens, a long list of questions to ask about cooking and offering procedures in her hand, but the temple authorities drew the line at allowing a woman into their kitchens. This was simply not done. Still, it was an unforgettable experience and we all left feeling blessed.
Yamuna and Henry in Jaipur
Henry and Yamuna in Jaipur
Mayapur While Yamuna’s reflections spoken into her little recorder are interesting and sometimes humorous, they were only intended as exercises in observation and encompassed everything from watching a man bathe from a spigot at a train station to the hijinks of monkeys. Excerpts from some of them will be included on the web page accompanying this book as they give insight into Yamuna’s joie de vivre such as her enthusiasm and joy in seeing the Lord’s energies—“Dina! Come now! You have to see Krishna’s amazing sunset!” We returned to Vrindavan and remained for almost a month. There are a series of wonderful photographs of Yamuna at Vrindavan’s sacred places. She spent many hours at Radha-Damodara Mandir, sitting on Srila Prabhupada’s veranda or before the samadhi of Rupa Goswami. She visited Vrajavasis she had served in the 70’s such as Bhavatarini, Pishima’s dear friend who still lived in Imli Tala, and O. B. L. Kapoor. We finally left for Mayapur on February
16 with Yamuna both reluctant to leave and looking forward to Mayapur and then Puri. In Mayapur, Yamuna was immediately impressed with the prasadam distribution efforts. Although we could have made other arrangements, she chose to honor the mass distribution prasadam each day so she could write a Back to Godhead article about the experience. Devotees efficiently served preparations on leaf plates to over 600 people using rolling buckets. Yamuna: I met with the cooks making delicious and subtle dishes in boat-sized karais using boat-sized paddles. I could never do what they do on a daily basis. It was just amazing. At least nine dishes were served including one or two sweets and all of them were not too hot or spicy. All glories to the Mayapur cooks! Yamuna was nicely received by Trivikrama Swami, who she had served with in London, and given a tour of Prabhupada’s nearly completed pushpa samadhi. He told an interesting story about how he had once approached Srila Prabhupada “man-to-man” at John Lennon’s estate to complain about Yamuna. After he had detailed his charges against her, Srila Prabhupada looked at him with a half-smile and said, “Yes, but she cooks so nicely.” Feeling that Srila Prabhupada had not heard him properly, he again reiterated his charges against Yamuna to which Srila Prabhupada again said, “Yes, but she cooks so nicely.” This happened a third time with the same result. Finally Trivikrama Swami said he understood that Srila Prabhupada was gently teaching him not to criticize devotees. Yamuna was amused by the story as she had not heard it before. Trivikrama Swami invited us to visit Poland when we left India, and Yamuna graciously declined as our funds were limited. Although he mentioned something about a devotee in England making financial arrangements so we could come, invitations which did not pan out had occurred before, and neither of us thought any more about it.
After nearly two weeks in Mayapur, we prepared to leave one morning after mangal arati for Calcutta and Jagannatha Puri. A few leaders had requested Yamuna to chant the mangal arati prayers before the Deities, something a woman had not done in ISKCON’s temple there. For her own reasons Yamuna had been uncomfortable with leading kirtan for many years, but she reluctantly agreed—blissfully unaware of any potential controversy over a woman leading arati. Immediately following the arati, we were whisked away in our already-packed taxi to Calcutta,
only to find out later the firestorm of controversy her leading arati had brought about. Yamuna later reflected on the episode: “Every day they hear my voice in the temple (on the Govindam recording). What is the difference if I chant while physically present?”
Jagannatha Puri Like many pilgrims from the West, Yamuna and I were initially shocked at the prejudicial attitude of many residents of Puri to Caucasians. Because we were not allowed into the Jagannatha Mandir, we were often treated rudely or dismissively. Yet Yamuna was determined to somehow ingratiate herself with the pandas in charge of Lord Jagannatha’s massive kitchens. She had previously researched their procedures for worship and bhoga offerings—how Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur had standardized them, how Srila Prabhupada said they could serve 10,000 people on two hours’ notice, how they cooked in stacked, clay pots used only once—and she was fascinated. Somehow Lord Jagannatha would provide, she affirmed, and then she could share her findings with others by writing about them. Each day she would ask respected gentlemen and even government officials for assistance, and even though she was rebuffed several times, she remained determined. Finally, she met an aristocratic and highly respected Vaishnava, Mr. Chaupattnaik, who was gracious and helpful, and he arranged a series of interviews for Yamuna with one of the chief pandas, Sri Kanu Charan Puja Panda Samanth. For several days he would come to our Guest House bearing Jagannatha prasadam and patiently answer Yamuna’s questions. She would later say that this was the highlight of her Jagannatha Puri pilgrimage. Yamuna: I like the point you made yesterday. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu said, “This prasadam tastes millions and millions of times better than nectar,” and He was fully satisfied. The hairs all over His body stood on end and incessant tears rolled from His eyes. This is what I was reading last night. Chaitanya Mahaprabhu said, “Only by great fortune will one come by a particle of the remnants of food offered to the Lord.” Srila Prabhupada explains that the remnants of Jagannatha’s foods are mixed with the saliva of the Lord. Mr. Chaupattnaik: Yes, that is why the smell comes—this aroma comes—otherwise such aroma is not possible. When it is going from the kitchen from to Lord Jagannatha there is no
aroma, but when it is coming back there is aroma. So how is it possible? Only because of that; otherwise it’s not possible. Yamuna: These remnants of food that Jagannatha has eaten have turned to nectar with His lips. Mr. Chaupattnaik: And the pandas who do the offering can understand that—they can see that Lord Jagannatha is eating. There are so many things that we cannot understand, but some special things (are revealed) when they offer. Then I understand. I should get you one darshan of Lord Jagannatha somehow or other. Yamuna: You take this prasadam all the time, but it says in a quote from the Caitanya-caritamrta, Antya lila, “After much prayer the demigods themselves cannot obtain even a small portion of the remnants of Jagannatha prasadam. Only a person who has acted piously for many, many, many births and has thus become a devotee can obtain the remnants of such food.” This is your fortune. It is so extraordinary…. That’s why we’re so fortunate to have your association. It is through the devotees of the Lord that we obtain the mercy, and we would not taste this without your mercy—your kindness upon us. Mr. Chaupattnaik: It is Jagannatha’s mercy, Srila Prabhupada’s mercy, I have no quality. Yamuna: No, this is Lord Krishna’s kindness. This doesn’t happen by accident. I’m very fortunate to have your association. Mr. Chaupattnaik: And today in the evening you can go to Gambhira. I will arrange a rickshaw and mataji can go on the cycle. So Gambhira there is no problem. So you can see the room of where Chaitanya Mahaprabhu stayed, you can have darshan of the Padukas. Yamuna: Will they object if we sit and have little kirtan? Mr. Chaupattnaik: No, no objection. Yamuna: Because we like to sit and pray and chant in these places. Mr. Chaupattnaik: And in case they say anything, you just tell my name. Yamuna later wrote an inspiring article for Back to Godhead magazine based on these interviews, and spoke about them with great appreciation through the years. She was particularly impressed at the efforts in place to ensure cleanliness, promptness and the clear understanding that Lord Jagannatha is the enjoyer: Yamuna: All members of the kitchen staff begin training at age twelve after they’ve received brahmana initiation and the sacred thread. They serve for life or until they become too old to perform their duties. I asked Sri Samanth to state the most important principles in focusing the mind for service to the temple Deities. He replied, “Number one, before beginning to cook one should eat sufficiently and feel no hunger to enable mental and physical strength to reach a
maximum. And number two, while cooking for Lord Jagannatha one should constantly remember His name, fame, pastimes, and qualities in a mood of devotion.” (BACK TO GODHEAD)
The temperature in Puri had soared by this time, so we went out on pilgrimage in the early mornings before sunrise. Yamuna frequently commented that these holy places such as Siddha-bakul, Haridas Thakur’s Samadhi Mandir, Bhakti Kutir of Bhaktivinoda Thakur (still standing at the time), the Gambhira and Tota Gopinath Mandir were so spiritually potent that they blessed anyone who took shelter of them. She took immense pleasure in chanting and offering prayers wherever we went and was unfazed by the sometimes unfettered rudeness of some of the pandas, preferring to bypass those places where meeting them was unavoidable. A highlight of the Puri pilgrimage was attending the appearance celebration of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati at the place of his birth—something we almost missed because a sign over the door in bold letters asserted that “This is not an ISKCON temple.” Yamuna: So we arrived at the beautiful Math, and curiously there was a sign outside that said “This is not an ISKCON temple” with “ISKCON” highlighted in red. Puri, perhaps because the British subjugated the Indians for so long, is extremely prejudicial, whether it is coming from the pandas or locals. It is the first place I’ve found a complete reverse discrimination, and of course it feels very strange. You have to rise above it as many of them no doubt did when they felt discriminated against. We almost did not go in, but because it was such a special day, we wanted to offer prayers and respects. There were beautiful Deities of Jagannatha, Subhadra and Balarama on one altar and large and small Radha-Krishna on another, and then a full size murti of Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati near the room where he was born. And over this was a beautiful temple constructed in the Gaudiya Math style with nine domes representing the nine processes of devotional service in a lovely ochre color with elaborate carvings and paintings on it. So we joined in the kirtan and later there was a pushpa ceremony for everyone to offer flowers and prayers to Bhaktisiddhanta. Then arati was offered and a beautiful, especially rich kirtan of Yasomati Nandana was led by Bengali devotees. At the end of the kirtan was prasadam distribution. We met an amazing woman disciple of Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati, and Dina took her picture. She is one of the only women disciples left in Puri and reminded us of the photo of Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s wife (Bhagavati devi). Then the sannyasis personally served us an
extraordinary fifteen course meal upstairs on the veranda. Not just the prasadam itself, but the service attitude and respect of the sannyasis. You would have never thought we would be received so nicely from the initial impression of the sign, but we were so moved by the mood of humility and Vaishnava etiquette. It was all so devotional with each devotee appreciating the service of the others. It was a very wonderful day.
Mussoorie As the heat had become too taxing for us, Yamuna and I decided to spend the rest of our pilgrimage at one of the former British hill stations in the Garhwal Himalayas. At an altitude of just over 6,000 feet, it remains cool even in the midst of India’s scorching summers and is also just above the mosquito level. Another special feature is its unsurpassed views over the Char Dhams, Gangotri, Yamunotri, Badrinath and Kedarnath.
However, for us Mussoorie was forever remembered for how we were protected by Krishna from an almost certain death. Before our arrival a travel agent had referred us to a former British agent’s house converted to a guest house on a lone ridge four miles from the town called Cloud End. It sounded reasonable, and the agent made sure to tell us that Tom Cruise had recently stayed there with his wife. Yamuna: We negotiated a taxi for the exorbitant price of 150 rupees because they said it was an old and steep road. Somehow our young driver was able to negotiate what they called a road, but was really no more than a cut out pathway along the ridge. Cloud End sat at the end of the ridge totally on its own—no sign, no sound but nature, no people, nothing at all but a 360 degree view of the mountains. We were anxious to get in, but our non-English speaking driver kept pointing at a sign in Hindi on the closed gate and waving his hands. Undeterred, we opened the gate and began walking to the main house when out of nowhere came two giant Tibetan mastiff dogs, snarling, growling and racing toward us—still no people in sight. Somehow, although my nature is to react to danger with my loud voice (like in San Francisco), both Dina and I did just the opposite. Very quietly, with arms down and no eye contact with the dogs, we both whispered “Krishna, Krishna” and turned around with these ferocious dogs snarling at our feet and almost tiptoed back to the gate, closing it and then pacifying the taxi driver who was hysterical by this time. Truly, I thought it was all over—that we would be killed. We checked into a hotel and about three hours later the man who owned Cloud End came to meet us, a look of shock on his face. He had heard what happened from the taxi company, and the first thing he said to us was “I can’t believe you are alive!” He said there was a lot of thievery in their remote location, and the dogs are trained to kill and had killed before. He said if we had made any quick movements, loud noises or made eye contact with them, they would have attacked. He even said that “your Krishna certainly protected you,” and apologized because he had had to go to Dehradun while his wife was having cancer treatment. Yes, we also felt Krishna’s protection and it was an unforgettable beginning to our Mussoorie visit.
We did spend a peaceful few weeks in Mussoorie until our flight left for England. I rented a motor scooter and we went to the Yamuna River and took bath in her clear and clean waters. We read Caitanya-caritamrta, and Yamuna worked on recipes and made notes on her interviews and realizations. Time passed quickly and then our long and magical India pilgrimage came to an end.
A Surprise Visit to the Blissful Poland Yatra Arriving in London, Yamuna and I spent a few days at Bhaktivedanta Manor with old and new friends. Then, unexpectedly, we were contacted by a gentleman named Hasmukh Thakur who enthusiastically invited us to perform sankirtan in Poland, just as Trivikrama Swami had promised in Mayapur. Yamuna: He was a little bit enthusiastic, and I originally thought he would be Polish, but he is in fact an Indian gentleman who knew Trivikrama Swami. In England he came to two of my lectures and one of Dina’s, and then invited us to a program at his house with his family, so somehow we ended up on a Lot flight from London to Krakow leaving April 29th. Poland at the time of our visit had been independent of Soviet domination for a mere five years, and physically little had changed. The long communist rule had left a colorless landscape and beleaguered populace who now saw opportunities for positive change on the horizon. Yet change would be slow in coming, and the impressions of the communist era were written on the weary expressions of people everywhere. Still, in its democratic infancy, many Poles opened their hearts and minds to new economic and spiritual possibilities, and at the time of our visit in 1994, they were openly enthusiastic about Krishna Consciousness, seeing it as a natural progression from their Roman Catholic origins.
Yamuna and I were warmly welcomed by the Krakow devotees and enjoyed enthusiastic classes and kirtans at the temple overseen by Trivikrama Swami. One dramatic scene which illuminated the impact of Krishna Consciousness on the Polish people occurred when Yamuna and I walked from our quarters in saris to the morning program. On a bench were three men, two upright and one stretched out on the ground—all passed out from intoxication. As we walked by quietly chanting japa, the one on the ground co*cked an eye open at us and then said, “Krisssssshhhhhnaaa!” We were stunned and never forgot the message of that dramatic scene. By seeing the devotees coming and going, even in his intoxicated state, he associated us with the Holy Name. Shortly thereafter, we were taken to join Indradyumna Swami’s traveling sankirtan party in the south of Poland. We had heard glimmers of how impressive and ecstatic his budding program was, but truthfully had no idea what it actually entailed. Yamuna: Indradyumna Swami’s base was in a kind of a holiday resort camp, all beautiful lawns and surrounded by forests and in a gardening area our lovely compound with apartments and then a bathroom in each building. We were given a building practically all our own with a picture of Prabhupada cooking in the kitchen and a plant. Devotees tried to make it very nice, and they were all down at the temple that Indradyumna Swami had built—a beautiful carved wooden temple for the most extraordinarily beautiful Deities. There’s a Nrsimhadeva Deity with all kinds of weapons, bows and arrows, and Laksmi devi sits on His lap on a beautiful throne. Then there are different shilas Indradyumna Swami obtained on pilgrimages to India, and a very fat-cheeked, light-colored, Govardhan shila with little smile on His face. The whole scene just vibrated with enthusiasm and devotion. It was stunning. We traveled on sankirtan with Indradyumna Swami’s party for about ten unforgettable days—each surpassing the previous day in ecstatic kirtan, preaching and amazing plays. Yamuna often said that Indradyumna Swami was like a pied piper with a gentle style of preaching and long, ecstatic street sankirtan which could not fail to attract the populace. We had people of all ages following our harinam programs and in each city a hall or other site was booked for an
evening festive program of plays and kirtan.
Yamuna: The first evening program we attended was just amazing. There was a little sankirtan in the town center when we got there which was wonderful and when the program started, Dina and I sat in the audience so that we could realize the visuals of it. They put up some flags and festoons from Puri, then a kirtan began with all the devotees on the stage sitting swaying back and forth in rhythm to the male singers. Two back-up singers, a man and woman, danced and sang with microphones and two gorgeous young girls danced in beautiful unison with the devotees in the background. There was an astonishing situation in front of where Dina and I were sitting where a young boy of about 12 with Down’s syndrome sat with his father or grandfather in his late 60s, and as the evening went on the boy started clapping, then he started raising his hands in the air, waving them back and forth. And then to no avail the father tried to hold him down by his trousers, but the boy began to jump up and down in his chair. Finally a devotee girl from the stage picked him up onto the stage and danced back and forth with him. Everyone was so touched by that, it literally brought tears to our eyes. After the kirtan, they immediately launched into a Ramayana play with wonderful costumes which was narrated in Polish. Then after a lecture on the Holy Name by Indradyumna Swami—so Krishna Conscious, inviting, easy, and simple—an enthusiastic kirtan followed that pulled everyone into it. The audience comprised people from ages seven to ninety-seven there; literally the whole village turned out to come for this festival. And then after that a prasadam feast was served of sun-fried bread sticks, caraway breadsticks and a sumptuous, rich vegetable in sour cream, some little laddus and a drink. This scenario was played out in several towns during our stay.
Yamuna on far right One day the tour bus stopped in the famous city of Częstochowa, home of Poland’s most famous religious shrine containing the Black Madonna of Częstochowa. Although the origins of the famous scarred painting of the Madonna and child are apocryphal, worshipers have attributed thousands of cures to her over the centuries, and the walls of the cathedral are literally covered with crutches, braces and trinkets bearing images of whatever organ was cured. We were amazed to see that she is dressed each day with various sets of jewelry and crowns. We joined another ecstatic sankirtan in the streets, enthusiastically chanting and dancing for hours as though we were in our first youth again. It was all magical and we were reluctant to leave.
Although we never returned to Poland again, that experience always remained dear to our hearts. An interesting postscript happened during Yamuna devi’s immersion ceremony when Indradyumna Swami, who was not intending to be in Vrindavan that day, somehow found
himself at Keshi Ghat at the start of the ceremony. He joined Radhanath Swami, Jananivasa Prabhu and myself in interring her ashes in the Yamuna, and briefly turned to me and said that he had never forgot our time with him in Poland. It was a poignant moment because we felt the same.
A Final Visit to Paris and Return to the United States
After returning to England, Yamuna and I spent a few days in France with our godsister Mondakini and her family who took us on tours all over Paris and its environs. Yamuna held a special feeling for Mondakini as she was one of the young brahmacharinis who joined in London in 1969. She was later sent by Srila Prabhupada to Russia bringing in banned Krishna Conscious literature at great risk to herself. Mondakini devi: One time I had a very terrible difficulty in my life, and it was Yamuna that opened my mind. I was feeling so terrible at this time but Yamuna, just by simple words and
by her presence, made everything alright. She was in Paris with Dina and it was a terrible time for me. I thought my relationship with Srila Prabhupada might be shattered for a particular reason, but she made the right connection for me again with Srila Prabhupada—she made me peaceful. She helped me to understand that sometimes things are very difficult but we just have to carry on. It was very mystical actually. Yamuna and Dina were both sannyasis without any benefits, more renounced than most, and always going deeper and deeper into devotional service, introspective and honest. When [Yamuna] first came, we were working, and she and Dina were waiting in the stairwell for us for so long, but she was so gracious and patient. We had a little dog called Haribol, and he made a lot of advancement because he ate Yamuna’s socks!
Mondakini devi and daughter in center At the end of May, Yamuna and I returned to Washington DC, both of us spiritually exhilarated but exhausted from traveling. With no fixed residence, we graciously accepted Henry Schoellkopf’s offer of what we thought would be a temporary stay at his home, but what turned out to be nearly two blissful years.
A Generational Harmony in Washington DC Henry Schoellkopf’s expansive Washington home sits a mere stone’s throw from both the Washington Cathedral and the Vice Presidential mansion on Massachusetts Avenue. Henry has always taken pleasure in hosting devotees and very graciously made a sunny room into a temple for Radha-Banabehari—a temple room that remains unchanged to this day. Yamuna and I settled back into our Deity regulation and began outreach programs—many of them organized among Henry’s friends. At this time, he was enthusiastic about the young “Straight Edge” devotee groups Shelter and 108, and as they visited often, Yamuna enjoyed cooking for them. She found an immediate connection and empathy with the youth, who also reciprocated with her in the same way. Yamuna’s compassion for and encouragement of young devotees would remain an important focus for the remainder of her life.
Yamuna: Honestly, I couldn’t relate to the music and the anger that seemed to underpin it, but the boys were intelligent, gentle and enthusiastic about spiritual life. Some of them loved cooking and asked many questions and of course, they were interested in the early days with George and the Beatles. They were just good company.
The straight edge groups at Henry’s By this time, Yamuna and I had both determined to live the remainder of our lives in uncompromising devotional service, yet our desire to do this did not harmonize with the financial realities facing us. We wanted to simplify our lives—to understand by realization Srila Prabhupada’s instruction to us in 1976: Remain a humble program. In bhakti there is no grotesque program. A humble program is better. We are doing all these grotesque programs to allure the masses. My Guru Maharaja used to say that no one hears from a person coming from a humble, simple life. You remain always very humble. —LETTER TO YAMUNA AND DINATARINI, JAN. 13, 1976 In an effort to increase our savings for this eventuality, Yamuna wrote a cookbook for Chronicle Books called The Vegetarian Table: India. Hers was one of a series on vegetarian cuisines of the world, and she began testing recipes and writing with all of the precision and care she took with each of her endeavors. A special attraction for Yamuna was that she would receive a lump sum payment rather than royalties, and she would not be required to tour to promote the book. Published in 1997, the book is concise, practical and eloquent—a true reflection of Yamuna’s own nature.
While we resided at Henry’s, Yamuna and I again met our friend Kim Waters Murray, and with two other women, Radhika and Lita, began regular bhajan sessions chanting the prayers of Bhaktivinoda Thakur. Each of the women had outstanding voices, and the sweetness of those bhajans infused Yamuna with the desire to enthuse others with the spiritual potency and eternal relevance of his prayers. Later, Kim and her partner Hans formed a well-received group called Rasa and recorded some of Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s songs.
A Fortunate Meeting with Bhakti-tirtha Swami — “We Have Known Each Other Before” One morning, as we turned on the television to place a video in to play, we saw an effulgent African-American man dressed in the saffron robes of a sannyasi, but wearing an African honorary chieftain headdress, speaking eloquently about Krishna on a local television station. We watched, stunned, at the simple yet poignant presentation, noted the number on the
bottom of the screen for something called IFAST, and called Henry in to ask if he knew him. “Yes, that is Bhakti-tirtha Swami, and he has come here before. We can invite him to lunch.” Yamuna had not personally known Bhakti-tirtha Swami before, and although I had not recognized him on the television, I briefly knew him in my ISKCON infancy as Ghanashyam das. The next day, Yamuna served lunch to Bhakti-tirtha Swami, along with Bhakti-caru Swami, at Henry’s, and the following day, we were invited to speak to the devotees of IFAST at their temple near Capitol Hill in Washington DC. Over the course of the next two years, Yamuna and I established a meaningful, deep and loving relationship with Bhakti-tirtha Swami and the devotees under his care. We attended many of their programs and were astonished at the enthusiasm, determination and humble Vaishnava behavior they consistently exhibited. When asked what distinguished these devotees to her, Yamuna consistently replied that it was the training in Vaishnava etiquette, humility and the importance of community—all carefully and assiduously instilled by Bhakti-tirtha Swami. On our first visit, Yamuna and I were overwhelmed by the warm reception which culminated in their gentle anesthesiologist president Madhvacarya das presenting us with a check for $108.00 when we left. Although we placed the check on the altar on our way out, we were so touched by the gesture. This was the excellence of Bhakti-tirtha Swami’s preaching and example. Most of the members were professionals—well-established in the community, and their commitment to the process of Krishna Consciousness expanded through his commitment to them. For Yamuna and me, it was wonderful and life-changing to bear witness to the efficacy of the process of Krishna Consciousness when presented with such conviction and love. During one of our first visits, when Yamuna was asked to speak, she took the devotees on a journey into one day in the life of Srila Prabhupada. Her entire talk will be available on the web page, but selections are included here: Yamuna: It is so wonderful to be back here again. Ever since I came here the last time, I have been thinking about this place, and talking to people about this place and the wonderful atmosphere here. Then by Krishna’s arrangement, [Bhakti-tirtha Swami] came to lunch one day at Henry’s house. So we were able to meet with him once again, and hear some of his mature, profound realizations on Srila Prabhupada’s movement, how best to relish Srila Prabhupada’s movement, and how best to share that with others. As he was speaking this morning in his short introduction after our kirtan, I was reflecting on the fact that you can taste Krishna Consciousness at every step, at every moment, at every day that you practice Krishna Consciousness. Just like most of you who are here today, may have come because of the association of Bhakti-tirtha Swami. He is the person who allowed you to develop the taste for pursuing Krishna Consciousness every day in your own home, and for your own life.
Bhakti-tirtha Swami: Now we have the diaries and the biographies, and the conversation books, and of course we have so many other books. But that is one flavor. But another flavor is being in the presence of the pure devotee and to receive his smile, to receive his chastisem*nt, to receive his glance, to receive his encouragement and to give those transcendental queues. And sometimes we feel that that aspect is really kind of missing in the movement. As we are moving more and more into the scientific, logical age—the information age actually—there is so much tendency, we are so absorbed in the data, we are so much absorbed in the form of the manpower, and the money and the buildings and so many creditors and what not, this mortgage and that mortgage, that we sometimes forget the most basic thing, the most important commodity, and that is the devotees themselves. Vaishnavas themselves are the greatest wealth that we have. That is our greatest treasure, to somehow be able to experience more of the love that is natural in their association if we allow it to come out. And if that love is there, then so many other problems just naturally eradicate. This love is so powerful, so potent. It has such ability to allow Krishna to, and more Divine intervention to take place. And we see how difficult it is for people to cope that most of our devotees are working eight, nine hours a day. And we are requesting very much that they remember Krishna even more and more. Even at their jobs, that they make their job a place where they will be able to glorify the Lord. Yamuna: In 1970, I had the first inkling that I wasn’t going to always have a great deal of access to Srila Prabhupada, then more or less unlimited. And at that point I asked him a question. I said, “Srila Prabhupada, how much time did you actually have with your Spiritual Master?” And immediately, before a breath went by, he said, “Since I met my Spiritual Master in 1922, I have never been away from him, not even for one second.” So what does that mean? So this is my credo. This is our credo. From the day you walk into this door and you hear and you see and you feel, and you begin to worship the lotus feet of your Spiritual Master, until the day that you go to your grave, the relationship will increase and sweeten, and you will taste more and more and more what it means to be a servant of the Spiritual Master. So we are exploring this on all levels. And now you have had the great opulence of having [your Spiritual Master’s] physical presence on the planet. But all of this will be in preparation for after.
And even now he may be taking on so many more responsibilities that will carry him to other places physically much more than he is now. So maybe you have had the best of times. Maybe you had these years that you have had with him now; and maybe these are the good old days. Because you will see that it is always evolving, but nonetheless your relationship will do nothing but increase and intensify…. But I would take advantage. Just treasure these moments, and do not be fearful…. You just want to grab onto that moment and take advantage of the presence of your Spiritual Master’s association…. And to take advantage of his presence, we want to be able to have a dialogue, and the quality of the outcome is determined by the quality of the dialogue. So the better we make our dialogue, the more you will get out of it. Devotee: Hare Krishna. This is a great pleasure to meet you. I have been very fortunate, because I have had the association of (devotees) in Detroit, and I have noticed that all of you have a certain aura of being very, very peaceful and compassionate towards the living entities. I can’t really explain the energy that I have gotten from all of you. There is so much love; it is so amazing. Yamuna: Once I asked Srila Prabhupada a similar question. I said, “Srila Prabhupada, I’ve seen a picture of you and your Guru Maharaja, and you are both sitting in the exact same pose.” And that pose was like this—both Srila Bhaktisiddhanta’s and Srila Prabhupada’s arms were on the desk, and they are writing on the desk and are both looking up. It wasn’t a pose, but somebody caught them that way in the picture. So I said, “I have seen you in this same pose, and you seem to reflect so much of the energy” (I think I used the word aura). And Prabhupada said, “He is the gold, and I am the iron.” And I always say that I am not even on the metal scale. Because the thing is, it is simply an attempt to understand what the word compassion is. But certainly anyone who gives their life and soul to living Krishna Consciousness and sharing it with others, then naturally compassion is a part of their character, and the more they share, generally the more compassion you will see exhibited in their nature. And I feel this very strongly with Bhakti-tirtha Swami. You feel his compassion so much because he is there with you day by day, step by step. Even when he is not here physically, you feel his presence here. That’s compassion. That’s when you really see the compassion—when a person has sacrificed everything and wants to share Krishna Consciousness as a preacher, realizing the importance of distributing Krishna
Consciousness. And they are willing to take the responsibility of another person’s spiritual life. Imagine the compassion that is involved in this. So there are many shades and meanings of what compassionate means, but to me this is the definition of compassion. It means complete selflessness—that they are really only interested in giving to others, taking on so much responsibility, so many headaches. But they don’t see it that way. So that is compassion. Bhakti-tirtha Swami: You can tell that they are Prabhupada kripas. They are the mercy of their Spiritual Master. When a disciple is attentive to their Guru, then their Guru’s blessings and the Guru’s energy comes. You can see this as soon as they walked in; it is like Vaikuntha angels coming into the arena.
Yamuna and Bhakti-tirtha Swami in Alachua, 1996 Yamuna and I retained a deep and pervasive love and appreciation for Bhakti-tirtha Swami which continued to grow through the years despite our having little of his physical association. Whenever we spoke he would say that our physical proximity is not important because we have known each other in past lifetimes and are deeply connected. He was such an extraordinary preacher and compassionate Vaishnava that when he passed on and the tributes came in, so many devotees said that he had told them the same thing. For Yamuna and me, this was a perfect eulogy and spoke more about him than volumes could. Yamuna expressed the following at his memorial service: Yamuna: We are all looking for people in our lives that are present when you are talking to them. That are right there in front of you, and when you speak to them, they connect with you, because, they are not only listening empathetically, but they are listening because they want to hear what you have to say—they want an exchange with you in Krishna Consciousness. And we are looking for not only that, but we are looking for someone who is more advanced than we are. Who can bring us to a higher level of spiritual consciousness. That is the prayer of all devotees. So in the case of Bhakti- tirtha Maharaja, he was one of those devotees who was so fixed up from a previous birth, that when he took to Krishna Consciousness, he went very quickly and very deeply into it. And if you were to take the Siksamrta that the BBT published, and go through all the different categories that were important to Srila Prabhupada, you could look and see that in
every one of those categories, Srila Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja helped in an immense way to improve or address them—to take the weakest link, perhaps address it, and take the strongest link and pull it upward—closer to Krishna. So one of those things was his desire for community development—that within every community there is so much diversity. And he took this theme, unity in diversity, and really helped the devotees to come to understand how we can access unity, and how we can decrease the diversity. Take the diversity; how do we avoid the pitfalls of separatism and fault finding? He addressed that by writing books on leadership. He wrote three extraordinary books on spiritual leadership. In my travels when in Florida, I was at an Institute and the daughter of Martin Luther King was also there. She was a Christian preacher, and once I just happened to pull out Bhakti-tirtha Swami’s book on spiritual leadership, volume 2, and right there she pulled a dog-eared copy of the same book out of her book bag with all of these pages turned down, and yellow lettering everywhere, and she said, “I love this book. This man has done so much to inspire me and my entire congregation.” So you’d come across people like this, appreciating him from many different fields, not only from the devotee community. Indrani devi: Once Yamuna invited Bhakti-tirtha Swami and all the devotees from IFAST to a program and dinner at the home of Bhakta Henry. I felt honored and humbled knowing that the world famous author, cook, and devotee, Yamuna Devi, was in the kitchen cooking for us and serving us. After dinner we sat in the temple room talking. I remember Yamuna’s sparkling eyes, charming laughter, and that same loving energy that touched me and everyone else in the room. As we left her company that evening, she gave each of us a picture of her Deities, Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. I still have that photo on my altar…. Yamuna was love personified. And she helped me and so many others to experience that love. After all, that is what Krishna Consciousness is about: love of Krishna. But we have to experience that love in our daily lives in order to long for it on the transcendental level. I think of Yamuna as Lord Krishna and Srila Prabhupada’s agent to give us that all-important experience. This service she accomplished not so much through her words as through the love she expressed in her actions.
On the Road Again — A Search for Simple Living and High Thinking During the two years Yamuna and I were based at Bhakta Henry’s home, we also frequently traveled, either to research possible places to settle in a rural community or on teaching or other engagements. In 1995 we went again to Europe for the anniversary of Bhaktivedanta Manor and continued on to Switzerland for a job Yamuna had accepted to cater a bank opening. We also drove across the United States twice during that time, but could not settle on a move that would harmonize our service goals with our financial constraints. Yamuna taught again at the Omega Academy in New York and continued writing for the Washington Post and other publications while working on the Chronicle cookbook. In July 1996 she gave a seminar on women’s spirituality at the Washington Cathedral and held many unforgettable dinners and festivals in Henry’s home. He recently sent me a ten page program honoring the Appearance of Radha-Banabehari on December 10, 1995. In her usual meticulous way, she included a precise program with timing, a two-page history of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, the Guru Vandanam prayers on a separate page, a calligraphed page containing the full menu, and the Gurvastakam prayers (as the day also honors the Disappearance of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur).
In early 1997, Yamuna was invited to establish a cooking school in Washington State. Although this was not the direction we had been seeking in our devotional lives, the opportunity for preaching seemed too important to pass up. However, it was not meant to be, and we found ourselves living close to the Canadian border while still searching for a rural devotee community. We had received invitations to visit the off-the-grid community of Saranagati near Ashcroft, British Columbia, a four-hour drive from us and as rural as you can get, and decided to go see it and meet the residents. It would become our home for the next twelve years.
Yamuna in London
O Most Revered Spiritual Master, wherever you take me by your desire, let me learn tolerance, acceptance and humility. My constant and urgent prayer is that I may be of service to your servants, and that I may someday grow from the challenges on the path of devotional service. This is my fervent hope and heartfelt wish.
At the Washington State cooking school
CHAPTER 13 Seeing the Krishna Magic at Banabehari Mandir SARANAGATI 1998-2011
Krishna is present everywhere. So this is magic. Why don’t you see Krishna’s magic? … Poor heart, poor magic. See the real magic. If you want to see magic, see Krishna’s magic…. Be captivated by the magic Krishna has shown. —MORNING WALK, DEC. 5, 1976 THE “KRISHNA MAGIC” frequently referenced in Yamuna’s talks and exchanges often related to how strongly she felt the importance of endowing future generations with Krishna bhakti, as Srila Prabhupada had so selflessly endowed us. She had an uncanny ability to find the tiniest spark of interest and, with nurturing, patience and love, ignite the fire of devotion within the hearts of others. By applying the cooking metaphor we have previously used, this chapter expands on the principle of “Giving the Gift of Bhakti to Others” through the reflections and personal memories of some of the devotees whose spiritual lives became indelibly changed by Yamuna’s association. She was honored to be connected to the lineage of great Acharyas in the line of Lord Chaitanya and encouraged the youth to appreciate the importance of Vaishnava continuity through disciplic succession. Srila Prabhupada had earlier encouraged Yamuna to “just see; just see” by diving into the blissful ocean of devotional practice so carefully preserved and passed down by the previous Acharyas to himself and from Srila Prabhupada to his students. When Yamuna witnessed youthful devotees becoming serious in their devotional lives, as they feelingly reveal in these pages, she would often become emotional by observing this living process of bhakti in action. For Yamuna, that was the essence of Krishna’s magic.
The Idealistic Attraction of Saranagati Village in British Columbia With both the desire and conviction to someday build a temple and ashram for Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, Yamuna and I studied books and watched how-to carpentry shows on television and video. Of course, the irony of those productions is that they are just that—productions; and the immaculately clean carpenters who build a kitchen, outbuilding or cabin in a half-hour lull the do-it-yourselfers like us into thinking that the endeavor will be easy, trouble free and cost effective. Not so—as our sore backs, cut-up and calloused hands and empty pockets attested to when we finally fulfilled our cherished goal at Saranagati Village.
“Who Would Want to Live Here?” At the invitation of Bala Krishna das and his wife Harilila, Yamuna devi first drove up to Saranagati Village in British Columbia during the summer of 1998. Entering Canada from anywhere in Western Washington, you drive east on the TransCanada Highway, which then turns north at Hope. The drive from Hope to Lytton is considered one of the most scenic and beautiful in North America, with its sheer-faced, snow-topped mountains, plunging waterfalls and the rushing Fraser and Thompson rivers. But topographically, everything changes after Lytton, and the high desert landscape takes on a barren, one-dimensional look, with few trees and little attraction. As Yamuna drove toward the entrance to Saranagati Village, she later related that she
almost turned back, thinking, “Who would want to live here?” Yet she forged on, turning onto a dirt road which led four miles up into a surprisingly picturesque and pristine valley surrounded by Ponderosa pine and fir forests, which showcased a large lake at its center and a smaller lake on its southern fringe.
Venables Valley viewed from nearby mountain peak
Saranagati north end The 1,600 acres of the Venables Valley was purchased by the Vancouver ISKCON temple as its rural satellite program in 1982 and renamed Saranagati Village. Later, a corporation was formed, and shares offered for sale to those who were dedicated to following the path of Krishna Consciousness and were willing to explore simple living and high thinking totally off the grid. Yamuna was at once enchanted by Saranagati Village, and when she returned to Washington, she said, “You can just feel the Holy Name vibrating throughout the valley.” That was enough for me. We purchased a share in August 1998, and in September rented a small house in Ashcroft, a nearby town. Yamuna immediately began meticulously planning an eco
straw bale Vastu-designed ashram that would not only conform to rigid Vastu specifications, but would also pass the eagle-eyed BC Building Inspectors, who at the time had never heard of a straw bale house built to code. One of our first duties was purchasing the building-grade straw bales from a farm in Alberta whose wheat was grown, harvested, baled and dried specifically for use in building.
The High Cost of Simple Living We chose a five-acre plot at the northernmost border of Saranagati Village and hired a draftsman who had experience with straw bale construction. We had previously visited two straw bale houses in the United States, and Yamuna was immovable on any other structural possibilities. She was equally determined to hire a professional Vastu architect, and used her persuasive abilities to convince a famous Maharishi Institute Vastu architect in Iowa to charge $1,500 rather than his usual $15,000 for the work. However, as we found to our dismay, harmonizing the concepts of eco straw bale construction with Vastu architecture proved to be a mammoth challenge. Yet Yamuna’s “mantra” throughout the process was that the ashram, initially called Bhakti Kutir, should combine all of the elements of spiritual auspiciousness, using natural and sustainable building materials. Yamuna wrote of the concept to several friends: Yamuna: Vastu, one of the sixty-four Vaishnava arts, is auspicious architecture. It is both an art and a science which addresses site orientation, proportion of structures and placement. The blueprint for these calculations rests on the Jyotish astrological chart of the building’s caretaker-residents … Building with non-toxic materials is important to Vaishnava thought and practice—go brahmana hitaya cha. Natural materials used in construction contain one to five of the elements created by Lord Brahma—earth, air, water, fire and ether/consciousness. Our Vastu-sustainable-eco building project is sited to face east toward the rising sun. The direction, east, is good for growth, knowledge, health, happiness, and spiritual strength. As the first rays of the morning sun peek over the horizon, they filter through tulasi’s stambha and then enter the front of the structure. The next hurdle was convincing the TNRD (our local district) Building Inspectors to approve the design plans. We ended up smothering them with volumes of paper on the legitimacy of straw bale construction. The simple act of fortifying the building enough to satisfy the inspectors added at least 25% to the cost of the project, which we could ill afford. Skeptical and dismissive at first (“Oh, you want to build a three-little-pigs’ house!”), the inspectors came to the property no less than ten times, and on the last inspection, the first skeptical inspector enthusiastically posited, “I love this house!” Our Vastu architect chose May 27, 1999, at 12:27 AM as the most auspicious time and day for the cornerstone-laying ceremony. Unfortunately, we needed to be in by October, so we circumvented that problem by first having the land surveyed and leveled—no simple task, because a perfectly square parcel was required for the Vastu specifications. Fortunately, two wonderful young Saranagati residents, Jaisacinandana, a multi-talented young man who included surveying among his skills, and his very sweet and shy younger sister, Radhakunda, offered to
help. Radhakunda devi: Jai asked me to help him, so we went out to their land, and with a really old-fashioned compass and chalk line, we tried our best to find the exact coordinates. I remember spending hours out there doing it over and over to get it right, because we were so nervous about making sure it was as perfect as we could get it. Every time Jai would ask me, “Is the line right at the mark?” or “Is the line straight?” I would become so nervous and double check it myself, thinking that if their house was off it would be all my fault. Finally, when we were done, Yamuna came up and told us how incredibly grateful she was for our service—that this was the first service anyone had done for Radha-Banabehari Mandir, and she was so impressed and pleased with our (mostly Jai’s) expertise and dedication. That was really one of the first interactions I had with her, and I remember feeling like I had just done the most wonderful thing of my life—like if that was the only thing I had ever done, my life was useful. I remember being so impressed and swept up in her affection and sweetness. She was the first person who I felt was truly genuine and real—who actually appreciated any little service that we did for her. I remember feeling so proud of Jai and myself for being able to do some service. I think it was the first time I felt the real value of doing service for a Vaishnava and Krishna. I also remember feeling so wonderful and special because I knew and felt that Yamuna was the kind of person who would keep us in a special place in her heart just because of that tiny service that we did for her. I think it was my first glimpse into the incredible world of Vaishnava seva, although at the time I did not quite understand it at all, but just felt so good about it. We next laid over 500 feet of water lines and completed two outbuildings and a root cellar. Then, at just after midnight on May 27, with most of the community members gathered, including Yamuna’s sister, Janaki, and her dear friend Barb from Oregon, the cornerstone sacrifice for Banabehari Mandir was held amidst ecstatic chanting of the Holy Names and a glorious, green-twinkling aurora borealis overhead.
Radhakunda devi: The cornerstone-laying ceremony was another real eye opener and culture change for me. It was at midnight, as that was the most auspicious time, and they had this
huge hole dug on their land. Most of the devotees were there, and Yamuna sang the Samsara prayers in the evening (midnight) melody, then the kirtan continued as Dina placed the objects inside, and the ceremony continued. We had the most amazing midnight feast—all cooked by Yamuna and Janaki and served by Yamuna, Janaki and Dina.
A Joyful Crew Face an Endless Stream of Obstacles A core team of four workers comprised our construction crew—Rasaraja das, a dedicated Italian devotee, dear friend, excellent carpenter and inspiring Vaishnava; Vrajananda das, a hard-working, ever-smiling and optimistic devotee; Yamuna devi and myself. None of us had any straw bale construction experience, but each was filled with enthusiasm and the necessary can-do attitude to see the process through to its finish. This was extremely fortunate because from its very inception, obstacles stacked upon one another like bricks on a building. Rasaraja das: After Yamuna and Dina asked me and Vrajananda to build their straw bale house, I was in terrible anxiety, but I didn’t show it to them because I was thinking I needed some kind of work. But I didn’t have any experience in building a post-and-beam house with straw bales. In my mind I was thinking, “How can I build this? Will everything collapse?” So Yamuna and Dina would talk about the project, but my mind was filled with a kind of panic and anxiety that went on until I realized I had to be honest about my fears. I approached Yamuna and Dina and said, “I’m not sure we can build this house; it’s above our skills.” And then Yamuna said in a very quiet and soft voice, “Oh, don’t worry, Krishna will help us to do everything.” I remember it was so quiet, so nice and so natural that in an instant all my anxieties just disappeared. I had never experienced anything like that. All my worries just disappeared, and then an enthusiasm came that “Yes, I can do it. Krishna will help me do this.” These impressions come from someone living an advanced spiritual life. It was such a profound experience—very short, but very powerful.
After completing the foundation at double the anticipated cost, we hired another devotee to pour an adobe floor. Unfortunately, the adobe crumbled, and the floor heaved up toxic plumes of dust with each footstep. For the next year until we were able to resurface it, the floor was covered with flattened cardboard boxes.
When the post-and-beam supports were nearing completion, we contacted the Alberta farm to deliver our already-purchased straw bales and received in reply a six-page letter from an Alberta law firm informing us that the farm had become bankrupt. Five pages of the letter listed its creditors in order of amount owed, and our $1,500 was dutifully noted on page four. When we called the lawyers, we were bluntly told that although the bales were probably still on the bankrupt property, we could forget about both the bales and the money. Frantic, we placed a last-ditch call to the first number on the list of creditors—a major hardware store in Alberta—told them of our plight (it would have been impossible to find other bales on short notice), and they were so touched by our story that they sent one of their own big rigs to deliver our bales all the way from Alberta at their own expense—a distance of over 1,100 miles round trip. We were overwhelmed by the kindness of strangers and mercy of the Lord, and all of us literally whooped with loud shouts of “Haribol! Haribol!” when the truck arrived.
Rasaraja das: One thing that struck me from the very beginning was that Yamuna never said, “We are building my home.” In my recollection, she always said that this will be the home of Radha-Banabehari. I never paid attention to this until recently, like so many other special characteristics of her personality.
The Surreal Problem of Water or the Lack Thereof Pictures taken of our joyful crew during the building of Banabehari Mandir invariably show Yamuna and I covered in stucco, paint, dirt, plaster and straw. What they don’t show are our numerous injuries, which were a natural by-product of the building process. Yamuna, while still grappling with her thyroid issues and unable to lose weight despite eating little, was irrepressible, working 18-hour days with amazing stamina. There was no challenge she did not meet with equanimity, and she worked longer hours than any of us. When she decided to build a rock wall, she scoped out the valley, filled the truck bed with fifty-pound rocks, then unloaded them and painstakingly built the wall. She spent weeks spreading wheelbarrows of heavy gravel, and mixed and poured concrete—often while chanting the maha-mantra in a loud voice which resounded throughout the valley, or spontaneously calling out “Krishna! Krishna!”
Visakha, Dina and Yamuna However, of all the challenges we faced in the building process, accessing a source of water was the most trying. Initially we drilled two wells with a small, hand-held drill. The procedure required digging a large pit that held a special mud and water slurry that was then pumped into the well hole as the drill rotated. One day two immaculately-dressed leaders of the local native Indian tribe came, bearing gifts of painted rocks to formally welcome us to the valley. I was operating the makeshift drill in my much-stained work clothes, and Yamuna stood below. To our horrified disbelief, the slurry hose broke off as the drill still turned, throwing gallons of gray mud cascading across the bodies and faces of all of us as it whipped around. By the time I was able to turn off the pump, we all just stared in stunned disbelief at each other while
covered head-to-toe in mud. Despite our profuse apologies, the men simply turned around in as dignified a manner as possible and walked away. This was one of our memorable surreal building moments. After weeks of intensive and difficult drilling with no results, we ran PVC pipe in six-foot trenches from the Venables Creek bordering the east side of our property to a holding tank fifty feet above the ashram and pumped water from the stream using a generator. The water was then gravity-fed to the ashram and to a hydrant for outside watering. This system worked well initially, but after the second year, the creek dried up for what we were told was the first time ever recorded. This forced us to eventually bring in professional well-drillers, who drilled 520 feet and charged us $8,000 to reach nothing but native jade. Finally we began manually filling a 500-gallon water tank in our truck bed and pumping it into the holding tank. In 2008, due to the efforts and hard work of Bala Krishna das and others, along with a grant from the government, the Venables Creek began flowing again.
A Moving-In Yajna and Yamuna’s Tree of Gratitude Although they progressively grew milder over the years, the first winters at Saranagati were especially long and harsh, with thigh-deep snow, treacherous ice and a five-month duration. Yamuna and I were determined that come what may we would move into the ashram before the winter of 1999. So on October 15, a small ceremony was held to attach the front door, and two days later, at the auspicious date and time chosen by our Vastu architect, the devotee community gathered for the final move-in ceremony. Yamuna: The move-in ceremony was observed on October 17, at 11 AM, with a fire yajna in the brahmasthan, then the first bhoga was prepared in the wood cookstove and distributed to all the assembled guests and Vaishnava Saranagati residents as prasadam.
While the outside of Banabehari Mandir had been completed by this time, the inside was
another story. Two rooms had been framed out as sleeping rooms, but the rest of the ashram remained unfinished, with cardboard flooring and a tiny laminate table as a kitchen. The grand rosewood altar of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari looked absurdly out of place in Their bare-walled temple and pujari room. Yet Yamuna and I were thrilled to finally live in our hard-won ashram and saw the bare interior as a creative palette to mold into something wonderful for the pleasure of the Lord. This process was ongoing, blissful, and cemented loving relationships with the many devotee friends who would often show up to offer their services:
Yamuna’s kitchen in 1999 Harilila devi: Bala Krishna would come and chop wood for [Yamuna and Dina], doing some seva, and they would always poke their head out and say, “Bala! Come in for breakfast.” He would come in, and they would serve him breakfast. It was something they always did, serve the devotees—serve them breakfast, serve them prasadam, bring them in. Kuvalesaya das: For the interior of the house they had planks, and we were chopping them. Dina would call out the length she needed, and then I would chop it. There was an interesting dynamic between Yamuna and Dina. While we were working, Yamuna would be cooking and tidying. On one occasion she cooked what she described as Srila Prabhupada’s favorite [vegetable], a lauki [squash] sabji and some tomato chutney. She also had herbed olive oil. I remember sitting down, and there was a Teflon wok she was very particular about what spatula to use in it. There was another identical wok, and someone was about to serve from it with a metal spatula. I said, “Oh, no; don’t use that!” and she said, “No, it’s fine; that’s Dina’s pan.” I thought it was so funny. One young devotee, Bhaktirasa, assisted with the heavy stucco application, making one of our hardest jobs look easy. Krishna Devata, petite and delicately feminine, surprised us by tackling difficult construction tasks with aplomb. Radhakunda devi: Yamuna and Dina were grateful and appreciative for the help they were getting. Bhaktirasa, from England, was here when they were doing the stucco on their walls,
and he was helping them do it. Yamuna was so happy and appreciative of his help; she would always say he was the king of stucco—that he could stucco faster than anyone else and had saved them so much time and money. They were like that with everyone who helped in any small way.
Other friends and even strangers interested in straw bale construction came to help. Henry Schoellkopf from Washington DC made hundreds of stucco wires, while others painted, raked gravel and brought prasadam. Almost every resident of Saranagati offered service in some way, and Yamuna wanted to honor each person’s contribution at Banabehari Mandir in perpetuity, so she etched their names on brass leaves, which she later framed and placed prominently on the wall as our Tree of Gratitude.
Pictures taken of the building process often show a very large and fearsome-looking dog among the devotees. Once in 1976 in Los Angeles, as Srila Prabhupada was giving instructions regarding our Oregon ashram, he said, “And you should keep a dog for watching—for guarding.” I don’t remember our reaction, but the idea at the time was incomprehensible to us, and it never
manifested. Then while living in Washington State in 1997, someone “gifted” us with an expensive puppy, which we felt obliged to accept. We knew nothing about the breed (Rottweiler), and neither of us had had any experience with dogs since becoming devotees. Nevertheless, the dog, named Mira, grew to be an integral part of our Saranagati ashram, keeping bears and prospective violators away with her ferocious bark and intimidating look. What they could not know was that she was extremely gentle and quickly befriended the local cats, other dogs and free-range cows. We often found her out in the pastures sitting peacefully among a hundred cows. Mira was beloved by the children of Saranagati, and Yamuna and I were heartbroken when she succumbed to diabetes. “No more dogs,” Yamuna said. “I would rather deal with the bears than have another dog I’ve cared for die.” Yet we realized from the start that this dog was most fortunate because she ate so much prasadam, heard countless recitations of the Holy Name, and in her own way served Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari and Their ashram.
Mira guards the ashram Through the late fall and early winter we continued building, painting and crafting and began to see Banabehari Mandir take shape. I made decorative scroll saw patterns in the cedar panels, built closets and finished the bathroom. Yamuna enthusiastically designed and built the kitchen from start to finish, including the pantry, cabinetry and marble-topped cooking island. She had often remarked over the years that many kitchens were poorly conceived, with unreachable shelves and limited counter space, so she was naturally thrilled to be able to create her own kitchen vision, albeit a humble one. From the early 80’s, Yamuna had carefully conveyed over forty “sweetie jars,” (an English term describing rectangular glass storage jars) to each of our ashrams. In the pantry at Banabehari Mandir, she built the shelving to precisely showcase those same jars.
Yamuna Addresses the GBC in Mayapur on Behalf of Women Devotees In early 2000, Yamuna, along with other senior Godsisters, was invited to speak at the annual GBC meeting on behalf of women in Srila Prabhupada’s Movement. Although it was mid-winter in Saranagati, and she was reluctant to leave, the opportunity to formally address the GBC body on what she felt was an issue of fundamental importance overcame any reticence on her part. Anyone who knew Yamuna over the years would have heard her oft-expressed concerns about the women and the youth within our ISKCON society. To present these concerns in conjunction with other senior Godsisters was seen by Yamuna as an imperative and a gift. Visakha devi: In 2000, Sudharma, the head of the Women’s Ministry, arranged for a group of devotee women to make a presentation to the GBC body about the position of women in ISKCON. Before the GBC meetings began, nine senior women, including Yamuna, arrived in Mayapur and regularly gathered in one of the grihastha apartments to brainstorm in preparation for this presentation. Yamuna, lively and insightful, repeatedly encouraged these women to make their many points in an organized, succinct and powerful way. While careful to avoid offenses against Vaishnavas, Yamuna expressed the need to collectively reevaluate the example we were passing on to the next generations and relayed her concerns with the insight of her own catalog of challenges over the years. The following is an excerpt from her address to the GBC which paraphrases those oft-expressed concerns: Yamuna: Srila Prabhupada trained me to be concerned about his Movement, and at this time I am deeply concerned. Now more than ever, it is time to revive and imbibe Srila Prabhupada’s mood with his disciples. If we neglect this, an aspect of his greatness will remain unknown to future generations.
I appeal to you that, along with the laudable projects you are managing and those you are contemplating—especially the magnificent temple that will arise here in Sridham Mayapur—consider that the behavior of the ISKCON devotees who participate in these projects must also be magnificent. Any other behavior will make the projects less than worthy of Srila Prabhupada’s name. This grave responsibility falls on you. In other words, let us instill in every person who comes into contact with Srila Prabhupada’s Movement the healthy spiritual relationships that he had with his followers—his mood of encouragement, protection and kindness. The closer we come to individually appreciating and honoring Srila Prabhupada’s personal dealings with his disciples, the closer we will come to his sense of completeness in Krishna Consciousness, to his joyfulness, to his transcendentally attractive nature. With great care, our service is to create a devotional environment where men, women and children can thrive in Krishna Consciousness, rendering service according to their desire and inclination. Our service is to empower rather than inhibit the service propensity in others.
Visakha devi: Rukmini closed the presentation by questioning the GBC body about how they changed history by not portraying women on the sankirtan party in the bas-reliefs on the walls around Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi, as well as about sheltering those women who had given their lives to serve Srila Prabhupada. When Rukmini finished and sat down, the room was silent, the GBC members impacted by the words just spoken. Madhusevita, the acting Chairperson, said: “Tomorrow morning a woman should lead mangal arati, and a woman should give Srimad-Bhagavatam class.” Unfortunately, despite the impassioned and insightful appeals of the Vaishnavis, there was resistance among some of the men, and it was after much debate and controversy that Visakha devi eventually gave Srimad-Bhagavatam class to the assembled Mayapur devotees two weeks after the GBC meetings. Visakha devi: Thus the next morning a woman did not lead mangal arati, and it took two weeks of high-level talks before a woman was allowed to give Srimad-Bhagavatam class. Yamuna led Jaya Radha Madhava for that class, her melodious, rich voice traveling the length
and breadth of the large temple room, melting hearts and transporting unbiased souls to a transcendental realm. When Yamuna returned to our Saranagati ashram from India, she was ambivalent about the experience in Mayapur. While she enjoyed the camaraderie among her Godsisters and the association of many Godbrother friends, she frankly felt that real change would be slow in manifesting. Yamuna: I still feel after all these years that the real benefit of being a woman within ISKCON manifests mostly on an internal level—that women can develop great resources of tolerance, compassion for others and spiritual strength on the path back to Godhead through having to overcome intolerance in their devotional lives.
A Sacred Space — The Morning Program at Banabehari Mandir Kuvalesaya das: I remember that everything I did at the time was to get some sort of acknowledgment or social petting, but I observed how everything [Yamuna] did was just to please her Deities and Srila Prabhupada. I feel my attraction to establishing sacred space was founded in their ashram. There was such an aura in that space—people would become silent, and you would really notice when someone would not catch on to that. Wherever our ashram happened to be in the world, we followed a fixed morning schedule. In our cardboard-floored Saranagati ashram, we began our regulated morning program and extended an open invitation to anyone who wished to attend. I would usually wake and bathe the Deities, while Yamuna prepared the offering. We performed arati and led the chanting on a daily rotation if alone, and either requested guests to lead when they attended, or we sang in unison. Then rounds were chanted and Srimad-Bhagavatam class was held, the shlokas repeated by all, the text and purport read, and then discussions held on the verse. Yamuna was always careful to see that no one left without maha prasadam—something she emphasized as Srila Prabhupada had done. These morning programs were particularly sweet and nectarean because they somehow engaged both senior devotees and the youth. Kalakantha das: Yamuna and Dina charmed us with their very gracious mood and inspired us with their unalloyed dedication to Srila Prabhupada. Meeting them tipped the scales; we decided that Saranagati was the place to spend our summers. The two ladies were the heart of the ashram. They held a punctual morning program every day, open to all, plus evening reading and kirtan meetings two or three times a week. During the months we were there, we did not miss a morning, walking or driving the two miles from our residence to savor the sweet association. Dina and Yamuna took turns performing the mangal arati. On her singing days Yamuna accompanied herself during Gurvastakam with a small keyboard instrument whose soft bell-like tone mingled with her gentle, angelic voice, creating a wonderfully mystical devotional
atmosphere in the cool Canadian pre-dawn mountain air. She insisted we sing not with call-and-response, but in unison, a method creating a warm intimacy among the devotees that melted away any bodily considerations of ashram, gender or seniority, bringing everyone present together in an infectious mood of love for Srila Prabhupada and Radha-Banabehari. After kirtan everyone chanted japa for an hour. Yamuna would sometimes bring out her set of large red wooden beads dating back to her early days with Srila Prabhupada—beads he had personally chanted on for her. She would invite devotees present to chant a round on these special beads. She did not hoard her blessings from Srila Prabhupada, but shared them with everyone. After japa was Srimad-Bhagavatam class. Dina began each class with an excerpt from a selected book such as Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s biography or Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati’s writings. Then we read Srila Prabhupada’s Srimad-Bhagavatam, often several verses and purports each day, always nicely facilitated by Dina, always conducted in an interactive discussion format involving all present without a main speaker. Yamuna would often stir the discussion with thoughtful questions, steering the topic from the day’s verses and purports into a variety of fascinating directions. Many days it was just the four of us for class, and we talked about everything—their experiences with Srila Prabhupada, the dynamics of ashram and community life, the state of Kali Yuga, India, off-grid living, cow protection, Gaudiya Math/ISKCON issues, upcoming festivals, and much more. Haripriya devi (Milkmaid*): My alarm clock rings. It is 5:00 AM on a summer morning in Saranagati Village, and it’s almost time for mangal arati. After getting ready, I step outside into a crisp and quiet morning. Picking a flower from our garden for Their Lordships, I jog up the hill on the way to my favorite place, Banabehari Mandir. Once at the top, I look down towards the ashram and see dim yellow lights shining through the early morning mist. Coming up to the beautiful stained-glass tilak door, I lightly knock—one, two, three—and almost immediately, my favorite voice answers, “Haribol! Come in!” Slowly opening the door and stepping in, I say, “Haribol!” From the kitchen I hear, “Oh, choti Haripriya! I’m so happy you are here! I’ve been thinking of you!” Yamuna walks around the corner with a warm smile. She wraps me up in a tight embrace, and I squeeze my eyes shut and hug her, cherishing every moment in her arms. After a few seconds, Yamuna takes me by the hand and leads me towards the temple room. Before entering, she taps the hanging chimes, which ring in a high, sweet pitch. Wafts of incense mixed with the fragrance of flowers meet my nose. I hear Dina behind the Deity curtain, humming beautiful tunes as she prepares for arati. On this and every time I come to Banabehari Mandir, I think, “This is what the spiritual world must be like. I am home.” Yamuna asks me if I would like to play the drum, and picking up the whompers, she sits down on her blue ball in the back of the temple room. Suddenly, the conchshell blows, the bell rings and the curtains swing open to reveal a beautiful sight. There on the tall marble altar, lit by an array of candles, surrounded by silver animals and vases full of blossoming flowers, gracefully stand the most beautiful Deities: Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. They take my breath away, as They always do. Dina begins singing the Samsara prayers while she gracefully offers incense to their Lordships. Then Yamuna and I softly join in with our own voices and instruments. Carefully listening for Yamuna’s voice behind me, I hear it dipping in and out, freely weaving notes over and under ours, as if wrapping our offering with love. It is a most melodious and transcendental sound. In Banabehari Mandir, everything is a meditation, everything is a heartfelt prayer. I close my eyes and try to hear. Mangal arati in Banabehari Mandir has only just begun.
(* “Banabehari’s Milkmaids” is the name for the five young girls in Saranagati ranging in ages from ten to thirteen years old who had developed an enthusiasm for devotional activities and were engaged in devotional service at Banabehari Mandir.)
Radhakunda devi’s Diary: DECEMBER 2002—I went to Yamuna’s and Dina’s morning program this morning with Kar and his group. It was so beautiful—really beautiful. I can’t begin to describe what I feel right now. My mind is so overwhelmed with awe and amazement by such devotion as I’ve seen. What could I have possibly done to attain this beautiful association? Being at Yamuna’s and Dina’s is like being given two precious jewels, and I, in my ignorance, take them so much for granted. I do not know how to properly appreciate them at all…. I wish there was some way I could show these amazing people how much they mean to me, how much they have helped me grow. Perhaps someday I will understand such devotion and love that [they] have. For now I can only look in awe and dream.
Blissful Bali, Nimesh, Kartamasa and Radhakunda after a December morning program at Banabehari Mandir
Bhavatarini devi: I remember coming to chant japa with Yamuna early in the morning. She would be so excited about chanting japa that you would be totally into chanting japa first thing in the morning. And she would tell you so many special things about her that made it sound so special. You were like, “This is awesome.” I used to not want to chant japa, and now I am super into it.
Kalindi devi (Milkmaid): It is usually pretty cold at Saranagati in the mornings. So we go [to mangal arati] at 5:30 AM. And the sun is just coming up on the horizon on the tips of the mountains… So we would walk [to Banabehari Mandir]; and you pick a flower for the Deities because you know that Yamuna really appreciated that whenever you see the Lord, there are all these little things that we know we are supposed to do. She never really specifically instructed us, “You know you have to do this.” She would show it by example. So we picked our flowers and walked over there. They have a small gravel walkway, and when you open the gate, and you crunch in the gravel, you are so excited to go see Radha-Banabehari early in the morning in Their pajamas. You can see the lights on, and you know it is warm in there, and so you would always knock a little bit, and then go in. [Yamuna and Dina] would always say, “Come in!” And they would always call us, “Come in, sweet things. Haribol! Good morning!” They were always so happy to see us. It was like ever fresh or something, like they hadn’t seen us in years, and they were so happy to see us. They have these little lights that line the ceiling, and the mahamantra is right underneath it. There is usually Prabhupada chanting, or they will have some tape going before, and you can smell incense. It is so warm and cozy. You feel like you are in the spiritual world—everything else is far behind you. You don’t care about anything else. You are just so excited to sing for the Deities and see Radha-Banabehari. So they start the mangal arati, and it is so sweet. Everybody would sing together. And you could hear Yamuna sitting in the back, and she would play either a gong, shaker or sometimes a little keyboard…. And she was amazing at playing it. She would play all these notes, and she would be singing. And I remember I’d always be listening, trying to hear her sing. I would go quiet listening to her beautiful voice. And it was just so sweet.
Whenever we would have Bhagavatam discussions, it was never like a class; we would discuss everything together. And she was always so inquisitive: “How do you feel about it?” Yamuna would always put you on the spot. She would say, “Kalindi, what do you think about that?” And you were like, “Oh, Krishna!” and you say something. It would automatically make you go into your heart and pull out your deepest realizations and feelings. She made it in such a way that you didn’t have time to think about what you were going to say. She just encouraged you to speak from the heart. Vraja Kishori devi: I remember we would look forward to coming [to Saranagati] in the summer so that we could come to the morning program there. We came every morning. There was a beautiful mangal arati going on, then chanting japa together. We always felt welcome, even though there was [outside] tension because we were initiated by B. V. Narayana Maharaja. She was always welcoming us and reading together. Yamuna and Dina came here to go deeper. You just felt that Yamuna was always so sincerely reading, delving into it. She would ask my son, Srivasa, “So what have you heard in your sanga about this?” She was so eager to hear, so happy to hear, and we would share things that would be inspiring for us, and she would be so inspired. Udarakirti devi: I experienced this with my children. One mangal arati, they were so enthusiastic to come. They went running in the van, wailing, “We’re late! We’re late!” When we were coming here, they were just running with their skirts up, and I was sitting with Yoginath and saying, “Gosh, I haven’t seen anything like this.” We were behind; we couldn’t catch up because they wanted to be on time for greeting Radha-Banabehari for mangal arati. Yoginath das: The thing about the morning programs was that sometimes there would be a lot of people or some event, and it would be real exciting. But it was actually exciting every day. It was a real vital thing, even if there were only a few people there. Somehow, because I guess Krishna was there, it was alive, even to the point that Kalakantha mentioned that in his class in Mayapur—that the morning programs at this ashram made a big imprint on his Krishna Consciousness. Kalavati devi (Milkmaid): For me at the morning programs, I would get this feeling from being very young that by coming here, from the moment you step in, it was mystical. It was different. It wasn’t Saranagati. It wasn’t anything. It was so different here. You would walk in, and Yamuna would grab your hand and bring you to the front; then Dina was doing the arati. It was dark, and you didn’t see anybody, and it was just you and Krishna. And you knew that you were being guided to Krishna by Dina and Yamuna. It was interesting because that feeling of Radha-Banabehari being there is such a mood of Radha and Krishna. I had that same feeling when I went to Vrindavan. I got so attached to Vrindavan because that same feeling from Radha-Banabehari was there—it was Radha and Krishna. I got so attached to Radha-Shyamasundara because I could relate to that service, that love. That is what I felt with Yamuna and Dina. And that is something I noticed in Vrindavan, and I was kind of shocked by it. I knew I had felt this before, and it was with Radha-Banabehari.
Kartamasa das: [The morning program at Banabehari Mandir] was really a testament to how things can act on your heart, your mind. Because I was definitely trying to live both lives, I guess—a foot in each boat—many times staying up all night until mangal arati. And when the alarm goes off at four in the morning, if anyone I was with had said, “Oh, I am too tired to go,” we would all be like, “Okay, okay, I’m not going”—totally out of it. But every time, without fail, after we went to the morning program, we would be like, “Oh, my gosh! That was the most amazing program ever. I am so glad we decided to come. If we had missed that … !” I can’t recall anything from it now; that is why I am saying it was a heart thing. It is not like she said this and that, or we read this or that. The heart just changed.
Kirtaniya Sada Harih — Connecting with the Youth Through the Holy Name Giriraja Swami: Yamuna devi had a dream. I don’t remember the details, and it is a little delicate, because she was a very private person. Anyway, in this dream, or vision—whatever it was, she took it as very real—she was a sage in the forest, and Srila Prabhupada was also in the same forest, and somehow he engaged her in doing kirtan. She felt that from her past life there was a connection with Srila Prabhupada in relation to kirtan. About Srila Prabhupada’s kirtan she said, “Srila Prabhupada’s kirtan had no tinge of being a performance. It was purely for the pleasure of Krishna. It allowed the chanters access to the fact that the Lord’s Holy Name and the Lord are nondifferent. He said that the key to engaging in kirtan without anartha was hearing and studying our literature, and that gradually it would rise to the platform of pure devotional service. And in an email to Bhakta Carl, she wrote, “Leading and chanting in kirtan has little to do with how we sound to each other. It has much more to do with how we call out to Krishna and immerse ourselves in hearing the vibrations of the Holy Names.” What a vehicle for experiencing
love of Godhead! Throughout our years in Saranagati Village, the community held a Sunday Feast program featuring a fixed schedule of arati, class, guru puja, and feast. In the beginning, a core group of youth comprised of the teenage offspring of some of the founding residents, along with a younger group of girls, attended these Sunday programs. Yet Yamuna could easily see that this was a duty for most of them, and their hearts were often engaged elsewhere. We held long discussions on how we could help encourage the youth, something so close to Yamuna’s heart that she often cried tears of empathy and frustration. “We are losing our next generation because they are not feeling inspired by Krishna Consciousness,” she often lamented. One of Yamuna’s greatest attributes was her ability to create wonderfully imaginative engagements, festivals and other events to encourage others to experience the joy of Krishna bhakti. For many years, we had been swimming in the nectarean ocean of kirtan and bhajans, especially the prayers of Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur and Narottama das, and Yamuna came up with the idea of giving singing classes to the youth as a means of engaging them. Radhakunda devi: In the winter or fall, Yamuna invited us [the youth of Saranagati] to her ashram once a week to do singing lessons with her. She had printed out for each of us (about seven or eight) a thick booklet of exercises and lessons on how to improve your vocals and singing power. It was never like she was teaching us; she was just inviting us to learn with her. I remember marveling at how she would act like she didn’t know a thing about singing, and how much she needed to know more, yet she was the most incredible singer I had ever known! We would sit on mats on the floor in a semicircle in the temple room. Yamuna would always greet us warmly, grabbing our hands and patting the mat beside her to sit down. Then we would go through the lessons and exercises together, making the unusual sounds that they asked and laughing about them. Yamuna would always have funny comments about them. Often she would use the mahamantra to do the exercises with. I remember saying “Rama Rama” or “Krishna Krishna” in so many different ways and styles. Afterwards she would have us do kirtan together, round-robin style, and we would all sing, regardless of how nervous we were. I remember she would be commenting on how beautiful Namamrita’s voice was, or Krishna Chaitanya’s, or others. I remember for one retreat she had our little group perform a bhajan with her. I sat beside her and played the bell chimes—just feeling so wonderful. Radhakunda devi’s Diary: JANUARY 5, 2001—Tonight’s singing class with Yamuna and Dina was great! As well as the morning melody, they are also teaching us how to lead a kirtan and how to really follow the leader. Everyone went and sang a few mantras, and everyone else tried to follow to their best ability. It was actually quite difficult. When it was my turn, I had this tune in my head that I wanted to sing, but when I tried, it came out completely different. It was a difficult tune to follow, probably because I was half making it up, so I decided to switch to the normal tune, but it also came out very different.
Yamuna teaching singing to the youth Yamuna also engaged the older youth in ashram services such as planting a tulip garden for the Deities. Years later I dug up those tulips to separate and replant them elsewhere, but miraculously, those little white, perfectly formed tulips continued blossoming in the same area year after year. Of course, one of Yamuna devi’s principal attractions for the youth was her prasadam distribution. Everyone had heard of her culinary expertise, and Yamuna enjoyed preparing and offering prasadam to others perhaps even more than they enjoyed relishing it.
A Fortuitous Encounter Opens Hearts to the Joy of Kirtan and Sanga In late 2000, Yamuna and I met a young, second generation devotee, Kartamasa das, whose presence immediately impacted us. Visiting Saranagati with his friend Nimesh from Vancouver, we observed him as he sat chanting surrounded by friends, and it was obvious to us that he was a born leader. Intrigued, Yamuna invited Kartamasa and his friends over for kirtan and prasadam, and this began what became a profound, loving and enduring relationship with both Yamuna and me. Over the years, this sensitive, thoughtful and sincere devotee has influenced so many souls with his deeply penetrating and ego-free chanting of bhajans and kirtan, and as a teacher and headmaster, but more importantly, by his personal example of unequivocal devotional aspiration. Both he and later his equally qualified wife, Radhakunda, became more dear to Yamuna and me than words can express. Kartamasa das: The first time I met Yamuna devi, my life changed forever. I was in Saranagati for the Christmas holidays in 2000 having a reunion with my closest childhood friends. We were all in our early twenties, and having recently finished our university education and started work, we spent our time together recalling our childhood activities. One day we decided to have kirtan, but in a rather irreverent way, mocking the showy, elaborate vocal and
instrument style we had all absorbed growing up in ISKCON. After one such parody of kirtan, while we were all laughing at ourselves, Yamuna was standing over us. I don’t quite remember if she introduced herself (I don’t even remember how I knew it was Yamuna); I just remember her saying, “Oh, you do kirtan?” “Oh, no, no! We’re just playing around.” “And you can play harmonium and mridanga,” she said. “Oh, no; we’re just pretending.” “Please come to our ashram and have kirtan there.” “Uuuuhhh.” We youth looked at each other with embarrassment and apprehension. Even without knowing anything about her, other than “Yamuna the cook and singer of the Govindam prayer lives here now,” I could sense some kind of uncompromising purity from her, even though she was so jovial. It made me feel sheepish. “We have apple crisp,” she added. Her determination, coupled with our youthful appetites, changed our demeanors to interested smiles. “So, can you come at 4:15?” And so at 4:15 the four of us made our first trip to Banabehari Mandir. The atmosphere set the tone immediately. It was already rather dark out, and the ashram was only lit by candles. In the very center of the ashram was a brahmasthan [a dome over a skylight], and directly under that were plants and candles. Couches and chairs were arranged in a circular way around that center. We were seated there and served hot tea and delicious apple crisp on small china plates. I do not remember any of the conversations that took place then. From talking to my friends about it years later, we could only recall that Yamuna and Dina seemed to take a genuine interest in us, and that genuineness instilled in us a very rare feeling of respect (for at that time we competitively took pride in noting hypocrisies and insincerities in people). What is forever etched in my mind is the kirtan that happened next. Yamuna and Dina both sat directly across from me, and Dina began strumming a tamboura and humming. They then began to sing together—just the two of them—the entire Mangalacaranam prayers. Their eyes remained closed. I had never been in a kirtan like that. There were no other instruments around, nor were we asked to play anything. We weren’t even asked to sing. We just listened. And that changed my life forever, because as I listened I began to feel something. I was not feeling anything inside myself (I was as unconscious as a brick). I was simply “feeling” something they were feeling. In other words, I was palpably affected and moved by what they were feeling as they sang. Right then and there, I decided that I wanted to feel what they were feeling. It was the real thing—everything I had heard and read about chanting while growing up as a devotee, yet which evaded me as if it were a myth—here it was as clear as day right in front of me, in real live human beings. In a matter of seconds, all my cumulative desires, aspirations, ambitions, priorities and hierarchies faded into the pale, replaced unequivocally by this overbearing drive to taste what they were tasting in this immensely deep, peaceful, prayerful kirtan. This jolted my entire being, literally waking me up from a dullness at least a decade strong. Mystically my senses suddenly seemed to sharpen. For instance, I suddenly became aware of the smell of incense that I couldn’t distinguish minutes earlier. The plants in the middle of the room—I was now convinced they were all tulasi plants. “This is it,” I thought to myself. “This is Vrindavan. This is kirtan. This is Krishna Consciousness.” And I had never before had that thought in my entire life. I then closed my eyes too and listened to the kirtan attentively again. I loved it. Towards what seemed like the end of the kirtan, I believe we mumbled along, almost inaudibly, to the mahamantra, since none of us were accustomed to serious kirtan. Furthermore, I felt a bit out of my league even being in the same kirtan as these two devotees. The kirtan lasted about 45
minutes. I noted that because I was used to participating in a kirtan for 5 or 10 minutes, and 45 minutes was a total novelty to me. I don’t remember leaving or any other exchanges that evening. I had withdrawn into myself, and the conversations around me were faded soundtracks behind my new purpose in life. Not just my new purpose—it was my first purpose in life. And now and forever, it is my only purpose—to taste kirtan the way Yamuna and Dina do. I cannot comprehend anything higher than that, and I don’t ever need to, because that was real Krishna Consciousness. Upon returning to Alachua from my vacation in Saranagati, I was determined to explore kirtan. Nothing was more intriguing to me. I had spent much of the previous eight years playing in bands ranging from jazz to heavy metal, but hadn’t touched kirtan since childhood. Now it was a mission, all inspired by that one kirtan with Yamuna and Dina. I can’t remember if it was vocalized by either them or me, but I felt it was an instruction from them to try to have more kirtan. I may have told them that when I got back to Alachua I would try to have kirtan with my friends. Regardless, somehow I felt accountable to them in my heart to explore kirtan…. I gathered all my most musical and talented friends. I explained to them that instead of trying to make excellent contemporary music, we should try to make excellent bhajans. They all went along with the idea, most probably because I was so enthusiastic about it. We chose to practice the bhajan Gay Gaura Madhur Sware because it had so much musical potential. We had a few soulful singers, harmonium, mridanga, kartals, violin, and I played guitar. There were possibly more instruments. Everything was intricately choreographed and rehearsed, like a band practice. However, we would warm up and warm down with simple and spontaneous mahamantra kirtan. The “rehearsals” lasted only about three sessions. Without a word spoken about our previous plans, we unanimously opted to meet weekly for more spontaneous bhajans, taking turns leading and encouraging each other with a lot of love and patience. Soon, non-musical friends were invited, and soon after that we opened to anyone that was interested in coming. That was the beginning of Alachua’s “Wednesday Night Bhajans,” which still continue regularly as of this writing, and also coincided with a global interest in bhajans amongst the devotee youth. For myself, my role was as a facilitator, overseeing the sound system and pacifying my neighbors and apartment manager. But the drive and aim to engage in and taste kirtan came directly from Yamuna and Dina prabhus.
While I greatly enjoyed those kirtans, I felt like I was just taking the first baby step of a very long journey. In my heart, I couldn’t wait to get back to Saranagati and to have more kirtan with Yamuna and Dina. The next chance I got to go was the following Christmas break, 2001, one year after my first meeting with them. Over the next year Banabehari Mandir began taking on its own distinctive qualities and character—aided by Yamuna and my continued efforts and the contributions of many Saranagati devotees. A new adobe floor was poured, with parquet wood in the temple room. Flower and vegetable beds were prepared and planted and the pujari room completed. A fortunate by-product of engaging others in Deity or ashram services was that through seva many warm and loving relationships were established. Lilamrita devi, a selfless and dedicated disciple of Srila Prabhupada despite never having met him during his manifest presence, regularly came throughout our Saranagati years and shared Krishna Consciousness with us through the six exchanges of love. Harilila devi always brought gifts of flowers or wonderful jams and jellies she and her husband, Bala Krishna, made on their farm. Udarakirti, a Russian devotee who had endured the depredations of ISKCON’s early years there, was an enthusiastic support to us. And our long-time friend and Godsister Visakha devi, her husband, Yadubara das, and their two beautiful devotee daughters, were now our closest neighbors. Kuvalesaya das: When I think of the ashram space, I remember a devotee called Lilamrita; and I remember one day she had come to do seva for Radha-Banabehari, and there was this certain mood of very gentle, delicate, sensitive and quiet worship. In that context, I felt that somehow the space Dina and Yamuna had created really obliged one to reconsider their whole approach to how they were going to live their life and interact in this space.
Harilila, Dinatarini, Udarakirti, Yamuna, Nirmala and Lilamrita
An Invitation from Radhanath Swami to Mumbai and Pune Yatra — January 2001 Yamuna and I had been hearing enlivening reports from several people about the wonderful devotional programs instituted by Radhanath Swami in Mumbai. He had previously invited her to visit the Radha-Gopinatha Temple in Chowpatty and also attend a great gathering of devotees at the Pune residence of Krishna Chandra prabhu and his family, but Yamuna wrote in reply that as Srila Prabhupada had instructed her to remain aloof from her former husband, she reluctantly had to decline. This in itself reveals much about Yamuna’s dedication to Srila Prabhupada. She was very careful to follow his direct instructions over the years, whether they were fashionable or not. In her humility she would often say, “I’m not advanced enough to say that even though he said one thing, he meant another, or meant it for a moment in time.” When Radhanath Swami invited her again in 2001, Yamuna was excited at the prospect. As I could not go due to the possibility of winter damage to the still-unfinished ashram if left unattended, Visakha devi again accompanied Yamuna to Mumbai, stopping first for two days in England to visit old friends there. Yamuna: We arrived in Mumbai at 3:30 in the morning and passed through customs without event. Two devotees greeted and garlanded us—one was named Palika devi, a very exuberant, bubbly and friendly escort who turned out to be a great saving grace in the subsequent days of our stay in Mumbai. A wonderful driver put us into a brand new Toyota SUV vehicle—most unlike India. The morning was muggy and dark, with cicadas at the airport…. They took us to the home of Krishna Chandra prabhu and his wife, Radhapriya devi, called Mafatlal House. In her recorded diary, Yamuna elaborately described the experience of being hosted by the family of Krishna Chandra prabhu, down to the notes of sincerity posted by the children on the bulletin board in the room where she and Visakha stayed. Yamuna felt an immediate connection with the entire family—gracious and humble, Krishna Chandra prabhu; his devoted and powerful wife, Radhapriya; his intelligent, sober and deep daughter Radha; Anjali, full of life, honest and forthright; and Priyavrata, still young and carefree. When she returned to Saranagati, Yamuna was effusive about their sincerity in devotional service. I can’t recall how many times she said, “I can’t wait for you to meet this family. There is no reason for them to be so dedicated and devotional because materially everything is there, but it comes from their hearts. I know you will feel the same way.” And she was right. I did not meet the extended family of Krishna Chandra prabhu until his daughter Anjali’s wedding in 2006, but I witnessed those same qualities and shared the same heartfelt appreciation of them. When she saw the beautiful temple of Radha-Gopinatha, Yamuna was overwhelmed at the beauty and care taken with every service, and repeated to many devotees how pleased Srila Prabhupada would be to see the cleanliness, the punctuality and the attitude of sincere service. When she asked a senior member there what was responsible for the flourishing temple and temple standards, he replied: “Three things—Radhanath Swami, Radhanath Swami and Radhanath Swami.” Humor aside, Yamuna saw the truth in this. Just as we had seen Bhakti-tirtha
Swami in Washington DC convince many African-American professionals and others to join the Krishna Consciousness Movement by his personal example, so also Radhanath Swami had convinced so many highly intelligent and materially prosperous people to become sincere and dedicated devotees. This was nothing short of miraculous in Yamuna’s eyes. It is interesting that our Unalloyed team acquired so many talks and kirtans of Yamuna devi, because after Srila Prabhupada’s departure, she was always reluctant to either lead kirtan or speak in any large assembly. In her diary, Yamuna expressed her fears that Radhanath Swami expected her to do both. Yamuna: Radhanath Maharaja hinted that we were going to be engaged in pravachan, and of course, this was my worst dread, and something I had feared from the very beginning would be asked of me. Somehow or other he gave [Visakha and me] the general topic of speaking about Srila Prabhupada. And so we were introduced by Radhanath Maharaja with his standard means of glorifying the devotees—extremely moving and highly respectful. Then he said, “Now let us greet the devotees,” and everybody shouted, “Haribol! Haribol! Haribol!” and raised their hands. And then he said, “Louder,” and everybody roared this “Haribol!” greeting. Then he asked us to speak, and we bounced back and forth with each other for about 45 minutes until it was time to greet the Deities. At that point, Radhanath Swami said, “Now lead kirtan,” and I was very hesitant to do that, but when the curtains opened, I began leading the Govindam prayers. Radhanath Swami: We are so blessed in this very temple room. On several occasions Yamuna devi spoke for us, sitting right here. She would lead kirtans. She would speak incredible deep memories of Srila Prabhupada. She would speak such powerful, pure, heart-piercing siddhanta of our teachings and philosophy, with such compassion…. Yamuna devi was here, and it was greeting of the Deities time, and we were all sitting in front as the doors opened. And just as the doors opened, the electricity went out. So Govindam adi purusam didn’t play. There was no electricity. So everyone looked at Yamuna devi, and I asked her, “Please, you chant.” And everyone was looking at her, “Please chant.” So she led, live, in person, for the greeting of Radha-Gopinatha. And I was thinking that devotees all over the universe would give anything to be here for this moment, where Yamuna devi is live in person greeting the Deities. And it was very heart-melting. As soon as she ended, all the lights went on, and the electricity came back. This is not just some sentimental idea. This is the reality—that Sri Sri Radha-Gopinatha wanted her to sing for Them, and They orchestrated it perfectly. And we were all the witnesses of this lila.
“You Will Live Ten More Years” A few days after her arrival, Yamuna went to the Bhaktivedanta Hospital to receive Ayurvedic treatment for a few days. On entering the hospital and seeing Srila Prabhupada’s murti prominently displayed and worshiped by all the staff, and by observing the sincerity and dedication of the devotee doctors and facilitators, she spent virtually the entire visit overwhelmed with emotion.
Yamuna: I’m completely overwhelmed. [The staff] were already glorified with their qualifications—all specialists in their fields, and all devotee preachers first, and then their specialist positions—anesthesiologists, pediatricians, surgeons, lecturers, teachers—after. The level of sincere Krishna Consciousness here is earth shattering. You can hear Srila Prabhupada; he is being glorified in the background by his kirtan going on twenty-four hours a day. The halls resonate with Krishna Consciousness. Everything is offered; everyone who eats in this hospital—all the patients in critical care down to somebody who sits at the front door—gets Krishna prasadam offered to Jagannatha, Balarama, Subhadra archa vigraha. In the lobby everyone has on suits, and all the men have on sikhas. What can I say? I’m speechless—it is yet again as if a bomb was dropped on my head. I am speechless. Vishvarupa das: [Yamuna devi] was standing [before Srila Prabhupada’s murti] for the Siksastakam prayers that we sing four times in the day before the shift of service begins. And when she entered somehow that prayer was going on, and she was simply weeping and weeping throughout the prayers. Then she distributed the prasadam which we distribute after the prayers with her own hands. All the employees and people were there. And I remember that on that visit of hers, I never saw her not crying. Constantly she was crying throughout. And my wife would cook for her, and with every morsel, she would just close her eyes and just eat and glorify, and the next morsel, eat and glorify, and cry. Cry and eat, cry and eat…. I cannot imagine how one can be ecstatically crying every moment, all throughout the number of days that she stayed…. She was so appreciative of the devotees that Prabhupada’s Movement had created, and she was thanking Prabhupada again and again. Yamuna’s initial desire was to take the panchakarma cleanse, but at her evaluation the Ayurvedic consultant advised against it, feeling it would put too much strain on the heart. Yamuna recorded his findings: Yamuna: After four days of observation, the doctor has come up with the fact that I should not take panchakarma—that my system is not strong enough for it. That means that although it doesn’t show up in a cardiograph, there is a chance of a heart problem, and the panchakarma would be too strong on that. [He said] that whatever healing I do should be done very slowly, and not in a dramatic way. That includes weight loss and/or working on any of the other functions of my body that aren’t in working order. The Ayurvedic physician has said that according to my palm I have ten more years to live. I can either live that in a healthy state or a diseased state. The healthy state will be obtained by living in an Ayurvedic way that is in tune with my constitution. This prophetic statement turned out to be true, and except for the last two years of her life, Yamuna lived a remarkably active and blissful life full of energy and stamina despite her health issues. Before she left the hospital, Yamuna expressed her gratitude and appreciation to the assembled doctors and staff: Yamuna: I just want to glorify your service. I have millions of thoughts and millions of words, and it would be very eloquent to begin to express how touched and how honored we are
just to have your company, and how we appreciate the fact that while Srila Prabhupada gave instructions equally to all of his disciples, to everyone on this planet, you see how some [actually] hear them, and you have heard them. And not only how you heard them, but how you’ve acted on them, and that it is so rare and exquisitely beautiful, and so needed on this planet. This is like no place in the world.
More Blissful Association at the Pune Yatra Yamuna devi would have been the first to say that she became uncomfortable in large crowds. The surreal effect of traveling from our remote ashram in the wilds of British Columbia to Mumbai, and the reception she always received, was frankly overwhelming to her. Whenever she stepped out of our cocooned existence at Saranagati, she was virtually mobbed with devotees who wanted her company. And Yamuna’s nature was at once gracious and self-effacing. She would always try to accommodate everyone, but with vast numbers, it became somewhat overwhelming. As she attended the massive gathering at the Pune residence of Krishna Chandra prabhu, she later related that all she could feel was gratitude and appreciation—that these devotees were serving Srila Prabhupada’s Movement with such grace and dignity. Her talk at the Pune Yatra is available online, but I attach a small indication of her overall feeling, which poignantly expresses what she took from the experience. Yamuna: So, when I came this morning and sat down to japa amidst you all for the first time, again I was awestruck by your company. It was like “surround sound.” If you are ever in a recording studio—it’s a bit high tech—there are many tracks that can be recorded upon, and when you sit in the listening room and the sound comes on and the mixing is correct, you are surrounded in all directions with that sound—from the four directions: left and right, up and down. So I felt like that. Just being in your company I was surrounded by your bhakti, your prayer, the repetition of the vibration of the mahamantra, and again I was overcome by the quality of your association.
Yamuna simply beamed when she returned to Saranagati from that visit, enthusiastically recalling to me the glories of Radhanath Swami and all the devotees at Radha-Gopinatha Mandir. I lamented not being able to experience what was etched so clearly on her face—the pure bliss of sadhu sanga with wonderful devotees.
Saranagati Village — The Idealism Versus the Concrete Reality of Community Living The early idealism of our conception of community life in Saranagati Village was quickly dampened by the challenges of its democratic management structure. With each shareholder also being a director, the passing and implementation of resolutions was never an easy task. Although Saranagati was an ISKCON-affiliated community, its directors focused on managing shareholder, property and legal issues, while steering away from the enforcement of devotional standards or infringements to its original spiritual mandate. This was attributed in part to the fact that many of Saranagati’s residents were rugged individualists who had lived under temple management for years and now wished to be more self-determined. Having already been confronted with a variety of philosophical disagreements since its inception, it is understandable that the residents of Saranagati wanted to avoid such conflicts whenever possible; yet with no overall spiritual authority in place and little enforcement of its spiritual mission and bylaws, Saranagati’s residents adhered to a cornucopia of philosophical understandings—from radical rtvik to disheveled hippie-era mountain men, and from dedicated Prabhupada disciples to followers of other Gaudiya gurus. Yamuna devi, seen as a desirable convert, was often approached by representatives of other groups or missions. As she fundamentally respected all Vaishnavas, perhaps some of them mistook this for something else, but in fact Yamuna had lived through so many presentations of siddhanta at variance with Srila Prabhupada’s that, while she graciously received those who came to Banabehari Mandir, she was not interested in joining their ranks. Once, a young sannyasi disciple of Narayana Maharaja came and spoke for five hours—at one point asserting that Srila Prabhupada had only given the ABC’s of Krishna bhakti, and adding that unless we joined his guru’s mission, no advancement would be forthcoming. I will never forget Yamuna’s answer. While she remained externally very gracious, I could see that it was a struggle for her. She said, “When I feel as though I have understood one ten-thousandth of a drop in the ocean of what Srila Prabhupada gave us, in however many lifetimes that takes me, then by his grace he may then give me more.”
Early Saranagati Retreats and Festivals In reflecting on our years at Saranagati Village, one wonderful quality of the community stands out—that irrespective of any external tensions, the core group of devotees were enthusiastic and hard-working participants in devotional festivals and functions. Every household could be counted on to bring at least one prasadam preparation and engage their children in
plays, chanting, singing, dancing, and craft projects. Inspired by the exceptional exchanges of love among devotees at the Mumbai Radha-Gopinatha Temple, Yamuna felt that the cure for any spiritual divisiveness in Saranagati was to encourage more all-inclusive programs and festivals, to enliven everyone in Krishna Consciousness and strengthen the overall spiritual unity. She would sit for hours in deep thought, write copious notes about specific themes for programs, and then go door to door, list in hand, and invite others to make a preparation or engage in special services. The residents of Saranagati invariably responded with enthusiasm, and when the programs, festivals or retreats occurred, they were always blissful and dynamic occasions. One of her first ideas was to begin quarterly Holy Name retreat programs, where the entire community, adults and children, would spend twelve hours together engaged in chanting, hearing, performing plays, singing and feasting. The first retreat was held at the home of Ghosh Thakur das and Girija devi, or “Supermom” as Yamuna nicknamed her for her wonderful parenting of five exceptional children. Always smiling and tireless, Girija is a shining star in the Saranagati firmament. Each family or other participant contributed a reading, kirtan, play or other offering, and as part of our contribution, Yamuna engaged the women of her singing class in chanting a favorite bhajan. Radhakunda devi’s Diary: APRIL 12, 2001—For the retreat, the ladies that went to Mother Yamuna and Dinatarini’s singing program are singing the bhajan Kabe Habe Bolo Sei Dina Amar in a choir to this really beautiful tune. It’s a little bit difficult, but not much—and it’s fun. I really enjoy it! We are practicing again on Monday at 10:00 AM. I am so glad I am able to get the association of those two wonderful ladies. Ten years ago, I never would have thought that one day I would be singing and learning to sing with Yamuna and Dina! I wonder what I did to get that special mercy? It’s a great hope for my future, for what will the next ten years bring?
Lasting until well after midnight, and engaging each of the adults and children, the retreat affirmed the Krishna Magic of devotee association within the community, and everyone left feeling uplifted and ready to plan the next retreat. Radhakunda devi, then seventeen, wrote about the event in her diary: Radhakunda devi’s Diary: MAY 2, 2001—We had japa first, and that was a little bit difficult. After that we had kirtan and then prasadam. After prasadam Yoginath’s family gave their presentation. It was so good. Yogi wrote a song about Saranagati, and his family sang it in the Navanita Gaura Varam tune. It was the funniest, most truthful song about the farm that I ever heard. Jai said it made him cry. It was a really beautiful song. After the song [Girija] did a Krsna book workshop. She read us the Kaliya story, and we were divided in groups. Each of us imagined the story in our head and then shared it with the group…. We, the ladies, also sang our Kabe Habe Bolo song. It was so fun. Then Jai led a kirtan, and KC [Krishna Chaitanya] lead a sweet kirtan. I think we might have had prasadam then, and then we built a bonfire … and people sang and danced until about 12 AM. Then we went inside for the midnight raga. Yamuna got sick and had to go home, so Dina sang the tune. It was really nice, but hard to catch on. Then everyone went home. Nice day for sure!
We held the next twelve-hour Holy Name retreat in October, soon after the wife of our dear friend and ashram builder, Rasaraja das, was seriously injured in an automobile accident. Lilamrita devi, our multi-talented Godsister, wrote a beautiful and poignant song dedicated to her based on the mare krsna rakhe ke, rakhe krsna mare ke prayer of Narottama das Thakur, and Yamuna and she sang it together leaving everyone emotional by their heartfelt singing and its profound meaning. Yamuna later read her closing thoughts to the assembled devotees.
A Spiritual Warrior — Bhakti-tirtha Swami at Banabehari Mandir One of the frequent discussions Yamuna and I had in Saranagati was on contrasting the challenges of living in a small community with its benefits. On the challenge side, because of the limited number of residents, you have to confront different issues with the same people over and over again, and this can erode your respect for each other. On the benefit side, it can teach you more tolerance, humility and self-reflection. In July, our community was given an informal seminar on community values when our dear Godbrother Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja came to visit us in Saranagati, staying for four days at Banabehari Mandir. Not only had the entire concept of spiritual community been a principal focus of his for years, but he had written books deeply exploring it. Yamuna and I spoke for hours with him on the challenges within our own community, and his observations were both highly illuminating and relevant. On July 4 and 5, Bhakti-tirtha Swami presented a two-day seminar on the importance of community and devotee relationships. As expected, it was profound with realization steeped in a liberal dose of love and compassion. His interactive seminar engaged young and old alike, and was much appreciated by those who attended. Radhakunda devi: [Bhakti-tirtha Swami] had all the devotees in the room go around and glorify each other, which was especially moving because some devotees were glorifying each other and crying. I think everyone in the valley was there, and the mood was incredible. Even as a
teenager, I remember being blown away by his personality and abilities. Radhakunda devi’s Diary: JULY 5, 2001—Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja is here and giving seminars on appreciating each other and building a stronger community. It’s exactly what the farm needs right now—to appreciate each other more. Tonight is the last seminar given by Bhakti-tirtha Swami. He is really good, humble and kind. I really enjoy his seminars. For Yamuna and me, the memories of our profound and loving exchanges with Bhakti-tirtha Swami during his stay were especially meaningful; it would be the last time we actually had his physical association in this life.
Radhastami The observance of Radhastami was usually held at Radha-Banabehari Mandir, as Gaura-Nitai were worshiped at the community temple of Kulasekhara das. We held the first Radhastami celebration in 2001. Yamuna wanted to offer 108 preparations, and again went with her lists to engage others, though she made many dishes herself. We hung twenty-five paper diamonds from the temple ceiling bearing the qualities of Srimati Radharani, and each of the children and youth acted out a charade of one quality, while the rest guessed it. Then a full abhisheka of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari was held with milk, yogurt, ghee, honey and sweet water offered by each devotee, accompanied by kirtan and Radharani bhajans. At the greeting of the Deities after Their dressing, flowers and small clay ghee lamps were offered by each devotee, as Yamuna stood nearby asking them to offer a special prayer “from the core of their hearts” to Srimati Radharani. Then the 108 preparations were offered and honored with great happiness. This program, with yearly variations on its theme, was observed for each Radhastami during our Saranagati years.
Radhakunda devi’s Diary: OCTOBER 29, 2001—What do I know for certain? I know for certain one thing only, and that is that I want to be a devotee for the rest of my life. For
sure—not just a Sunday Feast devotee, but an everyday devotee; a devotee that follows Ekadasi, chants sixteen rounds, reads Prabhupada’s books, goes to the programs, has a devotee husband and devotee kids (maybe); be like my parents and Yamuna and Dina, the devotees at the farm. It’s amazing how much more I appreciate them now that I am away from them. It’s like a big family over there, like I have so many parents and friends.
Radhakunda offering flowers to Radha-Banabehari
A Blossoming of Bhakti in the Heart — Kartamasa’s Story Kartamasa das (Kar) again came during his Christmas break, and Yamuna and I immediately sensed a change in him. The longing in the heart for glorification of Krishna through the Holy Name was now surfacing through the thin veil of material attachments. Kar again brought his friend Nimesh, a laconic and reserved second generation youth, who surprised us by quietly serving both Banabehari Mandir and the community behind the scenes. Nimesh, a loyal and generous soul, became a regular visitor to Banabehari Mandir and a much-valued friend to Yamuna and me. Sometimes he would work in Vancouver all day and drive at night to be in time for mangal arati. Kartamasa das: This time, when I arrived in Saranagati along with the same friends I shared the previous holidays with, I was a different person. I was hungry for kirtan, whether it was listening or participating. I was interested in melodies, rhythms and moods—in short, I was a fan of kirtan. My friends picked up on this, and for Christmas I was generously given a minidisc recorder and microphone, so I could collect and treasure all kinds of kirtan. This was the best gift I have ever received in my life. Even though I was so close in proximity to Yamuna and Dina, I wasn’t able to go there, for we were busy with holiday events, and I did not have a vehicle. From what I recall, we went
to see Yamuna and Dina once before New Year, and it was for a cordial reconnect chat. The only memory from that conversation was Yamuna’s question to me, which was delivered in the same manner as asking how the folks were: “And Kar, do you still do drugs?” My friends all snickered at this, and I did not live it down for some time. I answered no, and despite the fact that I had never in my life done any drugs, I took it as a serious question for two reasons. For one, I was struck with the revelation of my good fortune that I was able to actually honestly say no to such a powerful and spiritual personality; it justified my hard-fought battle against peer-pressure all those teen years. Secondly, I looked at the question more metaphorically, as in, “And Kar, are you still living unconsciously, without a purpose?” Again, I was so glad that I could say no—that I was ready to hear and learn, and that she had my total respect. Yamuna and Dina also invited us to the celebration of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari’s installation anniversary and Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur’s Disappearance Day, which fell on January 2 that year. They asked us to come at 8 AM for kirtan.
Nimesh, Kartamasa and Yamuna The next time I saw Yamuna was at the New Year’s Eve gathering. I remember trying to do kirtan with my friends as much as possible during that week or so that I was in Saranagati. I remember Yadubara being inspired to participate, and he learned how to play harmonium shortly afterwards. I played harmonium for Yamuna at the gathering because in my ignorance I thought from the way she was talking that she could not in any way whatsoever play harmonium or a keyboard; so I thought I was assisting her because she was helpless in that regard. I had only just started playing that year. Imagine my sheepishness to find out later how many kirtans she led with a harmonium, including playing the keyboard so often at the morning programs. The point is, she made each of us feel important and appreciated for whatever service we might consent to. However, at that New Year’s gathering, I still spent most of the time with friends, away from the kirtan and Yamuna and Dina’s company. The fact is I had cherished so much the meditative mood that they had shared with us the year before that the more social and raucous kirtans were not very compelling to me. I eagerly awaited January 2.
Festival for Observing the Appearance Day of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari Yamuna and I were thrilled to share the Appearance Day celebration of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari with the Saranagati devotees and guests. Of all festivals and observances, this was one of the most dear to us. Both Yamuna and I deeply felt the blessings and mercy of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur in our lives, and being able to both honor his Disappearance and celebrate Radha-Banabehari’s presence was doubly auspicious for us. You should always pray to [Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati] because naturally he will be more affectionate to you than me. Generally one is more affectionate to the grandchildren than to the children directly. So I am sure that my Guru Maharaja will be [more] easily inclined to your prayers than that of mine. You will do good always by offering your prayers to His Divine Grace Bhaktisiddhanta Goswami Maharaja. —LETTER TO BRAHMANANDA DAS, DEC. 19, 1968 Kartamasa das: Finally, the morning [of January 2] arrived. All my friends were there with me, and I made my first kirtan recording ever: Dina leading us in their signature Gurvastakam melody while playing tamboura, and then passing the lead round-robin style, engaging each and every one of us. For many of us, it was our first time leading publicly, even if just for one mantra. Dayalu played their precious yellow mridanga, and I played kartals for some of the time. Our program always involved first chanting the Mangalacaranam and other bhajans, then having readings and personal glorification of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati. Yamuna traditionally requested each devotee to bring a reading, story or prayer of their choosing. Then the abhisheka was performed and kirtan held as the Deities were dressed in Their white and burgundy velvet winter dresses.
Kartamasa das: When Yamuna opened the screen for the Deity darshan, I remained in the back, so I could not see so clearly, but I remember thinking how perfect a life this was—how the Deities were being worshiped so nicely and properly; how They were placed front and center in all of our lives; and how a devotee (Yamuna) knew how to do this all so expertly and efficiently. She and Dina were literally organizing and conducting the program while they were engaged in services like offering the arati and preparing the offerings. An example of this is how when the screen was pulled back for arati, Yamuna, while doing arati, instructed everyone to sing the Govindam prayers, and then when the usual verses were over, she led everyone in continuing the same melody, but singing the mahamantra. I have heard her sing the mahamantra following the Govindam prayers a couple other times, and it is one of the most precious sounds etched in my heart. Unfortunately, I had only a sense for kirtan at that point, and do not remember well enough anything from the event other than that. In fact, I was still too dull to even be able to properly see the beautiful forms of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari.
Kartamasa’s Worshipful Deities — Krishna and Balarama Kartamasa das: Yamuna must have noticed my dullness, because the day I went over to say goodbye (having to go back to graduate school), she gave me another life-changing experience. After a few welcoming sentences, she called me over, away from the group. One of her larger armchairs was all the way by the wall of what became the dining area. She sat me down in the chair, and she pulled up a stool from the kitchen, sitting directly in front of me. “What do you do regarding Deity worship?” she asked. “Me?! Nothing! I have a few pictures on my old TV stand.” “Let me tell you how Srila Prabhupada engaged me in Deity worship.” She then proceeded to tell me the entire story of her Deities, Sri Sri Radha-Banabehariji, which began much before Their appearance, beginning with her assignment in India to learn Deity worship from the Goswamis’ temples in Vrindavan (particularly the Radha-Raman Temple) and her service of having Deities made for the ISKCON Vrindavan Mandir. She went on to share how Radha-Banabehari were one of the three perfect sets made, and how Prabhupada had himself named Them and instructed her and Dina to worship Them for the rest of their lives. She so humbly said how she was just practicing how to properly serve Them, and how distant a goal it was to serve Them well. But with the most emphasis, looking me in the eyes with her penetrating gaze, she told me how important it was to worship Deities. My jaw literally dropped, and I could not figure out why she was telling me all this. The conversation felt like an hour long. Due to my confused state, I cannot accurately remember details, just this general outline of the conversation. I do not remember why it was so important to worship Deities, although she certainly spent a good amount of time telling me why. All I know is I strongly felt that it was important to her that it was important to me, and that this was a direct instruction. The details quickly became just context for the message: you need to worship Deities. She then released me. As we left and journeyed back to Vancouver, I told my friend Nimesh what happened, and how I was given a direct instruction. I was just feeling that I had taken her first (albeit indirect) instruction to heart (to dive into kirtan), and was just beginning to relish it with unlimited enthusiasm. Now I had been given a completely different instruction, and there were no ifs, ands, or buts about it. I had a new mission. …
It was now January 2002, and this year became one of the most important of my life for many reasons. Even upon arrival in Vancouver, on the way to Florida, Nimesh and I had wonderful kirtan at every opportunity. Then in Alachua, along with my roommate Gauranga Kishore, we hosted six spiritual programs a week in our apartment, mostly revolving around bhajans. It was a special time, during which Krishna gave me so much opportunity to dive into Krishna Consciousness and get good association. However, I had the itch of Yamuna’s instruction to me on Deity worship ever present on my mind. Initially, I brought out my childhood Deities and began worshiping Them, reacquainting myself with making offerings and performing arati. Yet within my heart I saw Krishna as Govinda, the cowherd boy, with His hand on His hip and a mischievous, all-knowing smile. My father had worshiped this form of Krishna and named me after him (Kartamasa). So I decided I needed that form of Krishna in order to whole heartedly try Deity worship, and resolute in that purpose, I spent a lot of time in prayer. Then one Sunday evening, I entered the temple gift shop and immediately looked up in the rafters high above all the merchandise. There, alone and unpainted, were the divine forms of Sri Sri Krishna-Balarama. I could not see any features, just Their tribhanga curving forms. My heart leaped; there They were, the most perfect forms of the Lord for me to worship. I couldn’t have ever conceived of anything more suitable or perfect. Unfortunately, the proprietor told me they were not for sale—that she had brought them from Vrindavan to become her personal Deities. I became despondent, and seeing this, my parents and friends convinced the owner to give Them to me. Their Lordships were installed on the weekend of April 14, 2002.
Yamuna’s Health Retreat and Alachua Visit — Summer 2002 By the summer of 2002, Yamuna was experiencing some health issues. Through the kindness of friends Devarshi and Nirmala in Alachua and Henry Schoellkopf in Washington DC, she spent sixty-three days at a raw food institute in Florida, which improved her health
significantly. Whenever Yamuna tried a new culinary modality, she created new recipes—invariably improvements on what she had experienced—and even toyed with the idea of writing a raw food cookbook. Unfortunately, Saranagati’s harsh climate, with its ninety-day growing season, was impractical for a year-round raw food diet, so she was ultimately forced to make adjustments. Still, her health remained stable, and she was always grateful for the experience. After the retreat, she visited the Alachua community and stayed with Nirmala, Devarshi and their daughter Vani. Nirmala devi: Yamuna stayed with us for some time after her stay at the Hippocrates Institute. On the morning she was to leave, she already had her luggage by the door. We chanted, had breakfast and took her to the airport. When we returned, I went into her room. She had made a banner from headrest paper from my husband’s chiropractic table which extended across the entire wall. It brought tears to our eyes and longing to our hearts. I saved this banner, which she had stayed up to make in her beautiful calligraphy writing. In bigger writing she wrote, “With all my heart, with my all, Thank you. I carry you with me always.” Then above and below that she wrote, “Dear Nirmala, Devarshi and Vani, In the wee small hours before departure, the full spectrum of embracing love, respect, gratitude and honor …” She went on with two full lines across the wall of what she experienced on this visit. It was heartfelt, genuine and done with love. One of the many astounding qualities about Yamuna was her gratitude and appreciation. She didn’t expect anything and appreciated everything! When we visited her she would go all out to make a wonderful stay, and when she came to us for respite, we tried to do the same, but could never measure up to her impeccable, creative, Krishna Conscious standard. Yet she magnified our little service, as she did for everyone. She boosted devotees up to encourage them in their devotional practices. If you did some service, she would say how much Srila Prabhupada would appreciate that service, and you would actually get a glimpse of how she lived her life for Srila Prabhupada. Vani devi: At six years old it can be hard to appreciate what goes on around you, yet I remember quite clearly. I was asked to “assist” Auntie Yamuna in the kitchen for a raw feast she was preparing—stuffed red peppers with a mock cream cheese filling, various types of raw soaked rice salads, a raw pie topped with beautiful light and fluffy whipped macadamia cream, and various other preparations, each unique in flavor, color and ingredients. It was my first experience being utterly fascinated by what you could prepare with food. Every movement, smell and texture was all new and exciting. The way Auntie Yamuna engaged me and explained to me and took care to teach me made it a completely unforgettable experience. From that day on she inspired a spark inside of me to continue to learn to cook and feed the Vaishnavas. She didn’t just create delicious prasadam, though; she taught cleanliness, Srila Prabhupada’s standard, and she showed by her example how not to waste any part of Krishna’s creations. As I went to throw away the pepper seeds, she stopped me and excitedly explained how if I let them dry for a while I could plant them and grow more peppers. Immediately I proceeded to follow her instructions and was eager to learn more. She named me “seed saver,” and I felt proud to do a part and re-grow the peppers. She made every aspect of cooking and all that it could entail possible and exciting. Sure enough, in time, a beautiful pepper plant grew, and I picked my first pepper with an overwhelming feeling of accomplishment and satisfaction that it was possible for a little six-year-old girl to grow peppers for Krishna.
Yamuna with Kartamasa and the Youth in Alachua Kartamasa das: Somehow or other, I found out that Yamuna would be in Alachua in June of 2002. A group of ladies seemed to know Yamuna well, staying very close to her and engaging her in various programs. Even though I did not know the other ladies well, I felt very, very close to Yamuna, so I managed to go to one program at Bhadra and Ananga Manjari’s house. Two days later, I heard that she was at the Alachua temple morning program. I rushed there just in time to record her leading guru puja. It was the only kirtan I ever saw her lead standing up with a microphone and dancing. It was a most glorious sight; the entire temple room was moving up and down the length of the temple with her as she danced. She had her close lady friends stand next to her, sometimes holding their hands. That kirtan was so much “Yamuna,” and she was sharing herself with so many devotees that morning. From the rhythmic melodies to the spontaneity and flow with which she sang, everything about that kirtan was what I learned over the coming years to be “classic Yamuna.” There was nothing mechanical about it, and the melodies and style were uniquely her own.
Since returning to Alachua that year, my main kirtan mentor and inspiration was Bada Haridas, who so gently and lovingly opened up the doors to the vast storehouse of kirtan and bhajan melodies, sharing such treasures with youth half his age. Another close kirtan companion for me was Visvambhara Sheth, who, being immensely talented, had a way of making complex Aindra tunes very accessible. Both had a natural and contagious love for kirtan. So imagine my delight when Nirmala and Devarshi arranged for both Bada Hari and Visvambhara to join Yamuna at their house for an evening of kirtan. My anticipation was off the charts. I arrived eagerly and set up my recorder. Yamuna gave me so much love that night, perhaps seeing my joy at having my favorite kirtaniyas together. She sat me very close to her and spoke so lovingly. Bada Hari began the kirtan, with Visvambhara playing drum. I think Yamuna was playing kartals, and I was playing a tambourine. The kirtan was ecstatic, and I could not restrain my tears. Afterward, everyone requested Yamuna to sing. She humbly declined, instead asking someone else to sing the Nrsimha prayers, which they did. Again, afterwards, everyone insisted that Yamuna sing. After protesting for some time, she finally began to sing Trinad api sunicena with genuine humility. Yamuna then agreed to come to my apartment the next morning for Sri Sri Krishna-Balarama’s morning program. I was ecstatic. Some months prior, we had started having youth over for a morning program three days a week. Our largest turnout was always on Sunday mornings, when a guest disciple of Srila Prabhupada was invited to share their realizations with the youth. Yamuna came on June 25, 2002. Internally, I was exploding with pride and joy, for I could finally share my inspiration and the reason for my changed lifestyle with my friends. No doubt, my friends were just as eager to meet her, for I had a completely full apartment, spilling onto the balcony. My mother and Haribhakti’s mother were cooking prasadam in the kitchen, and other older devotees showed up uninvited. I explained to Yamuna we always began with greeting the Deities with an arati and kirtan. Somehow she took that to mean greeting the Deities with the Govindam prayers, so we got a treat everyone is always anxious for—Yamuna singing the Govindam prayers. Then she led a beautiful kirtan for Krishna-Balarama. It was all so perfect for me—the one who willed Krishna and Balarama to come, and the Ones who brought Yamuna into my life were face to face. Fortunately, it was to be the first of many such occasions.
Following the kirtan, I asked Yamuna to speak on whatever she felt was most important for us younger devotees to hear and understand. This particular talk has been just that for me ever since: the most important instructions to hear and understand. The talk revolved around “enthusiasm, patience and commitment,” and she did not let any of us doze in that talk, for it was highly interactive. She began by asking everyone to introduce themselves and say what attracts them to Krishna Consciousness. When I look back on that now, I realize what took me ten years to get a hint of—she always emphasized the positive aspect of the positive form of Krishna Consciousness. As each person introduced themselves, Yamuna encouraged them by paralleling their comments with anecdotes from her own life—mostly Prabhupada stories. She was fully present—there to give everything she could possibly give in two hours. For instance, if someone said they liked bhajans, she responded with what Prabhupada said about the bhajans of Bhaktivinoda Thakur and Narottama das. If someone liked prasadam, she asked for more specifics, unveiling layers that most minds had never conceived of. Someone mentions bhajans, and she asks, “What does that word mean to you?” Deity worship? “Why? How?” Basically she brought us all from unconsciousness to consciousness, and then she was able to give us Krishna Consciousness. And not just lip-service Krishna Consciousness; she emphasized “the big C word: commitment.” When she realized none of us had a clue what commitment really meant, she had us look it up in dictionaries and then discuss how the definitions apply to us. Overall, it was a most significant time of my life, for she gave me (and I’m sure a few others) the tools with which to analyze our progress in spiritual life, and a whole lot more awareness. Kartamasa recorded a telling and sometimes humorous exchange where he tried to bring up how Yamuna had been instrumental in invoking his attachment to Deity worship. Yet Yamuna, sensing that he was beginning to praise her, kept interrupting him. For those who knew Yamuna, this was a standard tactic. She did not like to hear herself being honored, and would often diffuse it by turning the tables on the person who was attempting to praise her, in this case, Kartamasa das. Kartamasa das: Can I just take this opportunity to … say something. Krishna and Balaramaji—since They have been in my life, I just take care of Them as best I can, in any way. They’ve taken care of everything else for me, completely, and of course, my friends, too. And I wanted to thank you very much for getting me started in that. I don’t know if you remember in January, when I was in Saranagati … Yamuna: I do. Very well. Kartamasa das: I was at Bhakti-siddhanta Saraswati Thakur’s Dis-appearance Day. Yamuna: I remember it very well. Yes. Kartamasa das: And you sat me down and talked to me about Deity worship. Yamuna: Just for a … little short while; we did, didn’t we? Kartamasa das: Well, you told me the whole story of your …
Yamuna: Yeah. Kartamasa das: … Deities and … Yamuna: Yeah. Kartamasa das: You asked me about what am I doing. Yamuna: Yeah. Kartamasa das: And since then Krishna facilitated all this. He put it all in my place … Yamuna: [deep breath] Kartamasa das: And it’s been really fulfilling. Yamuna: Oh, yes, yes. Kartamasa das: And you also … Yamuna: Oh, that’s so nice. Kartamasa das: … started me on bhajans, which is my … Yamuna: Wow! Kartamasa das: … life and soul. Yamuna: Too good! Yes! [laughter] Wooh! Gosh, that’s nice. Kartamasa das: I was at your … Yamuna: Just see! Here I’m thinking that you’re bringing me into Krishna Consciousness, and you’re thinking…. See, that’s what devotees do. When devotees really touch, then you think that devotee is the one who’s facilitating. And that devotee thinks, “No, this one’s facilitating,” and that feeling goes on. And you know what? It just gets better and better and better, and there is no end to it. And that’s what joy feels like. [chuckles] It’s when you have so much appreciation for that person you’re with, and that person has so much appreciation for the other person. That mood is just like putting two combustibles together; it just explodes in transcendental potency. So I feel the same way about your company, Kar. Just the same way; it’s so exciting to me because we’re off the beaten path. And … Kar just dropped into our lives. [He] came to Saranagati, and we just had wonderful kirtans. It was very enlivening for both Dina and me, and so many devotees—just in that short time. Is it now two visits you’ve been there? Kartamasa das: Recently. Yamuna: [Our Saranagati] valley is going through some growing pains now. So let’s just
take our focus of this mercy, this grace, this power that you feel in your life, and that I feel in mine, and just bring it, and inundate.
Churning the Ocean of Bliss — Summer/Fall 2002 On returning to Saranagati from Alachua, a physically rejuvenated Yamuna was even more “fired up” to spread the glories of chanting, hearing and sharing Krishna bhakti with devotees—especially the youth. We began evening kirtan programs that summer and started a Wednesday Caitanya-caritamrta reading which continued throughout our remaining years there and is maintained to this day by the grace of Rasaraja das. Shortly after Yamuna’s arrival, young Kartamasa das also came to Saranagati with his Krishna-Balarama Deities. Still working on his Master’s degree in graduate school, he had miraculously received permission to write his Master’s thesis on the Saranagati community. Kartamasa das: I left for Saranagati just days after Yamuna. I was in the midst of graduate school, but my mind was mostly on Krishna Conscious activities at the time, and particularly on the source of my motivation: Yamuna and Dina in Saranagati. By nothing less than Krishna’s kind arrangement, I was granted permission to do my Master’s thesis on the community of Saranagati, allowing me to spend the summer in Saranagati and get college credit for it. One of the first things Yamuna did was announce that we would hold a wonderful festival on Lord Balarama’s Appearance Day for Kartamasa’s Krishna-Balarama Deities. This had the desired effect of enthusing so many devotees, and particularly the youth, to focus on specific services for the celebration. Unbeknownst to Kar and to his future wife, Radhakunda, Yamuna and I had noticed the similar gentle, mode-of-goodness natures they shared, and although we usually did not participate in matchmaking per se, we strongly felt that this would be an auspicious pairing. Yamuna had the idea to engage Radhakunda and her sister Bhavatarini in sewing the dresses for Krishna and Balarama, and though they felt unqualified, they agreed.
Radhakunda devi: Yamuna said, “I have to try my very hardest to make the outfit as perfect as I can because Krishna may see any flaw as my insincerity.” So for her it was like if she didn’t try her very, very hardest, Krishna would see whatever she didn’t try as insincerity. So when you make outfits for the Deities, you have to be very precise on measuring Them so the clothes fit Their forms very nicely. She had us take measurements of their ankles, knees, and where to put creases so it fits Their forms. So we were thinking that we can’t do this; this is impossible. But somehow we managed to do it anyway. Then, of course, Yamuna and Dina were just full of praise—“This is the most beautiful; I can’t believe you made this. Can we have some of this fabric?”—just so encouraging that it didn’t matter if you botched it like anything; they still made you feel like you did this most amazing thing. Radhakunda came several times for fittings with Kartamasa present, and much to our happiness, the relationship between them blossomed through service to Krishna and Balarama. Kartamasa das: I remember the first thing they did was give me a focus for the whole summer: celebrating Balarama’s Appearance Day at Banabehari Mandir. This was to be the first festival in which I served under them, and in which they showed me how to celebrate a festival. Everything was about glorifying the Deities, and a new outfit was needed for Them. Separately, Yamuna and Dina had recruited my future wife, Radhakunda, to make the outfit, and this was significant because although we had never met, like me, she had acquired a thirst for Yamuna and Dina’s association. So I brought Krishna-Balarama over to Banabehari Mandir, and Radha, Yamuna and Dina began taking measurements and having what seemed to be a joyous time together. I felt a little awkward that an unknown girl was doing so much service for my Deities, and wasn’t quite sure what to do to reciprocate. All I could think of was to give her Krishna-Balarama’s maha prasadam as often as possible. So I started dropping off sweet rice, burfi and fruit either at Radhakunda’s house or Banabehari Mandir. This was also the first time Krishna-Balarama and Radha-Banabehari were together, and I brought Them a few times throughout the summer to try on outfit pieces. It was actually a magical summer. Karnamrita, another enthusiastic kirtaniya, also spent the summer there, and the youth were also swept up in kirtan, with many evenings spent having bhajans and kirtan. The elder members of the community began gathering for bhajans on the dock of the lake on those warm summer evenings, and Yamuna and Dina attended several of those.
As the time grew near for Balarama’s Appearance Day, Yamuna and I felt great joy to see the happiness of Saranagati’s residents—elders and youth—to participate in the festivities. Kar’s friend, Gauranga Kishore, a soft-spoken brahmachari, came from Alachua, and each morning they would walk for thirty minutes in the dark to attend the morning program at Banabehari Mandir. Yamuna and I were always inspired by the pointed and honest inquiries of the youth and looked forward to our Srimad-Bhagavatam classes with them. Kartamasa das: It was through those morning programs in the company of Yamuna and Dina that my old life simply melted away. I remember listening to the Bhagavatam class discussion and feeling the Absolute Truth seep into me, as if it was the most powerful force in existence. It was so intense that all my other thoughts, aspirations, daydreams and so on simply became irrelevant and inconsequential—they just dissipated. It was a true connection to my soul under all the layers of false identities and clouds of confusion. Tears would just pour out of my eyes uncontrollably. I remember being aware of it, and questioning why such a thing was happening. But I couldn’t identify a particular emotion; it was just like a flushing of the old self. This happened on more than one occasion, but one morning Yamuna actually asked during class if I was all right, or if I had allergies and needed something. I replied by just putting up my hands in helplessness, and she said very gravely, “Oh, I see.” And she never mentioned it again. I had been to so many Bhagavatam classes in my life, but hearing from these realized souls made all the difference.
Lord Balarama’s Appearance Day Celebration — 2002 The festivities for Lord Balarama’s Appearance Day were held at Banabehari Mandir on August 22. Yamuna designed the theme around Lord Balarama’s affinity for honey. She engaged the young girls in making beautiful black and gold bees, which were hung on the ceiling of the temple room and on the altar. Each attendee was to bring honey to offer to the Lord. As usual, she meticulously planned each detail of the celebration and schedule to engage and inspire all ages. In addition to the honey gifts, everyone was asked to make a specific preparation.
For Radha-Banabehariji, we completed a glorious sky blue silk outfit with Ganga/Yamuna (gold and silver) jari flower patterns interwoven with black bumblebees. Yamuna had designed the outfit and commissioned the jari work in Vrindavan in 2000. She also invited the other Saranagati residents to make similar blue outfits and bring their Deities for the celebrations. Kartamasa das: Although Yamuna and Dina consulted me on each aspect of the event, from what plates to use to the schedule itself, I felt useless, having never witnessed anything like their level of focus and careful attention to detail. Festival or event planning was something I was able to witness often in my later association with them, but this was the first time for me, and it simply blew my mind—it was another level, or to use a Yamuna word, it was in another “stratosphere.” Banabehari Mandir was flooded with blissful devotees for Lord Balarama’s festival. Sri Sri Krishna-Balarama displayed a unique, almost impish aspect, and Their outfit was lovely. Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari were exquisite, as were the other Deities in Their blue-colored dresses. Years later, Yamuna would again design and commission blue dresses in Vrindavan for all of the Deities in the community for a grand parrot-themed festival, but this was her first Saranagati theme for Lord Balarama—bees and honey.
Kartamasa das: The festival was absolutely tremendous. Virtually everyone in attendance was involved in some way, whether it was in singing, speaking about Balarama, or doing some other service. It mostly revolved around kirtan, but there was some time to share appreciation of Lord Balarama. I remember being so overwhelmed by the mood of the festival (and a big part of that was being involved in all the planning service in the weeks leading up to it), that I got too emotional when it was my turn to speak about Balarama. The taps had been opened in the Bhagavatam classes early, and they were still left on. Yamuna and Dina and a few servers honored the Balarama feast after everyone else was done at around 9 PM. Only a few of the youth remained at Banabehari Mandir. The full August moon was directly shining on us, and we were reflecting on the program. I distinctly remember bubbling over with an ecstasy I had never felt before and telling Yamuna, “It just doesn’t get any better than this!” But to my surprise, she nonchalantly replied, “Oh yes, it does. It gets better. It just keeps getting better and better.” At the time, I remember feeling a little confused, since it seemed like we did everything we possibly could to make a great festival. But over the years, I understood that it wasn’t about the externals of the festivals she was talking about, but that internal connection that is made through serving the Lord together. We were invited to come in and sing the Deities to bed. Krishna and Balarama spent the night there as well. About four or five of us went inside the temple room, and while Dina put the Deities to sleep, Yamuna sang Jaya Radha Madhava. I remember my mind challenging why she would sing Jaya Radha Madhava on Balarama’s Appearance Day, but over the years I noticed that she often sang that to put Radha-Banabehari to sleep. After that kirtan, Yamuna encouraged each of us for our services and for sharing the festival together. It was the kind of sweet, personal and loving exchange that endeared her to so many devotees around the world.
Singing Jaya Radha Madhava
Yamuna and Radhakunda reflecting on the festival
Vancouver Rathayatra — 2002 Almost immediately following the Bala-rama festival, the Saranagati devotees and friends, including Yamuna and I, went to Vancouver to attend the Rathayatra on August 25. Throughout the festival Yamuna was perpetually surrounded by crowds and graciously interacted with as many people as possible. Later, the youth who were chanting on the festival stage, including Gauravani, Karnamrita and others, somehow convinced her to lead kirtan with them, something she rarely did among crowds.
Kartamasa das: The kirtan was exquisite; it was so good that I was constantly worried that I wouldn’t be able to treasure it forever as a recording. So I would periodically run offstage and check that my recorder was still plugged into the mixer, that it wasn’t low on battery, and so on. Regardless, sitting next to Yamuna as she shared her incredibly soulful singing with so many
people, with so much ease, made me feel like the most fortunate person in the world. During that kirtan, I was frequently stunned by how beautiful her singing was, and how she had a most unique groove, rhythm and melody style. For instance, she could transform any standard melody into something completely new and fresh, and with her own signature rhythm, which to me always made me feel like I was dancing in my heart (and I liked to think that she was too). The kirtan swept the crowd (of mostly devotees) off its feet, and got everyone dancing. With Radhakunda and the other Saranagati girls dancing behind me, and Yamuna leading the kirtan next to me, I felt like I had a new home, and that my Alachua days were numbered. Later that night, I asked Radhakunda if we could keep in touch, and within two years, we were married.
Radhakunda devi’s Diary: AUGUST 26, 2002—Yamuna, Karnam and Gauravani led an absolutely fantastic kirtan! Oh, it was totally ecstatic! I think I must have danced for four hours straight. My legs finally refused to function properly, and my knees were all cramping up, so I had to stop, unfortunately. But it was definitely one of the highlights of my year! On our drive back to Saranagati, Yamuna and I discussed the power of kirtan and how Srila Prabhupada, through the purity of his own example, had given this precious gift to the disenfranchised youth of the West. To see a new generation diving into the nectar ocean of Krishna kirtan gave Yamuna more joy than she could express. Over the years, there was rarely a kirtan or bhajan in which she did not shed tears of poignancy and happiness. In her Vyasa Puja offering, written soon after our return from Vancouver, Yamuna offered this prayer to Srila Prabhupada: I remember how kirtan was so intense and joyous in your presence. How time and place dissolved in those kirtans. How your thumbs lifted off the surface of your kartals as they sizzled in sound, and how your vocal cords and mouth vibrated and extended as you filled a space with hauntingly beautiful transcendental sound vibrations. I remember losing myself in that sound and wishing never to leave this space or your presence. In this connection, I pray, even if only one more time, to hold the microphone for you as you chant your favorite Vaishnava prayer—Hari Hari Biphale—as experienced that final time at Akash Ganga in Mumbai.
Radhakunda devi’s Diary: NOVEMBER 6, 2002—It’s Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day tomorrow, and Yamuna wants me to sing one of Prabhupada’s bhajans with them, but I really don’t think I should. My devotion for Prabhupada is not even a small fraction compared to theirs, and so I feel a bit like a fake. But she asked, and so I find it too difficult to refuse; I hope Srila Prabhupada can forgive me. I’m such a pretender. I’ve been going to Yamuna and Dina’s morning programs for a few days now, and it’s just what I needed! I feel refreshed and inspired by their atmosphere. Their temple and ashram is like the cure for all dissatisfaction! NOVEMBER 10, 2002—Tomorrow Yamuna and Dina are having a little festival with all the kids for Gopasthami, the day when Krishna became old enough to take care of the cows. So I’m going over there at 10:00 AM to help; we are all supposed to dress up as cowherd boys. It should be lots of fun! I’m also getting up for mangal arati. Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day was especially sweet. I went early to practice the bhajan but only Lilamrita was there, so I helped her decorate. It was really fun. After that everyone came for their offerings. Yamuna’s offering was so beautiful, it made me cry. She asked me to say something too, but I couldn’t. I felt really bad—I always do when I refuse to do something Yamuna and Dina ask me to do. But she got me for it. After everything was over except the last kirtan, she came up to me and asked me to lead the Samsara prayers! I almost died, but she led with me, thank God, and then in the middle, she asked me to carry on. I almost died again, but she was merciful and only made me sing Jai Prabhupada once alone. It was an incredibly beautiful tune, the whole prayer—one that I never heard before.
NOVEMBER 11, 2002—This day was the most fun I have ever had in a long time! I listened to Radhanath Swami give a lecture on Gopasthami for a few hours—so good and inspiring to hear—then I went to Yamuna and Dina’s for the little festival. I don’t know how to describe the mood there—the simple pure joy of thinking of Krishna and Balarama on this day. It was such a deep-rooted satisfaction this simple, beautiful festival gave me; I have experienced a glimpse of what it must be like to be absorbed in these pastimes all the time. First we made cows out of fresh cow dung, and then decorated them with stones and candles. Then we offered our cows to the Deities, as well as cow dung sticks, and we sang Govinda Jaya Jaya, Gopala Jaya Jaya. It was so simple and sweet, no big kirtan leaders banging drums, banging kartals, just a
bunch of very enthusiastic little kids. I have never had a kirtan like that before, with little kids, where every single person wants to be there singing for Krishna. Then we went around the cows, and I told the story of Gopasthami, as I heard it from Radhanath Swami. I didn’t tell it nearly well enough to do it justice, but it’s such an amazing sweet story that it was good anyway, and the kids were right into it. I just hope I can remember the story always; it’s such a beautiful one. Then we finally had lunch and shared it with each other. I can’t think of any festival that would be more appropriate to celebrate with Krishna and Balarama then this one. It has everything in it, and I’m so glad we did it! I went home feeling all joyful, excited, satisfied.
Offering cow-dung cows to the Deities
An Inspiration for the Alachua Youth Kartamasa das: Upon returning to Alachua, my aim was to replicate what I was experiencing in Saranagati. The only way I knew to do that was to gather for hearing and chanting as much as possible, and to have very honest discussions with those who joined us. Although we had around six public programs a week in my apartment, a group of three youth were regular attendees and joined in the hosting through service. Gauranga Kishore lived in the living room and cooked elaborate and varied prasadam. Haribhakti brought prasadam for every program and was our mridanga player. Ramya was a professional singer and a bhajan fanatic. She also had Gaura-Nitai Deities carved exactly like Krishna-Balarama. Together we tried to practice Krishna Consciousness as Gauranga and I had experienced it that summer in Saranagati. As a group, we were so thirsty for kirtan that we would take every opportunity to share it together. And it was all always right in front of Krishna-Balarama. Soon enough, we were all convinced that we needed to be in Saranagati as soon as possible, for that was the source of this flowing river of Krishna Conscious momentum. The soonest we could make it back was our winter break in December 2002. Haribhakti’s friend Vrindavan came as well. I remember we had kirtan before we left, kirtan when we arrived in Vancouver, kirtan
during the drive up and kirtan when we got to Saranagati. Our enthusiasm was so strong to be with Yamuna and Dina. We were joined by Neem (Nimesh) for the duration of the holidays, and were kindly hosted by Bala Krishna and Harilila. This was the first time we all went to Banabehari Mandir more in the mood of students—a little more humble and receptive. We had such wonderful classes and kirtans again. One highlight was that each of us got to chant on Yamuna’s initiation beads—the famous “red beads.”
The Alachua group at Banabehari Mandir And of course, we got to share incredible kirtan with Yamuna and Dina. I believe this was when they first introduced us to the English prayers Saragrahi Vaishnava and Adore Ye All. These prayers went right to the core of my heart, affecting me so deeply, not only because what was being said in them, but mostly for the love with which they were sung by Yamuna and Dina. They had parts of them memorized, and they added “loving” to the refrain “His Divine Grace” making it “His Divine Loving Grace.” I can’t describe the extent to which Saragrahi Vaishnava opened up my heart to Bhaktivinoda Thakur. I remember thinking that whoever wrote that poem is the most profound thinker in the history of the world, and how it was the answer to unity in the world, at least in the religious sphere. But I cannot stress enough how it was mostly the mood of how these songs were delivered that most crumbled my hard heart. It was like the greatest reverence saturated with the deepest familial love. Yamuna had us sing Saragrahi Vaishnava at the New Year’s Eve gathering that year. This was when she empowered me to play harmonium or keyboard. I considered myself totally unqualified and never aspired to play harmonium, but she encouraged/insisted and made it seem like it wasn’t even a thought to refuse.
“Markine Bhagavat Dharma” — A Soulful Beginning to 2003 At that time in Saranagati, with no phones (no nearby cell towers) and no internet, we went into the town of Ashcroft once a week to use its public internet service. Because contacting
us was problematic, people would often just come to Banabehari Mandir unannounced, sometimes late or at inconvenient times. If I expressed frustration to Yamuna that we had just taken rest or were otherwise engaged, she emphatically reminded me that it was our duty to receive anyone who came as though Krishna Himself had sent them. This service mood, learned from Srila Prabhupada, was fundamental to Yamuna devi, and people were often surprised at how approachable and unaffected she was. This was never more evident than in her support and encouragement of young devotees in their Krishna Consciousness. That summer Karnamrita had asked to record a bhajan with Yamuna, and she agreed. So early in the new year, she arrived with an animated, effervescent young devotee from New Vrindavan, Bhakta Eli, who acted as the recording engineer. I had heard Karnamrita sing earlier that summer and was surprised at how similar her voice was to Yamuna’s—rich and vibrant with a wide vocal range. Yet Yamuna had not recorded for many years, and she chose an impossibly difficult prayer—Srila Prabhupada’s Markine Bhagavat Dharma, written in Boston Harbor in 1965 (which also included a series of Sanskrit verses). As Karnamrita was a perfectionist, and Bhakta Eli new in the recording engineer service, the practices and actual recording took many days, much to my happiness. I can still immediately recollect those prayerful stanzas of Srila Prabhupada’s heartfelt plea to Lord Krishna in their beautiful and resonant voices.
Nitai das (then Bhakta Eli): I first met Yamuna devi in the winter of 2002 while assisting Karnamrita dasi in an audio recording project she was doing for her university degree. It was a cold, dark winter in the barren tundra of northern Canada where they lived, but as I entered their divine abode, the warmth of bhakti quickly overrode any external discomfort. Their simple straw bale home was the perfection of Srila Prabhupada’s vision for simple living in the rural country. Built according to the highest standards of Vastu, the temple space filled about 30% of their home. Elaborate devotional woodwork, glasswork and metalwork filled the space with mantras, prayers and spiritual designs, which seemed to extend in all directions. It seemed to have maha prasadam of different sorts embedded into the walls and corners—Prabhupada’s shoes, his brass cooker, a doorknob from one of the rooms at Radha-Damodara temple, and various other branches, leaves, dust and sacred elements from the dhama. Their ashram itself radiated Vrindavan.
Nitai das, who passed away soon after Yamuna devi, became a valued young friend over the years, and often came to Saranagati and Banabehari Mandir. Yamuna lightheartedly recalled that he would often enter the ashram with the words, “And then Radhanath Swami said …” That natural spontaneity and exuberance were part of what endeared him to us. Later, Nitai and his talented wife, Mandali, organized prasadam distribution programs at massive festivals, and he often called on Yamuna for menu and recipe advice.
Nitai das at Banabehari Mandir Nitai das: One of the first gifts I gave to [Yamuna and Dina] was an MP3 CD player and a few dozen CDs, as these were the days before iPods were on the market. They listened to hundreds of lectures that I kept sending. They would relish them and keep asking for more Radhanath Swami lectures. Yamuna: First, thank you big time for the MP3 feast. We are full-fledged addicts for these MP3s. They are like water for a dying man in the desert. (EMAIL TO NITAI) Nitai das: They were listening to the 2002 Vrindavan Yatra lecture series, which is around forty hours of lectures; and they were listening on and off for several months. When they got to the last lecture they were overwhelmed by the story of Ghanashyam Baba, and were deeply inspired, as they thought that this lecture would be a great reintroduction for [Yamuna’s] sister, Janaki, who hadn’t been so involved in Krishna Consciousness for many years. I sent the CD of that lecture to Janaki, and it invoked a response out of her that she was finally beginning to understand the deep meaning of selfless devotion; and it inspired her to go and meet Radhanath Swami the following year when he visited the area. Bala Gopal devi: Over the years, one of the things I appreciated most about [Yamuna] was that so many people go through so much, and she definitely suffered so much—it can be such a male-orientated society. Someone of her intelligence and ability can become very
frustrated, and at times it was very frustrating for her, yet she always dug inside and found that inner strength—how to go deeper into her chanting. She got into chanting and kirtan I would say ten years before people grabbed the concept in our society. She was starting that way back when we went to visit her in Saranagati back in 2002. She was well into kirtans, and they had this amazing schedule, waking up at 2 AM so they could really meditate on chanting their rounds. It was quite revolutionary. The diary entries and reflections of devotees on these pages are merely a representation of Yamuna devi’s impact on the devotional lives of people everywhere. They also present a “Year-in-the-Life” scenario of her early years in Saranagati and the burgeoning effect of the kirtans, classes and sanga, especially on the youth. Yamuna could also see how enthusiastic the younger children in Saranagati were for devotional activities, and she made a concerted effort to encourage their natural, playful bhakti. This would manifest in extraordinary ways in the years to come. She also taught calligraphy and gave special cooking classes. When the summer camp programs began, she thought of imaginative and entertaining ways to enthuse the children. She engaged them in painting a new sign for the entrance to Saranagati. And underpinning it all was the constant current of glorious kirtan.
A Reminder of Nature’s Fury — The Fire of 2003 Forest fires are always a threat in dry, heavily-forested areas, and British Columbia was no exception. Almost every year at least one fire, usually started by dry lightning, appeared on the mountains surrounding Saranagati. However, the summer of 2003 created a perfect storm of weather conditions which caused epic fires in British Columbia—one of which nearly torched our valley. Bada Haridas had just visited Saranagati, and we spent many blissful and unforgettable hours immersed in bhajans and kirtan with him and many of the youth he so inspired through his chanting. As he prepared to leave, he gave a demo CD to us. With most of Saranagati’s residents at the Vancouver Rathayatra, including Yamuna, I sat sewing in Banabehari Mandir one morning, deeply immersed in one prayer from the CD—Gauranga Tumi More, by Vasudeva Ghosh. This prayer is a powerful appeal for the mercy of Lord Chaitanya, and just as it neared the end—“Since I have tightly grasped hold of Your feet, please keep me here by always bestowing their soothing shade”—someone began pounding on the front door. Startled, I opened the door to find a policeman standing with a halo of thick black smoke rising from the mountain behind him. He calmly and simply said, “You have thirty minutes to take what is important and evacuate.” On reflection, it was certainly Krishna’s mercy that Yamuna was not there, because she was usually more emotional than me. Yet I found myself reacting in an almost comically frantic way. I collected the Deities and Prabhupada with a few of Their clothes, and laid Them carefully in Their carrying cases on the seat of the truck; then I collected Prabhupada’s cooker and shoes and a few other treasures. I put the dog in the truck bed and left, with no clothes for myself or Yamuna, no money, no important papers—nothing.
The view from Banabehari Mandir looking northeast Fortunately, the winds changed for some time, and the next day when Yamuna came back, they allowed us to briefly return to bring out more belongings. Yamuna and I then retrieved all of her papers and notebooks, Deity book, some furnishings, pictures and other valuables. We had built Banabehari Mandir with the possibility of fires in mind, and even the Fire Inspector told us it was the most fireproof property in the valley. Yet this fire was massive and ferocious. As we drove down the mountain and reached the highway, the rearview mirror was bright red because the whole mountain was on fire. Unfortunately, in our haste, the bed of the truck opened as we drove and many things flew from the truck, including some of Yamuna’s reference materials for writing her memoir. For a long time she was disturbed by this, taking it as a sign that Krishna did not sanction her writing project. The Venables Valley fire, as it came to be known, eventually burned over 40 square miles. It was one of five major fires occurring near the same time, one of which destroyed over 250 homes in Kelowna. Of course, by Krishna’s mercy the valley was not affected, due to the tireless and selfless efforts of the firefighters. Later I reflected on Gauranga Tumi More and the fact that the mercy of Lord Chaitanya can manifest in unforeseen ways. We were forced to look into the mirror of our hearts, at what is important—and further develop detachment from what is not. The next year, as I stood outside of Banabehari Mandir welcoming devotees to the Wednesday Caitanya-caritamrta class, a bolt of lightning came out of a nearly clear, rain-free sky and struck the mountain behind the ashram. After the class, I saw that a fire had begun at the site. By then we had spotty cell phone service, and I called the forest fire emergency number we all kept close at hand. Within forty-five minutes a massive plane dropped fire retardant in several passes, which contained the fire until the helicopters came at first light and put it out. Needless to say, everyone in Saranagati appreciated the firefighters so much that whenever they came in their helicopters or trucks, devotees would bring them cookies and other prasadam.
Lessons on Srila Prabhupada’s Cooker Every year, the observance of Srila Prabhupada’s appearance and dis-appearance was especially difficult for Yamuna, magnifying her feelings of separation from him, as it did for many of his disciples. For many years, Yamuna had prepared an offering to him on these days by cooking his favorite preparations in his own cooker. In 2003, she wanted to honor Srila Prabhupada by sharing the experience with others, while also sharing Srila Prabhupada’s instructions and standard for observing the appearance and disappearance days of great Acharyas. Afterward, Yamuna wrote a synopsis of the event, which she sent to friends around the world. Yamuna: Twenty-six years ago a group of saintly souls sent Srila Prabhupada’s brass cooker into my care. Since then, as far as possible, on his appearance or disappearance days, we at Radha-Banabehari Mandir try to prepare his noon meal with his brilliantly shining cooker. All these years we have done this alone. But this year, as a noon program had not been arranged by others, and Srila Prabhupada clearly wished this to happen on such days, I invited any interested devotees in the valley to come to Radha-Banabehari Mandir and cook for Srila Prabhupada in his cooker.
In advance I requested only that anyone interested in tasting this experience should do two things: be prompt and wear clean cloth. For latecomers, I explained with a note at the door that today we would all go back in time to physically cook for Srila Prabhupada. No talking except for service, and a full mood of prayer to somehow attentively prepare the meal in such a way as to bring him pleasure. Try for full focus, clear, pure, honest, rich, quality loving devotion. We began by standing in front of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, recited the Om ajnana prayers and individually prayed to engage in this service with full attention and devotion. Then we washed hands, feet and mouth and immediately set out to prepare dishes to place in the tiered steamers. Engagements included cutting of vegetables, preparing the wood stove, assembling masala mixtures for toasting and grinding, grinding fresh paste masalas, ginger and chili pastes, stem fresh herbs and make chapati doughs. As thirteen people ended up coming, our tiny ashram kitchen and preparation area were filled to the brim. I set up pens and paper to take notes. We used two steamers—Srila Prabhupada’s cooker, and a 14-inch diameter, three-tiered steamer with small steel inserts. Menu for Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day in Cooker: Bottom: Gingered Whole Mung Dal with Tomato and Fresh Garam Masala. Center: Cubed Eggplant and Yellow Bell Pepper chunks to be made into Sweet and Sour Eggplant—recipe in Lord Krishna’s Cuisine. Top: Steamed Potato to later be pan-fried with hing, ginger, chilies, haldi, tej patta, salt and pepper, lime juice, cilantro. Large Steamer:
Bottom: Barely Sprouted Chickpeas cooked and finished off with a cilantro-infused South Indian Coconut Chutney (sprouted chickpeas cook wonderfully in 45 minutes in steamer cuisine). Center Tier: Three individual tiffins: one with Dilled Zucchini; one with Shukta ingredients; one with Cauliflower Florets in an Almond Broth. Top: Plain double-steamed rice. (Soaked rice overnight, drained, and prepared in separate pot at a ratio of 1 part rice to 1-1/3 parts water. Amazing long, fluffy grains cooked to perfection. Steam it all for 40 minutes on just the right heat.) Meanwhile, prepare garam masalas, panir chapati dough and plain chapati dough with freshly milled flour; prepare plate with lime slice, two kinds of freshly-milled pepper and two kinds of salt. Fry karela slices. Add a bowl of plain yogurt. In precisely 1½ hours, the plate was ready to offer. While Srila Prabhupada ate, we sang the bhoga arati prayers, recited Gayatri, chanted japa, then kirtan, then pushpa flower offerings, then guru puja at noon sharp. As often happens when intent is genuine and sincere, these prasadam dishes were beautiful to look at, fragrant in diversity, infused with goodness and blessed by Srila Prabhupada’s touch—all this and much more. Magic. Then all present respected tastes of the meal in sweet silence, absorbed in relishing, and concentrated on the mercy of this simple offering of love from the assembled devotees. Narayani devi: We were invited to Yamuna’s and Dinatarini’s [Radha-Banabehari Mandir] to honor this special day. We all had the opportunity to participate in cooking a feast in Srila Prabhupada’s original multi-tiered cooker. We cooked dal, rice and sabji; then Yamuna offered it. Then we all honored prasadam together. It was wonderful. Yamuna told us how Srila Prabhupada liked that all of the cooking pots be scrubbed and clean and shiny. So now when I cook and then do the dishes, I am always reminded of this event, and I meditate on pleasing Srila Prabhupada by keeping my cooking pots sparkly and shiny clean! Nitai das: Her mastery of this art was greatly enhanced by her deep absorption in prayer. She would have us all chant together, focused on the series of guru pranam prayers, and the whole meditation of cooking was a very serious endeavor. There was no small talk or chitchat unless it was a question directly related to the preparation you were assisting with. Most of the times I assisted, it wasn’t a major holiday. She would send emails of the feasts and the festival outline they would have.
Fanning the Flames of Positive Attachment to the Positive Form — 2004 While Yamuna devi had originally moved to Saranagati to explore a more rural “simple-living, high-thinking” Krishna Conscious life, by 2004 Banabehari Mandir was receiving visitors from around the world, fuelled in large part by the word-of-mouth enthusiasm of the youth. Over the succeeding years, we were often amused at the irony that while residing in or near major cities, Banabehari Mandir had never had the sheer numbers of guests who were now finding their way to the backwoods of Canada. Within Saranagati itself, more gatherings were being held around the community to chant bhajans and hold kirtan, and many adult residents were enthusiastic participants. Many of the youth who came to Banabehari Mandir were brought by friends who had visited before. While all of them were welcomed and appreciated, some left an indelible impression on Yamuna and my hearts. One such devotee was the beautiful and talented daughter of our dear friend Guru Carana Padma devi from England, who Yamuna referred to as “jewel Jahnavi.” Jahnavi devi: I was eighteen when I finally met [Yamuna and Dina] again. My mum heard that Dina needed to get from Vancouver to Saranagati and offered to drive her. We could only escape from our family for twenty-four hours, but my mum assured me the long drive would be well worth it, and we rented a car for the occasion. The road up to Saranagati passes first through areas of fertile farmland—acres of blueberries and sweet corn—traveling alongside the rushing Thompson River. Eventually the greenery gives way to hard rock and pines, and the moist air becomes dry and crisp. We arrived after four hours and drove to Bhakti Kutir, the home of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari and the place where Yamuna and Dina live. I had butterflies in my stomach. I didn’t know what to expect or what to do. My understanding of etiquette told me that a devotee of such a caliber should be respected very highly, but I didn’t know how this should translate practically. I didn’t know that this was a totally unique situation. The first thing I saw after entering the front yard was a small arrangement of stones. There were about thirty—some light, some streaked and some black—all smooth and oval shaped. A large one in the center was hand-painted “Lake of Vaishnava Jewels,” and each stone was painted with a different Vaishnava quality. I was charmed instantly by the rare combination of artistry and humble devotion in this small creation.
We crossed the front porch of the single-floor adobe structure and knocked on the door. It was decorated with stained glass paintings of tilak and hands holding bunches of flowers. An excited voice called out “Hariiiiiibol,” from inside, and in quick succession, the door was flung open, there was a flurry of rose petals, and we were enveloped in the most soft, loving embrace I think I have ever experienced. Yamuna was not so tall—much shorter than me—but she exuded the most powerful presence—simultaneously strong, yet extremely feminine. She looked at us both and exclaimed in so much happiness to see my mum after decades. Then she gravely took our hands and pulled us in front of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. A sweet coolness radiated from Their altar. Everything was gleaming and suffused with bhakti. I was already overwhelmed after just twenty minutes. Prasadam followed immediately—a meal so nourishing and tasty, my worries melted away. The power of the love and devotion in everything was effortlessly palpable.
Later that evening some devotees came over for their regular weekly reading of Caitanya-caritamrta. I was struck by how deeply absorbed Yamuna was. She had her eyes closed, and as she listened, the occasional tear would roll down her cheek. I was raised to be wary of expressions of deep emotion in a devotional context, but looking at her I felt complete conviction in my heart that her feeling was pure, spontaneous and genuine. She hardly seemed to notice what was going on, totally fixated on the pastime of Lord Chaitanya and His associates. Later that night, as she put us to bed, she pulled out a wooden box and announced that she was giving us a special good night surprise. “What is it?” I asked. “You’ll see,” she said mysteriously. In the small “Blue Lotus” cabin that stood close to the ashram, she shook the box and set it down. Soft, deep bell tones began to emerge from within the music box, playing as she checked that we had everything and then left, wishing us “sweet Krishna dreams.” The next morning we attended the sublime morning program and feasted on a breakfast of cinnamon French toast with fresh peaches, all served with incredible love and care. As we spoke for the last time over breakfast, both Yamuna and Dina asked me questions about myself, and I was taken aback by their attention and appreciation of everything I said. I wasn’t trying to impress them, but they kept exclaiming at my maturity and depth, and I realized that they were expert at seeing potential and encouraging it to no end. I felt honored, blessed, purified and humbled. As we drove away, I said to my mum, “I feel like we’ve just been in the spiritual world.” In those first twenty-four hours, I was able to observe the nature and activities of an advanced devotee of Krishna. I count these as some of the most profoundly illuminating moments of my life. Though her way of living was deceptively simple, the attention to detail in every sense revealed the depth of her love and focus. In the Bhagavatam it is stated that a devotee is a holy place of pilgrimage—through their own purity, they uplift everyone around them and can even invest inanimate objects with a sense of deep devotional feeling. In the ashram of Yamuna and Dinatarini prabhus, I never felt overly formal or awkward—their presence and the charged atmosphere of service to Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari was a powerfully uplifting force. Guests would come like tired birds, amazed to find their consciousness soaring upwards on the thermal of their bhakti. It came easily, naturally. Over the subsequent years, I would travel long distances by plane and bus to that remote oasis, always feeling a combination of giddy excitement and deep gratitude upon my arrival. One day in that space made time stand still. The earthen floor, polished smooth and painted a deep red; the benches that regularly accommodated scores of guests, hand covered by Yamuna in vibrant blue, yellow and green cotton—wherever you looked, there was something to remind you of Krishna: hand-painted renditions of favorite verses on glass; calligraphed records of honored guests; a brass steamer used to cook for Srila Prabhupada, now standing by the altar garlanded by a silk kavacha. The altar was immaculate—Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari glowed. I remember the first time Yamuna and Dina showed me Their outfits, explaining that they had four versions of each one made—one for each season. Yamuna had extensively studied the art of Deity worship in Vrindavan, and this was manifest in the details—tiny silver instruments and toys for the Divine Couple, delicate ornaments, and even finer bhoga offerings. Once I visited during the Indian monsoon period, and though we were in the far west of Canada, the Deities wore Their monsoon
attire—shot through with silver threads to represent the heavy rainfall.
Another friend of Nitai das, Jean-Paul (Jagannatha Kirtan das), a young college student new to devotional service, impressed us with his insightful questions and sincere absorption in Krishna Consciousness. With each passing year, the numbers of youth inspired by the loving yet undiluted presentation of Krishna bhakti by Yamuna devi continued to grow. She felt both a duty and commitment to nurture them and try to pass on Krishna Consciousness as Srila Prabhupada had so carefully nurtured her, and the powerful combination of her soft-hearted, empathetic nature and uncompromising preaching style changed the hearts of many. Kartamasa das: If I think of Bhaktivinoda Thakur, I don’t think of him in his babaji time, but more in his householder time. But Srila Prabhupada I don’t think of in his householder time; I think [of him] in his sannyasa preaching time. And I am just thinking—this ties to my next question—the ease of offending Vaishnavas. At the present time, sometimes we criticize when they are not necessarily manifesting some spiritual potency, but who knows if in the next forty years, they might be completely empowered Vaishnavas? I don’t know if that is any more clear. Yamuna: Well, there are different ways to answer that question, according to the realization of the hearer. But I would say that it is obvious that we worship the self-manifested qualities of the Vaishnava according to those qualities. For example, we have in contemporary times—in our times—the example of people who were not born as Vaishnavas. It has on my birth certificate that my father was a butcher. I never really met him—I didn’t really know him—so that is a very low birth. So we have two things. For modern Vaishnavas, we have the physical birth and the spiritual birth, the diksha birth. So this is what Bhaktisiddhanta fought against so much. The smarta brahmanas said you must have this certain kind of birth to be considered not only a brahmana, but a Vaishnava. This was a very big issue in Bhaktisiddhanta’s time, especially in Vraja. He fought against that. In the same sense, Prabhupada wasn’t able to start the Krishna Consciousness Movement
with the dynamism in India that later manifested in the West. He tried, but it wasn’t meant to be at that time. So when he came to the West and initiated both men and women with first and second initiation and brought them back to India, there were again even Gaudiya Vaishnavas who found that very difficult to accept. So why is that? Because they couldn’t respect the fact that those qualities were not manifested. So it is the same question that you have. They were undergoing the same doubts: How can they be? How can you consider them? They are mlecchas; they have a terrible birth; their character isn’t good. It is only a name you have put on them: “They are Vaishnavas,” but how can they be respected? So we have [some] examples in our Society that any little modicum of service that someone renders, they are glorified. And any falldown—just pray once again that they return to service. To the point of serving persons that don’t even practice Krishna Consciousness, just because they once served; they don’t follow the rules and regulations: you still serve them. So there is that example. But the obvious answer is that to the degree that a person manifests—we worship…. I worship everything of my guru. But that is my responsibility as a disciple. There isn’t anything that I don’t worship about my guru. When you take a guru, you will have to find a place in your mind to do that by looking at the manifested qualities, not the name. It isn’t the name “Bhaktivedanta Swami.” It is everything about him. It is his character; it is his essence; it is his Krishna Consciousness that we worship as a disciple.
In the case of someone like Sacinandana Swami, he openly speaks about times when he was worshiping Mick Jagger before he was a devotee, and that is nice because he is honest and he talks about life before Krishna Consciousness. We have to be able to balance those things. Because if we can use what we learned before we became [committed] devotees, and dovetail that into the process of becoming Krishna Conscious, that is an asset. If we ignore it, denigrate it, or don’t confront both our good and bad qualities before taking diksha, then we are losing on that too. It is a strange thing trying to integrate it, and our generation has had a horrible time doing that. In the very early days, we kind of denied that we had been born before. Born again. And that second birth was the only one we paid attention to. But all the baggage that was either good or bad that we brought before wasn’t put in perspective, and there was some slowness in progress because of that. So I think it is a process of integration of consciousness on the spiritual platform that is the key to the answer. In the case of Bhaktivinoda Thakur, again, I see him as when he was
a child—nearly his whole family is wiped out before he is thirteen years old, and he takes on the responsibility of being a man. This is remarkable. This empowerment came from another kind of culture and strength that is just remarkable to me. So there is nothing about him or Bhaktisiddhanta [that is not extraordinary]. So we have our disciplic succession, and you may have a personal taste and just take those last babaji years and relish them. That is your personal taste. But for me, there is no difference. (BANABEHARI MANDIR BHAGAVATAM CLASS)
On Yamuna’s birthday that year, she received the following email from Bhakta Eli (Nitai das): Dearest Yamuna devi, On this glorious day of your appearance, I offer my obeisances at your lotus feet again and again. All glories to your steady devotion and determination to the service of Sri Sri Guru and Gauranga! All glories to Srila Prabhupada! Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur states in the Kalyana Kalpa-taru that a Vaishnava is always transcendental, faultless and blissful. They are fond of chanting Krishna’s Holy Name, indifferent to material enjoyments and very kind to all living entities. He is devoid of pride, expert in worshiping the Lord and detached from material objects. They are always without duplicity and attached to relishing the eternal pastimes of the Lord. Your glorious Vaishnava qualities are so present in your association. Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur also states in Sajjana-toshani that a Vaishnava is recognized by 26 qualities. Among these, the quality of full surrender to Krishna is the primary symptom of a Vaishnava. These qualities are very present in you whenever I have ever had even a little of your association. Bhakti is so present. When I think of you, I think, “Oh, yes, that is bhakti. That is Vaishnava.” Srila Prabhupada and Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari have flooded Their mercy upon you. I pray that I may taste a small drop of this mercy and stay safely as your servant. Hare Krishna. See you soon. Your eternal servant—Bhakta Eli In her reply to Nitai’s email, Yamuna wrote: Yamuna: I am such a rascal example of an aspiring devotee, with so far to go, but do have some deep desire to become a genuine devotee. [It is] interesting that you mention the twenty-six qualities of a devotee. As you know, we have water limitations. This year, for Their Lordships’ pleasure, I am constructing a small pond made of different size rocks—larger rock walls for the edge of the pond, and rocks in the pond simulating water. Sitting in that lake of rocks are more rocks calligraphed in both Sanskrit and English with the twenty-six qualities of a devotee. It is the Pond of Twenty-six Qualities. The Saranagati community holds an annual Rathayatra at the beginning of July, and that year Yamuna took on the role of organizing it with her usual careful planning and attention to detail. Kartamasa das: This was the most elaborately planned Rathayatra that I can recall. We had special Sunday Feast presentations and classes leading up to it which included Yamuna and
Visakha doing a slideshow and talk on ISKCON’s early Rathayatras, Uttama doing Jagannatha lilas, Yamuna singing Jagannatha kirtan, and the regular singing of Jagannathastakam. Yamuna also tried to plan the parade kirtan based on the Caitanya-caritamrta descriptions of Lord Chaitanya’s Ratha-yatra kirtans, with several different kirtan parties, each with designated leaders and instrument players. I remember being so enthused, thinking how we were doing what Lord Chaitanya had done before, and I remember Yamuna blowing a conch to signal the start of the parade. But then within minutes, a few senior devotee men (mostly visitors from Vancouver) completely dissolved all the organization by saying, “What is going on? Why isn’t everyone in one group in front of the cart? No, I want to be with all my Godbrothers; we should all be together!” I had been designated to help put Yamuna’s plan into action, but could not muster enough volume and demonstrativeness to match them, so literally within minutes the multiple organized kirtan parties were disbanded, and the usual kirtan took place. This was also the first year there was a major focus on Lord Jagannatha. Yamuna had conceived of many detailed touches to encourage more devotion and focus than I have ever seen before—a beautiful decorated pathway for welcoming the Deities into the building, showering flowers and blowing conches. The menu was all planned by Yamuna, and she also prepared bagged snacks for the visiting devotees to take home with them.
Yamuna leads the kirtan for the kids’ cart at Saranagati Rathaytra Yoginath das: Yamuna also started a band. It was called Saranagati Rocks. It was an a cappella choir, which means no instruments; we would just sing. Except there were two instruments—one was stones, and the other was sticks. So she orchestrated this kirtan with sticks and stones. So when the visitors came to Saranagati for Rathayatra, we would serenade them with the Holy Name in this very unusual style. It was typical in the sense that this was a person who just loved Krishna Consciousness, and [Yamuna] just made it fun. You didn’t even think you were performing devotional service. In that case, it just wasn’t the performance with the sticks and the rocks, it was all the practice, how we would gather and sing together. Always joyful.
Kartamasa and Radhakunda also arranged a magical summer camp for children, which included their engaging in creative activities at each residence in Saranagati. The children would have a scheduled stay at each “stop,” and the householders would engage them in something creative and entertaining. Near to our ashram they set up an obstacle course which was brilliantly conceived. Yamuna always made prasadam and thought of inventive activities, while I played a variation of charades with them.
Summer camp at Banabehari Mandir
A Memorable Visit with Radhanath Swami and Friends Perhaps due to our remoteness, we did not often have sannyasi guests at Saranagati, except during Rathayatra. Bhakti-marg Swami, the “Walking Swami,” as Yamuna named him, came a few times a year in his capacity as co-GBC, and he personally visited each Saranagati resident. I have a vivid memory one winter of hearing a knock on the door before mangal arati. I thought I was imagining it, because it was dark and freezing, with near-blizzard conditions and over two feet of snow on the ground. Again a soft knock, and I cautiously opened the door to find Bhakti-marg Swami standing there: “Am I late for mangal arati?” Yamuna and I were stunned. He had walked over three miles in these conditions to get to Banabehari Mandir for mangal arati. We never forgot that. Gopal Krishna Swami also came to Saranagati once a year in his capacity as co-GBC. We all knew it was an austerity for him, because he travels continually and has multiple preaching engagements at each stop. Without fail he would come to Banabehari Mandir, sit for a few minutes with us, and say, “Why are you living in this remote place?” Yet, during his short time at Saranagati, he graciously encouraged the devotees, giving succinct Bhagavad-gita classes and addressing community issues. Once in New Delhi in 2009, I asked his secretary, Madhava Mangala devi, if he ever took a break from his busy schedule. She simply replied, “The Saranagati farm is his break.”
In July, Radhanath Swami came for the first time to Saranagati. It was a memorable visit for many reasons, not the least of which was the fact that Yamuna’s sister, Janaki, also came with her friend Barb, as did Shyamasundara and Malati. Over the years, Yamuna and I had gently encouraged Janaki in reconnecting to Srila Prabhupada and her devotional life. We visited them in Oregon twice a year, and they tried to come every year to Saranagati until Janaki’s health prohibited it. On this occasion, Janaki was thrilled to come because much of her burgeoning enthusiasm in spiritual life was due to hearing Radhanath Swami’s lecture CDs and through our own glorification of his devotional qualities. In 2002 Yamuna had purchased a brass Krishna murti in Florida for Janaki. Later, Janaki met Radhanath Swami in Seattle and was indelibly touched by his open-hearted warmth and sincerity. After that meeting, Radhanath Swami kindly arranged for a Radharani murti to be sent from India to join her Krishna.
For his part, Radhanath Swami thought that having Shyamasundara, Malati, Janaki and Yamuna together was a wonderful opportunity to churn their memories of Srila Prabhupada. But the temple authority resisted, wanting only to hear Radhanath Swami speak. After some careful diplomacy, the four of them spoke in the temple room, but for me the sweetest exchanges took place around the table at Banabehari Mandir. Janaki spoke in her usual unfiltered way, which worried Yamuna immensely, but Radhanath Swami and the others seemed to enjoy the exchanges. It was an unforgettable experience, which raised Yamuna’s and my already deep appreciation for the compassion and sincerity Radhanath Swami so exemplifies. Radhanath Swami: One time I went there to Saranagati. And with Malati devi and Shyamasundara, we decided to go, and somehow or other, Yamuna devi and Malati devi convinced Janaki devi to take a long drive—even with her ill health, to come and join us there. And of course Yadubara prabhu and Visakha devi were there. And we had prasadam together…. [Yamuna made] about six different flavored chapatis. Incredible. I wish I could remember all the flavors. There were like mango chapatis, all different flavored chapatis. And each one was absolutely flaky and tender and delicious in texture, in shape, in the design, in everything. And Yamuna was just making and making. I was supposed to give a lecture that night. And I said, “This is such an historical event.
When was the last time that Shyamasundara, Malati, Yamuna and Janaki were all together in the same place, these four prabhus?” I said, “Please let us have a program tonight where all of you speak about Srila Prabhupada.” And they said, “No, no. Please, you speak.” And I said, “No, I can speak anytime. I will speak tomorrow. I am dying of thirst to hear all of you here speak together. And everyone else will.” Janaki devi said, “No, I have not spoken in public for thirty years … [and] there are so many devotees here; I will not do it.” I said, “Just sitting at the table sharing prasadam, you have been sharing so many stories about Prabhupada. Just whatever you said to us, say it.” She said, “No, no; you are my close friends, and we are sitting together at a table, but I can’t do it in front of an audience.” And then Yamuna devi said, “Just pretend that it is just us at the table and just speak.” And ultimately, only Yamuna devi could convince her younger sister to agree, to break out of that thirty years of isolation and preach Krishna Consciousness and Prabhupada’s glories. So Janaki devi finally agreed. But then Yamuna devi said, “But the three of them will speak. I am not going to speak.” I said, “What is this? You know, it is the four of you.” She said, “How can I speak? I live here. It is presumptuous that with all these guests here that I speak.” So somehow it went back and forth, and because everybody wanted her to speak, she surrendered. And that was such a beautiful, historical event. It was incredible. Shyamasundara was just so expert at churning the nectar from people’s hearts. And I was just so amazed to see the dynamics between these three sisters, Dinatarini devi, Yamuna devi and Janaki devi. The dynamics are quite inconceivable.
The next month, our cherished young friends Kartamasa and Radha-kunda were married in a beautiful ceremony at Sara-nagati, bringing great happiness to our hearts. When Yamuna and I went on pilgrimage to India in 2009 with some of the youth, Radha-kunda traveled with us, as Kar could not come for another week. While staying at the ISKCON Guesthouse in New Delhi, a devotee approached us bearing a Hindi-language Back to Godhead magazine. Much to our surprise, its entire front cover was a wedding picture of Kartamasa and Radha-kunda.
On Srimati Radharani’s Appearance Day, we began engaging the young girls in making flower dresses for Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari—a practice which became a signature event each year. The younger girls were becoming more focused, and even then their natural devotion and enthusiastic service mood was evident.
Adore Ye All the Happy Days — The Bhaktivinoda Bhajans at Banabehari Mandir It is difficult to express the life-changing effect that chanting the songbooks of Bhaktivinoda Thakur from 2005 onward had on the hearts of so many devotees, including Yamuna and myself. What can be expressed is that of all of the programs and interactions through the years at Saranagati, these bhajans created an ocean of nectar which the participants swam in with great happiness. As Yamuna later eloquently wrote in a prayer to Bhaktivinoda Thakur, he taught us not only the power of prayer, but how to supplicate ourselves before the Lord in helpless appeal. Most revered Bhaktivinoda Thakur: Today I fall at your lotus feet because it just occurred to me that of the many gifts you share through your prayers, the gift you taught me is how to pray. If anyone read your heartfelt prayers of longing for Krishna, for Lord Chaitanya and for our own spiritual preceptors, they would not discover that you were a highly-placed government officer with unsurpassed responsibilities, or that you possessed a large family and dedicated wife, authored a hundred books on devotional practice, edited several magazines and were a stalwart defender of Vaishnava dharma. Instead they would find a humble soul begging for the chance to make progress in spiritual life and begging for the mercy of the Lord and the Vaishnavas. I pray to you for the ability to increase the sincerity of my prayer from one of pretense to one of actual sincerity, and I thank you with all my heart for the unparalleled gifts you have given us all. Kartamasa das: We had been regularly having bhajans either at morning programs or evening get-togethers. Yamuna’s first idea was to chant right through the small songbook; then somehow that changed to Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s Saranagati songbook. But before that, we would gather a few times a week—Yamuna and Dinatarini, Radhakunda, myself, Madhava, and sometimes Mahasringa—and chant kirtan together. They were the most magical kirtans—so intimate and humble. It was as if everyone felt they had no qualifications. Even though Yamuna and Dina had immense experience and qualification, they somehow conveyed a mood that they were the least qualified and would be thrilled if they could participate, always pushing us to lead them. As for the rest of us, we really didn’t have any qualifications—it was all new territory—but they would encourage us to try, and try we all did; and we were all received without judgment or criticism, but rather embraced as a close-knit kirtan group. We each cherished every individual’s kirtan, whether it was whoever was leading, Madhava’s drumming, Yamuna’s whompers, Dina’s tamboura, Radha’s chimes or Mahasringa’s guitar. I remember relishing every single kirtan, every night. It was amazing, ego-less kirtan. We were all letting it affect us, not coming with any preconceived notion of what we would do that night or how it would be. I think we were all surprised how satisfied and infused with joy we were. It literally felt like going from nothing to the top, from asleep to awake, or dead to alive. Even Madhava, who had never attended a Banabehari morning program or committed to any other spiritual activity, did not miss a night.
When we decided on singing through the entire Sara-nagati songbook, we requested Kartamasa to prepare the melodies and lead us. He was a natural choice because he had studied under Bada Haridas and was musically gifted. More importantly, he had a beautifully resonant voice, and the sincere and humble entreaty of his singing deeply touched us all. Kartamasa das: I would meditate on each song for hours sometimes, trying to be sure a chosen melody was the absolute right and best one. My approach was if someone who I trusted like Bada Haridas had already established a melody for a song, I would use that. If that wasn’t the case, I would try to get a feel for the mood of the song and apply another bhajan melody or even a mahamantra melody…. Then I would practice them before going to Banabehari Mandir. There is so much more depth to try to convey, but basically it was a mood of service—trying to facilitate the relishing of kirtan for Yamuna and Dina.
Listening to the recordings of the 2005 Saranagati songbook has been described by many as akin to being present in the temple room. The exuberance and absorption of our small group is palpable—especially Yamuna’s regular joyous “Haribol!”s and “Gauranga!”s Yet this was only
the beginning of the Bhaktivinoda Thakur songbook marathons at Banabehari Mandir; and each time we began either the Gitavali, Kalyana Kalpa-taru or Saranagati prayers, more devotees came and tasted the potency of immersion in those prayers. Eventually the sparks of sincerity and dedication generated from our small 2005 group created a firestorm of pure bliss. I got such a dose of reality when I put on kirtans from Radha-Banabehari Mandir this afternoon. They melted my ever- hardening rock of a heart. There is nothing in my life past or present that compares to those kirtans. I am sooooooo grateful and appreciative for that association. It is so rare; it’s unbelievable for me, in my present situation, to realize that I had that opportunity to experience that in your company. The way you sing is so similar to Srila Prabhupada’s singing, in that it is so whole, unreserved and focused…. So I am so grateful for your kirtans; my parched heart soaks them up like they are life-giving ambrosia, which of course they are. Everything about your mood and style I leap in joy in my heart for—your dedication to kirtan and katha, your sustenance of Srila Prabhupada’s mood, your Krishna kirtan bhakti vilas premanidana awareness, your Deity worship, your Vaishnava dealings, your ashram purity, and of course your kindness to obscure and tiny people like us. I cannot wait now for another opportunity to be there again. —EMAIL FROM KARTAMASA, OCT. 2005
Dear Kar and Radha, Pranam Dand[avats]; Jaya Krishna-Balarama. How many times a day or week I think of you? Not only from sharing the experiences of the past, but for now as well. Yes, our kirtans remain an all-time high point in sanga. We will share that forever. Eli has taken up the spiritual gauntlet to do preliminary [work] toward a kirtan fest. If we can entice Sacinandana Swami to do it, we would crawl to attend. Onto what stood out to us this [morning]: “From the four types of evidence—Vedic knowledge, direct experience, traditional wisdom and logical induction—one can understand the temporary, insubstantial situation of the material world, by which one becomes detached from the
duality of this world.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 11.19.21) We aspiring devotees have so many lessons to learn before becoming pure devotees. In the course of life, we experience untold dualities. Sometimes all our hours are free to engage in direct devotional service, and because of bad habits, we waste time. Sometimes we engage in routine engagements far from direct bhakti activities, yet [hanker] deeply for direct pure devotional activity. And on and on. One thing for sure, these four types of evidence clearly help the aspiring devotee to understand how unsubstantial mundane activity is. Our position here helps to see it in a glaring way, and in a bizarre way, [so we are] grateful for that. Eagerly, very eagerly, looking forward to your company again. Kirtan. Katha. Prasadam. Much love. Your always friends and servants, Yamuna and Dina —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, OCT. 24, 2005
Banabehari’s Milkmaids By 2006, the young girls in Saranagati were just ten to thirteen years old, yet they had developed an enthusiasm for devotional activities far beyond their years. They were all talented actors, dancers and singers, and Yamuna and I enjoyed their company immensely. We thought of ways to engage them—sleepovers, service to the Deities, making garlands and vases, cooking—and they joyfully engaged in any and all services. These five girls—Kalindi, Haripriya, Rasa Mandala (Rasa), Kalavati (Kava) and Gopal Nandini—“Banabehari’s Milkmaids”—would form an integral part of our Bhaktivinoda Thakur bhajans, coming faithfully every day to chant often difficult prayers, and then frequently leaving while crying tears of joy.
The Banabehari Milkmaids: Haripriya, Kalavati, Gopal, Rasa and Kalindi Rasa Mandala devi (Milkmaid): I can’t recall why or how we came to the decision to make this group, but one fateful day, five girls ranging between ten and thirteen years old
gathered at Yamuna and Dinatarini’s ashram to change their lives. We sat around the table and brainstormed for an hour or so for a name and logo for this group of young girls, and together we came up with the name Banabehari Milkmaids, with the picture of a backwards cow looking at you, her tail knocking over a pail of milk, and a stool beside her. That day, so many years ago, we made T-shirts with Yamuna, but unwittingly, we also created a bond, a relationship, that went deeper than we could perceive. From then on Yamuna became our teacher, our friend, our second mother, but most importantly, our spiritual strength and guide. As a teacher, Yamuna taught us many things, ranging from calligraphy to building paper houses, but there were a few things we learned in her association that will forever impact our lives, the first being how to cook. When we began to have cooking classes with her, she would always make it so entertaining and enjoyable. We would first chant our Om ajnana prayers before beginning. She started very, very simple—with simply wonderfuls. You might think there is not much to learn from that, but no, with just simply wonderfuls, she could bring about important things to learn. We made several kinds—lemon, ginger, carob, vanilla, orange. She taught us how to analyze the right amount of substance to add to the simply wonderfuls according to the power of their taste—less orange and ginger, yet more lemon—so they wouldn’t overpower the rest of the sweet ball. She would intersperse the cooking sometimes with questions: “What is the most important tool in the kitchen, girls?” And we usually didn’t know the answer. “Your hands. Your hands are the most important tool in the kitchen. They can kneed and mix and chop, but most importantly, they can feel; they can feel the consistency of this, the heat or coolness of that, the texture of this.” At the end of every class, she would sit down with us and we would hold hands and offer our preparation, and then she would hand out a bit to each of us and tell us to taste. We would go around the table and say what we thought it tasted like, what we thought it needed more or less of, and what we could do the next time. She was so supportive of what we said, so encouraging, and enthusiastically agreed with all of us. However, the most important thing she stressed to us, the message we knew was most important to learn from cooking with her, was that we cook for Krishna. She always told us that the consciousness you are in when you are cooking will be transferred into your prasadam, and it is the intention and consciousness of the mind that makes prasadam. I always attributed Yamuna’s superb cooking not only to her experience, but to her consciousness when she cooked. She was always chanting, always humming, always immersed in thoughts of pleasing the Lord. She never thought of pleasing herself; it was always for the pleasure of Krishna, always for Him, and this was the legacy she passed on by making simply wonderfuls with us. In the summertime when we had no school, we would come to the morning program. We would enter the warm, cozy house, lightly glowing orange from the lights strung all the way around the house in the nook between the ceiling and the walls. Dina would be doing arati, and Yamuna would be sitting on the far couch, facing the Deities, with her chime instrument, lightly playing and singing, slowly shaking her head, her eyes closed tightly, relishing the words. We would join in, and after arati, after she had sweetly recited the prema dvani prayers, including “All glories to the transcendental mangal arati devotees,” she would exclaim, “Oh, girls, I’m so happy to see you! You just made my day!”
The Milkmaids at Banabehari Mandir morning program Every [time that] Radha-Banabehari were bathed and redressed, we would all engage in service. We would often team up in pairs for each service, two of us outside on the deck making vases, two of us cleaning the altar and paraphernalia, and two of us doing whatever else Dina or Yamuna needed: bringing wood, sweeping the floors, cleaning the Blue Lotus guest cabin. It was Dina or Yamuna alone who dressed the Deities. After about two hours, we would all come together with our various services—clean floors, sparkling altar, shining silver cows and peaco*cks, phenomenal vases—and put it all together. The Deities would then be set on the altar, and we would choose a theme for the week. Sometimes it was fruit or little disco balls hanging from the altar; sometimes it was the silver pond with fish and turtles and floating flower candles; sometimes it was the raked little sand box; or perhaps all the silver animals flocking about Their Lordships. We would all decorate the altar together, and then stand back and all exclaim at the sheer beauty of Radha-Banabehari, surrounded by flowering vases and sweet animals. Yamuna and Dina would say every week without fail, “They have never looked more beautiful! I have never seen Them so beautiful; this is even better than last week! They just can’t look any more beautiful than this!” And Yamuna would stand in front of Their altar, swaying back and forth, holding our hands, sometimes her head resting on one of our shoulders, and she would be smiling, and staring at Radha-Banabehari with such love, with so much tenderness and joy, and more often than not, we would all end with tears in our eyes.
Kalindi devi (Milkmaid): Once a week we would go to their ashram and help serve the Deities and clean. Yamuna and Dinatarini were so encouraging. Even if you were just sweeping the floor, they would be like, “I have never seen the floor more clean in my life. It is so beautiful. It is so clean. You did such a good job.” And it is just the floor. And you would polish the silver, and they would be like, “I have never seen the silver more shining before.” You made vases, and there was so much encouragement. And it made you so much want to please them. You would try your very best, just to get that encouragement from them. And after anything we did together, you would walk out, and they would say, “See you in a couple of minutes.” If you went to mangal arati the next morning, “It is only a couple of minutes away,” even though it is actually more than that. But that is what it was like for them. Whenever they saw us it was, “We will see you soon,” or that “We are always together. We are always connected.” … [Yamuna] didn’t really teach us by specific instructions. Everything she would teach was by example…. Instead of instructing Srila Prabhupada’s vani, she lived through his vani—his instructions. And she had so much love for Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. It was impossible not to feel that love yourself. Suddenly something you have no idea about, she talks about it, and suddenly you are in love with that—one of the Goswamis, or one of the personalities from the Caitanya-caritamrta, or anybody. She had so much feeling for everything.
A Pilgrimage to India and an Unforgettable Wedding In early February 2006, Yamuna and I went on a month-long pilgrimage to India. Yamuna had been invited to attend the wedding of Krishna Chandra prabhu’s lovely daughter, Anjali, and she was thrilled that I would finally meet the devotees she had so appreciated on her previous visit, and see first hand the wonderful Radha-Gopinatha temple that Radhanath Swami had developed and nurtured by his example. Needless to say, I was overwhelmed by the temple, but more importantly, by the sincerity and service attitude of the devotees. We were warmly received as the guests of Nathji prabhu and Maithili devi—an unforgettable experience on many levels. Maithili devi, as we came to quickly realize, was a thoughtful, shy and deeply insightful person, and both Yamuna and I developed a heartfelt connection with her and shared many wonderful exchanges during our time there.
Krishna Chandra prabhu welcomes Dinatarini and Yamuna Krishna Chandra prabhu and Radha-priya devi, though extremely busy with wedding arrangements, graciously took time to welcome us. They were everything Yamuna had acclaimed—gracious, humble and sincere, as were their children. At the wedding itself, the largest and most grand I had ever seen, we noticed a tall, aristocratic man standing a few feet away with palms folded. Wherever we moved, he followed, but said nothing. When we finally asked if he had a question or some purpose, he said “No, I am simply here to serve you.” This young man, Mukunda das, and his incomparable wife, Krishna Chandra’s daughter, Radha devi, would become very dear to both Yamuna and me. Yamuna spoke at the wedding of Anjali and Krishna Kanai, and we met many new and old friends. Unfortunately, after the wedding, Yamuna and I became extremely ill and just wanted to disappear and hibernate until we felt well enough to emerge again. But things are done differently in India, and the ladies came over the next day, brought chairs into our room, and began talking with us—stopping every now and then to hold a bucket near our heads as we threw up from nausea. Late that night we also talked to the new couple and their families, while still suffering from the same sickliness, until they received a call
at 11:00 PM from Radhanath Swami asking them to come to the temple. These were very different hours than we were used to! Yamuna called the entire experience “out-of-body.”
Yamuna with Radhapriya devi Fortunately, Yamuna soon recovered and, encouraged by Radhanath Swami, spoke eloquently about Srila Prabhupada to the assembled devotees. Yamuna’s talks at the Radha-Gopinatha Temple are available online; but perhaps her overall impressions can best be understood through an email sent to Kar and Radhakunda. Dear Treasured Kar and Radha, Pranam Dand[avats] to you both. Jaya Srila Prabhupada. Every day since arriving here, you have both been in my heart with intensity. Every day I feel some regret that you are not here physically with us. I don’t think you have ever experienced the level of sanga, purity, quality and cleanliness we have been blessed with this time. It is something wonderful and indescribable, and something that you simply must experience. If we ever do this again, you absolutely must come with us. In Chowpatty we have friends your age, a good handful, who are now eager to meet you both. Their company is too extraordinary to bottle or describe—deep, rich, meaningful, loving, respectful. Each day here has been an incredible adventure, inside and out. What manifests externally is digested internally with great gratitude. The quality of devotees in Chowpatty is simply astounding. Never, never, never could I have imagined such pure-hearted, generous, well-adjusted devotees—in all ashrams. We in the West pale by comparison. They never push themselves forward, but by example are so extraordinary, it takes your breath away. We were there for eight days. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, FEB. 20, 2006 Krishna Chandra das: [Yamuna] very graciously agreed to attend our daughter’s marriage. It was in 2006. She was not expecting it, but during the time of the ceremonies, in addition to Radhanath Swami Maharaja, we requested her to speak a few words, which is not
usual, but which was very special for us. So she agreed, and when she gave her wonderful instructions to the bridal couple, officially right from that time, she had such an amazing impact on all the devotees, including myself and our family. I think everyone has said the same thing, but just because I felt the same way I would like to repeat it. She had that amazing way of connecting to individuals, to every living entity, as if she was their real well-wisher, very concerned and very caring. She was to me a great inspiration, and really a personification of tremendous enthusiasm—tremendous dedication. She was so melodious in everything she did—not just the singing. In everything she could be very unexpected, but also at the same time, invariably very, very personal.
Yamuna instructs Anjali (now Karuna Manjari) to follow the ideal example of her mother Yamuna expressed her gratitude to the assembled devotees before our departure to Vrindavan. Although they are her personal expressions of gratitude, I felt equally moved and even overwhelmed by the sincere service mood and dedication of these devotees. Yamuna: I’d like to say something—that I don’t have words to express my appreciation to Radhanath Swami for his company. I want to thank so deeply each devotee, especially Krishna Chandra and Radhapriya and Nathji and Maithili for so wonderfully hosting Dinatarini prabhu and myself. This place—the Radha-Gopinatha Temple—the first time I experienced it was now four years ago, and each one of you, all of you are in my heart so strongly, from a distance. And I appreciate each and every one of you very deeply. The brahmacharis I treasure. They are like the quality of brahmacharis that I would imagine come from the spiritual world—Narada Muni men. And the grihasthas and the faces of the women here are so beautiful; they embody so much the qualities of service and sweetness and chastity and devotion and bhakti, and they are extraordinary. And the young men I just see as a huge army of powerful preachers. So also the wonderful one widow that I have left out—Tulasi Manjari, I think is her name—I deeply honor that ashram that she represents here. There is something so wonderful about Chowpatty and the balance of the interplay of these ashrams and the quality of service to Their inconceivably glorious and resplendent archa vigraha forms in this temple. So with all sincerity, I thank you for your company and pray to Krishna that in this lifetime I have it again.
In Vrindavan, Yamuna was very happy to be under the attentive care of Bala Gopal and Dhananjaya das at the MVT property. Bala Gopal had performed miracles with the restaurant there, and Yamuna was certain of her standards of cleanliness and purity. Each morning we arrived for Srila Prabhupada’s mangal arati and heard Dhananjaya chanting japa outside his samadhi; and each day we immersed ourselves in taking the dust of another sacred holy place within the dhama. Our Godsister Kaumadaki devi, stricken with cancer, was living at the Kirtan Ashram under the management of Visakha Priya devi, and Yamuna held a Bhagavad-gita parayana there, with some of the ladies reading through the entire Gita aloud together. She was
ecstatic to again be in Vrindavan—to sit under the tamal tree which held so many memories of Srila Prabhupada, and to again worship his rooms at Radha-Damodara Mandir. She expressed some of her feelings in an email: Now in Vrindavan. Again, just always wishing you were here to experience this as well. So many wonderful old and new devotees here. Just yesterday, for the first time, met twenty-six devotees from mainland China—not Hong Kong, but mainland China—all chanting “Halle Klishna, Halle Lamma,” the “r”s still elusive to them. It is joyous to hear and behold. Yesterday a group of women went down the Yamuna River in a large boat having kirtan with many instruments. Too, too wonderful. Today Dina and I are going with a committee to discuss the renovation and restoration of Srila Prabhupada’s rooms in Sri Radha-Damodara Mandir. Too much mercy. The return will happen all too soon…. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, FEB. 20, 2006
“Gitavali” — and the Sweetness of Loving Exchanges That summer, we began planning the next Bhaktivinoda bhajans—this time Gitavali, his longest songbook, full of many compelling and blissful glorifications of the Holy Name and the power of love of Godhead. As we were expecting many guests that summer, we decided to extend open invitations to anyone who would like to come. A schedule of five nights a week was set (which meant that a program was held six out of seven days at Banabehari Mandir). What had been a small group of five the year before now grew increasingly, as more devotees tasted these nectarean prayers, feelingly led by Kartamasa. Two friends who came from Florida were Nirmala and Rangavati. Nirmala, gifted in the art of aromatherapy, had provided exquisite essential oil blends for Radha-Banabehari for years, and these oils were deeply coveted by us for Their Lordships’ pleasure. Earlier Yamuna had written to them on the birthday of Nirmala’s husband, Devarshi, and this letter captures her loving and humorous writing style, which invariably conveyed a Krishna Conscious message within: Dear Slaghitani Nirm and Dev, Pranam Dand[avats]; Jaya Jaya—well everything worth glorifying, again and again. Though I’ve not written much in the last fortnight, know that you are in heart and mind daily. On your B’day Dev—in fact even leading up to it—have been sending streaming gift postulates and well-wishing thoughts. Then on the day itself—I think Dina explained this morning in Bhagavatam class [from] Canto 3, Chapter 4, Text 33—I found one of those words not yet registered: “slaghitani.” It means “most glorious.” Hearing this word, my thoughts went to sharing it with you—a wonderful word to describe you two slaghitani souls, along with chota slaghitani Vani. Yesterday Kalindi, one of Banabehari’s Milkmaids, brought over a gallon of milk, of course organic. A sweet gift out of the blue. What is something Krishna really loves that I have not made for decades? The result was a batch of Saffron-Pistachio Rasa Malai. Hope
you’re sitting down to relish this one. As you read, mentally sending you bowls of chilled, saffron-hued slaghitani nectar prasadam from the lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. Hmm. How about it? This is what Krishna likes, with a taste from the spiritual world. This morning after bathing Their Lordships, dressing Them in thin silk chiffon sringar with a multi-colored lotus theme, cleaning the altar, surrounding Them with dramatic vases of multi-hued tulips, Dina swabbed a dot of two kinds of oil on my wrists. When I went into a literal swoon, she said: “Nirmala’s—who else?” Oh, my Lord!—exquisite, subtle, pure, refined oil blends. Another realm of taste so befitting the Supreme couple of Vraja—creators of all things slaghitani. Those scents, now hours old, continue to linger on my soul. Thank you for that expert service. We save each of those tiny bottles you have offered and spread them out for years. Such a wonder, this gift of bhakti-yoga we have been offered. In truth, how difficult to access it. So many blinkings of our eyelids daily we spend away from this nectar. But we have been blessed by many blinking eyelid moments relishing this exchange. Such opulence—an opulence of spiritual love exchanged in the spiritual realm of Krishna Consciousness. Slaghitani to our past together, our present together and our future together. Okay, maybe it still seems like a strong improbability that you … will make it up here. But what about that miracle element? What seems like an absurdity today can happen tomorrow. Pray we are soon the recipients of that happening despite the fact that ours is materially a “No-Facility Zone.” Saranagati still remains a place of prayerful transformation in the heart. In that mood, have a slaghitani day and expect the miracle. Kirtaniyah sada harih. —EMAIL TO DEVARSHI AND NIRMALA, MAY 17, 2006 Rangavati devi: The contagious joy and enthusiasm of Banabehari Mandir came from the strong hearing and chanting done by Yamuna and Dina along with guests and friends. Life felt deeper and grander in Yamuna’s world; she was a powerful force of nature. Her presence spoke volumes of the days she spent with Srila Prabhupada; her absorption of his message, and the need to pass this on to others rang out loud and clear. The sheer creativity of the ashram created an ambiance of meaning and love from her years of service and enlightenment—each detail meticulously tended to and an overall sense of devotional refinement—the sweet, quiet mangal arati, where Yamuna would play her small keyboard as her mesmerizing voice filled the brahma muhurta hours with devotion; the light footsteps that honored the tulasi plant which stood in a pot beautifully painted by Kim Waters; the gentle flames glowing from the tea candles on the windowsills in the black night…. I felt loved and cherished around her, and yet insignificant in the perfect balance of her Vaishnava behavior.
Rangavati, Dina, Nirmala and Yamuna in Saranagati Nirmala devi: Of course, whenever I had visited Yamuna and Dinatarini in the many different places they lived, it was a transcendental experience, but this was more gripping than any other, as they had designed and built their ashram according to Vastu shastra. They were off the grid, and everything was natural, earthy and pure. I was captivated; the attention that went into every detail of this little sacred temple resonated with every cell in my body. As the year progressed, Yamuna, profoundly inspired by the transformative potency of the Holy Name, took every opportunity to share its glories—inaugurating Holy Name nights at Banabehari Mandir in addition to our regular kirtans and other programs, and specifically focusing on the youth, feeling that their infectious enthusiasm would impact some of the more diffident adults. While I was away visiting my mother in Florida, Yamuna wrote to me: Yamuna: I am more and more convinced that the mahamantra is the best remedy for all of life’s ills—it’s always been so, but especially in these confusing times. We may have so many divisions and identity problems, but the Holy Name is the glue that binds us all together. Let [us] make the rest of our lives a sacrifice to the Holy Name and pray to Banabehari and Prabhupada that we can give to others what we so deeply feel in our hearts.
Saranagati’s residents always delighted in the plays organized by the parents of the children. I cannot count the number of plays we attended over the years, but it was clear that Saranagati seemed to harmonize most effectively as a community when serving together to facilitate plays, Rathayatras, camps, retreats and other programs. Each such community event elicited a spirit of unity that overcame any divisiveness. However, individually we each tackled the myriad challenges of living in such a remote environment—infestations of pine beetles, which killed almost all of the pine trees in the valley, thus forcing us to hire excavators to remove hundreds of fallen trees; grasshopper infestations, which decimated the carefully-tended gardens; determined rodents that seemed to find their way into seemingly impenetrable structures, including cars; mud seasons after the snowmelt that could sometimes last for two months; and the ever-present bears—a persistent and damaging nuisance to everyone. Yamuna and I learned by trial and error over the years how best to deal with the bears. After the dog died, we kept an air horn which boaters use that emits an ear-piercing shriek. Once a sannyasi had come for a visit, and Yamuna drove with him and his host to the Sunday Feast program, while I stayed behind to finish the food offering. I watched in horror as a large bear, sensing that everyone had left, sauntered up to our Blue Lotus guest cabin and began peeling the cedar siding from the cabin walls—just like one would rip pieces of paper. I quietly opened the nearest window and blasted the air horn—its effect literally causing the bear to jump three feet straight up into the air, feet pedaling, then hitting the ground running. Although the outcome was somewhat humorous, it taught us not to leave any food in the outbuildings. Each Saranagati resident has similar experiences, and Yamuna and I used to joke with others that we could write a book just about the bears.
Bear sauntering up to the Blue Lotus guest cabin
“Kalyana Kalpa-taru” — the Desire Tree of Auspiciousness — 2007 In early 2007, it looked like Yamuna’s and my desire to attend a Japa Retreat facilitated by Sacinandana Swami would finally manifest. We had read from his Nectarean Ocean of the Holy Name book before each kirtan and bhajan program, and had appreciated his sincere and thorough presentation. The retreat was to take place in Ojai, California, and Yamuna, Visakha and I were invited to attend. Unfortunately, after our travel arrangements had been made, Sacinandana Swami canceled, and as he was the principal facilitator, many others also canceled. In the end, only eleven attended—six women disciples of Srila Prabhupada: Yamuna, Malati, Visakha, Rasajna, Urvasi and I. Yamuna was happy to have the chance to connect with dear Godsister friends through the Holy Name, and the facilitators, Giriraja Swami, Romapada Swami and Ravindra Swarup das, were gracious and supportive. We spent several days before the retreat with Urvasi devi, a refined and soft-spoken friend from our England days, who has lived in Ojai for many years. On two occasions we visited Giriraja Swami at his nearby Carpenteria ashram, where he recorded talks with Yamuna he later shared in tributes and in this book. There we also met Niranjana Swami, who was recovering from an illness. During a home program we saw him chanting from his personal songbook, which was extensive and included Prabhupada’s purports with the songs. I inquired if it was available for purchase, and he personally had several copies made and gave one to each of us as a gift. Yamuna: Niranjana Swami was [in California] visiting Giriraja Swami, and he had a songbook he’d complied of many of our Vaishnava prayers that either had a purport by Srila Prabhupada or by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati, and he had [gone] deeply into the prayers, both to vibrate them in Sanskrit or in Bengali and to study their purport. At the end of that book he had collated a few prayers that he chanted before his japa. So at Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari
Mandir, we have been vibrating those prayers … glorifying the Holy Name. They are invocations to make us receptive to chanting the Holy Name and honoring the Holy Name, especially in relationship to japa. Yamuna wrote to Kartamasa and Radhakunda on April 7, 2007: Returned last night [from the retreat]. In the light of today’s morning—cold winds, recent snow thawed, roads passable, and early spring bulbs sprouting green shoots—back to Their Lordships and Their sublime domain! But while it is fresh, I want to share something of the experience before it fades away. As always, Krishna’s arrangements are superior to our best-laid plans…. Dina, Visakha and I stayed at Urvasi’s home in Ojai, arriving there late Thursday evening and until the retreat began Monday afternoon. The days were engaging, as Urvasi lives alone and was especially hungry for intimate, peer women sanga. We never left her company, and she never left ours—such a serious desire to share Krishna Consciousness with others. Saturday and Sunday night we attended evening kirtans [with] Giriraja Swami and Niranjana Swami. What had been promised as intimate Godbrother-Godsister kirtans were instead considerable gatherings with many present—from second-generation disciples to new bhaktas and bhaktins and local neighbors—and with Nrsinghananda das filming everything. Anything but intimate, but as always, wonderful to meet new devotees. The Retreat program ran three full days—5 AM to 8:30 PM, Tuesday through Thursday—with a Monday evening [welcoming] and Friday morning concluding session. A Considerable Surprise: Of the many invited leaders, only four men attended. Many canceled when Sacinandana Swami could not come. Three of them were facilitators who had also attended the New York retreat: kirtaniya Bada Haridas from Alachua, presenter Romapada Swami from Brooklyn, and presenter Ravindra Swarup from Philly. Giriraja Swami was the fourth. Niranjana Swami (not feeling well at the time) attended two evenings for retreat kirtans. Extraordinary Purusha Shukta das remained a vigilant facilitator on the retreat periphery and, though not present at the retreat events, remained fully cognizant of every minute at the retreat. He felt everything should remain as Sacinandana Swami would want it. Strangely enough, all six retreat attendees were women. Some high points on this retreat: chanting sixty-four rounds together; outstanding prasadam; kirtan and sanga with Bada Haridas; the opulent setting of natural beauty…. That’s it for now; out the door. Krishna kirtan jaya prema nidhan—eagerly looking forward to your company. —LETTER TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, APR. 7, 2007 Yamuna reflected on the retreat experience, and on April 26 again wrote to Kartamasa and Radhakunda: “One should learn how to associate with the devotees of the Lord by gathering with them to chant the glories of the Lord. This process is most purifying. As devotees thus develop their loving friendship, they feel mutual happiness and satisfaction. And by thus encouraging one
another they are able to give up material sense gratification, which is the cause of all suffering.” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 11.3.30) The association of sincere Vaishnava and Vaishnavi practitioners is spiritual sustenance. All who attended the small Ojai Japa Retreat tasted that life-giving sustenance; and the women attendees, all in heartfelt ways, have expressed their appreciation for it. I am firmly convinced that sharing the glories of the Holy Name within communities must be a core activity. [In Saranagati] there is good room for improvement, and my constant prayer is that somehow or other this happens. —LETTER TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, APR. 26, 2007 Niranjana Swami: Whenever I would see her—and it was quite frequently, I would see her in India, in California—I would always see her wherever there was either a festival with emphasis on kirtan or discussion about chanting. I saw her at a Japa Retreat in California. Whenever we would meet, she would ask me, “Please share something about the Holy Name with me—anything, Maharaja. Whatever you would like to tell me. I am getting older, and I realize that I don’t want to waste my older years now. In Krishna Consciousness, the most important thing is my relationship with Prabhupada and the Holy Name.” Yamuna and I had discussed the upcoming Bhaktivinoda sessions for the summer and decided to chant the first book of the Thakur’s songs—Kalyana Kalpa-taru—“The Desire Tree of Auspiciousness.” First published in 1880, the “Desire Tree” is divided into three branches, of which the first, “upadesha” or spiritual advice, can be difficult both to sing and, for some, to hear, due to its graphic depictions of material incarceration. Yet some of the most profound and heart-rending Vaishnava bhajans come from Kalyana Kalpa-taru, such as Gopinatha and Vibhavari Sesa, and we waited anxiously for our summer bhajans to begin. From Florida, Kartamasa wrote in late February: I started (preparing) the Kalyana Kalpa-taru, and got that feeling back where I feel so moved by the magnitude and purity of Bhaktivinoda’s songs that I want to chant, chant, chant. I actually tried calling a couple of friends right away to share these songs with them in kirtan, but they were not home. I hope I can maintain this focus in order to prepare for this summer. It is such an interesting phenomenon, that whenever I get into these bhajans, I have an overwhelming urge to share them with as many potentially appreciative people as I can, because I feel they are so special, yet so hidden or undiscovered. It is so interesting—the passage from Amrita Vani you read, we also read that exact passage at our Sunday program. We are all truly connected by Krishna’s mystic love. Yes, that is what we yearn for; all that you do at your ashram, we just want to be part of it…. Thank you again for all the mercy. I love that Krishna gave us to you. —LETTER FROM KARTAMASA DAS, FEB. 2007 By this time, attendance in the Bhaktivinoda sessions had increased significantly. Each person knew that there would be one assigned expert drummer (Nimesh or Haribhakti in early years), one kartal player, chimes, myself on tamboura, Yamuna with gentle whompers, and Kar on harmonium. Sometimes subtle shakers were used, and as the Milkmaids grew older, Haripriya
or Kalindi would sometimes play flute. Banabehari’s Milkmaids came each night, and even at their young age felt the transformative potency of the prayers by often expressing great emotion on leaving. Before beginning each session, we would read from Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s poignant memoir, Svalakhita Jivani, written in the form of a long letter to his then sixteen-year-old son, Lalit Prasad. After each bhajan at Banabehari Mandir, we gathered in a circle for what Yamuna called a “kavacha,” with one person chosen to offer a prayer of gratitude and the rest raising arms in loud and ecstatic “Haribol!”s. Kalindi devi (Milkmaid): When we would read them, every bhajan was better than the next one, even though they were so heavy. Certain songs were so intense. I never felt that way about them, but I would always just think, “This is such a nice bhajan.” Just his poetry, the way he wrote; his messages were somehow able to completely satisfy and pacify my mind, even though it was very intense words. Somehow I would always come out of those bhajans completely at peace with everything—completely blissed out. When we were singing, as soon as the Hare Krishna part would come, Yamuna would say, “Haribol! Gauranga! Krishna Krishna!”—always calling out different things. Now, whenever I call out in kirtan, I remember Yamuna. They were so nice. Now, whenever my mind is the most disturbed about everything in the world, I always go to Bhaktivinoda’s bhajans and read just one translation, and it brings me back to such a happy, peaceful place; it soothes my mind from all troubles. It is so nice.
The Kalyana Kalpa-taru group Kalavati (Kava) devi (Milkmaid): Basically, I felt I learned a lifetime of lessons just from singing the Bhaktivinoda bhajans. I don’t know the lessons—I can’t put words to it—but I have a strong feeling of it, and that strong foundation from Bhaktivinoda Thakur that is so strong that I feel that wherever I am in my life, I will be able to go back to this feeling and remember it, and be able to continue my Krishna Consciousness from that feeling. It just completely opened my eyes to Krishna Consciousness and humility and patience, and it also showed me the
importance of knowing our Acharyas. I am so attached to Bhaktivinoda Thakur now. I think the bhajans taught us all how to pray—how to be in a prayerful mood to pray to Lord Krishna. I actually didn’t know how to pray.
Rasa Mandala devi (Milkmaid): Perhaps the most important thing we learned and did with Yamuna, what shaped our lives the most, what utterly molded our hearts, and where perhaps our deepest connection was with Yamuna, was kirtan. Not just kirtan, but Krishna Kirtan, as we called it. It began first many years ago, about the same time we became the Banabehari Milkmaids, but it wasn’t until 2007 that we first participated in these kirtans, these Bhaktivinoda bhajans. It had been going for two years before that … led by Kartamasa das. He had gone through three of Bhaktivinoda’s songbooks, Saranagati, Gitavali and Kalyana Kalpa-taru, and devised a melody for every song—hundreds of songs—and he led us in chanting every single one of them. Yamuna and Dina often remarked that when they first heard him, they knew he had the potency and potential to transport them to another place with his chanting, and he did just that. On the third year of the Bhaktivinoda bhajan sessions we came and brought our parents along with us. I was twelve years old that first time, and we sang Kalyana Kalpa-taru—the first and most direct and perhaps harshest, of all Bhaktivinoda’s songbooks. They were all named with titles like “Madness for Wealth is Ridiculous” and “Cheating Devotees are Rejectable.” This was also the first year that some of the other residents came, and Dina has so often said, “I was just so amazed to see these girls coming and sitting there every week, when even some of the older devotees had to leave, saying it was just too much to take in.” Half the truth is that we simply didn’t understand most of it, but the other half is that these songs of Bhaktivinoda, these prayers he wrote that are all so beautiful, and so singularly unique, unconsciously worked on our hearts
and our minds. They are so powerful and so pure that although we hardly understood the English and couldn’t sing along with the Bengali, we could listen, and it was hearing these prayers that caused an attachment to develop within our hearts, although we did not yet recognize it. For four years Kartamasa led us in chanting these songs of Bhaktivinoda, at first just in the summers, but then all year round when Kartamasa and his wife Radhakunda moved to Saranagati. Yamuna often described singing these bhajans as “transporting” because that is exactly what they did—they transported you to a place where there was no time, there was no recollection of material problems, there was nothing but the transcendental sounds that entered your ears and filled your heart with an inexplicable feeling of completeness, with an understanding that this is where you belong, not out there, trying to resist maya’s snares and temptations, but here, where you can leave the material world behind as you step through the door and surrender to Bhaktivinoda’s prayers, where you can give your material self up and become an entirely different person—someone who sings with all their heart to Krishna, with no reserves or hesitations. When we sang these prayers of Bhaktivinoda, the obstacles between ourselves and our Krishna Consciousness dissolved, there was nothing but the immersion into hearing and chanting, all of us begging and praying to Krishna through Bhaktivinoda. Every time we began an evening of these prayers, it was like coming home, like you had finally found that place, that inconceivable place, where you think, “Yes, finally, this is where I am meant to be. This is home. This is the spiritual world.” Here or there you would hear Yamuna’s voice rise or fall, flooded with emotion, and at those moments you would strain your ears to listen, to catch a glimpse of what pure chanting sounds like, to hear that potent sound coming from within her and treasure it, aspire to it, because we knew, we all knew, that this was pure chanting. She would sit in her rocking chair, eyes closed, sometimes tears silently sliding down her cheeks, tapping the whompers that rested on her chest. At times she would ecstatically let out a “Krishna, Krishna,” or “Gauranga, Gaura Gaura.” We would sit and chant, and listen, capturing the mood in our hearts and minds, this mood of sweetness and quiet, personal meditation. This mood would become attributed as Yamuna’s mood. It reflected her sweet personality and her close relationship with Srila Prabhupada and the Lord, and cannot be replicated without her. Yamuna taught us, not through instruction, but through example, how to sing and play instruments for Krishna, to keep pride and the desire for fame at bay, and simply sing and play for the pleasure of the Deity and the devotees. When Yamuna sang, there was not a hint of pride or vanity, not a drop of arrogance or self-satisfaction; there was only pure love for Krishna. Her emotion when she sang the Holy Name was tangible; it entered immediately into your heart and chased away the desire for anything but to be able to feel what she felt while chanting the Holy Name. We never had the chance to develop a desire for fame or pride, because from the beginning Yamuna showed us the higher taste—she showed us the real thing—and next to that powerful feeling and palpable love for the Holy Name, chanting for name and fame was like choosing rotten food over pristine prasadam. Eventually, we learned how to nicely accompany the prayers ourselves with mridanga and kartals. When we began to play for the bhajans, Yamuna, simply through her method of chanting and prayerful mood, taught us that we do not play instruments to demonstrate our prowess and skill; we play only to sweetly accompany the chanting and to bring increased pleasure to the ears of Lord Krishna and his devotees. That is the only reason. We did not play unless we could sing as well, because forsaking the reason for Krishna kirtan, chanting the Holy Names, simply for being able to play in increasingly complicated ways was unreasonable and
would defeat the purpose. Simply through example, not through lengthy discussions and instruction, but merely by example, Yamuna showed us what it was to do kirtan for Krishna, to feel bliss at bringing Krishna pleasure rather than showing everyone what mantra you learned to play today.
Vani devi: My ears, listening intently, can hear her soft yet powerful voice, quivering with bhakti emanating from her heart. Tears begin to pool in her eyes as she experiences something most of us aren’t pure enough to perceive. I can her hear her small kartals—1,2,3; 1,2,3—so unobtrusive, just loud enough to embellish the Holy Name and please the Lord’s ears. Her chanting brings me to Srila Prabhupada in New York City, in Vrindavan dhama, in Mayapur dhama: she brings me wherever he has gone. She reveals to me layer after layer of the intricate meanings of the Holy Name. Again, words cannot describe how transformed we all were by the final night of our Kalyana Kalpa-taru bhajans. Kartamasa recorded each evening’s session, but with somewhat questionable acoustics, they do not fully convey the “Krishna Magic” of those prayers. On the final night, to honor the Disappearance Day of Bhaktivinoda Thakur, as well as the culmination of our songbook, Radhakunda baked a commemorative Kalyana Kalpa-taru cake in the form of a tree with three branches. The leaves of the branches contained each named prayer within the branch. It was a memorable culmination to an unforgettable experience.
A Virtual Govardhan Parikrama and 32nd Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehariji As the young girls became more absorbed in devotional activities, their spontaneous enthusiasm was contagious. Simply said, they were good company—keenly anxious to learn, to chant, to hear and to serve. Yamuna and I were planning to go on pilgrimage to India with a small group of our young friends and promised the Milkmaids that we would also take them in the next year or so. To enthuse them and honor Govardhan Puja, we began a virtual parikrama of Govardhan Hill—placing a large map on the ashram wall and researching and discussing each holy tirtha as we marked our path around Govardhan. We had collected dust and holy water from many of these tirthas on previous pilgrimages, and distributed the “mercy” to them as we performed the virtual parikrama. They would taste the dust from a tirtha and exclaim, “I have never tasted dirt like that! This is from the spiritual world!” In December, Yamuna planned a Holy Name theme to honor the Thirty-second Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. During her Vrindavan pilgrimage in 2006, she had designed and commissioned a white Holy Name outfit for the Deities, with the mahamantra embroidered in red over white satin with a chiffon variation. Various kirtan instruments were delicately embroidered on Radharani’s veil and Banabehari’s shawl.
For the festival, Yamuna made a “Vijayate Sri Krishna Sankirtanam” sign, and the Milkmaids performed a play. Radhakunda made a cake with the translation “Oh! I do not know how much nectar there is in the two syllables ‘Krish’ and ‘na’,” and many other creative offerings were made. It was a magical celebration. Afterward, reaching out to friends around the world, Yamuna sent this email report expressing her gratitude: Dearest Friends, Pranam Dandavats to you all, in no special order; just a reach-out of gratitude. Param Vijayate Sri Krishna Sankirtanam. Closing out the year with the last photos taken of Their Lordships on the occasion of Their Thirty-second Mahotsava. As you know, it fell on December 27 this year, of course on the Disappearance Day of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur. We made a yatra day celebration to commemorate the occasion. 5:30 AM at Radha-Banabehari Mandir: Fresh snow on the ground overnight, the temperature is about 5 degrees F. Many devotees attended mangal arati. Their Lordships were in white and gold silk chiffon nightdresses and capes. During japa, They were bathed in panchamrita and dressed in Their new mahamantra white silk outfit with pearl and gold jewelry. Then [we held the] Govindam greeting, guru puja, darshan and kirtan. 10:30 AM at Jagannatha Mandir: All valley members met at the feet of Lord Jagannatha, Subhadra, and Baladeva, with a life-size painting of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta beside Srila Prabhupada. Devotees spoke on the glories of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta, then sang je anilo, made a joint offering, performed arati and pushpa worship, then respected the wonderful feast. This year, all five of Banabehari’s Milkmaids made a feast dish for the occasion: Haripriya made creamy chaval khir; Kalindi made sumptuous whipped cream–filled pastry horns; Kava made incredible bliss balls; Gopal made yummy pakoras, and Rasa made too-good yogurt and fruit.
6:00 PM at Radha-Banabehari Mandir: A packed event starting with a Rasaraja candlelight kirtan; then a play performed by the youth in the valley, directed by Radhakunda. An incredible harmony song was organized by Uttama and sung by many transcendental ladies. Then an offering of three cakes: Harilila’s ebony and ivory double-decker with whipped cream filling, with Their Lordships’ name on it; Uttama’s heart cakes with whipped cream frosting; Radhakunda’s masterpiece single layer cake surrounded by thirty-two very large sandesh pieces, each one with a Holy Name written in Sanskrit, plus scores of other smaller sandesh pieces; and the cake decorated with a calligraphic shloka glorifying the two syllable name of Krish-na. Practically everyone offered a wonderful gift to Their Lordships; each one stunned Their servants. We humbly thank you from the core of our hearts. Yadubara led a kirtan; then a Kartamasa kirtan. Then every devotee lit a ghee lamp and made a private prayer to Their Lordships. Then we respected cake prasadam, topped off with a spoon of Rasaraja’s Sour Cream Vegetables—a real hit. We all wished Maharani well, as she was in hospital during the celebration. Then Dina and Yamuna gave each parting guest a gift bag of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari prasadam: Fresh Ginger Shortbreads; Lemon Cream Cheese Nuggets; Almond Roca Bars; Peanut Butter Cookies; and Masala Puffed Pastry Palmiers. So to each of you who were present, those who were present in heart and those from afar: Thank each of you for this year going deeper into sanga than we ever imagined possible. Thank each of you for your devotion and sincerity in exploring Krishna Consciousness. Thank each of you for your company and mercy. Let us all please try to get together again this summer in July for the fourth annual session relishing the prayers of Thakur Bhaktivinoda. It may be our last chance to do this together. We will keep you posted if we can squeeze in a mini-retreat focusing exclusively on the Holy Name. —EMAIL TO FRIENDS, DEC. 30, 2007
Krishna Kirtan Jaya Prema Nidhan — 2008 Yamuna had envisioned a stained-glass entrance to the Deity room for many years, and in 2008 began work on her vision. Using faux stained glass paints, she designed the entrance to feature the Trinad api sunicena verse of Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu centered at the top, with two stanzas from the Siksastakam prayer of Bhaktivinoda Thakur in Gitavali—Krishna kirtan jaya prema nidan “chanting is a storehouse of love of God” and Krishna kirtan jaya bhakti vilas “chanting is the pastime of devotion”—framing each side. Although the project took many months to complete, it was extraordinary and perfectly exemplified her devotional mood.
The long winters in Saranagati left its residents housebound for much of the time, and Yamuna utilized the time in writing her memoir and corresponding with devotees and friends via email. Frequently, a person unknown to her would write with a cooking, Deity or kirtan question, and she would unfailingly reply. Her emails were always instructive, encouraging and supportive: Kartamasa das: Thank you so much for your association there in Saranagati. It was so brief—almost like a dream—but yet still so essential and vital to my health to see and hear and taste and feel the bhakti which my soul desperately craves despite all my efforts to distract myself and smother all feeling with dullness. I particularly liked the morning classes, and the japa on the first night. The simplicity of those activities really halted the lemming-like march of my mind. Actually Radha and I are trying to read from Srimad-Bhagavatam now every evening after arati. I hope we keep it up.
Yamuna: Dear Kar and Radha, Both of your emails are rich with your advancing Krishna Consciousness. They help to give insight into how Srila Prabhupada must have relished seeing his fledgling devotees advance in Krishna Consciousness. Radha-Banabehari’s Thirty-second was made especially relishable because of the many services you rendered for Their Lordships’ pleasure. Yes, I agree; the japa, morning programs and kirtans together were over-the-top nectar. The news [is] that a December India pilgrimage could be a reality. We are so fortunate. Slaghitani. Even 5 minutes—10 minutes—any time daily will give you life. Highs and lows are mercy. How else can we learn what we are meant to learn? How else can we lift ourselves up if we do not experience down? Your honesty and integrity are inspiring. Recently we had wonderful exchanges with Jagannatha Kirtan and Neem (Nimesh) about where they are at—sharing discomfort at various levels. If we are not feeling this, we are simply zombies trying to eke out various kinds of satisfaction from playing with material energies—and how that covers our vision, our senses! Any thinking person feels burdened with his own mediocrity. Only in a sleeping condition are we unaware of the prison of unconscious existence. Only time separates all of us from pure Krishna Consciousness. Let us use time well together and lift each other up to higher and higher levels of Krishna Consciousness. Kartamasa das: The major issue, I finally realized, is that I haven’t been able to exact any substantial satisfaction from any of the nondevotional activities I have always relied on for either enjoyment or association. Sports, games, music, chatting, movies have for various reasons felt very unfulfilling this year, and left me with virtually no interest in them. Not that I haven’t tried, and don’t continue to try to milk them, but I am not trying as hard, leaving me a bit more quiet and lonesome than ever before. Yamuna: You are so fortunate. Practically the whole world is asleep on the lap of maya, dully sucking up any and all enjoyment at hand. Only the most fortunate person gets tired of chewing the chewed-dry sugarcane stalks of sense enjoyment. May higher tastes continue to be your goal and solace. I pray for such company. Kartamasa das: Your last email was very powerful; thank you. It was a lot to meditate on, and a lot to swallow. Basically, I am like a New Age practitioner who is accepting of the religion and the lifestyle, but is not so interested in the commitment. The fact of the matter seems to me that if people like me are never given any responsibility, then we will just plateau at the level of involvement of a congregation member, stakeholder or supporter. In other words, our involvement in community and ISKCON is a comfortable role as a welcomed guest, for everything else continues on (the Deity worship, the Bhagavatam classes, etc.) without needing us. On an internal level, without responsibility, there is no need to commit, because as I pointed out in different words, chanting japa faithfully, taking initiation and following strictly don’t
become relevant to a comfortable congregation member until one is faced with accountability and responsibility, whether it be to one’s own integrity, one’s guru, one’s community, Prabhupada, etc. So, I am trying to acknowledge that as a representative of the mercy of Krishna and Balarama, Gaura-Nitai, the Goswamis, Srila Prabhupada and yourselves, I absolutely have to dedicate myself to these basic commitments. Also, I gripe about the dryness of my material life, and then Krishna sends these opportunities to absorb in the Holy Name, so I have to “be the change I want to see.” Without your care about my spiritual life, I would feel hopelessly ugly and bitter. Since you’ve given me these glimpses and the taste for the most relishable activities one can possibly experience, my life and my character have completely changed. Yamuna: Thank you for your honest and inspiring correspondence. This January portion is akin to a long conversation with interrupted intervals—in this case, the interruptions being time. The truth: to commit to daily Srimad-Bhagavatam and japa is both difficult and easy. Observe the first ISKCON generation: initially [there was] 100% commitment; then each decade revealing difficulty maintaining the commitment … The time factor reveals so much. Never mind how you address your weaknesses; live in the moment, and with intent, try, try, try. The truth: many days in my Krishna Conscious life, I failed to daily study Srimad-Bhagavatam or chant all my rounds, even after initiation. When Srila Prabhupada inquired, I admitted the same to him. But he, like Bhaktisiddhanta before him, encouraged his disciples to continue on with enthusiasm, patience and determination, fully knowing the ultimate result. Taste, strength and resolve surely increase with practice. Balance, steadiness and commitment increase with practice. A long road, yes. In the end, only our sincere trying satisfies your spiritual hunger, needs, hopes, etc. If you sincerely try, of course, this will happen to you too—to anyone who follows the process. Our previous Acharyas have given their stamp of guarantee. For what it is worth, we are surrounding you on all sides with encouragement and support. Krishna kirtan jaya prema nidhan! —EMAILS BETWEEN YAMUNA AND KARTAMASA, WINTER 2007–2008
Kartamasa had been reluctant to lead kirtan at a kirtan and japa seminar held in Alachua. Yamuna encouraged him in her usual exuberant style. Yamuna: All glories to the Holy Name! All glories to your chanting the Holy Name! All glories to anyone who hears you chanting the Holy Name! All glories to all who wish to increase their attachment for chanting the Holy Name! All glories to kirtans at the japa seminar event in Alachua! All glories to your sincerity in wanting to go deeper, chanting the Holy Names! Not sure what “intermission style” kirtan is. Hope it is more than background sound or Musak-style kirtan. At any rate, we are most eager to hear your report on this experience. Thrilled with your involvement. Kartamasa das: Thank you for your support. To use the imagery of Haridas Thakur, please consider me the absolute lowest prospect for Krishna Conscious advancement and continue to give your special mercy to Radha and I, for if we are ever able to make something of our fading lives, it is all to your credit. Yamuna: Every devotee is sustained by the mercy of other devotees. Real devotees always feel themselves the lowest of the low. All glories to sanga! With much encouragement and affection, Your servants and friends, Yamuna and Dina —EMAILS BETWEEN YAMUNA AND KARTAMASA, WINTER 2008 During the summer, we sang Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s Saranagati songbook—the numbers of ecstatic chanters growing such that they now spilled out of the temple room. At the conclusion of the prayers, Radhakunda again made a cake honoring the Thakur’s Disappearance, this time in the form of a lotus flower surrounded by paper scrolls—each containing the last line of one of the songs of Saranagati. Each participant chose a scroll, with many expressing delight that its message was ideally suited to them.
Yamuna: Four summers ago, the five of us committed to a six-week daily study group to chant through Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s namesake bhajan of Saranagati. The next two summers we chanted his Gitavali, and then Kalyana Kalpa-taru. Kartamasa is the kirtan leader; Nimesh plays drum, and Radha percussion. This summer the six-week program reverted back to chanting Saranagati and expanded to include over forty participants from around the world chanting at Radha-Banabehari Mandir. In July, Romapada Swami brought many Seattle devotees for a Japa Retreat at Saranagati Village. Each morning the large congregation chanted japa together, while many of our community residents worked to facilitate the retreat, including the Milkmaids, who served each meal to the assembled devotees. After the morning chanting, discussions on japa were held, and at one point, Yamuna was asked to elaborate on our practice of chanting auspicious invocation prayers before japa at Banabehari Mandir.
Yamuna: So vandanam is one of the nine processes of devotional service; and once in Indore, Srila Prabhupada was witnessing devotees chanting together. There are several nice stories of Srila Prabhupada and japa, and in this particular one, after the end of the japa session, he said, “Unless we hear nicely and chant nicely, how can we remember? We cannot remember. All remembrance of Krishna is by hearing nicely and chanting nicely.” So how do we define [nicely]? Srila Prabhupada would use simple words. So what does “nicely” mean to us? Nicely means practically an unlimited ocean of change. And change we must. Change happens whether we are conscious of it or not … it is part of Krishna’s glory. So if we become conscious of the change [that comes] by hearing nicely and chanting nicely, then smaranam, the remembrance, comes. And when we remember nicely, we want to pray to Krishna for more: more, more, more of that. So, there’s a wonderful book called Amrita Vani, which is a compilation of statements made by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur, and if any of you get a chance to go deeper into prayer, please read the section on “Prayer”—the instructions he gave on this subject matter. Devotee: What subjectively or energetically has been your experience from doing that? Yamuna: A huge connection and appreciation for the gift of the Holy Name. Just like we all have families that we love, and we do so much for our families, and sannyasis put a huge amount of energy into their service and their [spiritual] families—as each ashram does. So putting that same kind of energy and focus into an invocation to beg the mercy of the Holy Name is very powerful, and it’s unlimited because the Holy Name is unlimited. So, just by vibrating these prayers and hearing them—trying to let them into the heart—naturally sets a very transcendental mood: an invocation for chanting the Holy Name. Can those … who have chanted those prayers confirm the effect on you? [voices enthusiastically say “yes”] So all of us who do this just feel very cleansed by that. Later on that summer, the Bus Party tour again came to Saranagati, and a youth-oriented Japa Retreat was held for them. Yamuna was deeply appreciative of the service of Manu das and Jaya Radhe devi (now Manorama das and Jaya Sri Radhe devi) in engaging the youth, and
enthusiastically participated whenever they came. They were always welcomed at Banabehari Mandir amid shouts of “Haribol! Haribol!” from Yamuna. The kirtans held there with the youth—some of them cherished children of dear friends and others who became dear kirtaniya friends to both of us—were enlivening, while the discussions were honest and illuminating. Yamuna was somewhat surprised during the Retreat at what she felt was a take-it-or-leave-it approach to japa by some of the facilitators. Typically, her own presentation was direct and uncompromising. She later wrote to a friend: Yamuna: I was the last presenter, and unfortunately, I rocked the boat when I spoke by saying: “Nothing you can do this year is more important than getting access to chanting japa. Take it! Take all you can grasp of this seminar. Do not reject any of this valuable experience. If you cannot use it now, store it close by in your heart, senses and mind for when you reach for it.” Not sure that was much appreciated. Jahnavi devi, one such cherished young friend, wrote a synopsis of Yamuna’s Japa Retreat talk: •Chanting is a lifeline to Krishna. Hearing is most important. This is a process of self-realization; you can’t live as a Vaishnava through someone else. •Just keep chanting and everything will come. •Let Krishna as the form of time reveal Himself in your heart. •If you are attentive, taste is sure to come. •Chanting in Krishna Consciousness is a centering process to find a form of balance. •Prabhupada said, “Be sincere.” He didn’t make it complicated; we make it complicated. •How do you feel in kirtan? Are you feeling it or detached? Japa is the opposite side of the same coin as kirtan. Like eating and sleeping, we need equal amounts of both. Radhakunda devi: I am missing the beautiful serene mornings at Radha-Banabehari Ashram more than anything else. What an incredible summer it has been! Every year it somehow gets better and better, even after I think it was the very best. One thing I have been appreciating so much this year is the power of association. I have never experienced how powerful association actually is as clearly as I have seen this summer. So many people that I know have become transformed into these wonderful sweet personalities, just by associating with you both and coming to Radha-Banabehari programs. When I saw my sisters in Florida, they were completely different people after a summer spent in your association. Gopal has become so sincere, honest, helpful and eager for Krishna Consciousness; Kalindi has become so attached to serving the devotees and appreciating the sweetness of bhajans and kirtans; the twins (Kava and Rasa) are also eager and appreciative of everything to do with Krishna Consciousness; and Haripriya has become so serious and dedicated to really trying to go deeper. It is the most incredible thing to witness, and it is not just the children. I have seen my brother change just from one evening in
your association, and Yoginath, Udara, Lila, Braja Kishori, Jagannatha Kirtan, Rob, Dylan—anyone who has your association for even just a little bit comes away a different person, more genuine and sincere, more enthusiastic and appreciative, more honest and eager to go deeper and really taste the sweetness of Krishna. And now I’ve been hearing how much the Bus Tour youth have become transformed by your association during the Japa Retreat. How can I ever express my love, gratitude and appreciation for everything you are doing? When I read your email about the beginning of the Japa Retreat and the mood created by the facilitators, I was so, so thankful that you asked everyone to really try and go for it—to go deeper into understanding and appreciating japa. Thank you so much for gently pushing everyone to keep going, to really try and move forward on the path back to Krishna. Your words, instructions and personal examples are our beacons of light, which we are always aspiring to move closer to. (EMAIL TO YAMUNA)
A Revealing Look at Yamuna’s Humility by an Unsolicited Appeal for Financial Aid Yamuna and I had been debt-free for several years before moving to Saranagati. Unfortunately, the cost of building Banabehari Mandir to satisfy the exacting Building Inspectors was nearly three times what we had budgeted, forcing us to take loans to finish it enough to move in. This financial burden had forced us to work selling calendars in malls over the long Christmas season for three years—a great hardship and irony, because Yamuna would not even enter a mall at any other time. Needless to say, it was onerous and surreal in many ways, but for us a necessary austerity. It would have never occurred to Yamuna to ask for financial assistance from the ISKCON society or anyone else, as she was loath to accept service from anyone. Yet, unbeknownst to us, some concerned and well-intentioned Saranagati devotees approached the GBC on behalf of the two “renounced widows,” feeling that ISKCON should actively care for their aging devotees, especially Yamuna, who had rendered so much service and given her full life to devotional service.
Another irony is that Yamuna herself often spoke of the need for aged devotee care, especially for renounced women in similar circ*mstances. She felt that while it was laudable that much of the society’s efforts were directed toward mitigating past mistakes, more effort should be directed toward honoring and caring for devotees who had faithfully served in ISKCON for thirty or forty years. Still, she was mortified by the actions taken on her behalf without her knowledge. The following are Yamuna’s comments on an email exchange between Yoginath das, one of the concerned devotees, and Kartamasa das, which was then forwarded to us. Yamuna’s insightful comments reveal her own humility and her compassion for her renounced Godsisters. Yamuna: Thank you for your thoughtful email. We are moved by your sentiments, and the words you use to express your concerns. Some of what you say we resonate with, and some things give us a headache. Will try to respond to your statements. Yoginath das: I wanted to share a few thoughts I have regarding the maintenance retirement fund for the two primary servants of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. Yamuna: Thank you for your concern—as a Saranagati family member and Godbrother friend—regarding the two primary servants of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. We are definitely in sync with you, as we also wish to see that each member in our Saranagati family has sufficient maintenance, spiritual support and encouragement to flourish in their devotional life. Surely it was Srila Prabhupada’s desire that we help each other in these areas. How we do it is another thing. Most likely success depends on our individual and collective spiritual purity, strength, desire, vision, resolve, integrity, commitment, potency, and so on. That and sheer mercy.
Yoginath das: The history goes something like this: Last year a few of us dinosaurs were talking about how ridiculous it was that a renegade sannyasi from Scotland received such a
handsome monetary settlement from ISKCON, and yet these two highly-esteemed Vaishnavis are forced to tolerate the indignation of working in a mall for their maintenance. Yamuna: In this regard, it seems irrelevant to mention ISKCON’s past, even recent policy dealing with renegade/off-the-mark/disturbed ex-sannyasis or gurus. Yes, the tremendous service that many of them rendered in the past is respected and appreciated, but to receive a handsome monetary honorarium or settlement is questionable. Srila Prabhupada repeatedly warned us of becoming paid hired reciters. Surely this ISKCON policy is a moot point in regard to the servants in Radha-Banabehari Mandir. Yoginath das: We talked about making a proposal to the GBC, asking for a small monthly pension, perhaps as a token royalty payment for two million playings of the Govindam prayers over the years, or perhaps for the integrity of ISKCON itself, which as an institution should already have offered support to such prominent female servants. Yamuna: Help! This is a headache idea. Please… no! But because of proximity, you have hit on a very important issue: the future of widows in, and supporting the infrastructure of, ISKCON. To date, the GBC has not seriously addressed its widow population. In a recent European poll, the topic was only important to 2% of those polled. We pray that in our lifetime, the GBC finds the will to value, trust, support, facilitate, encourage and empower qualified widows in this tiny segment of the worldwide devotee population. Until this is done, talk and/or implementation of monthly pensions are likely to come with strings of expectation, and end in disappointment. Yoginath das: Although our talks were casual and informal, in some circles it was taken more seriously, and things spun a little out of control; and I’m sorry to say that perhaps Dina and Yamuna might have felt a little embarrassed by the efforts of some of their friends. Yamuna: Yes; at least in part, true. Somehow rumor and innuendo about our health and monetary status spread like wildfire in the last couple of months. Several GBCs emailed us regarding widely exaggerated statements they had heard about health and monetary status; hopefully the fires are now extinguished. Yoginath das: For this reason, I was pleased to learn that between you [Kartamasa], Radhakunda and Nimesh, these matters have already been dealt with in a discreet and satisfactory manner. Yamuna: Our connection with and appreciation of these three goes beyond words. Yoginath das: However there is another line of thinking that I would like to consider with you. To me the point is not so much a question of the health or financial status of these two personalities. It seems to me to be an undeniable fact that these two are our very own home-grown Hare Krishna babajis in the truest and most honorable sense of the term. They live and share a brand of Krishna Consciousness that is so genuine and penetrating that those who come into contact with the Banabehari ashram are deeply spiritually enriched. The impact they have is actually an amazing phenomenon.
Yamuna: Ha. Humor is always welcome. Yoginath das: Now contrast this with the worldwide cynicism regarding the spiritual integrity of [some] ISKCON leaders. In the name of Krishna Consciousness, the amount of financial waste has been horrendous. Not only that but [it has been] guilty of decades of … neglect of its women. Yamuna: My two cents on that: Before the annual GBC meetings, various topics are slated for discussion and implementation. To my understanding, the only time women’s care and the like was addressed on a GBC level was in 2000. The discussions after various [Godsisters’] presentations proved difficult, and controversial. Even policies that were voted on and accepted by the GBC—policies to return to standards implemented by Srila Prabhupada himself—were later rescinded with the conviction that they were not meant to be. The position and care of single women in ISKCON is a touchy subject, understood variously in different temples. Future change is possible through the Krishna Conscious vision of even one powerfully pure individual, GBC or otherwise. If even one devotee can articulate the vision clearly, and convince others that ISKCON will be a better institution because of it, there is a chance of positive change. Even if it is just to see that single celibate women—brahmacharinis or widows—are given the same care as are celibate men—brahmacharis and sannyasis—this alone would herald in a much brighter future. Yoginath das: For “Yamuna,” it was quite possible to raise several thousands, if not tens of thousands, of dollars from well-wishers everywhere who would love to have a venue to show their support. Something on the level of the Hurricane Katrina relief fund. Such a fund, it seems to me, would help to heal the internal culture of ISKCON by acknowledging the contribution of women to the sankirtan movement—not with lip service and ribbons, but with real money and power. Those who are acquainted with Banabehari’s two servants know that they are extremely frugal and extremely responsible, and simultaneously they love to see Krishna glorified in beautiful ways. So who better on planet earth to manage a large trust fund than these two? Aside from this, I can imagine that beyond just gas and groceries they may be faced with some larger capital expenses such as the installation of proper plumbing, propane heating system and perhaps the construction of some suitable guest facilities somewhere in Venables Valley for their ever-increasing number of visitors. In conclusion, I am thinking that if they could be persuaded to let a few people run with this and turn it over to some connected fundraising types, it may indeed be possible to establish a Banabehari trust fund to not only enhance the lives of Their servants, but to make sure that there are facilities for their Lordships’ worship for generations to come. What do you think of all this rambling? Am I missing some essential point? What have I failed to consider? And why do I remain locked in the material concept of life? Hare Krishna, your friend and uncle in our village relationship. Yamuna: Please shelve the above for now. Your servants and loving Godsisters—the primary servants of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari.
Vyasa Puja in Seattle with Radhanath Swami On hearing that Radhanath Swami would be attending the Janmastami and Vyasa Puja observances in Seattle, Yamuna and I drove there from Saranagati. Although Yamuna’s sister, Janaki, was extremely ill, she also came with her friend Barb from Portland to have Radhanath Swami’s association. On Vyasa Puja, each Prabhupada disciple was asked to speak, and Yamuna eloquently spoke one of her “day-in-the-life” stories about how Srila Prabhupada interacted with his students in the early San Francisco days, ending with the following plea: I feel so terribly grateful to Srila Prabhupada for the process of bhakti-yoga he gave us. And my deepest, deepest, deepest prayer this year and in coming years is that somehow we all together try to preserve the purity of Srila Prabhupada’s process—that we don’t change it, we don’t merge it with something else that is convenient or popular, or is close by and looks good, but that we maintain the purity of what he gave us, all together, each one of us, in whatever community, whatever sanga we have; that we try to purify that, relish it as deeply as Srila Prabhupada and his Spiritual Master did and Thakur Bhaktivinoda did—that they have handed us this most incredible gift, and that we don’t change things. This is my deep, deep prayer. I beg all of you to assist me in doing that myself. Thank you all. Hare Krishna
Oh! Lead, Lead Me on to Vrindavan — A Life-Changing Pilgrimage with the Youth In December of 2008, our long-held desire to experience pilgrimage to India with dear young friends was fulfilled. Yamuna and I had so emphasized its profound potency and bliss over the years that they were “over-the-top” inspired, to use Yamuna’s phrasing. Kartamasa and Radhakunda came during their Christmas break from teaching positions in Alachua; Haribhakti also came from Florida; and Nimesh, a Canadian of Gujarati extraction who had never been to India, came from Vancouver. In preparation, we exchanged many emails emphasizing that Vrindavan must be experienced through the heart, rather than visually. We were frankly worried that the sensory overload of India in general and Vrindavan in particular might discourage them with its overt commercialism, dirt, pollution, cars and scooters, monkeys and other externals—contrasting sharply with our portrayals over the years. Yet this proved an unwarranted fear, because all of them drank in the mercy of Vrindavan like pilgrims lost in a desert. Yamuna wrote in one preparatory email to Kar and Radhakunda: Yamuna: Oh, the situations we are placed in to learn. At every step, this life experience is a training-ground opportunity. We each go at our own pace, and hopefully have others to wish us well. Always present: Srila Prabhupada and merciful Vaishnavas who are there to lead us on, lead us on to Vrindavan. What can we do but try to follow the footsteps of the great Vaishnavas who traveled before us? What a journey it is for us all. Forward march, O Saragrahi [Vaishnava] souls, thou art angels so fair. Lead me on to Vrindavan; the spirit’s power declare. Slaghitani in all
directions. (NOV. 10, 2008)
We were again warmly received by MVT caretakers Bala Gopal and Dhananjaya, who could not have been more accommodating. Yamuna enjoyed reminiscing with them on early England and Vrindavan pastimes with Srila Prabhupada, and they both came often to our evening kirtans. Each day we concentrated on immersing ourselves in each holy place, spending time in prayer, discussions and kirtan before moving on. Then in the evenings, devotees would join us for kirtan in our apartment. We rolled in the holy dust of Govardhan and attended the Govardhan Retreat seminar of Sacinandana Swami for a day; and we offered prayers and bhajans to Radhakunda from Jahnava Mata’s holy sitting place.
Before leaving for India, Yamuna had conceived a festival for the entire Saranagati community based on a parrot theme. She offered to design and have Deity outfits made for all of the Deities—fourteen sets in total—and sat for hours with Saranagati residents, helping with design ideas, measuring Deities and making paper templates. Once in Vrindavan, Bala Gopal encouraged her to have two talented Russian ladies actually paint the designs on silk cloth. Somehow, all fourteen outfits (with four changes for Radha-Banabehari) were completed, and Yamuna was thrilled with the results. Bala Gopal devi: I helped her make some outfits for her Deities, and the detail and love was just amazing … I suggested a painted outfit, and she said, “Oh, no, no, no, no.” But I kept pushing it a little bit, and said I thought it would be gorgeous. So she relented, and we had these amazingly talented Russian girls come, and we would sit for an hour and a half every morning and discuss all the details. She was in love with the whole thing and would come up with these amazing ideas. The other thing she did was to really focus on the youth. Prabhupada always told her they are our future, but I don’t think anyone really took that to heart as much as she did. What she did in Saranagati and everywhere she went in the world, she would be encouraging them, training them and giving them Srila Prabhupada in her own very gentle way. We were always fortunate to be involved in her kirtan gatherings in Vrindavan, and it was just so inspiring. I feel that she was one of the pioneers in developing this kirtan consciousness and culture that we regard now as a new wave. She did it for her own humility—as a lesson for people that we are always in a shaky position and we always need to meditate on that need for greater humility. She was a pioneer in so much. Her love of life was to sit down and do kirtan and bhajans way back in the very beginning. It wasn’t an easy road, and most people take that and fall aside or say this is too difficult, but she never gave up. It’s not an easy thing. The society changed—completely different from what it was when she joined. She recognized that things had to evolve and would always embrace it and understand it as a new challenge almost immediately. Although Yamuna was blissfully engaged in Vrindavan, her health had taken a downturn, and she was not able to go to some of the holy tirthas with the group. Yet when the young
devotees returned and recounted their experiences at a particular site, she would say, “I feel I was right there with you. I can see it all in your faces.” On a few occasions she agreed to interviews and speaking engagements. At one question-and-answer session in Srila Prabhupada’s quarters, she spoke about his health the last time she had his darshan in 1976: Yamuna: I came to Vrindavan in 1976 … to ask [Srila Prabhupada’s] permission to write a cookery book. Because many devotees had asked me to compile a book, I thought etiquette-wise it was proper to ask the Spiritual Master first to get his blessings. I remember when I came in, he was sitting in this room, in this building…. So it was just before taking his lunch, and [Prabhupada] had his legs out straight, underneath his desk. And I remember his ankles were big, like grapefruits, and his feet were a little blue; and I was so shocked. I paid obeisances and looked up, and the first thing he said (like I had just seen him yesterday or the day before) was, “So I am an old man; I may die at any moment. This body is finished.” He [motioned]towards his feet. So Prabhupada was very candid with me, and very matter of fact … So I said, “What is [wrong with] your feet?” and he replied, “They are like this all the time; my kidneys are finished.” I spent a few days in Vrindavan with Prabhupada that Kartika of 1976 and asked him many questions. I saw him sit underneath the tamal tree. He had always promised that when the temple was built, he would sit under the tamal tree with his disciples. So that was a very wonderful experience for me to see, that the temple was finished, and Prabhupada was doing as he said. He thought the tamal tree was very sacred; and I was a little unhappy here to see that there are signs underneath the tamal tree advertising things. So he wouldn’t have wanted that at all. He almost cut the tamal tree down because he said the devotees would not honor it properly. I think he must have been able to see the future … So he said [that we can] sit under and around the tamal tree for special kirtans. It was very glorious to see Prabhupada in the afternoons sitting under the tamal tree with his disciples, even though he was very sick. He had to sit in a rocking chair then …. It was a very, very glorious time.
“It’s Not a Pilgrimage if There are No Challenges” A two-day trip was planned to take darshan of the glorious Deities in Jaipur—Sri Sri Radha-Govindaji, Sri Sri Radha-Gopinatha, Sri Sri Radha-Damodara and Sri Sri Radha-Vinod. We rented two minivans and began the five-hour drive in the darkness of early morning. Unfortunately, one of the cars broke down two hours into the trip, and both drivers peremptorily got out and left us sitting on the side of the road with no explanation. We called the taxi service no less than ten times, and finally, two hours later, the drivers returned, again with no explanation, made some minor adjustments, and we spluttered on, only to have a flat tire further down the road. By the time we arrived in Jaipur twelve hours after our departure, our rooms had been rented to someone else, and we had to find other accommodation. While frustration clearly showed on some of our group’s faces, Yamuna, smiling sweetly, said, “It’s not a pilgrimage if there are no challenges.”
Broken down on the side of the road Needless to say, mangal arati at Radha-Govindaji Mandir made everyone forget any inconvenience. It is an unforgettable experience. After arati, we gathered together in the back of the temple and had a rousing Radha-Govinda kirtan, with each person leading for some time. The same schedule was followed at the other temples, and everyone felt blissfully transported—a highlight for everyone on the pilgrimage. Fortunately, the return trip was relatively uneventful. Yamuna: For us, we have been a month and a half in Sri Vrindavan, and we brought six devotees in our Saranagati kirtan party. We have tried to relish the holy dhama very deeply through many hours of kirtan a day, and going to holy places and begging for the mercy of our great Vaishnavas in the past and the great Vaishnavas in the present for their mercy to enter into the holy dhama.
Radha-Govindaji Mandir outside where Srila Prabhupada stayed
Kirtan for Govindaji after mangal arati
The Long-Promised Chowpatty Visit Comes to Pass Yamuna and I had spoken about the devotees of the Chowpatty Radha-Gopinatha Temple so often over the years that in a sense our young friends felt they knew them already. Yet, nothing can prepare one for the actual experience of being in the company of Radhanath Swami and the sincere and dedicated devotees there. We traveled by train, with the addition of Amala Harinama and Nadia to our group, and were received with such warmth and enthusiasm in Mumbai that it was both heartwarming and overwhelming. Because of her natural humility, Yamuna did not like to be distinguished or set apart from others, and she often commented that as much as she appreciated and respected the Chowpatty devotees, it was also difficult to be there because of how much they served and honored her. Of course, they follow the example of Radhanath Swami, who regularly welcomes guests and Prabhupada disciples to the temple with lengthy encomiums. Yamuna could not exalt that quality of Radhanath Swami enough—that he exemplified the importance of respecting Vaishnavas and taught his followers by his example. Yet, when she was the object of that respect, she was uncomfortable with it. Though always reluctant to speak, Yamuna could not refuse a request of Radhanath Swami, and she eloquently expressed our appreciation to the assembled devotees.
Yamuna: It has been two years and eight months since being here with you in Radha-Gopinatha Mandir. And I can say that every day since I left, I have appreciated your company very deeply. And Radhanath Swami is so dear in our ashram. We live in a very tiny corner of Prabhupada’s legacy, called Saranagati, British Columbia. And I always say that it is one of the most inhospitable places for pilgrims to visit; we are a full, 100% no-facility zone. It is the antithesis of what this glorious place is. But nonetheless, we feel deeply connected to you on another level that doesn’t have anything to do with facility. I don’t know how many times we have shown the film The Simple Temple to pilgrims that come into our ashram. Last year we had only a thousand who came for various kirtans and programs, and a good number of those saw that film, and we glorify you so much by our words, and are inspired by you so much. So on this pilgrimage to India, we have so much gratitude that we were able to come here again. And as Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja said, we come here for the juice, to get the juice to spread this juice more in other places in the world. And that is in the form of each and every one of you, in terms of sanga. The love that we have for the brahmacharis is just immense. When I am outside the temple and I see the brahmachari laundry blowing in the wind, it looks like jewels to me, in the crown of Chowpatty. And the grihasthas here are like none in the world. And in the center of it all, under Srila Prabhupada’s powerful presence, is Radhanath Swami. Everything here is Radhanath Swami’s energy, his potency, his purity, and that is unique on the whole planet.
So because of our affection for him, he asked us to speak. Of course, I immediately said no, and gave many reasons why I wouldn’t. But I have attended the last three classes here, and when you have a chance to listen to this kind of Krishna Consciousness, something has to change. All of the fear I have of public speaking has to take second place to honoring Radhanath’s Swami’s request. And the fact is that I don’t speak in public. Even when I was with Srila Prabhupada, I begged him not to ask me to speak…. So Dinatarini prabhu and I, when we were thinking about what would be appropriate to share with you, we thought of mercy. Mercy is the embodiment of this temple. This is a place of mercy. During the visit, Radhanath Swami kindly accompanied our group to the Bhaktivedanta Hospital—something Yamuna had wanted them all to experience. As expected, the youth were awe-inspired at seeing the murti of Srila Prabhupada, hearing his lectures and bhajans over the intercom, and seeing the genuine care and service mood of the Vaishnava doctors and staff. At the time, Jayapataka was recovering at the hospital, and we were invited to a kirtan and luncheon with him. It was a memorable experience.
Radhanath Swami: And [Yamuna devi] just appreciated everything so much and wrote so many beautiful emails about [the hospital]. After Jayapataka Maharaja had his stroke, he was at Bhaktivedanta Hospital. And Yamuna devi, Dinatarini devi, they brought some of the youth of our society, Kartamasa and Radha, to sing for Jayapataka Maharaja. And she wanted all the young people, you know, in their teens or early twenties [to sing]. She was so proud of their singing. And everybody else asked her to sing. She said, “No, no. I will not sing. Let the children sing.” And the children sang so beautifully. “Yamuna devi, please sing.” “No, no. I will not sing. Let everyone else sing. They are all better than me.” And Jayapataka Maharaja looked at her and said, “Yamuna devi, you please sing.” And for Maharaja’s pleasure, she sang so wonderfully, and it just moved our hearts so much.
“Are you ‘THE’ Yamuna Devi?” — Rishikesh From Mumbai, Yamuna and I spent six weeks at an Ayurvedic clinic in Rishikesh. Although we did not know it beforehand, the director/owner of the clinic was a disciple of Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, who had passed away the year before. Each day, we would gather with other patients of the clinic for Ayurvedic meals specialized to each person’s treatment regimen. Yamuna and I wore full tilak, and spoke freely among them about Krishna Consciousness and Srila Prabhupada. By the third week, some of the leaders of the Maharishi movement from Uttarkashi began arriving at the clinic on their way to a Disappearance observance in New Delhi. One evening they joined us at the communal table and greeted us by asking our names. When Yamuna said, “My name is Yamuna devi,” there was a hush around the table. Then a senior Maharishi disciple, who had been his personal servant for many years and now acted as headmaster of their school in Uttarkashi, said, “Are you THE Yamuna devi, of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine?” When Yamuna answered in the affirmative, he literally prostrated himself in obeisance, and then brought his laptop computer to the table. He showed us that he had scanned every page of Yamuna’s massive cookbook into his computer, and explained that he used it to teach the children to cook. It was stunning to me to see how in this out-of-the-way environment, her impact was still felt. What was more telling was his revelation that Maharishi Mahesh Yogi held Srila Prabhupada in great esteem—that Maharishi had said unequivocally that Bhaktivedanta Swami was the greatest proponent of the path of bhakti-yoga on the planet. We returned to Saranagati Village in March with renewed energy and fell into our routine of ashram maintenance, group Caitanya-caritamrta readings and Holy Name nights. Yamuna began sewing new Deity outfits and planning new garden beds.
Govardhan Academy Comes to Saranagati — 2009 The fundamental issue of educating children in Vaishnava culture was of paramount concern to Yamuna. She was unequivocal in voicing what she felt was our society’s reluctance to implement a gurukula educational model that was devoid of the mistakes and abuses of the past. So when the local school district opened a school in our Saranagati community not long after we moved there, Yamuna was not enthusiastic. She felt that Saranagati’s remoteness and its devotee population provided a perfect environment for educating the children in conformance with modern standards, yet with a Vaishnava-guided curriculum. However, our community, though rich in many ways, was generally cash-poor, and a government-funded school within the Saranagati community would not only be free, but it would allow the children to remain within the valley and be schooled together. Whatever private concerns the parents held regarding the education, it is fair to say that most felt its advantages outweighed the negatives. While Yamuna and I may not have supported the concept of the school, we wholeheartedly supported Saranagati’s young children. Yamuna cooked and served prasadam at some of the School Board meetings and other gatherings and both of us attended the children’s functions and graduations. We were encouraged by the first teacher, a kind and respectful woman
who, although a devout Catholic, came to temple programs and seemed to enjoy them. Yet, as time went on and more teachers came, Yamuna became more discouraged with the school. Returning from a visit to a friend one day, with tears cascading down her face, she described seeing a child doing math homework which involved counting hamburgers. In an email to Kartamasa in 2007, she voiced her concerns: Yamuna: Our younger generation are being encouraged by their materially- motivated educators to become absorbed in mundane life. We have such sincere girls here in the valley, for instance—they are inspired, truly inspired in what Krishna Consciousness they get, and the education they receive must be confusing to them—what to accept and what to reject. I often find myself wishing you both could teach them. In 2009, our prayers were answered when the school district withdrew funding, turned the buildings over to the community, and the renamed Govardhan Academy became Saranagati’s Vaishnava-oriented school. Kartamasa moved from Alachua to become headmaster, his wife Radhakunda became a teacher, and the Deities, Krishna and Balarama, became the fulcrum of the children’s training in devotional service. It was so powerful that although the students were still being taught online through a government program, their devotional training and creative activities created a rich and enlivening school environment that was Krishna Conscious, innovative and fun. Lilamrita devi: Towards the end of the first year at Govardhan Academy, I was talking to a few of the younger girls, and asked them if they were looking forward to the summer holidays. “Oh, no! We love school! We can’t wait for it to start again!” I was pleasantly surprised at their answer. And it was confirmed a few days later at a school program, when the students were asked to speak about their school year. Their talks were very lively and full of positive enthusiasm for the Krishna Conscious activities they had been learning. They expressed their attachment and love for Krishna and Balarama, and their gratitude and appreciation for having Kar and Radha as their teachers. This was a testimony to the success of the Govardhan Academy—the students were learning to love learning and were enthused about devotional service Yamuna and I took part in school activities whenever we were asked, as we were also enlivened to be in such company. Yamuna worked with Radhakunda to create a teaching kitchen and held cooking classes with all of the children, even the five- and six-year-olds.
Jayanti devi: I remember the last couple of years at Govardhan Academy were made extra-extra special by the contributions of Yamuna and Dina. Every Tuesday we had either cooking class with Yamuna or scroll saw class with Dinatarini. Yamuna taught us how to make different flavored chapatis, holy crackers, mango fool, rice, and simply wonderfuls. Before we started to cook, we would stand in a circle and recite the Om ajnana prayers. Then we would learn about what we were doing, cook, clean-up, offer and then sample what we cooked.
Dina taught us about scroll-sawing and helped us to make wooden parrots for the parrot festival. It was so wonderful to have these moments to share with Yamuna and Dina, and it meant a lot to me—not to mention all of the times they came to the school, such as Prabhupada’s Appearance Day, and shared their mercy and devotion with us. Yoginath das: So we had the great honor of [Yamuna] actually teaching cooking to the children in our little community…. She didn’t really teach cooking—the whole class, the focus of the whole thing, was the attitude about cooking, and trying to explain to the younger people that this is what makes prasadam, prasadam. So she taught them the fine art of cooking without
really much cooking. That was her focus—to really understand what is prasadam and what is devotion. And it wasn’t just the young people; she shared that with the adults also.
Another Blissful Summer of Bhajan, Kirtan and Sanga Yamuna used our spring Holy Name nights to prepare the Saranagati Rocks group to chant the Kevalastakam prayers for Rathayatra. Perhaps thirty of us crowded onto the stage chanting with rocks and sticks, and then followed it with the mahamantra in the same tune, with the audience joining in. Our committed Bhaktivinoda bhajan group chanted the Thakur’s Gitavali again that summer—this time with the Milkmaids, who had become expert by this time, providing instrumentals—Kalavati (Kava) on mridanga, Gopal on kartals and Haripriya or Kalindi on flute. As they had matured, their voices had also become resonant and melodious, and this added even more richness to the sessions. Gopal Nandini devi: For me it was always super hard just sitting there and focusing on the bhajans. My attention would always slip away, until that year when Haribhakti taught us to play kartals and mridanga. Then Kar asked me to play kartals. I was nervous the first time, I remember Kar telling me to play as quietly as you can, because we want to hear the voices more than the actual instruments. I remember looking at Kar, like, “Am I doing okay?” Kava played mridanga, too. And afterward Yamuna and Dina were the most encouraging. “Wow, you were just sizzling tonight. You were so good! Gopal, Kava—szzz! [sizzling]” And it just felt so good. Also, I feel that because we got that opportunity, it put me on a different level of understanding of how to actually please by playing instruments. Not just for yourself—because it never was for yourself, because you were supposed to play quietly—just to keep it going. I remember just thinking in my head, “Please, Radha-Banabehari, please, Krishna-Balarama, please just help me play for the pleasure of the devotees, and for You—nothing else.” Pray every time—just pray. Just try to please. We were given such a wonderful opportunity, and I didn’t want to mess it up at all. I feel that because of that, because Yamuna and Dina were so encouraging—but encouraging in such a way that you didn’t feel puffed up—you just felt that you were making them happy; what I am doing is making them happy. And now, it has helped my mood in kirtan so much more. I felt like if I didn’t do that, I would have been just gone in my pride. But now, just remembering how they so much encouraged, I just so much wanted to please them. Kalavati (Kava) devi (Milkmaid): I was regretting [playing mridanga] in the beginning. I really wanted to sing; I didn’t want to play the mridanga. But I knew that this was a service. I just felt that I wasn’t good enough, that I couldn’t sing, and that I would ruin it and wouldn’t please anybody. But Yamuna and Dina encouraged me so much. I realized that it is not the instruments that matter; it is the voices. For me, this whole new-age gurukuli thing is really about the instruments—but [Yamuna showed us] that good kirtan was if the people are praying to Krishna. And they taught us that really young, so we could understand that very strongly.
They taught us to think like that before they even encouraged us. So when they did encourage us, we knew how to take that encouragement. Honestly, I didn’t know anything about Yamuna’s past, the entire years when we were growing up. I didn’t know that she did this and did that, and that everyone knew her—that she played harmonium and mridanga, and she did that with the Beatles. It was just “our Yamuna.” Rasa Mandala devi (Milkmaid): The first time it became crystal clear to me that Yamuna was someone else other than just Yamuna to us was that Balarama festival that we had here. I realized that other people had traveled so far to come and meet with her. She was Yamuna prabhu, not just Yamuna, like she was to us.
The summer Bus Tour party visited again in August, and many of the youth came to the morning program. Having kirtan and honest discussions with them was always illuminating and enlivening for Yamuna. Later that month, on August 28, with Yamuna’s usual careful planning and attention to detail, a glorious Radhastami festival was held at Banabehari Mandir. Yamuna wrote afterward to Haribhakti: Yamuna: So today is the day after Radhastami. Thought to share how it transpired this year. To call on a meditative mood of absorption for Sri Radha, we began to prepare for it by chanting eight beautiful Bhaktivinoda prayers from Gitavali describing the glories of Srimati Radharani; that happened on Monday and Tuesday of this week. Kar took us to an extraordinary level of meditation in chanting these prayers. Then all day Wednesday a crew of twelve or so devotees came to Banabehari Mandir to engage in some direct devotional service to Srimati Radharani—cleaning, cooking, making
flower garlands, making a flower dress for both Banabehari Krishna and Radharani, and decorating. This ended at 6 PM, and then we had our weekly evening Caitanya-caritamrta reading. Every year we make some different special arrangement for Radhastami, and this year we wished to go to Govardhan Hill and Radhakunda with Radha-Banabehari. To do this, three Banabehari Milkmaids collected and made about ten super-lovely flower arrangements. Two more helped me recreate the scene of Govardhan Hill and Radhakunda on the altar itself. Their Lordships resided in the back of the altar. In front of Them, we built a kund [lake] surrounded with rocks of varying sizes, Govardhan-style, with gravel paths that led from the lotus feet of both Radha and Krishna to the lake. Two more Milkmaids, plus Dina, Radhakunda and Lilamrita, made garlands and the flower dresses. All the silver temple animals—cows, peaco*cks, horses, bears, rhinos, elephants, monkeys and one giraffe—were arrayed on the Govardhan-like rocks (gravel) and paths (sand). Silver-cloisonne flying parrots perched on flowers in the vases; and in the pond—silver turtles, fish and ducks. On Radhastami morning, Their Lordships wore silk-lined satin night robes over thin white silk bathing clothes during mangal arati. They remained on the altar in this dress during the tulasi puja and the chanting of one grantha of japa. Their bathing tank was brought out of the garbha griha and placed in the temple room, and one at a time, each devotee got a chance to bathe Them in five sacred substances—warmed creamed honey with a touch of maple syrup; organic yogurt; organic milk; 1,008 holy waters, Ganga water, Radhakunda and Shyamakunda water and ghee with drops of cow urine. During and after the bathing, while They were being dressed in fragrant, artfully-crafted flower dresses, a nice kirtan was going on.
When at last situated on Their altar behind a curtain, along with the thunderous chanting of Radhe Radhe Radhe Radhe, Radhe Radhe, Radhe, and with the tumult of several blowing conchshells, the curtain opened to gasps of wonder and joy. We greeted Them by singing the Govindam prayers a cappella, then offered the gifts that devotees had brought, and then offered Their special festival bhoga of rasa malai. In this batch, the malai sauce was perfumed with crushed saffron threads, ground cardamom, screwpine water [kewra], vetiver water [khus], and rose water. Each sweet was placed in a pastry case for distribution, then topped with fragrant
malai sauce and a small piece of fresh rose petal. Then each devotee came up to the altar to take special darshan and light a floating candle in the kund [lake]. While lighting their candle, each offered a prayer begging to better serve Sri Radha in the coming year. Then Kar led us in chanting a wonderful prayer written by Krishnadas Kaviraja glorifying Srimati Radharani. Then we passed out twenty-five slips of paper to twenty-five devotees. Each of the twenty-five slips of paper had a special quality that embodied one of Sri Radha’s qualities. The devotees had to enact out that quality without speaking, and the attendees had to guess what that quality was. Children as young as eight did this. Then we read some of the glories of Sri Radha. In that way, we started the day by engaging all of our senses in the glorious realm of service to Sri Radha. In the late afternoon we went to Kulasekhara’s temple for more Radhastami celebrations—arati, kirtan, bhajans, katha, and the offering of a huge feast to relish later as prasadam, all with the special feature of swinging the lovely Deities of Sri Sri Radha-Giridhari on a flower-laden swing. Their Lordships were magnificent, and swinging Them sublime. We returned to Radha-Banabehari Mandir when the half moon hung low over the western mountains in a dark blue sky, changed Their Lordships into night clothes, cleaned up some, and again relished the peace of ashram silence suffused with the Holy Name. I imagine when many devotees retired for the night, filled with much Radha katha and focus from the day, they had Radharani dreams as well.
Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance — 2009 Giriraja Swami: After Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day in 2009, Yamuna devi wrote me a letter that shows her deep absorption in Srila Prabhupada and in the Holy Names, and her intimate relationship with Srila Prabhupada. I think that she really did understand Srila Prabhupada and his mission. He gave her a lot of instruction. Dear Giriraja Swami, Pranam dandavats. Jaya Srila Prabhupada! I wanted to share a few thoughts and reflections on yesterday, Srila Prabhupada’s thirty-second Disappearance Day. We observed the day first at Radha-Banabehari Mandir with our morning program, then at a midday program at Govardhan Academy [the school at Saranagati], introducing the students to the traditional way Srila Prabhupada instructed us to honor this day, and then in the evening at a program with adults in the community, who for convenience regularly meet in the evening for any kind of Vaishnava holy day.
Yamuna and Dina at Govardhan Academy on Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance Day Last night Yadubara showed his preliminary edited footage for DVD Eleven: “Srila Prabhupada’s Final Pastimes.” Though I had seen much of the footage before, it had been without comment, and not arranged in sequence to tell a visual story of Srila Prabhupada’s final days and hours, the moment of his passing, and the aftermath—the Vrindavan pari-krama and the samadhi entombment. One evening, as I sat with my back to Srila Prabhupada’s front bucket seat as we rode in a van from Tittenhurst [John Lennon’s estate] to a Conway Hall lecture in London, Srila
Prabhupada said loud enough for me to hear: “When I die, see that my body is taken on a palanquin around Vrindavan on parikrama.” Stunned, but immediately attentive to these words, I turned around and, on my knees, bent forward from the waist so that my head was even with his shoulder, I said, “Why have you told me to do this, Srila Prabhupada? Better that you tell Tamal Krishna. He has more access to seeing that this is done than I do.” He replied, “No, you can tell him.” He fell silent and said no more. I too fell silent and said no more. Yadubara’s footage last night of the thickest pastime of Srila Prabhupada’s life with us—his passing—was poignant and moving. Though I was not there physically with Srila Prabhupada, I could not have felt closer to him or experienced more of his presence had I been so. Every moment of every day has been a meditation on Srila Prabhupada, and we have been engaged in constant kirtan. Perhaps it would have been difficult for me even to have been there at that time, for except Pishima, it is clear that women were not allowed close proximity to Srila Prabhupada, and that might have been almost unbearable for me after the closeness I experienced in previous years with him. —EMAIL TO GIRIRAJA SWAMI, OCT. 22, 2009
Yamuna Devi at the 40th Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Londonisvara
Yamuna reunites with longtime friends from the UK The affinity Yamuna held for Sri Sri Radha-Londonisvara, who had been so instrumental in her Krishna Conscious life, never wavered, and a large framed illustration of Them was
prominently displayed on the wall above her room at Banabehari Mandir. When she was asked by her young friend Kapila to attend the 40th Anniversary celebrations of Their installation, she could not refuse, although she had been suffering from a severe bout of bronchitis for nearly a month. Not only would she attend the London Anniversary, but she wanted to take the same group of young friends to Mayapur on pilgrimage afterward. Along with our previous group, Guru Carana Padma devi, Jahnavi, Kapila, and his wife Ananda, would also join us, while others planned to meet us there. Our long-time Saranagati friend Kapila, an organizer of the event, had the following email exchange with Yamuna: Kapila das: Currently the devotees at Soho have a tentative schedule for the week, and they want to be flexible with you. Please take a look, but I’m also enclosing the main points. A. That you will be able to give a presentation on Wednesday the 18th from 5:30 to 7:00 PM. Their theme that day is around the topics of Rathayatra, harinam and book distribution. Yamuna: This I did chuckle at. I should not speak on these topics, for I am eminently unqualified to do so. No one from 1969 or 1970 would consider me speaking on these three topics. Aside from Apple recording, touring and promotion, I rarely left the inside of Bury Place temple. Why? I was cent percent engaged in cooking offerings, performing aratis, feeding devotees, sewing, cleaning and other internal temple services. I attended one UK Rathayatra; distributed perhaps a dozen magazines my whole time in London, and went on less nagar kirtan than almost any practicing devotee in 1969 and 1970. To best present these topics, I suggest you ferret out speakers that engaged in these activities—rendered service to numerous Rathayatra events, distributed books daily, and engaged in daily harinam. Here is where Tribhuvanath prabhu will be sorely missed. Have you notified the devotees who organized this roster that I do not wish to speak on this topic? If not, please do so. Kapila das: B. Thursday is free, as you have other diary events they are familiar with. Friday the 20th, the theme is Deity history, and they have all four of the first devotees here in the UK from 5:30-7:00 PM. Yamuna: Looking forward to being a part of this presentation and hearing from others also. Kapila das: This is also the day when earlier, I hope we might be able to brainstorm with you on the idea of doing Govindam with As Kindred Spirits. Perhaps we can do it before this at Soho, or earlier even at your residence or at the Manor, etc. Please have a think what is best for you and let me know soon. Saturday the 21st. We will aim to have some rehearsal ahead of time, but the main event starts at 5:30 PM, and you are scheduled at around 8:30 to speak for 2-3 minutes to share a little inspirational thought for the future 40 years. Yamuna: Purity is the force; right—two or three minutes; will give it my best. Kapila das: Sunday the 22nd at Soho temple, 9:00 AM to 12:30 PM—the group of original devotees; and then again 9:00 PM to 9:30 PM.
Yamuna: The Lotus Feet of Sri Sri Radha-Londonisvara ki jaya! Kapila das: Just to reinforce, the devotees want to be very considerate with your time and health, so please give me any feedback and thoughts now. Yamuna: It is only by the mercy and drawing power of Their Lordships that I considered trying to make it there for this event. I will do my best to be present, willing and able, as best I can. Know that for certain. Then whatever will be, will be. Update on another front: For months, Kar, Radha, Neem (Nimesh), Haribhakti, Dina and I have prayed that one last time, our kirtan group from last year might be able to go on a Mayapur pilgrimage to chant together. As plans go, it’s been touch and go, but today Kar, Radha, Dina and I confirmed tickets for India just to do this. Haribhakti is already in Mayapur; Neem is seriously working to join us as well. Here’s an invite to you and Ananda: Please consider joining us. It will be a life-changing experience. Two short weeks, December 15 through the 30—try and join us. Radha is pregnant and understands the value of exposing her child in the womb to this powerful pilgrimage. Know money and time is dear, but chances like this rarely manifest. Sweet Krishna dreams. We were hosted in England (Yamuna, Malati and me) many miles from the temple and venue in London by a sincere family of disciples of Radhanath Swami. Each day we were ferried to the various programs and connected with many dear and ever-treasured friends from England. Though still sick with bronchitis, Yamuna was determined to reach out in her inimitable way and touch the hearts of all of the devotees there. Writing after the event to Kartamasa and Radhakunda, she synopsized the experience: Yamuna: One thing that is very clear: If we speak of Krishna, churn the nectar of repeating His glories or the glories of His pastimes, entourage or devotees, it fosters more discussion amongst ourselves in conversation. This place is on fire with katha. For the last eight days, we were led from place to place by extraordinary devotees eager to serve and anxious for sanga. Some qualities that stood out: Intensity; Depth; Variegatedness; Exceptional prasadam—the cooking expertise is near 10 out of 10; Warmth; Appreciation; Strength; Success; Enthusiasm; Generosity; Presence. Hope you got a chance to hear and/or see the week’s activities on streaming [internet]; if not, or if you wish a disc, write Kapila for one. It was a global historic event in that, for seven days, so many took part in churning the ocean of Srila Prabhupada and London Yatra katha. The Soho temple president is someone you would love. To know him is to really treasure him. He is the energy behind this whole event—his personal effulgence so bright you need shades. In his early thirties, he’s a ten year brahmachari—absolutely focused on direct, dynamic, genuine, exciting, creative, thoughtful Krishna Conscious activity; [he] loves chanting the Holy Name. In the eyes of many old-timers, his Krishna Conscious vision is ushering in a new generation of dynamism here in the UK Yatra.
Radhanath Swami was here, weaving his way in and out of devotee enclaves, encouraging as only he does so well. Today a carload of us [women] drove out to central Wales to visit our dear Godbrother Vicitravirya, who for nearly a decade played a key role in UK management here. He is in an advanced stage of Lou Gehrig’s disease, and though paralyzed from neck to toe, his handsome and effulgent face still radiates his intelligence and peaceful nature—more so now than ever before. He inspired us to the core with his thoughtful words of gratitude for all things Krishna Conscious, especially his love for Srila Prabhupada and his appreciation for devotee company. We had an a cappella kirtan with him, and in the end, all present teared up in happiness. Unknown devotee: I was in England three years ago, for the fortieth anniversary, and Yamuna was there. Of course, I got the privilege to hear her sing face to face. I was sitting and singing in the temple once and she was going to speak, and she sat next to me for maybe twenty minutes; and later she called me and said, “Oh, you are a very good singer. You trained.” I felt really embarrassed, “No, Mataji, we hear you every morning. We have been hearing you every morning since we were in gurukula.” You can find people who say, “Just be humble.” You find many people who say like that—it is part of the punch line. But she was very genuine. I felt an energy from her; she was very, very humble—the way she said, “Oh, I haven’t learned anything, I just sing.” I was very impressed by that. (RECORDED AT AUSTRALIAN MEMORIAL SERVICE FOR YAMUNA 2012)
A Last Mayapur Pilgrimage Yamuna was still struggling with bronchitis and other health issues when we reached Mayapur, yet she was ecstatic to be back in the holy dhama. Our Godsister Sitala, who Yamuna appreciated for her keen intelligence and insight, secured an apartment for us to rent next door to her own. Despite her declining health, Yamuna kept up lengthy and illustrative correspondences with friends around the world, and her exuberance and otherworldly detachment from the bodily concept is obvious in her writing:
Yamuna: As promised, I wanted to send you an update on our travels. Please also write of your journey at this time in your lives. We miss and value each of you so much. The drive from Kolkata to Mayapur is about as long as the one from Vancouver to Saranagati, but it could not be more different. In Canada, after reaching Hope, you get to the Thompson River gorge and steep sloping mountains, and the remainder of the route is almost all nature, with only a sporadic population all the way to Saranagati. Here, from Howrah train station in Kolkata, you drive through probably one of the densest populations on the planet for about a quarter of the way to Mayapur. Then slowly, concrete, brick, steel and buildings thin out, and some land is seen. This is a tropical location, where banana, date palm, mango and other fruit trees abound; then more and more fields of edibles, especially rice fields and mustard fields. You pass through smallish street villages where crops begin their wholesale route throughout Bengal—at this time of the year, gigantic mountains and huge cartfuls of cauliflower, green bananas on long stalks, green-skinned guava and whitish to pinkish long mouli radishes are in season; and this goes on for perhaps two-thirds of the way to Mayapur. Then when you get to Birnagar, where Thakur Bhaktivinoda was born in 1838 in a village [he] described as heavenly, you see the remnants of that world. Now on both sides of the road, small stalls sell goods to vehicle traffic, and off of that, winding paths through thick tropical vegetation reveal small hand-made dwellings of mud with thatched roofs. Animals and humans, from the youngest to the very old, are all moving about, active in a way that is very different from anything in the West. Almost everyone is rendering some kind of service to someone; no laziness here. Then it’s pretty much open fields all the way to the turnoff that says ISKCON and Mayapur, and you are on Bhaktisiddhanta Road for 11 kilometers until you reach a long row of temples and holy pilgrimage sites so dear to Gaudiya Vaishnavas—so dear to anyone on the planet who values pure spiritual energy—and you have reached Mayapur dhama. The sides of the roads are now lined with many stalls selling something, and bicycle rickshaws abound as the pilgrims’ transport, if they are not walking. Sitala had arranged a reliable driver who ably met us on the Howrah station platform and delivered us to where we are staying. There are many many large buildings for grihasthas here—one-, two- and three-bedroom apartments, with tastefully designed red brick exteriors, inside spaces with wide interior staircases, and apartments with electricity, wireless Internet service, marble floors, fans and air conditioning. Each building has a brick-walled garden where all sorts of organic vegetables grow almost year around, as well as many scented flowers that can be collected for individual Deities in the grihastha ashrams. All in all, it’s perhaps the best facility for grihasthas anywhere in ISKCON, and it’s in the dhama.
Yamuna and Dina instruct the pilgrims Dina and I are staying in a two-bedroom apartment just across the stairway from Sitala and Hari Sauri—it has a sitting room, two bedrooms, a bathroom and kitchen, and a veranda. Kar and Radha will stay in their place when they come in a few days, as Sitala is going to Australia at that time. Kapila and Ananda are arriving from London when Kar and Radha arrive. Jahnavi and her mom, one of our oldest and dearest Godsisters, arrive at the same time. Haribhakti is here and wonderful company on all fronts. Within two days of our arrival, he arranged a cell phone for us and got us hooked up to the Internet. He is now working on making copies of Gitavali for our chanting sessions, which will begin hopefully on the 17th. Since arriving here, both of us are up at 1:30 AM to chant japa, where the night is quiet save for outbursts of great drama from jackals, who whine with loud intensity. Then at 4 AM, arati in Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi, then arati in the temple. The morning program goes on until 9 AM. Dina has been going to both aratis; we watch class online in our apartment, something that is a godsend for me, as the temple is a bit of a walk away. Even at night, the heat remains strong for my liking. As you know, yesterday was Sri Sri Radha-Banabehariji’s thirty-fourth birthday, falling on Srila Bhaktisiddhanta’s Disappearance Day. Dina went to his samadhi at the Chaitanya Math and spent several hours there chanting. At noon, here in our ISKCON temple, devotees observed the classic pushpa samadhi as is traditional, with a wonderful offering of bhoga. I stayed back and made my first offering here in Mayapur: cauliflower, potato, tomato panir veg, and basmati rice salad with apples—a simple feast, but a most relishable pastime. Today Dina also purchased the three-volume book on the life and times of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur. We all find it a powerful study—a thoughtful and scholarly set of books full of insightful information. In the afternoon we read aloud Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati’s favorite dishes. One of them was a soup made from cooked and blended green papaya and eaten daily (our Srila Prabhupada very much favored a louki squash veg in a broth). Bhaktisiddhanta also liked urad dal, puspanna, laphra vyanjana, fried chickpeas tossed in savory masala, fried peanuts in hing and salt, and rasam soup, South Indian style. Rasgulla was his favorite sweet, and he liked lots of salt—so much that many found his maha way too salty. If any of you do not know what these dishes are, most are found in Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, so you can look them up.
At Srila Bhaktisiddhanta’s samadhi The Deities in this temple are perhaps the most beautiful in the world. Every Deity face is simply magnificent. The dressing is flawless, beautifully designed and elegantly clothed—the dresses fitting precisely to show off each individual Deity form. Both night and day sringar is exceptional; there is always something special going on in and around the service of these Deities in this temple. Yesterday was Saturday, and each Saturday evening the small Radha-Madhava Deities are brought around the entire compound on the back of a small elephant who resides here. Nice youth kirtan accompanies that entourage. This morning so many guests from Kolkata were here, there was no room in the temple to even get darshan of Madhava’s altar. Ramadevi, an old and dear Scottish-born Godsister from the UK, who served Sri Sri Radha-Gokulananda as pujari for over 20 years, now resides here in Mayapur. When Dina and I lived in the UK from 1980 through 1984, Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari resided on the altar at the Manor for one of those years, and Ramadevi made them three sets of clothes. Among her other services here in Mayapur, Ramadevi works with the twin head pujaris on festival sringar, and also occasionally designs and stitches outfits for the presiding Deities on all three altars. Yesterday she explained that every December 31, Their Lordships are offered one of several yearly outfits of flower dress sringar; at this time of year, garden flowers are abundant. She kindly extended the invitation that we six female pilgrims—Radhakunda, Jahnavi, Ananda, Guru Carana Padma, Dina and I—design and make the flower dress for small Radha-Madhava for this festival. They are the original archa vigraha of this entire Mayapur temple project, and I have not had the opportunity to serve Them directly since the Magh Mela in Allahabad in January 1971—thirty-eight years ago! We gladly accepted the offer and look forward to executing that service.
Making flower outfit for Sri Sri Radha-Madhava How enlivening and appropriate that here in the dhama, Vaishnava devotees place the Holy Name and the archa vigraha in the center of New Year festivities. How could any other kind of New Year celebration top that for sheer joy, auspiciousness and all-around good sanga? Time to get back to chanting now. This is a glimpse of our world here in Mayapur dhama. It is beyond description, individually sampled and relished, rich in quality sanga, with old devotee friends visiting here from around the world and newly established friendships with saintly souls who reside here. We are so fortunate—all of us connected together by our ISKCON Founder-Acharya A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Srila Prabhupada. (EMAIL TO FRIENDS DEC. 5, 2009) As some of our young pilgrimage group would not arrive until three weeks after us, Yamuna encouraged them from afar. Dear Kar and Radha and choti—Good morning dandavats to you! From inside the still foggy dawn of Mayapur: the sound of the gardener’s broom brushing his earthen domain; bicycle wheels bouncing on the uneven brick paths; the compound’s screeching birds in various kinds of play along with the intermittent kooh-kooh-ko pigeon warble; and lorry horns and chanting reverb from across the river filtering this way. From inside this Mayapur-longing heart, words from a favorite prayer tendered your way to soothe the separation. Gauranga bolite habe, pulaka sarira, hari hari bolite, nayane babe nera... —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, JAN. 10, 2009 It is difficult to find words to express how compelling and joyful Yamuna’s last Mayapur pilgrimage was for many of us. Each day would find us immersed in another holy tirtha that was
touched by the all-merciful glance of Lord Chaitanya, one of His dear associates, or our parama gurus. As the other youth arrived, we made our way to Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s residence, Svananda Sukhada Kunja, in Godrumadvipa, and had a soulful kirtan abounding with our deep gratitude for his prayers and legacy; we prayed for his blessings for our upcoming Gitavali bhajans. We went by boat down Mother Ganga to Mamagachi to take darshan of the Sripat of Sri Vrindavan das Thakur and Vasudeva Datta. We embraced the tree under which Lord Nityananda married Sri Jahnava Mata and Sri Vasudha in Ambika Kalna, and ecstatically jumped and shouted before the Deities of Gauridas Pandit. We went on parikrama of the Govardhan Hill that Srila Saraswati Thakur had constructed at the Chaitanya Math, chanted japa on the banks of Sri Radhakunda, and held kirtan at his samadhi.
On the boat to Mamagachi
Govardhan parikrama at Chaitanya Math We gathered at Srila Prabhupada’s samadhi, and after kirtan, Yamuna asked each devotee to express their realizations:
Nadia devi: I don’t know what I did in my past lives to somehow be able to be in Yamuna’s presence so much in the last few years of my life. I didn’t even try to do all of those things. I just happened to be in India every time she was there, and she extended her hand and wanted me to come with her, and it just happened. She would be like, “Come! Come; it’s great!” Being with her in Mayapur and seeing her there in the samadhi walking up to where [Prabhupada’s] murti is—it is quite high. But she just went there, and she just started crying…. [Then] before we started kirtan at the samadhi, she asked what were some realizations that we had. And I told her that I saw how much love she had for Srila Prabhupada. It was just so obvious, so tangible. That was really amazing to see, like to see Srila Prabhupada in his kirtans or in his pictures, but to actually be able to feel his presence in her. When I was around her I could feel Srila Prabhupada coming through her when she would talk and sing. And to be there when she would chant her japa—you could feel that she was literally tasting the Holy Name. This was something I can’t even describe, to see the tears just stream—not like she was crying, but they just flowed.
At Srila Prabhupada℉s samadhi Haribhakti das: For me, I think [there was] just so much love, compassion and most of all, I think, forgiveness. I did so many silly things. And still, they didn’t reject me. So that left an impression on me. In Mayapur, one time we got a flatbed rickshaw for Yamuna, and then she invited somebody else to sit on the rickshaw, and the rickshaw walla started complaining; he didn’t want to move—didn’t want to go anywhere unless we gave him three times the price. So I got really frazzled. And in my frustration, I said to Yamuna prabhu, “I wish you would have told me that it was going to be more than one person, and then I could have negotiated.” As soon as the words came out of my mouth, I knew that this isn’t proper etiquette to speak to somebody in this way. This isn’t how I should be speaking to Yamuna. So an hour or two later, when we were back at their apartment, I walked in and apologized. I said I was so sorry that I spoke like that. And she just smiled and said, “No, you were just expressing yourself.” And she smiled. Even though I had actually made an offense, she didn’t take it like that. That is what I mean when I say such pure love.
Yamuna with Vraja-lila and Ekavira Jananivasa das: I think Yamuna devi is the longest-standing pujari. She is actually my guru. She told me to worship the Deities in Mayapur when I got initiation in Mayapur. So she was my first guru, and I have always respected her as such. To be in Yamuna devi’s presence is just like being in Prabhupada’s presence; it was like you had to talk about Prabhupada. That was it. There was no question of any other subject matter; you just had to talk about Prabhupada, like they were inseparable—Srila Prabhupada and Yamuna. The last time I saw her, she started offering prayers. I can’t repeat the humility she had, what she said in her prayer, how she was describing herself in humility. And I was smiling and offering. And then she walked away—like in the middle of saying something, she just walked off. And when I looked, she was doing a little dance—something strange, but funky dance. And she started circumambulating me, and I was turning around, “Where is she going?” and then she came back again. She said, “You know, we don’t have to share those old memories and affections. You know we can, just by seeing in the eye, seeing in your eye, we can understand that—it’s summarized. We didn’t have to go back and say how we met and things like that. She had such a loving glance, and she was looking at me. We didn’t have to say anything.
When she came after she had left India with Prabhupada, she didn’t come back for many, many years. And then finally she came to Mayapur, and she said, “I have to tell you a story. When I was in Vrindavan with Guru das, we were making the Krishna-Balarama Temple. And I went to Bombay to see Srila Prabhupada to ask him some instructions.” So she started to explain: and Srila Prabhupada said, “So you can make Radha-Shyamasundara, and They can be life-size.” And Yamuna said, “But Srila Prabhupada, They are already made.” “You can’t make life-size?” “No, Srila Prabhupada.” “You can get the Astha Sakhi then. You can make Astha Sakhi life-size.” Yamuna said, “But, Prabhupada, the Deities have already been made; the altar has been made and [it is too small]….” “Visakha and Lalita, you can make life-size?” “No, Prabhupada, everything has already been made, and it’s all small size.” Then Prabhupada didn’t say anything else about this. Then Yamuna told me, “Here look; there is Radha-Madhava and the Astha Sakhis. This is what Prabhupada was talking about. This is what Prabhupada was visualizing, because Vrindavan and Mayapur are non-different.” She said, “This is exactly what Prabhupada told me he wanted, life-size Radha-Krishna and Astha Sakhi.” Each evening in Mayapur, as we gathered to chant the prayers of Gitavali, so many eager chanters came that they spilled out the doors and down the stairs. Kartamasa das led with harmonium, his resonant voice and deep immersion in the prayers inspiring everyone else; Haribhakti played mridanga in perfect rhythm to the changes in Kar’s meter and voice; Nadia played kartals; Jahnavi played her violin in such synchronicity with Kar that we were stunned; and I played a borrowed large tamboura. Yet it was the combined voices raised in glorification of prayer which truly transformed each person in the room—amazing, rich voices deeply immersed in prayer. It was simply magical, or as Yamuna would say, “the Krishna Magic.” After each program, Kapila’s lovely wife, Ananda, would bring in a huge plate of fruit prasadam she had painstakingly prepared, and serve each attendee. We could not wait for each evening session, and I believe every devotee who came could speak volumes on the transformative potency of those sessions.
Ekavira das: Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja gave me an instruction to go to the holy dhama and take shelter of the Holy Name. And so we were in Sridham Mayapur, Vraja-lila and I, in 2010.
And I remember paying dandavats in front of Bhakti-tirtha Maharaja’s samadhi; and I prayed to him to actually help me to follow this instruction and take shelter of the Holy Name in a way that is pleasing to him. As I got up off of the ground, there was a devotee standing there, and [he] said, “Are you Ekavira?” And I said, “Yes.” And he said, “I have a message for you from Yamuna. She has a kirtan group, and she would like you and Vrajalila to come and participate. And it starts in two days.” And I said, “Wow. This is really quick. I just made this prayer, and as soon as I got up, this devotee was standing here.” And so we participated in this group.
Dinatarini, Siddhi, Yamuna and Ekavira Yamuna expressed how Srila Prabhupada emphasized how she should learn and study the prayers of Bhaktivinoda Thakur. And then she gave certain pastimes with Prabhupada and how he expressed that no one writes prayers like Narottama das Thakur and Bhaktivinoda Thakur. And she talked about how he used to just sit on the porch and just chant a line over and over and over again. And so she said for years she didn’t really take that instruction very seriously. But then she started to take it seriously, and she started to study the prayers. And then she started encouraging other devotees to study the prayers…. But there was one particular devotee who was leading, and he had such a subtle voice. And I was talking to Mother Yamuna after the program one time when we were in Mamagachi, and she was expressing that his name was Kartamasa prabhu. She said that he has a very simple voice, nothing special, but he does something that is quite unique: he chants without the ego. “And therefore, that is the reason why he is the leader of our kirtan group.” So when she addressed the gathering, she said, “I would like you to make a few commitments. One is to be here—if you are starting today, to be here throughout the duration of this program. It will last at least two weeks, and we will chant from 6:30 until 9 PM. And we would like you to be on time—to be punctual. All of the devotees’ time here is valuable, and we want to start on time and end on time. And we would like you to chant from your heart—to fully participate and give your all while you are here.” [She added that] the kirtan leader is very important; but even more important … are those who are actually participating in the kirtan and responding to the leader. And then she said, “We
would also like you to leave your shoes and egos at the door.” And she just had the amazing combination of the love of a mother, the gravity of a warrior and the simplicity and ease of a child. And that simplicity was such that it encouraged people to approach her. She was so approachable and so loving…. She just had an amazing relationship in relishing the Holy Name.
Jahnavi devi: When my mum and I left Mayapur after the Gitavali retreat, we went to say a final goodbye to Yamuna and Dina. It was early in the morning, and Yamuna had been bedridden for days with what seemed like bronchitis as well as a potential kidney infection. She welcomed us eagerly and conversed with love, but was clearly unwell, a little feverish still, and coughing. We shared reflections of gratitude for the time spent together in service of the Holy Name, and then got ready to leave. Before walking out the door, she got up with great difficulty and went to the kitchen. I was stunned when she came out with a stack of foil wrapped dal puris—“Srila Prabhupada says good for traveling,” she announced. She’d obviously been making them since much earlier in the morning. We were bowled over by her love and care, and when we ate them I had a deep experience of how that love was actually invested in the prasadam itself. Unlike any other time I had tasted her cooking, when it was always flawlessly prepared, this time the puris were not fully cooked through. I knew this would’ve usually been unacceptable to her, and I could understand that perhaps her ill health was the reason. But far from making them inedible, the devotion we could taste in every doughy bite carried us on a cloud on our journey home. We relished every morsel and made them last for several meals. Vraja Sevaki devi: In seeing Yamuna, we could see actually what it was we were trying to attain, and not how easy it was, but how simple. She was very simple in her loving affection. When she was last in Mayapur, in the mornings, Dinatarini would take everyone to some different pilgrimage places, and we would chant. We went to Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s house one day, and Yamuna was also not very well at that time. So we would go on a rickshaw. Haribhakti would arrange one of the flatbed rickshaws, and Yamuna and I would go together. “The disabled vehicle,” we called it. When we went there, everybody was riding their bikes and crossing the river separately, not all coming together. Somehow, Yamuna and I ended up there together, quite ahead of the pack. And we went into the mandir, and it was empty, and we just sat down and started chanting japa. It was very quiet there. I was watching Yamuna, and again, tears were coming from her eyes, and her eyes were closed and she was chanting. And I watched her for a little while and thought, “I wish I could chant like that. She is very fortunate. She is very lucky.” And she would always lean into me and rest her head on my shoulder, which was the sweetest thing, and she said, “Vraji, you know what?” I said, “What?” She said, “That was the most ecstatic Krishna Conscious day I have ever had in my life.” And for her it was like she meant it. And I am sure she said that many times.
As our bhajan evenings progressed, the devotees from Mayapur TV asked if they could film them because so many devotees were unable to attend; so some of those memorable bhajans can still be seen and felt through the wonders of modern technology. Before we left to return to Canada, Yamuna spoke to a large gathering at the community center about the importance of prayerful immersion in the Holy Name—one of her favorite topics. Yamuna: We chanted all the time. We would walk around chanting. We chanted when we cooked. There was never talk in the kitchen, only chanting. Prabhupada infused us to chant a lot. And then I suppose one of the most profound kirtans of that time was on Memorial Day. As you know, Srila Prabhupada had a stroke on the East Coast, and he was paralyzed. We didn’t think Prabhupada was going to live. And we had just met him. Even before he left, one night Prabhupada sat on his vyasasana, and his first disciple Ravindra Svarupa decided he couldn’t stay. He was the first, what we called, blooped devotee. And he crawled on his hands and knees in the front door through a very crowded temple room, up the stairs to Prabhupada’s vyasasana, and put his head in Srila Prabhupada’s lap. Prabhupada stroked his head, and this man said, “I have to leave; I can’t stay.” Prabhupada was very gentle. He said, “Please don’t go. This Krishna Consciousness is such a nice thing. You won’t find any other lifestyle that can come near this Krishna Consciousness. We have the best philosophy, the best food, the best music and the best books.” But he had to go, and after that boy left, Prabhupada said, “I am an old man; I may die at any moment.” And that just struck terrible fear into our hearts. So I think we were more attached to chanting after he said that. Our attachment to Srila Prabhupada grew because he was our Spiritual Master; he was our best well-wisher…. When we talk about love of God—my goodness, the love that Srila Prabhupada showered on his devotees was unbelievable. He was so loving and encouraging. You can tell that if you study his letters. Before I came here to Mayapur, I read the letters, I have read them six or seven times, and I am stunned at how Prabhupada encouraged us—just one letter after another, encouraging. So afterward, the devotees sent us an instruction from New York [requesting us] to “Pray to Lord Nrsimhadeva for Prabhupada’s life;” and if Lord Nrsimhadeva hears your prayers, Prabhupada will live. So that was a new complete high period of kirtan. We had our first twelve-hour kirtan in front of Lord Jagannatha. Then again, we prayed for Prabhupada. And then he came back. The more you chant the Holy Name, the more you will love chanting the Holy
Name. “[There is] nothing higher than the Holy Name; nothing greater than the Holy Name.” [This is] a wonderful prayer by Bhaktivinoda Thakur. The Holy Name is the cynosure of so many devotees’ lives, and as the decades pass, the devotees are more and more realizing that sharing the Holy Name with others is some of the best kind of activity you can do. You know it’s a miracle I am here. I don’t take it lightly that I got here—totally a miracle to me. I always understand that you don’t get to the dhama with a ticket—not to the real dhama. We can sightsee maybe, but I am very, very grateful for this stay in Mayapur by Srila Prabhupada’s kindness…. This year, in January, we brought a kirtan party of devotees from the West to chant in Vrindavan, go on parikrama to holy places and visit the samadhis, and to beg the mercy of great saintly persons who came before—who brought Srila Prabhupada. We went there to chant these prayers, and then because of the engagement in London, we got the idea to do it here in Mayapur. So again a group of devotees from different parts of the world gathered every night for three weeks relishing Gitavali. So that was one of the main reasons we wanted to come to Mayapur this time, and now this is finished—relishing another level: Mayapur. But to chant these prayers here was just indescribably powerful, wasn’t it? For those of you who experienced that, you will never forget it. It was really special…. Devotees are all packed up together by following these instructions. That is the wonderful thing. And everything becomes so positive and so hopeful and so glorious.
From Mayapur, Yamuna and I spent a few days in New Delhi at ISKCON’s Guesthouse, meeting wonderful devotees and old friends, and being inspired by the book distribution programs there. We were warmly received by Gopal Krishna Maharaja, and as usual, our needs were cared for by Madhava Mangala, Kanai Priya and his family, and many others. In their company, it was easy to forget that we were in the middle of such a metropolis—as different from our rural Saranagati as a place can be. Then we spent another two glorious weeks in Vrindavan. Yamuna wrote a summary of her realizations from our pilgrimage to the residents of Saranagati Village: Dear resident and out-of station Saranagati-ites;
Pranam dandavats; Jaya Srila Prabhupada! I pray your New Year is unfolding auspiciously, both individually and as appreciators of Saranagati. For us, pilgrimage travel has been both educational and inspirational, affording us a chance to see how other devotees practice Krishna Consciousness together. Although we are counting down the last seventeen days until our return to Saranagati, still I felt inspired to send off a final few words. Reflections on internal and external discord and harmony: Just before we left Mayapur, a twenty-year old devotee man jumped off the roof of the six-story Lotus Building; miraculously, he lived, as he landed on soft ground, but [suffered] severe injuries. The community rallied around the family with well wishes, service, and love. It also caused many to reflect on the why of such action. What problems led to this action? How can we create healthy devotee environments to ward off unwanted quarrel and frustration, depression, and discontent in our ranks? One enduring Srila Prabhupada theme evident on this trip is that the only real problem in this world is a lack of Krishna Consciousness. How to solve this global world problem? Srila Prabhupada’s solution: put Krishna in the center of our lives and exchanges, share the nine-fold processes of devotional service and be happy. This may sound simplistic, but it is not; rather, it is a profound and far-reaching solution. And wow, the fantastic ways we have seen this work wonders when done in a real and genuine way. How to do this may be elusive to many of us, but when it is done right, it works. We heard this testimonial again and again: when Krishna is in the center, family and devotee conflicts recede, and loving exchanges and harmony increase; quarrel and confusion recede, and self worth and faith increase; and so on. The farther Krishna is from our center, the more the propensity is to feel frustration and/or depressed, quarrel and argue, form positions and defend positions, and criticize and undermine others. But we have also witnessed on this pilgrimage that when Krishna was factually placed in the center, individual selfishness and egos were less evident—both in leaders and followers—and harmony and balance followed suit. This success formula of Srila Prabhupada works. The more we become examples of its efficacy, the more we can truly change the hearts of the innocent and ignorant. How bright our future if we but try! Reflections on accessing Vrindavan dhama: More than ever, pilgrims and residents must learn to see Vrindavan with hearts and ears, and not externally with the eyes, nose and other senses. Though there are still pockets of old Vrindavan fairly intact, maya continues to blanket much of the dhama with her illusory energy, so that externally it continues to look more like a tourist destination than spiritual dhama. •The open fields, towering trees, soft shimmering Raman Reti sands and forests seen in film taken 30 years ago are in rapid decline. •The once earthen parikrama path is now a near solid band of traffic on concrete, with solid rows of buildings and strewn garbage on both sides. •The new four-lane highway connecting the trunk road to Vrindavan village will soon be wall-to-wall buildings—with numerous vacation flats and apartment complexes already built and many more under construction; many new temples, rows of shops, and so forth.
•On some days traffic is back-to-back stalled, or barely crawling—cars, coaches, lorries, motorcycle and bicycle horns in constant use—for mile upon mile on end. •Strewn garbage is on virtually every lane, alley and street. Without access to pure Krishna Consciousness, these intense material [diversions] could boggle the mind. So how to access the real Vrindavan? The same way we must in other Krishna Conscious temples around the world—by watering the root of the bhakti tree by chanting the Holy Names and purifying our hearts. Hear nicely from the right source, follow Srila Prabhupada’s instructions, serve the guru and Vaishnavas, and put Krishna in the center. Appreciate you all, and looking forward to our best year ever together. Hari hari biphale. (EMAIL TO SARANAGATI DEVOTEES, JAN. 10, 2009)
“My Body is Finished, but My Spirit is Soaring” — Saranagati — 2010 It was clear to me that as 2009 ended and 2010 began, Yamuna’s health was continuing to decline. Of course, she pushed on through each obstacle, and her consciousness remained firmly focused on her devotional service. She was unafraid of death—even nonchalant—and felt that when it was time for her to leave this body, she was ready—and even welcomed it. She would humbly remark, “I have made little advancement in this life, but I have tried, and my only prayer is that Srila Prabhupada may bless me with his association again.” We would have long discussions regarding each of our wishes when the inevitable occurred; and she could be intransigent regarding doctors and hospitals and her desire to avoid them. Yet as the year progressed and activities like walking, sleeping and breathing became major undertakings, I began gently encouraging her to go to the Bhaktivedanta Hospital where she could be cared for by devotee physicians. Still, for most of the year, she resisted and remained upbeat. Writing to a friend in March, she said, “My body is finished, but my spirit is soaring.” There could not be a more descriptive statement about Yamuna’s consciousness. Nimesh: I was just wondering if you could tell me something, about anything... Yamuna: Well, first off, there is the subject matter about this and that stuff. Most people go through life telling each other mostly about that: shared trivia about life as experienced under the influence of various modes of nature. That’s an eternally colossal mixed bag to tell each other about. Then secondly, there is [what] the speaker is focused on in his or her life, and just wants to share with anyone who will listen, maybe uplifting or noteworthy or compelling—and on and on that goes. For you today, from me today—that something about anything. Never feel disconnected from us. Always know that despite the miles, we are here for you on any level of company, friendship, support and association, and that when we connect together, the result is good. Please keep close, as inspired that is, and let the potency and presence of Krishna in our lives unfold—sweet, sweeter, sweetest, and on and on. Thank you so much. Your pishima and
friend. (EMAIL TO NIMESH, JUNE 14, 2010)
Yamuna’s Inspiring Talk on Devotional Life to the Students at Govardhan Academy When Yamuna and I were invited to speak to the children at the Govardhan Academy later that spring, Yamuna eloquently spoke about her devotional journey. The entire presentation will be available on the website, but some poignant and instructive extracts are included here: Yamuna: Srila Prabhupada had a little apartment; the temple was at 518 Frederick Street, and next to the Chinese laundry was the entrance to an apartment building at 512 Frederick, and Prabhupada was on the third floor—Number 35. Janaki and Mukunda were two doors down. So they were the seniormost people in the group, and they were hosting Srila Prabhupada. So I asked Mukunda, “I would like to talk to Swamiji,” and he arranged for me to go. Srila Prabhupada had a rocking chair … and he would sit by his bay window and chant…. So I came in. His eyes got big: “Oh, you are back.” “Yes, Swamiji.” He said, “So what do you have planned next?” “Swamiji, I would like to go to the highest place. I think Tibet is the highest place.” He was really sober, and he was looking. You know how devotees sometimes describe being in Srila Prabhupada’s presence—that he was able to look at you, but he looked through you; he saw inside of you. He could see your heart; he could see your soul; he could see your thoughts. It was a very powerful experience. It wasn’t as if he was just glancing; it was full presence. Full presence. So he was up in this rocking chair, and I was on the ground; and I remember his eyes at that point were half open, and he was looking down, and they were little gray slits of illumination. His eyes became very intense, and he said in a very quiet voice, “I can take you to a place much higher than Tibet. Just see. Just see.” And I got goose bumps, and my hair stood on end. And I said, “Okay, I’ll see. I’d like to see.” And that was the moment I decided to commit myself to trying to relish the process of Krishna Consciousness with Srila Prabhupada as my Spiritual Master. I may have become a little dull in that respect—some of my Godbrothers and Godsisters were much faster in coming to that—but I wanted to try to be sure that I could do it before I said I could, because I thought it was a very serious choice. Becoming a devotee wasn’t something that we took lightly. It was actually a very sober decision. So we all come to that point where we say, “Oh, this is a short life. I have had so many lives. I’ve been conditioned in the material world for so many births, and now I am in the human birth; let me give just this one life to seriously take to this process of Krishna Consciousness.” When my sister had trouble with her Krishna Consciousness in 1969 and actually came and said to Srila Prabhupada, “I’m leaving,” Prabhupada got big tears in his eyes. He cried. And he looked at her and said, “You will not find a better philosophy in this whole world.” There is nothing like the knowledge that we have in Krishna Consciousness. And every morning that we read Bhagavatam, we come to the same conclusion. There is nothing like the potency of Srimad-Bhagavatam. Just over and over we can read the same chapters, Bhagavad-gita,
Srimad-Bhagavatam, Nectar of Devotion and the Caitanya-caritamrta…. And the Holy Name is the way in this age. To try to understand what pure chanting is. Now Aindra has just now passed, and he was somebody who stayed in Vrindavan for twenty-five years, really focusing at the lotus feet of the Lord, not leaving Vrindavan, and chanting. So what are the different kinds of chanting—offensive, shallow chanting, pure chanting; that journey of understanding and relishing Krishna as the Holy Name—there is nothing like that. So Prabhupada said, “There is nothing like our philosophy; it is the best philosophy. There is nothing like our food. You won’t find any other kind of nourishment like Krishna Consciousness … Please don’t go.” But when the false ego comes in, and we become covered over by not following the process, it just happens quickly, doesn’t it? Forgetting Krishna can happen really quickly; we know it in a day. And if you look at yourself in a twenty-four-hour day, where your mind goes, it’s amazing; it can go all kinds of places, can’t it? So when we don’t follow the process that Prabhupada gave us, then we become a little dull, and our ideas become very prominent, and we get a little weak and tend to forget Krishna. So he gave us this process. He said, “It is glorious, please take it. Make it your life.” This life goes by so quickly. I know you are teenagers; it seems like forever between one year and the next, but you know. Even for you, who are in your mid-thirties now, the years go by fast.
Yamuna, Jahnavi and baby Ghanashyam
Too Much “Gitavali” Nectar in Mayapur — Let’s Chant it Again Yamuna was so inspired by the chanting of Gitavali in Mayapur that she wanted to share it again with the devotees in Saranagati, so that summer we again began the Thakur’s songbook.
Many guests were also able to experience the abundant joy of the Thakur’s Holy Name–saturated prayers in his Gitavali, along with the dedicated “regulars” from Saranagati. Yamuna felt blessed by their enthusiastic and prayerful chanting before the Deities of Radha-Banabehari, and eagerly looked forward to each and every session. Her exuberance, encouragement (“That was the best kartal playing ever!”) and enthusiasm can readily be heard in the recordings. Jahnavi devi: During a stay in Saranagati in the summer of 2010, I got to join in with one Gitavali chanting session. My time there was a brief pause from traveling around the country, presenting kirtan to a wider community of yoga practitioners and spiritualists. In that context, I was usually on a stage, presenting a “performance-style” kirtan designed to be eye catching and lively for those not so familiar with the practice yet. It had left me feeling a little weary of the constant battle between the ego and the spiritual intelligence when in the public eye, and I was eagerly looking forward to taking part in a more simple, sweet kirtan experience. At the insistence of others, I was to play my violin in the kirtan. I usually did, especially because I was regularly in front of large audiences where we used many instruments. This was something that Yamuna never failed to encourage, though she cautioned me on many occasions about the subtle dangers of being in front of appreciative crowds. We began this kirtan as they usually did, with a reading from the autobiography of Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur. This was something that everyone loved, and we laughed and fell silent in turn at the profound and deeply personal revelations that were shared in the Thakur’s own voice. This set the mood perfectly for the kirtan. Yamuna was expert in curating and guiding an event to create just the right tone and atmosphere for personal realization. We began to chant, responding to Kartamasa’s beautiful and sincere singing, and as I usually did, I would pick up my violin to accompany, playing in and around the melody line. But in the all pervasive atmosphere of humility and devotion, I suddenly felt a creeping discomfort. My violin felt cumbersome, and when I sang, I noticed my voice in a different way than before. I realized that the presence of such advanced devotees was forcing me to look my pride right in the face. I realized how attached I was to being recognized as a good singer and musician, and how far I was from true humility. I put my violin down and lowered the volume of my voice, trying to process these feelings and remain focused on chanting. Yamuna had shared with me many stories of her times leading kirtan with Srila Prabhupada, and I was always struck by her total disinterest in recognition of her talent. Every occasion that she begged or instructed me to sing mangal arati for the Deities came flooding to my mind, and I recalled how much I had relished the chance to show that “I could do it.” I felt totally crushed in the understanding that her encouragement was not in any way a mundane appreciation of my talent, but was all about nurturing my offering of my abilities in devotional service. Foolishly, I had accepted it otherwise. In that moment I tried to follow her example and offer my heart to Srila Prabhupada—praying for service and detachment from the desire for honor. Later, she said, “You didn’t play your fiddle much tonight Janbee. What happened?” I felt embarrassed to share my realization with her, afraid of sounding too pompous or like I was fishing for encouragement. “I wasn’t feeling so well,” I said. “I have a headache.” She immediately began offering remedies and urged me to go and rest. In this way, I learned how the Holy Name, combined with the presence and atmosphere surrounding a great devotee, can evoke heartfelt realization without any further exchange of words. Here at Radha-Banabehari Mandir, I find sanctuary—devotion, depth, humor and love.
Yamuna’s Saranagati Parrot Festival Many Saranagati residents had approached Yamuna that spring to schedule a date for the “Parrot Festival” she had conceived over a year previously. Exhilarated at the prospect, Yamuna began its planning by setting up sewing circles at the Govardhan Academy and personally sewing the outfits of some of our sewing-impaired devotees. In an email to Kartamasa, Yamuna expanded on her idea: Yamuna: I had one idea for a festival around the theme of our parrot sringar this year—have adult resident devotees, including the Milkmaids, draw chits from the nine processes of devotional service. Then members of the nine groups can make presentations on the process of devotional service they drew. Each of the nine groups of devotees might also take the responsibility of organizing one prasadam meal for the festival as well. Depending on the number of participants, we would have four or five in each group. In this way, we can have a one-, two- or three-day festival directly glorifying the Deities in the valley in a glorious fashion. (EMAIL TO KARTAMASA, APR. 9, 2009) Yamuna organized each facet of the elaborate festival, where all of the Deities in Saranagati would be showcased and worshiped in the community temple, and which included interactive presentations by individuals and groups of devotees around the nine processes of devotional service. Her desire to honor each contribution is beautifully illustrated in her email to friends on the eve of the festival: Dear Devotees, Hare Krishna. This is a special missive to you, our valley residents who are far away at the moment, and not able to be here to relish this event tomorrow—Yogi, Yami and Lilamrita in malls, Bala Krishna studying health care in some distant place, Lalasamayi and Hanif in far Eastern Canada,
and Bhava and Lalita, unable to attend for health reasons. It’s also for you far away, in the UK and Alachua and India, and the devotees not able to make it here today for various reasons. I felt inspired to share some observations from activity today, the eve before the Festival of Saranagati tomorrow. This is quite a statement, but not an exaggeration. In all my Krishna Consciousness years, rarely have I witnessed such joyous, heart-felt, spontaneous, generous—especially generous—direct devotional service shared together. How wonderful to witness Srila Prabhupada’s presence in the service mood of his multi-generational followers. The Deities worshiped in ISKCON’s Saranagati temple were dressed in new clothes, designed and stitched by Mahojvala for Kulasekhara, and Their Lordships looked stunning. Twenty-two sets of individual Deities will attend the festivities tomorrow, and represent an astounding three hundred and twenty-four years of archana worship by Saranagati residents—quite remarkable for a community this size. Nearly every resident was here today engaging in some kind of preparation service.
Jaisacinandana was senior visionary today on decoration, and along with his mostly Milkmaid crew, just went over the top decorating with the last available seasonal deciduous branches of fall leaves. Jai and crew picked many types of greens, and Harilila robbed her garden of her remaining greenables. They are turning the temple room into Vrindavan. If this was not enough, Jai had the vision to pull off a Vrindavan fall harvest theme, as is classically done in Vrindavan, and purchased seven or eight full-case boxes of multicolored fall apples to decorate with. When Dina and I left the temple at 5 PM this afternoon, mounds (closer to hillocks) of apples were everywhere—a beautiful vision of opulent service for the pleasure of all the visiting Lordships who will be present tomorrow. What else? Uttama shopped in Vancouver on Main Street to purchase cloth for all three altars and, with her flair and gift for style and taste, laid down the basis for three glorious altars. Devahuti and family (Wow! Is this family talented or what?) made scores of miniature, finely-detailed baby origami parrots in multicolors, with tiny feet that attached to things. Vases of greens were made for the altars, with these little parrots perched on vase leaves. Treasured Lilamrita and Yami, though out of station, were clearly present in spirit with their tangible contribution to the festivities. Two years ago, Lila, Yami and KC purchased many sets of Oriyan-style parrot and bird art in Jagannatha Puri just for this event. In their absence, and in honor of this purchase, Visakha placed all the colorfully-painted birds around the Deity bases that Dina made for each set of Deities to stand on. At Govardhan Academy, in Dina’s scroll saw class, twelve truly professional-looking parrots were cut and hand-painted by the students to hang in fresh tree branches behind the altars.
Hard to describe just how vibrant and alive these wooden parrots turned out; just suffice it to say, they are gloriously beautiful. Further, Govardhan Academy students made a beautiful banner commemorating the event saying: First Annual Festival of Saranagati. So nicely executed, made with detailed care, love and devotion. For many hours, the team of Jayanti, Chaya and Narangi worked stringing up crepe decorations, with a little help from some elders, and did an amazingly good job. Hanging amongst these streamers were many colored paper parrots with flapping wings, made by Uttama, making the temple sky inside the temple room come alive with vibrant movement. Udara, Dina and Yamuna worked on the altars, doing background service. Beautiful Bhava and dad Ghosh Thakur drove up from Vancouver to attend, as did Nimesh, Luiza and Lila. Tomorrow Mahasringa will drive down from Logan Lake to attend as well.
Kar and Radha do so many things to serve devotees here that it is near impossible to list them. Rasamrita and Shyam Kishore are falling into place with a similar serving mood, making the atmosphere charged with good will, sharing and open hearts. Yadubara and Rasaraja set up the sound system, quietly rendering service to all. Kulasekhara das, for the last three weeks, stained the entire outside of the temple building to make it look fresh and new. Off for now. Sweet Krishna dreams to you all. Your festival scribe and servant, Yamuna. The Milkmaids: Yamuna was always creating fresh new ways to serve the Lord. Our Saranagati Parrot Festival was the highlight. It was a very special event that united the community and melted our hearts in love for Krishna and for each other. It is deeply embedded in my heart and shall never be forgotten. The following day, Yamuna sent a report on the festival to devotees worldwide: Dear Devotees, Pranam Dandavats; Sri Sri Guru Gauranga Jayate! I wanted to send off a last scribe missive, mostly directed to those of you who live here in Saranagati who could not be
present yesterday and asked to be kept in the loop. This Festival of Saranagati is a little unique, as it is not so much an “attend a seminar, attend a lecture or workshop, network out cum kirtan event,” but more a devotee “happening” to glorify Srila Prabhupada’s stress on executing direct devotional service. Its purpose was to gather together to directly glorify the archa vigraha we individually but collectively worship here. The intent is to strengthen our devotional commitment to serving these vigraha, to soften our hearts in sanga by engaging the community in direct devotional service; and to relish joy, connection, strength and appreciation for each other. And this all happened, with an intensity as glorious as the participants who took part in this process. Here are some glimpses into what made the event memorable. Dina and I arrived to establish Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari on Their altar space at 7:00 AM. It was still dark outside, the nearly full moon just setting behind the western mountain ridge; clear sky and not so cold. The altar and temple room were aglow with soft candlelight. Magical.
All on time, each valley resident arrived between 7:30 and 8:10 AM to establish Their Deities on the previously decorated three altars, With each new arrival, the altars became more resplendent, each effulgent Deity dazzling with Their special mercy and potency. Even visiting Mayapur resident Madan Mohan, familiar with the grandeur of Mayapur events, said he had never experienced the majesty of so many Deities present at one time. Each of the forty-three archa vigraha present was dressed in new clothes with a parrot theme. This sight is simply indescribable. After a group recitation of the Om ajnana prayers, the event began with Mahidhar leading the guru puja prayer and Kulasekhara performing arati.
At 9:00 AM, the first group presentation on the nine processes began: Sravanam—Hearing. Partha das led off with a slide show of Srila Prabhupada and book quotes on the glories of hearing. Then team members Uttama, Rasaraja and Dadhiharta, with Partha behind a screen directing the parrot in various ways, performed a fine costumed play. The theme was about how Suka the parrot heard Srimad-Bhagavatam and became Sukadeva Goswami—all colorfully illustrating the glories and potency of hearing. A superexcellent presentation. At 9:30 AM, the second group presentation began: Kirtanam—Chanting. The youngest group member, Jayanti, age 10, played harmonium and led her first ever temple kirtan, along with kartals and drum back-up from mom Narayani and dad Sthanur—sweet, sincere and beautiful. Then Trilokanath read illuminating quotes from shastra on the glories of hearing. The presentation ended with Mahojvala and Ashcroft devotees chanting a sweet guitar Hare Krishna kirtan with Srila Prabhupada’s 1966 Hare Krishna tune—sweet and superexcellent. At 10:00 AM, the third group presentation: Smaranam—Remembering. Girija, Kalindi, Gopal and Bhava took us on a journey of spiritual charades by giving different groups of devotees papers to remember and act out pastime stories. Two groups tied as winners, and as a winning prize, each got half of one of Girija’s famously-delicious baked pumpkin pies. An engaging and very much enjoyed experience in using memory in the service of the Lord. At 10:30 AM, the group four presentation on Pada Sevanam—Serving the Lotus Feet of the Lord. This was a family presentation headed up by parents Jaisaci and Devahuti, along with their eldest daughter, Vana, twins Giri and Shyama, and daughter Ani. First, Jai explained that this aspect of devotion covers much ground and, to illustrate some of its depth, took us all on a journey to relish it. Tulasi devi was placed before the Deities, and Deva laid down colorful footprints of Vrindavan residents to indicate we should go on our journey, first to circumambulate Tulasi, and then elsewhere. So each devotee group was read a nice pastime, and we began our journey getting holy water sprinkled on our heads and watering Srimati Tulasi devi. Next the footprints directed us to their twin gopi and gopa daughter and son, who offered us tulasi leaves and freshly ground chandan to offer to any Deity on the altar. Then the footprints
directed us to the Deity altars. On the other side of the temple room, ten-year-old Vana led a most wonderful kirtan, accompanied by the elder Milkmaids. This quality presentation was yet another superexcellent devotional experience. At 11:00 AM, the final group presentation of the morning—Archanam or Deity worship. Harilila, Dinatarini and Yamuna explained a bit about the history of Deity worship standards over the years, the glories of devotees’ personal relationships with the archa vigraha, and easy methods of atonement for any offenses in executing Deity worship. Then all of the Deities present were introduced to the assembly, representing an astounding three hundred and twenty-four years of Deity service! It ended with a skit about the appearance of the Radha-Raman Deity to Gopal Bhatta Goswami. Our resident teenager, Radha Raman das, assumed the role of the Radha-Raman Deity, and when Dina went to worship Gopal Bhatta’s shilas, there stood Radha Raman, saying with great feeling, “I am Radha-Raman, and I have come because you asked Me to.” This warmed all of our hearts.
Yamuna and Dinatarini presenting Archanam What followed was a most enlivening raj bhoga kirtan experience led by Yadubara das, inspired by a chanting style he relished on a recent trip to Hungary. He divided voices into two melodies of Hare Krishna, and then the devotees simultaneously recited the names of the Deities present. This was yet another high point in an already high series of experiences. This went on both before and through the raj bhoga arati. Lunch prasadam followed—the menu elegant in its simplicity—nutritious, satisfying, and nicely served, with an efficient clean-up crew experience: Carrot Rice prepared by Damodar Priya
Whole Mung Dal Makrani prepared by Rasamrita and Radhakunda Savory Corn Bread prepared by Udarakirti Organic Gujarati-Style Corn with Coconut prepared by Visakha and Yadubara Vegetable Kadhi and Jam Rolls prepared by Karunamayi At 1:30 PM, the afternoon presentations resumed with group six: Vandanam—Prayers. Here Udarakirti, Rasa, Kava and Narangi placed about sixteen different instances of famous prayers, and engaged devotees in matching the speaker with the prayer. In this case, it was men against women present. The women won by one prayer; close, thought provoking and devotional. At 2:00 PM, the group seven presentation on Dasyam—Service. First presenter, Sanat Kumar, read from a series of beautiful quotes from Nectar of Devotion on the subject. Next, Sridham lead us chanting the prayer Sarvasva tomar from the Saranagati by Thakur Bhaktivinoda, reading the translation aloud in English. Finally the group led a wonderful kirtan, with Sridham playing harmonium, Chaya playing drum, and five-year-old Lala on kartals; heart-warming and enlivening. At 2:30 PM, group eight presented the aspect Sakyam—To become friends with the Lord. Yadubara, Visakha, Haripriya and Shyam Kishore presented the story of Sudhama Brahmana in play form. Shyam was the narrator of the story, Yadubara was Sudhama Brahmana, Visakha was the wife and Rukmini, and Haripriya was Krishna. This brought tears to the eyes of some; another superexcellent presentation. At 3:00 PM, the last group presentation of Atma Nivedanam—Full Surrender. Kartamasa, Radhakunda, Shyam Kishore, Rasamrita, Nimesh and Mahasringa—this powerful group covered much ground in a short time. It began with a duet by Kartamasa and Radhakunda singing a childhood prayer about Ambarish Maharaja—Kar on harmonium, Shyam Kishore on sarod, Nimesh on drum and Mahasringa on guitar. Next was a group chanting of the Atma Nivedanam prayer from Saranagati to sooth the soul. Mahasringa sang a soulful rendition in English of Bhaktivinoda’s prayer, Manasa Deho Geho. With Shyam Kishore leading us off on voice and concert-quality sarod playing, the whole group led various verses of the Damodarastakam verses. All present were now able to offer a candle in a glass container to each of the Deities present on this sacred occasion. The three altars were aglow with soft candlelight. After the Damodarastaka prayer, this group continued leading, then handed the microphone to others in the room to lead a round-robin-style kirtan that went on for a good half hour more. This final presentation was stunning in potency, devotion, expertise, sentiment and presence—like a cluster of tulasi leaves resting atop of a tray of eight-layered sandesh of excellent quality. At 4:30 PM, Banabehari’s Milkmaids, so treasured by valley residents here, led one of their famous five-voice arati kirtans. The devotion and pure clarity of their chanting is stunning.
Guests always comment on their expertise, but it is their purity that shines through most. At 5:00 PM, Dinner prasadam was served, with another memorable menu: Creamy Squash Bisque with Vegetables prepared by Yamuna Fall Harvest Soup prepared by Mahojvala and Narayani devis Herbed Foccacia prepared by Girija devi Organic Leafy Green Salad Mix and Trimmings prepared by Devahuti Caramelized Rich Rice Khir prepared by Rasaraja das Between 6 PM and 7 PM, devotees spoke something about the experience, and what it meant to them. Each was brief—barely a minute long—but so full of richness. Saranagati kirtan sessions start soon. This took longer than I expected. It is not nicely edited, but you get the drift. Neither does it do justice to the event, and is limited in information and with likely mistakes. Please forgive that. Wishing you well wherever you may be. Treasure you all; Your departing scribe servant, Yamuna devi. (EMAIL TO FRIENDS, OCT. 25, 2010)
In an after-event email to the teachers and students of Govardhan Academy, Yamuna was effusive in her glorification of their qualities: An Open letter of Appreciation to Govardhan Academy: Headmaster Kartamasa, Headmistress Radhakunda, Kinder-garten mistress Rasamrita and Every Student at the Govardhan Academy, Hare Krishna. Sri Sri Krishna-Balarama ki jaya! The first words of Appreciation and Gratitude go to you, the Academy teachers—Kar, Radha and Rasamrita—for all that you do to make Govardhan Academy the glorious thing it is. Your wisdom is a gift; your dedication is a gift; your application of both—a gift. As teachers, you are setting the standard for all of ISKCON to follow—to put Krishna in the center, teach students how to be genuine devotees, teach students to love what they do for Krishna, and do what they love for Krishna, to be happy and help others. We in Saranagati are all deeply grateful for you three, doing all that you do at the Academy. The next round of Appreciation and Gratitude goes to the seniormost students, Banabehari’s Milkmaids. You five are treasures in this community. As we watch you mature from mid to late teens, and into young adult years, there is an increasing sense of joy in your company. You are learning to work for Krishna in wonderfully creative ways, of course, but also you are more and more assuming big and responsible services to render to Krishna. In other words, you are being trained to be preachers and teachers and leaders yourselves in future years. This would please Srila Prabhupada so much. We treasure your devotional creepers and your
example like anything. Sridham das and Radha Raman das, you are both maturing so well at the school. Growing, speaking and realizing with increasing depth and sincerity. Everyone in the community appreciates you like anything. To every other student—Chaya, Narangi, Jayanti, Vanamali, and little one, Lala—we shower you with encouragement and appreciation. You are increasingly becoming more expert in learning devotional arts, learning how to focus on service to Krishna, and doing it very, very well. How wonderful! Lots and lots of appreciation to you all. What to speak of [twins] Giri and Shyama; how bright your future is at the Academy. You were so good at the festival handing out tulasi leaves and chandan paste to offer the Deities. Really wonderful. All this is to Thank You on behalf of the whole community for the contribution that all of you at Govardhan Academy made to the themed parrot festival this year—your giant blue banner marking the event, all the parrots you made, the decorations, the serving and cleanup, and your participation in group presentations on the nine processes of devotional service. All these things made the parrot festival as wonderful as it was. Last of all: Realize that these teachers are a special gift from Krishna to you, for they are so much more than teachers, but truly your life role models of ideal devotees and special human beings. You students are immensely fortunate to have the company of such elders. Every minute you have their company, please explore more and more gratitude for this opportunity. Thank you, teachers. Hari Haribol, Lots of love, Your well-wishing aunties and friends, Dina and Yamuna. (EMAIL TO GOVARDHAN ACADEMY, OCT. 26, 2010) Kanai Priya das: Hare Krishna Mataji, Please accept my most respectful obeisances unto your lotus feet. All glories to Srila Prabhupada. All glories to the Saranagati devotee community. What a stunning and heart-melting description of one of the most extraordinary festivals! Never heard about such kind of festival! Most unique presentation about the ninefold [processes] of devotional service. We are relishing your newsletter. It’s so wonderful to hear about this festival. While reading your wonderful newsletter, I was transported to the festival and visualized the whole festival. Very grateful for sending astounding news about this remarkable festival. Longing to unite with the amazing devotees of Saranagati next spring, hopefully, and to learn from them various aspects of devotional service—to serve them and beg for their mercy! (EMAIL TO YAMUNA, OCT. 27, 2010)
The organizational efforts Yamuna expended on the Saranagati parrot festival, and her outpourings of respect and gratitude for even the slightest contributions of the devotees, as shown in her own descriptions, speak volumes about Yamuna’s devotional qualities. As many devotees have testified, she glorified and magnified the devotional endeavors of others with genuine and heartfelt gratitude, seeing their efforts, great or small, as Srila Prabhupada’s all-embracing mercy. This quality seemed to expand over the years to encompass nearly everyone she met. “Thank you for your sincere service to Srila Prabhupada” or “This is the best [program, prasadam, temple, etc.] I have ever seen” were spontaneous greetings to others, and not only did she express these sentiments with genuine sincerity, but they were felt as such by those receiving them. Unfortunately, the Saranagati festival took a toll on Yamuna’s rapidly failing health. While she soldiered on through much of the twelve hour program, late in the day she whispered to me, “Take me home; I can’t stay anymore.”
“I Don’t Want to be a Burden to Anyone” It is not necessary to detail the litany of physical problems Yamuna was facing by the fall of 2010. While she remained equipoised and adamant in refusing my requests to travel to Bhaktivedanta Hospital, I became increasingly alarmed by her deteriorating condition. The most immediate concern to me was her sleep apnea, which caused me to lie awake in my room at night listening as she struggled to breathe. And, just as she had noted in Srila Prabhupada before her, the swelling in her legs and feet now made walking difficult. By the time a Saranagati resident had organized a large festival that fall, attended by Radhanath Swami and many young kirtaniyas, such as As Kindred Spirits and the Mayapuris, Yamuna found walking across a room a challenge, what to speak of attending outside programs.
Yet somehow, through no effort of our own, many festival attendees found their way to Banabehari Mandir for Yamuna’s association; and stoically pushing on, she welcomed everyone with her usual warmth and graciousness. Mangal aratis, though scheduled to take place elsewhere, were attended by at least fifty enthusiastic guests at Banabehari Mandir. We held wonderful kirtans and poignant discussions with the visiting and resident Saranagati youth, and especially shared the rare and coveted association of Radhanath Swami. Perhaps Krishna, in His infinite kindness, knowing Yamuna’s physical limitations, brought the festival to her. She tried valiantly to hide her infirmity, but by this time, I was determined to somehow get her to the devotee physicians at Bhaktivedanta Hospital. Still, despite everything, Yamuna was reaching out, teaching and caring for others: [I’m] going through some old-age purification…. Symptoms that could never be pondered before a week ago. Though will not attend kirtan, will listen to it. Jaya jaya Giri Govardhan! Jaya jaya Thakur Bhaktivinoda! Jaya jaya Srila Prabhupada! We are so, so, so fortunate! —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA, NOV. 8, 2010 I just wanted to touch base with a heartfelt Haribol to you all. This last physical thing is fresh and challenging. Dina is doing some amazing caregiving, and I am learning how to tolerate ever new tests sent by the Lord. I felt so excited to hear what you have been doing with the students, bringing them on a journey of discovery to Govardhan. I wanted to jump in and introduce the children to many artful forms of sweets traditionally offered at this time—take the traditional and bring it into art just for your Govardhan celebration. The truth is I do not know if I can do any of it. Day by day, no steady progress of getting better. Going up and down, side to side, and new vistas of physical strangeness. But the plan was for me to make two foundation sweets—rasgulla balls and chum chum almond-base shapes—then split each in half and turn these into a variety of artistic and creative double-layered sweets. Flavored toppings could be: brownish (carob) sandesh; sandy-hued ginger sandesh; pale and rich rose-hued rose sandesh; pale lemon-hued lemon sandesh; pale orange-hued orange sandesh; or pale green mint sandesh. Or if you have favorite flavors of burfi to use as toppings: almond, nut, etc. I think the children would love to do this; it surely would be a first experience for many in the school, what to speak of the potency of doing this as an offering for such a transcendental meditation. Still, right now it is very iffy that I will be up to it. If I cannot do this, Dina says she will do her best to engage them in making sandesh, if that is the direction you wish to go…. So know I am there with you in spirit all week, and I will do my best to attend. Wished to connect with you and express my appreciation for all that you are doing. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, NOV. 14, 2010
Chant chant chant chant the Holy Name. All will be revealed; year by year; month by month; day by day; lava by lava. There is no end to the glories of all forms of chanting the Holy Name. We are packed up together chanting the Holy Name. We are receiving mercy from previous travelers who have taken the shelter of the Holy Name. All glories to the Holy Name! Your out-of-breath at the moment, but long-term relisher and servant of chanting the Holy Name, Harer namer eva kevalam —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, DEC. 2, 2010 I believe that Yamuna would not have finally agreed to my appeals that she receive treatment at the Bhaktivedanta Hospital had she not seen my increasing anxiety and consequent faltering health due to lack of sleep and other factors. In her humility she repeatedly said, “I don’t want to be a burden on anyone; and especially I don’t want to be a burden on you.” Although I repeatedly reassured her (I had been the health “burden” for years in the late 70’s and early 80’s when she unfailingly and lovingly cared for me), she never wanted to accept service from anyone—even me. It was simply anathema to her. Through the kind intervention of Malati devi, funds were raised to get Yamuna to Mumbai in relative comfort. As I had to remain behind for some time to deal with financial commitments, make Deity arrangements and winterproof and close the ashram, Yamuna assured me that because devotees would meet her at each stop, she would be fine traveling on her own.
Unfortunately, when she arrived in Mumbai, somehow a mix-up in arrival times meant that no one was there to meet her; so she hired a taxi and showed up at the Bhaktivedanta Hospital, much to the horrified shock of the staff, who by then were frantically searching high and low for her. Later, Dwarakadish das, the Chief Physician at Bhaktivedanta Hospital, told me that her condition was so poor, he did not know if they could do anything for her; but I felt like I could exhale again, because now she was in the care of dedicated and respectful devotee doctors and hospital staff who would reach beyond all personal and medical boundaries to assist her. Dear Srila Prabhupada, I pray that one day in the future I may see you face to face again. This vision may be many lifetimes in front of me, but I do not see any other goal worth achieving, however slow or difficult, or impossible this task may seem from my fallen position. There is nothing else more appealing. Please bless me with the perseverance to continue on the path to meet you.
CHAPTER 14 Miracle Done- Your Divine and Loving Grace 2011- YAMUNA’S FINAL YEAR
As far as the soul is concerned, there is neither birth nor death. Birth and death apply to one’s embodiment in the material world. Fearfulness results from worrying over the future. A person in Krishna Consciousness has no fear because his activities assure him of going to the spiritual sky, back to Godhead. When one has no knowledge of the next life, then he is in anxiety. Fearfulness is due to one’s absorption in illusory energy, but when one is free from illusory energy and certain that he is not the material body, then he has nothing to fear. Therefore, if one is always situated in Krishna Consciousness, he does not fear, for his future is very bright. —BHAGAVAD-GITA 10.45 PURPORT To understand Krishna is not so easy, but Krishna Himself is giving Himself: “Take Me.” That is Chaitanya Mahaprabhu. So future, past, present, future, whatever it has been, our past, or what is present, it doesn’t matter. But if you take to [this] Krishna Consciousness Movement, then our present and future, both are bright, undoubtedly. —SRIMAD-BHAGAVATAM LECTURE, JUNE 13, 1976 DURING THE LAST years of Yamuna’s life, many of her friends became dismayed by her frequent pronouncements of her willingness—even happiness—to “go” whenever Krishna wanted to take her. In fact, I cannot remember a time when she did not feel this way, and we often spoke of the “bright future” Srila Prabhupada eloquently promised for those who endeavor to advance in devotional practice. In looking back on Yamuna’s last year, I have come to the firm conclusion that much of the caregiving, doctors’ visits, consultations and other healing modalities were opportunities to share her sweet and profoundly Krishna Conscious sanga with many others. Shortly after her arrival at Bhaktivedanta Hospital in Mumbai, she wrote to me: As you know, I am ready for the next life—the next “adventure” in my devotional journey. I always thought I would live out my days at Saranagati [Village], but who knows what is Krishna’s plan? What I do know is that even though I am low, fallen, and have no devotion, I have tried my best to become the servant of the servant, despite so many failings. Prabhupada personally told me that my future is bright, and I have full confidence in his words. —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, DEC. 28, 2010 Giriraja Swami: She said a few times that she was ready to go—that she felt she had done what she was meant to do in this life, or what she could do, and she was ready to go. She had no fear, and no regrets. Personally, I questioned her conclusion about her service, and I suggested, “Well, you may have something left to do in terms of service to Srila Prabhupada.” I was thinking of her writing, that she should write about her experiences with and realizations about Srila Prabhupada. But she said, “No, I have thought about it, and there’s nothing really that I have to stay to do. If there is anything—if I am given more time—it is to try to help the women in the Movement.” And she added, “I don’t think that you, as a sannyasi, can understand what the women in the Movement experience. But if Krishna does give me some more time, I would like to do something for the women, to support the women, to give a strong voice to the women.”
Bhaktivedanta Hospital — “A Humbling Experience” Now that Yamuna was under the care of the devotee physicians at Bhaktivedanta Hospital, I knew that she was in good hands, and that, under the direct and careful supervision of Radhanath Swami, they would metaphorically “move heaven and earth” to assist her and make her comfortable. My energies were then directed toward taking care of our necessary commitments in Canada and the US, and then traveling to Mumbai as soon as possible. Not only did I have to winter-proof and close the Saranagati ashram, but my elderly mother in Florida had broken her hip, and I had to go there to oversee her treatment and ensure that she was taken care of. It would be almost six long weeks before I arrived in Mumbai to join Yamuna. Dr. Dwarakadish das: [In] the month of December, early in the morning, around 6:30, we were called to the hospital for Yamuna devi’s arrival…. But her flight was supposed to reach the airport at 5:30, and it arrived at 5:00, and she walked out of the waiting lobby having nobody there to receive her. She had already had an extremely difficult journey from Canada, America, and then Singapore. And she was in a very bad state; she was not able to breathe, and not able to walk. So she just came out of the airport and started loudly singing the Govindam prayers, helplessly calling out to Krishna. And some taxi driver came up and said, “Bhaktivedanta Hospital?” This must be Paramatma. She just said, “Yes.” And she jumped into his taxi, and the taxi brought her to Bhaktivedanta Hospital. When she first came her blood pressure was 190 over 130. When I saw her for the first time … her lungs were choked up, she was in cardiac failure, she was bloated up with fluid, all of the body was swollen, and oxygen levels in the body were low. And everything was in disarray. We put her in the ICU, and we tried to help her. And through all these difficulties, what comes up most prominent was that she was always very, very warm and affectionate, even when she was going through so much. Dr. Sonal: She came in an emergency situation, and we were informed that she had arrived. When she came she was not in a position even to stand, and when she was being given a bath she asked someone to bring a mirror. When she saw that there was no tilak on her body, she said, “Oh what’s this? I feel naked when there is no tilak on my body.” We understood that she really feels her body is a temple—the abode of Krishna. Despite the gravity of her condition, within days of her arrival, Yamuna was writing glowing reports of the hospital and its staff to young friends, while at the same time lamenting to me how uncomfortable she felt by the many services being accorded her—something she resisted whenever possible: It is totally impossible to glorify this place enough. It pulses with life and soul, generating Krishna Consciousness as a full-throttle temple does, yet serving as a full-scale hospital. Spiritual sounds vibrate externally, and Krishna Consciousness flows internally from the saintly persons who serve here. The cleanliness standard could be studied by pujaris. The rolling Jagannatha altar visits every room every day, and they distribute prasadam. The spiritual care staff members have related scores of stories of mystical Krishna Magic in the hearts of [all—from] the most jaded to the most innocent. Yes, on this planet—maybe this universe; this is a most special place. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, DEC. 20, 2010
Dear Yamuna, Thank you for your thorough update on your health and the care you are receiving there. It has, of course, been a huge worry for us, but we never voiced it because our concerns are so insignificant compared to the tribulations you and Dina have been going through. Now, however, we are immensely grateful that Bhaktivedanta Hospital exists, and you are getting such good care. It is almost unbelievable that such a place exists in Kali Yuga on this planet. Our debt and gratitude also go to the devotees that are facilitating you, and we hope one day we can get a fraction of such a service attitude and somehow a tiny grasp on what it means to be dedicated. If there is anything we can do to be part of the glorious team, please let us know. —EMAIL FROM KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, DEC. 20, 2010 The [level of] care and attention is too, too much. If I was not in such a sorry state healthwise, I couldn’t do it. They are so dedicated and devotional that they leave me feeling unworthy, but deeply grateful—I should be serving them. And, of course, saintly Radhanath Swami has instructed them to do everything to facilitate my care. Too embarrassing! Your wobbly Yam. —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, JAN. 1, 2011
Radhanath Swami: [Yamuna] would call me regularly [from the hospital] and say, “I am leaving this place.” She was still in critical condition. I said, “Why are you leaving this place?” She said “Because too many people are serving me. I don’t like to be served. I like to do things myself.” “But if you leave you will die.” “Better to die than to accept so much service.” This was her nature. I said, “Don’t you understand? Please understand. They see Srila Prabhupada in you, more than they have ever seen him before in anyone. By your accepting their service, you are connecting them with Srila Prabhupada. You are doing the greatest service to them.” She said, “Really?” I said, “Definitely. You can ask anyone.” So she said, “All right then, then to serve them, I will stay.” Niranjana Swami: I came in the room to talk to her. And she said, “I don’t like people
serving me like this. I am just an ordinary person.” I talked to her for some time, and then Radhanath Maharaja came into the room to speak to her and see how she was doing. And as soon as Radhanath Maharaja got into the room, she said, “Maharaja, please, can we do something about all this service? Look at all the things people are bringing me—all the foods people are cooking for me. I am not used to this. I am just a simple devotee. Can we change? Otherwise I feel like I am going to have to leave under these circ*mstances.” That was Yamuna. It was not pretentious at all…. If you talk to anyone who knows Yamuna, that is what they will say. That was her nature. Dr. Dwarakadish das: It was a difficult case, and under Radhanath Maharaja’s instruction and consultation with the devotees, we took her to all the best doctors in Mumbai—the best cardiologists, the best nephrologists. So we did basically what was best, and we put all of this data together, and we were successful. In three and a half months, we could get her moving, and she was much better; her breathing was completely controlled. She lost about 12 to 15 kilos of fluid from her body. About thirty pounds of weight was lost. It was very useful. So we were happy that in the female body, we had probably the most important guest in our hospital in so many years to serve. All of us were very, very happy to get her affection. Yamuna: Radhanath Swami came this morning, and said he is pushing the Bhaktivedanta Hospital doctors like anything to do everything possible in my care—to take any and all tests recommended by this man we saw yesterday. I cannot fathom this care any more than I can fathom why we must leave Saranagati, but it is happening. It is all a form of mercy quite inconceivable. Hopefully it will help me to be more human, and help me to give to others more deeply. (HEALTH UPDATE TO DEVOTEES)
So Many Well-Wishers Knowing the numbers of well-wishers who sought Yamuna’s association when she traveled, especially in India, my primary concern was that Yamuna would not have the necessary rest and privacy needed for recovery at the Bhaktivedanta Hospital. Although I was assured by Radhanath Swami and others that arrangements would be made to ensure this, I contacted a few senior Godsisters and requested them to go there and assist Yamuna until I arrived. Unfortunately, none were able to get away at the time. Of course, my legitimate concern was founded on years of observing Yamuna’s empathic, gracious and giving nature. I knew beyond a doubt that she would welcome, encourage and share Krishna Consciousness with whoever approached her, regardless of the impact on her health. Radhanath Swami, along with the doctors and staff at the hospital, tried valiantly to limit access to Yamuna. At significant expense, they refurbished a room on the fifth floor, added handicap amenities, a Western toilet, air conditioning—even a small refrigerator—and Yamuna was very happy with the room and filled with gratitude. Dr. Dwarakadish put an official-looking sign on the door which said something like “Yamuna Mataji is very ill and is not receiving guests as this time.” Shortly after the sign was affixed to the door, Yamuna wrote to me:
I have spoken to everyone regarding your worries about too many visitors, and Doctorji did put a sign on the door that I’m not receiving visitors (unless Radhanath Swami, Krishna Chandra Prabhu and family, and other close friends). But there is something mystical about that sign, because although it looks like it says “Yamuna Mataji is not receiving visitors,” what it really says is “Knock as loudly as you can, and then just come in!”—a real mystery. I don’t want to worry you, but am counting the days until you come. —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, JAN. 8, 2011 Before I arrived, five ladies were cooking Yamuna’s meals on a rotation basis—something she was careful not to reveal to me. Yamuna developed a motherly affection for each of these kind-hearted devotees, but it meant that while they tried to accommodate her dietary needs, the diet was necessarily inconsistent. “Too many cooks and too much service,” she wrote. It’s 8 AM, and I was just about to respect breakfast. Sukishori, my breakfast server, is just starting to read Bhagavad-gita out loud. Someone silently enters my room, goes to my bed and starts to make some noise. I turn around and see the back of a man in a turban and say, “Oh, no, baba. Don’t touch, don’t touch!” And who turns around but Pooja Anand devi, my Sunday meal server, dressed in a dhoti, with waist sash and half turban and a black moustache above the lips. She dandavats, we laugh, and then she says, “I brought you something,” and hands me a big gift bag. Inside is a basket arrangement of two dozen red and yellow roses, a bottle of Kumba Mela water, a hand-painted bead bag, beautiful counter beads, a devotee 2011 desk calendar, Jagannatha key chain, Radha and Krishna notepad and three DVDs which I am forwarding swiftly back to Kar for you all to see at school—[they are] purportedly cutting-edge, animated, pixel versions of many Krishna childhood pastimes; they have been shown on TV here in India and are very popular. I am so blessed with a stream of devotee association here that boggles the mind…. Here is a little prayer I am adding to mine this year and thought you might want to add it to yours as well. “Dear Krishna and Radharani, please bestow Your mercy on me in whatever way You see fit, and please give me the strength to take that mercy.” —EMAIL TO KALINDI DEVI, JAN. 1, 2011
Dina the Doorkeeper Finally Arrives By the time I came to Mumbai later in January, Yamuna had established warm and meaningful relationships with many of her doctors, caregivers and other staff members. Some of them later revealed to me that they were not used to the open accessibility and motherly affection Yamuna so freely embodied, or her unique sense of humor, especially her nicknames and mimicry. The day after my arrival, Yamuna was scheduled to see a consultant in Mumbai. On all of her frequent trips into the heart of the city, she used the same driver, who she called “Raja, King of the Road.” I also went on many of these trips, especially for acupuncture treatment, and noted how, in this short time, Yamuna had even become dear to him. She would speak to him about Krishna, ask him to chant the Holy Name, tell him of the glories of Srila Prabhupada and, of course, ask about his family and his life. The day I left to return to Canada, Raja took me to the airport for an early flight, after which he would return to take Yamuna for her later one. As he drove, I noticed tears flowing from his eyes. At one point, he turned to me and said, “In my life, no one but Yamuna Mataji has gotten me to take the Holy Name. It is my greatest privilege to drive her, and now I cannot say how much I will miss her.” One day Yamuna watched a play online that Dr. Dwarakadish had a part in. Afterwards, she revealed to him that she had not recognized him in the play. The play was about the tragic murders of our Godsister Hladini devi and other devotees in Africa by a despotic guerrilla named Johnson, and Dr. Dwarakadish humbly revealed that he had played this demonic character, Johnson. Yamuna was amazed at his persuasive characterization because it was the antithesis of him in life, and from that moment on, Yamuna affectionately called him Dr. Johnson. Dr. Dwarakadish das: And then she came the next day and said, “Dr. Johnson! Dr. Johnson!” And she initiated me to that name. Ever since then, she would see me and say, “This is Dr. Johnson!” She was so excited that I could play a role like that—so cruel, so hateful, so spiteful, so ugly. And that endeared us to each other in a more intimate manner. Radhanath Swami: She called me on the phone after she had left Bhakti-vedanta Hospital later. She was diagnosed with a very, very severe health problem with her heart, and almost every other part of her body [was implicated]. And she was so eager to get the medical advice of Dr. “Prince Johnson.” Somehow or other, the littlest thing, she would just relish so much. Can you imagine? Dwarakadish Prabhu was her main doctor at Bhaktivedanta Hospital for three months. And she just loved that hospital and loved the devotees. Whoever is connected to Bhaktivedanta Hospital, you should know that you are infinitely, inconceivably and unlimitedly blessed by Srila Prabhupada and Radha-Gopinatha through Yamuna devi’s heart. And when she saw that drama, where her own personal, loving, caring doctor was playing the most ruthless, demoniac and envious murderer of Vaishnavas…. For most people, that performance was really mean. I hate to say it, but this Prince Johnson literally incarnated into Dwarakadish that night. It didn’t look like he was acting; it looked like he was possessed—this demon. He was screaming, and he was murdering Hladini and so many devotees—ruthless. And Yamuna loved it! I don’t think she ever called him Dwarakadish again. Even when she was diagnosed with a very serious,
life-threatening heart problem, she called me and said, “I need to talk to Dr. Johnson.” She was getting so many people’s opinions, but she trusted the love of a devotee more than anyone else.
Dr. Dwarakadish faithfully came each night to see Yamuna and take her blood pressure. During these visits, along with updates on her health, Yamuna spoke about Srila Prabhupada and Krishna Consciousness, complimented him on looking so neat and well-turned-out after at least twelve hours at the hospital, and sometimes fretted over his workload. Last night I was tired when my doctor came for his evening visit. He looked tired as well, and I said, “Doctorji, are you resting enough? You look as if you are working too much.” He replied, “No, no. What I do is not work; it is serving the Vaishnavas, and I never tire of it. It gives me life, this service.” I replied, chastened, of course, “I am a mundane thinker and can only pray to follow in your footsteps.” —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, JAN. 7, 2011 Yamuna very much appreciated the visits of and interactions with the doctors and staff at the hospital. She was also uplifted when friends came, like Mondakini devi from France, Nitai das, Shyamasundara das, and especially the frequent visits of Radhanath Swami. (One staff member approached me when I left the hospital and said that one of the reasons they would miss Yamuna so much was that Radhanath Swami came to the hospital so much more when she was there).
Dr. Dwarakadish das: A very beautiful thing that I witnessed was when Srila Radhanath came to visit her in that room upstairs [on the] fifth floor. It was nice to see—beautiful to see, in fact. When great souls meet—Radhanath Maharaja is a sannyasi; Yamuna Mataji is in a woman’s body—to see a relationship between Godbrother and Godsister on a very, very exalted platform—there was so much love, so much respect, so much intimacy—the exchange was so
pure. It was inspiring to see them interacting. Again and again Mataji would glorify Maharaja in wonderful ways. She would always tell Maharaja as one who has “lotus-glow feet.” Yamuna sometimes expressed exasperation that some of the devotees whose association she most cherished did not often visit the hospital, to honor her need for rest and recuperation, yet many others came who did not. She cited Krishna Chandra Prabhu and Radhapriya in this regard—saying that while she was unfailingly enlivened by their genuine warmth and unassuming association, they rarely visited. Later, Yamuna brought the matter up to them during a visit, and Krishna Chandra Prabhu said, “We did not want to impose on you, to allow you to recover.” This one statement says volumes about why they were so dear to Yamuna. Sweet Radha (Krishna Chandra Prabhu’s daughter) comes often now. We discuss things with ease. Her female demeanor is sober, like Dina’s—no frivolity and fluff with Radha. She is intelligent, perceptive and intuitive. We have a half-hour kirtan, and often read from Srimad-Bhagavatam or Nectar of Devotion. Yesterday she spoke of how she and Mukunda are counselors to about thirty younger householders. The relationships range from functional to excellent to disastrous, with everything else in between, and how it is handled or not handled. You two would be so enlivened having the company of these two devotees [Radha and Mukunda]. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, DEC. 23, 2010 Radha devi: Everyone was so much in awe and reverence of her when she came to the hospital—that she is the one who sang Govindam prayers, who cooked for Srila Prabhupada, who helped start the ISKCON Movement. So they were paying obeisances to her—how they are with Radhanath Maharaja, they were with her. She was saying to us, “I just don’t like them to serve me so much. I just feel grateful they are doing so much, but why should they have so much awe and reverence? Why should they waste their time serving someone like me? I’m just a nobody trying to serve Prabhupada.” I was speechless when she would say things like that. But the more she didn’t want us to feel awe and reverence, the more we did, because our respect for her was just growing with every moment we spent together. She would thank everyone who did anything for her—even the lift man; she would say “Thank you, Prabhuji!” When I was alone with her, initially, I used to be quite quiet. So she very sweetly told me, “You have not just come here to hear me talk; you’ve also come to share what you want to speak.” She would always bring up very deep matters, but I would never know what she was going to talk about, so I couldn’t prepare anything. She would always have this question, “What do you foresee yourself doing for the Movement?” or “How have you changed, not from the outside, but spiritually, from the inside?” or “What change came about after you met your Spiritual Master?” I was quite frank with her; sometimes I would say that I needed time to think deeply on it. Advanced devotees have realizations ready and waiting to discuss, but for us it may take two or three days of thinking about something, and even then we may have nothing to share—we have not really changed much internally, so there is not much to say. If there was no answer, then she would also speak about how one should or can perceive these changes. Every day I would come home and write down what we spoke about in a journal.
Karuna Manjari devi (Anjali): I had just delivered Priya Sakhi; she was one month old, so I couldn’t go and see her. But she told my sister that “I know Anjali is busy with her daughter, but if she has a little time, I would really love to connect with her.” I just felt that somehow I couldn’t be her friend; she was a senior Prabhupada disciple. I don’t know what I was thinking, but I told her, “How can I be your friend? Better not to.” But when we started emailing, I am so glad that I did. From the hospital she sent a package with some Johnson’s baby powder for my daughter—lavender flavor. I said to her, “Mataji, you really didn’t have to; you are in the hospital,” and she said, “I didn’t have anything to give, so that’s a little gift for Priya Sakhi.” It was just so sweet, with my name written on it. We use a little of that powder every day. She said that she had a picture of my mother and Priya Sakhi on her table, and she said, “I look at it a lot and feel you are nearby.” The first day I sat with Yamuna in her room, I was frankly amazed that despite the sign on the door, rarely ten minutes passed between visiting groups of guests, cleaners, friends, well-wishers, doctors or others, unknown to Yamuna, who wanted a baby blessed or other similar requests. Further, the roster of ladies who cooked for her each day often stayed for long visits afterward, and Yamuna would listen to their life journeys, empathize with them, and encourage them in devotional service. These ladies [who are cooking] are so sincere and young—with many troubles. It takes fifteen minutes to eat the meal and three hours to talk afterward. —EMAIL TO RASARAJA DAS, JAN. 19, 2011 What I had feared about Yamuna extending herself to others at the expense of her own recuperation had in fact transpired during my absence. As this was inherently her nature, I knew that she would neglect her own recovery needs—hence my concern. It was apparent that she was not resting enough, and that the variegated diet was causing some difficulty. So after some discussion, we instituted some changes. A few of the ladies were disciples of Giriraja Swami, who had instructed them to assist Yamuna in her recovery. So Yamuna wrote to them of what Srila Prabhupada had expected from her during her cooking service to him—that she prepare, cook and offer his meals, but not stay while he honored them. We initially established a system whereby they would leave the meals with Gaurangi devi. But despite the sincere efforts of the lady cooks, Yamuna still suffered from indigestion. Finally, I purchased a rice cooker, and we made simple, steamed meals in the room. Yamuna taught Gaurangi, a sweet, unassuming and dedicated devotee, how to prepare dishes to supplement our one-pot meals, and Yamuna’s digestive problems eased.
Prema-manjari devi: At one point of her illness, she was very weak and could not even see her servers, as the doctors had instructed her not to see anyone. So she wrote me an email and requested me to follow her, as she was taking her role as a teacher to teach me service in separation. She told me to bring only the baked sweet muffins and cookies, and to give them to Gaurangi Mataji and leave without even seeing her. Yamuna: You will have to be like the cook I was for Srila Prabhupada: bring the prasadam for respecting and leave unspoken to. That was the norm unless there was some instruction from him how to make adjustments in the cooking, or an occasional comment. Giriraja Swami asked me to instruct you, so I am passing this on to you. It is a small aspect of a classic teacher-apprentice mood—serve in silence unless spoken to. While I never took a teacher mood with you, this is a rich rasa to explore on different levels. If you continue to bring baked goods once or twice again, at least you will have access into experiencing the tip of the richness of this kind of service. It is similar to what we do when we offer bhoga on the altar—pray, cook in meditation, deliver, offer and depart—bas. I believe you are sincere and mature enough to do this. It was expected of Srila Prabhupada’s cooks as a prerequisite to cooking at all. Hopefully it will bring you to a new level of service, something you can use in your service to your own Guru Maharaja. Gaurangi Prema Puja devi: When Dina-tarini Mataji [became] sick, Yamuna Mataji was also very sick, but she took full care for Dinatarini Mataji. She was telling me, “Don’t stand here. You just go to Dinatarini, and whatever is required, you just give her.” She was giving preference, that “Go and serve Dinatarini.” That gives bliss to her. So she was sending there, and each and every thing—how to make milk, what to give, what not to give, what medicine, just to call the doctor—she was taking so much care. At that time I realized, Yamuna Mataji was so sick, and she was thinking so much about Dinatarini Mataji, showing how much we should be thinking of others.
Yamuna’s Health Prognosis — “She Cannot Return to Saranagati Village” As Yamuna’s treatment continued, it became clear to all of us that she could no longer physically endure living at Saranagati Village, and if and when she was well enough to leave the hospital, it would have to be where she would have access to health care and full-time electricity for her sleep apnea machine. This was a hard pill to swallow for many of our friends in Saranagati, especially the youth. On January 7, Yamuna wrote to Kartamasa and Radhakunda: None of us knows what tomorrow will bring, what tests Krishna will send our way, what circ*mstances we will find ourselves in, and with whose company. When we moved to Saranagati, I foolishly thought that I will die there. We have moved so many times; let this be our last move; let us settle in, chant more, serve Krishna, and serve the Vaishnavas. As Dina mentioned, it has become clear to us that we can no longer live there. I am now a cardiac patient and will have to use a machine to breathe at night for the rest of my life, and other problems they are still working on…. It is also likely I will not be doctor-free for the rest of my life, so we must transfer to the United States to get Medicare benefits. One hard thing for me—yesterday I was told unequivocally by Radhanath Swami that I cannot even return there to pack and move and have some closure time with you all. I have been advised that the trip to Canada and then again cross-country would strain all systems so-called on the mend. My request to you is to see that Dina has steady help packing up. When she comes here we will go over items to keep and pack, items to sell, items to give to you, and items to give away.
We have collected so much; it will be a humongous job to pack up. Dina will say she does not want help, but keep asking anyway. Hopefully Lilamrita and Udara will pitch in; they are the behind-the-scene workers who usually volunteer to help out. Also have her for prasadam now and then. We have no idea where we will end up yet. Whew! to so many possibilities, and peace to what falls into place. Wish you could just pack it in and join us on our merry adventure, but know you cannot. Once again we will have to live in separation from each other. Who knows? Maybe one day we will be together again—if not here, then surely in a far better place. Hare Krishna. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, JAN. 7, 2011 Yamuna tried to ease the impact on everyone with her combination of vivid humor and empathy: It’s sunrise, and a gigantic reddish-gold orb is slowly rising from the tops of new buildings on Mira Road. Ever-present street sounds emerge upward out of the 7 AM traffic—the policeman’s whistle, the putt putt of 2-stroke auto rickshaw engines, the revving of motor bikes, the groans of lorries. The “Honk Please” edict is alive and well—beep beep beep, toot toot, beeeeeeep; whistle, whistle, honnnk, toot, beep, rev rev, grind—assorted honk notes barking out any given moment like a flock of geese on the run. Stiff brooms brush away dirt, moving piles of rubble from one place to another, but debris is never removed. Where would it go other than to a different pile somewhere in the city? But one must observe etiquette in such matters. The morning air chokes the throat and burns the eyes—a typical Mumbai morning out my window. Though I am here in hospital, my heart-of-hearts is there with you. I know the suddenness of the move is hard to process for you, because it is for us too. Our life in Saranagati was centered around having your company…. It’s hard to fathom the thought of not being with you again this year—sharing kirtan, prayer, study and school together. But change-we-must has arrived, largely because of my 2011 health report card. The fine soot from a wood stove is hard on weak lungs, especially for eight months out of the year. Even with a good air purifier, it is heavy in the air…. Also, we have insufficient electricity to run my breathing machine (which must run all night); and I need to have doctor care. As we have no access to health care in Canada, we need to plug into the US Medicare system. Plus the physical upkeep time Dina engages in is increased without my hands to do their share, so we must move, and to move, we must sell, and so it goes. We have no idea where we are going to shift to. So far a desirable devotee enclave has not been revealed. Most places we would choose are too costly for our limited funds, so we’re being patient and still praying for direction to inspire us to do the needful to make the move. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, JAN. 9, 2011 Sometimes Yamuna would write of a poignant memory of special Saranagati moments or a profound realization of Krishna Consciousness. In an email to the residents of Saranagati on January 29, she wrote: I pray you are all well. Thought to share something that recently came my way in the form of reflections on The Quiet of Winter and Stillness of Snow. I clearly remember the silence
of winter in Saranagati—whether a blue-sky day or a day of falling snow. That outside stillness often made me seek more inside stillness in the form of greater focus on the Holy Name. On the evenings when we gathered together—either our small Caitanya-caritamrta group or the larger Bhaktivinoda prayer-kirtan group—because of that outside quiet, I was more prone to the internal cessation of mundane sound. On those bitter cold, white Saranagati January days and nights, I came to relish more and more the gift we have been given access to: sharing the Holy Name and shastra together, serving Krishna together, and the solace of generous and uncritical sanga together…. Sometimes, in great stillness, we can sense this invisible accompanying presence, the presence of Lord Krishna, with intensity. At such moments, a sense of new possibility is opened for us—new faith and trust in the Lord blooms inside us. We aren’t just pulled along by a desire for what is pleasant and pleasing to the ego or an aversion to pain and what is unpleasant. What is it then? It is bhakti-yoga, realized through service to the Lord and to the devotees of the Lord. From just simple faith in these things, we develop a love and ability to want to serve others. It is characterized by clarity, and it can descend on us like a kind of grace and allow us to fulfill even arduous obligations in a graceful, freely chosen kind of way. —EMAIL TO SARANAGATI RESIDENTS, JAN. 29, 2011
Yamuna Leaves Bhaktivedanta Hospital after Three Months — “No Words Can Express My Gratitude” After three months of intensive treatment and recovery at Bhaktivedanta Hospital, Yamuna, though weak and frail, was stable enough to return to the US. We had conceived a plan whereby she would stay in Alachua, Florida, under the loving care of friends Nirmala, Devarshi, Rangavati and Jitari and I would return to British Columbia, somehow pack our ashram, and then drive our truck with our car hitched behind it and packed with the Deities, Their belongings and our immediate necessities. We both left the hospital on March 14, 2011, Yamuna a fountain of gratitude for the quality of attentive care and the devotee relationships forged and deepened, and me with the same for bearing witness to it. Some of my sweetest memories of those months were ones spent alone in our shared room at the hospital. When lives and devotional service have been intimately connected for so many years (37 in our case), each person distinctly knows how to honor, respect and share both poignancy and laughter with the other. One of Yamuna’s many “talents” was her mimicry. Sometimes I would sit in a chair reading, and she would spontaneously mimic with vivid imagery something as silly as the “just now coming” promises of deliverymen, the Bollywood dance or singing moves, or a droll representation of the karmic implications of material life. These impressions were so “spot-on,” and the comic timing so perfect, that they never failed to leave both of us in waves of laughter. Because of my continued frustration that Dr. Dwarakadish’s sign as to Yamuna’s “not receiving visitors” was having little palpable effect, he placed another large sign next to it which simply said “DO NOT DISTURB.” This helped to some degree. Still, Yamuna and I would “place bets” on guessing how long it would be until the next knock. The conversation would be
something like, “If you lose, you will go get ice cream; and if I lose, I will make you panir sak.” These exchanges, as silly or mundane as they sound, helped to alleviate Yamuna’s cabin fever—the fact that she could not leave unless it was a two-hour drive to another medical appointment. I do not have words to adequately express how appreciative and relieved I was by Yamuna’s care at the Bhaktivedanta Hospital. To this day, I can instantly recall the concerned and empathic faces of the staff and devotee well-wishers and their determination to help Yamuna at any cost. As Yamuna did, I also feel honored to have known them and to have seen their dedication as servants of the servants of the servants. Despite her continuing frailty and grave overall prognosis, the devoted doctors and staff had done wonders for Yamuna’s health, giving her many more months of powerful sanga and kirtan with grateful devotees, many more months of immersion in Srila Prabhupada’s books and instructions and, ultimately, an auspicious and peaceful passing on to “His Divine and Loving Grace.” I could never have imagined spending three months in hospital when I arrived. I owe my life to you for allowing me to stay here, to the doctors who have engaged in my care, and the prayers of the devotees regarding my care. I have learned so much from all the quality bhakti I have seen at this hospital. I made a list of the devotees I am indebted to in this way, and quickly the list grew to over fifty, such is this wonderful place. I am indebted to you beyond words. I pray eternally for your friendship and sanga. —EMAIL TO RADHANATH SWAMI, MAR. 17, 2011
Dr. Dwarakadish das: The last day she was there with us … was very, very special. We arranged a long table, and all the devotees who were her servants at that time all sat around that table. The table was beautifully decorated…. As each and every servant was entering the auditorium where Yamuna was already seated, [Dinatarini] would garland them with a ribbon and a nice rose. And we all felt, “Oh, this is very special.” I didn’t know what to expect. And as we all sat around this beautifully decorated table, she asked Rupa Manjari to start singing one particular tune of the mahamantra, and then each and every devotee sang the same tune, one after another—it went on for a long time. And everyone was looking at Yamuna devi at that time, because her eyes were completely closed, and she was deeply absorbed in chanting the Holy Name of the Lord…. And through that chanting she was expressing a lot of love for us, and a [grateful] feeling for all of us who had served her, and we were feeling gratitude for having been able to serve her. So it was a reciprocation of a lot of love. And then she was so kind; she made gifts for all of us. She made paper bags, and she had different gifts for all of us…. And her own handwriting was very beautiful, just like her singing…. I was very eager to know what was in my own bag because I knew it would be very special, and it was a beautiful picture of Prabhupada smiling. And that gave me such deep satisfaction because I knew that in serving her, Prabhupada was happy with me.
Krishna Chandra das: On December 11, 2011, which is about five or six days before she left this planet, was the one year anniversary of her arrival in Bhaktivedanta Hospital. Now I don’t think that any of us remembered, but she took it so—she was so grateful for this. Even though everyone in the hospital considered it the greatest honor—that she came and gave the opportunity to serve her—but she remembered and wrote such a beautiful letter to several doctors who are also here, saying that “Today is my first anniversary when I came there,” and detailing how much benefit she received from the hospital. So that was her mood—anything that anyone did for her, the smallest thing, she felt it was too much. And she was extremely grateful, and was
very, very eloquent in expressing her gratitude and love. During one of the visits of Krishna Chandra Prabhu and Radhapriya devi, Yamuna, already looking ahead to the Florida move, had imagined us in a facility with a pool for exercise. She said that Krishna Chandra and Radhapriya must come—there would be a special room for them—and we would share Krishna Consciousness together. She then went into great detail about how she would go with Radhapriya when only ladies were present, and they could exercise together in the pool. Of course, we did not then even have a place to live. But somehow Yamuna did find such a facility, and immediately wrote to them that they could now come at any time. Radhapriya devi: [Yamuna said] “When you come there, we have to serve you on proper plates.” So I asked what kind of plates. She wanted melamine, and then I got some plates and showed them to her. She liked them. So she said, “We can pay for it.” And I said, “No, this is a small gift from us.” And she said, “No, you can’t do that. You can’t do that.” For any small thing. She would say, “I just asked you; you don’t have to give us.” Krishna Chandra das: Not even my mother, I think, has had such an impact on me. No other woman has had such an impact on me. I should say devotee or Mataji, but such a powerful personality. And not just powerful, but the sheer love and Krishna Consciousness and her concern was so penetrating. We used to feel it, and we just went so close. By Yamuna’s presence, one automatically felt more attraction to and affection for Srila Prabhupada, because she represented, in all respects, Vaishnava dharma; she represented the lineage; she respected and represented Srila Prabhupada. So in that sense she was an Acharya in her own right. She was a guru, without doubt, because people followed her, appreciated her. Technically or initiating aside, but in essence she embodied that as a true follower of Prabhupada. Yamuna wrote one last missive to the Saranagati devotees before leaving the hospital. In a few paragraphs, her description of the “honoring and appreciating” event for the staff at Bhaktivedanta Hospital expresses volumes. Dear Saranagati devotees, Pranam dandavats to you. I pray you are all recovering from the flu that has been going around. I have not written you for a month or more, and miss you all. We are at the close of this three-month stay in India. Though in previous years, we have several times spent three months in India, this time is different, as I am not returning to Saranagati. It is now my previous home base of twelve years, and I leave there the richer having had your company, with many diverse memories and many lessons learned. Yesterday Dina and I arranged something to mark my three-month stay here in Bhaktivedanta Hospital. We arranged for tables to be set up in the auditorium in a long rectangle, with thirty chairs around it and white tablecloths over the tables. We ordered fifty long-stem roses—made two rose vases for the table, and Dina and I made thirty satin ribbon, single rose garlands with the rest. We brown-bagged fifteen gifts and set them down the length of the table. Fifteen doctor [and staff] couples came who have been directly involved in my care here. As I am still emotionally and physically frail (and it’s not either of our style to do chatty one-on-one thank you’s for some hours), we just invited them with the intent of having a circle kirtan—the balm of
devotee sanga—and scheduled two hours for the event. As the chairs filled, we noted that several attendees had a baby or quiet youth in their lap when they sat down, and one paraplegic young girl in a wheelchair. What followed is something likely all present will never forget—an experience rich beyond describing in words; a taste of that Krishna Conscious zone of sanga that softens the heart and enriches the mind. We requested Vishvarupa’s twenty-three-year-old daughter—loved for her chanting—to play harmonium and lead a round-robin-style Hare Krishna kirtan. She did so for about an hour, with each male and female voice resounding and responding with the beauty of a practiced choir. This is an example of a close-knit group of devotees who not only serve together six or seven days a week in the hospital but, in addition, spend quality time engaging in direct devotional service together. Each commits two mornings a week to a two- or three-hour round trip to cook for and/or dress the Deities in the Chowpatty or Mira Road temples. And with seeming access to extra hours in the week no one else on the planet has, they meet weekly for prasadam and kirtan together. As the young girl chanted, the potency of the group’s Krishna Consciousness was reflected in sound. Then hospital director, Madhavananda das, spoke some things—that this spiritual hospital is a vehicle to glorify the process of Krishna Consciousness and to please Srila Prabhupada, to serve devotees in need, and to spread Krishna Consciousness to humanity in need that passes through its front doors. It had previously cared for Prabhupada disciples Bhakti-tirtha Swami for six weeks, Jayapataka Swami for two and a half months, and now Yamuna devi for three months—a new record. My chief doctor then spoke about how my case had been a particular challenge, with many medical twists and turns that were complex and required my stay here for three long months. Dina and I spoke of our gratitude for this experience—of what we learned in the company of such dedicated, determined, fixed-up devotees, and how we wish to share that with others in our future, wherever that may be. At this point, they brought before us an elegant whipped-cream-topped, three-tiered, heart-shaped cake, and garlanded each of us with five long maha malas—highly perfumed white mogra, red and orange roses, and yellow and fuchsia nag champa—fresh from Radha-Gopinatha Temple. Many of us were in tears at this point. This morning our cook described it as a Gokula pastime like those described in Krsna book. Whew! We both leave here in three days—Dina returning to Saranagati, and me heading off to Alachua for more recuperation. We know not where our next destination is, but on paper are heading towards the northeast Florida coast on the Atlantic Ocean. Wherever it may be, our ashram destination is also your ashram destination. Hope we can continue the kirtan sanga we have so treasured at the lotus feet of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. Love to all—the Holy Name alone is everything. Your grateful servant, Yamuna —EMAIL TO SARANAGATI DEVOTEES, MAR. 10, 2011
Among Friends and Well-Wishers in Alachua Yamuna could not fly straight through to Florida, so a two-day layover was scheduled for
London. Before she left, I sent several emails to Guru Carana Padma, Jahnavi and others, reminding them of her frail condition and need for rest. But, unknown to me, at the same time, I was asking them to limit her meetings with her Godsisters and young devotee friends to short periods of time, Yamuna was online scheduling kirtans and programs with them—and saying, “Don’t tell Dina.” What to do? Some of those same wonderful Godsisters and friends later reported their London interactions with her as life-changing, because for most of them, it was the last time they had her physical association in this life.
Jahnavi devi: At one point I went to the kitchen to help wash dishes, and Yamuna walked in and exclaimed, “Isn’t Krishna Consciousness wonderful? Jahnavi and I play out the rasa of being auntie and so on, but really we’re friends. What an amazing thing to have a friendship between a seventy year old and a twenty-four year old.” Later, when everyone was in another room, I said goodbye to her, not knowing if this may be the last time, as her health was so bad, and I was not due to come to North America for a good few months. She barely said anything, just looked deeply into my eyes for a long time. I experienced what people used to describe with Srila Prabhupada—that he would look at you, and almost see into your soul. I felt that I didn’t need to say anything; she could perceive it on the gross and subtle level. I was
wearing my pendant of Krishna’s lotus feet, as usual, and she touched it with her finger, then gestured to her heart, then back to mine, and back to hers, going back and forth several times. I understood that she was saying that our connection was eternal through service to Krishna’s lotus feet. There was no need for goodbye.
Initially, I had mixed feelings about the temporary Alachua layover, again feeling that Yamuna would not rest sufficiently due to the presence of so many devotees. As often as not, Yamuna minimized the gravity of her illness, not wanting to “be a burden” on others. Yet at the same time, I had confidence that she was in the capable hands of concerned friends who would go to great lengths to see that she was cared for on every level. Nirmala devi: In the spring of 2011, Yamuna stayed in our compound for [almost three] months. She had just returned from Bhaktivedanta Hospital, and she was almost constantly in a state of gratitude. She had such a severe health crisis and was still reeling from that. I would be with her every day, visiting, doing research, chanting or driving her to doctor appointments. Whether we were on the porch, driving in the car or just sitting on her bed, it would feel like the most auspicious place on the planet because of her absorption in Srila Prabhupada and Krishna. We would just sing together, chanting Hare Krishna. To her, Krishna Consciousness was a living, breathing process at every moment. Rangavati devi: Always the artist and most merciful self, she would prepare a late-night meal for Jitari and me after work, accompanied by a little sweet note. It took some doing to get her to stop this, as I felt so sad seeing how she would struggle on her feet. Once she rearranged the fridge while I was out, and it looked like a piece of art—totally beautiful. It sounds odd, but I liked myself more in her presence—perhaps she was pulling me up from the material pool and helping me to believe in the bliss of the soul. As we sat at the dining table watching the cardinals on their feeder, she said, “Srila Prabhupada would have liked it here; he would ask all about the trees, birds and surroundings.” That meant a great deal to me, and it felt like Srila Prabhupada
was there in that moment. Although she was very, very ill—more than we knew—she never fussed or complained about her condition. At this point in time she would say, “We are free-falling.” Her Saranagati ashram was no longer a place she could reside, and her health was gone. Yet, witnessing her strong and unflinching faith in Krishna and Srila Prabhupada hit me very dramatically. Fixed and determined, each day she soldiered on through those unknown waters. Yamuna’s stay in Alachua at our home/ashram was short and so sweet. The three months went by too quickly for me. I loved every second of her gracious and transcendental self. We spent time in the kitchen like two children playing with different ingredients. I nicknamed her “Ranni,” as she flowed like a summer breeze, combining Krishna’s wonderful bounty. Only after chanting the om ajnana-timirandhasya prayer would she touch a utensil or a vegetable, sometimes holding my hand as she gave her respects. Grace and loveliness were her constant companions. Her genius and uniqueness were a new experience to my simple self. I loved her humor, and we found ourselves laughing on many occasions, more than once to the point of tears.
Yamuna with her hosts Jitari and Rangavati The task of packing and closing our ashram in Saranagati, and then driving the 3,300 miles to Florida, was indescribably difficult—especially as I was myself suffering from ulcerative colitis, something I kept hidden from Yamuna. After one serious bout, a doctor in Canada had given me an antibiotic which caused a severe allergic reaction, leaving me bedridden for two weeks. Yet my emails remained upbeat, as I took the “just now coming” approach to keep Yamuna from becoming worried or stressed. I am relieved you are not here because you would be embarrassed at how much we have collected over the years—my goodness! It just boggles the mind. How many bottles of extra-virgin olive oil can we use in our life? How many kitchen whisks, knives, cutting boards and other utensils do we need? At any rate, I’m slowly pushing on—extremely grateful that every day someone brings prasadam or comes to help. But it’s really a job only you or I can do—to go
through a lifetime of treasures. What to keep? What to sell? What to bring? What to give as charity to others? It’s just mind-boggling. Oh! By the way, could you please try to remember where you’ve hidden any more stashes of money? So far, I’ve found hundred dollar bills in two pairs of your socks. Are there more? Please inform. —EMAIL FROM DINATARINI, APRIL 2, 2011 Dina-machina—I wish more than anything I was there to help you. Feeling so useless. Don’t give away any of the kitchen tools. Just put them away and bring what I wrote on the list. [Rangavati] and all here are so sweet and helpful. You’ll be happy that they’re seeing I get lots of rest. Pranada is helping with the Medicare—a bureaucratic nightmare if ever there was one—but she is one of those gifted, can-do women who has literally been a godsend. Keep me informed every day! Don’t know about any other stashes. —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, APR. 3, 2011 I later learned that while still in Mumbai, Yamuna had written to virtually every resident of Saranagati requesting them to help me and bring prasadam. This was so “Yamuna.” She was always more concerned about others than herself, and trying to ease the burden of my “load” was a feature of her love and compassion which punctuated the entirety of our years of service together. During the course of my Saranagati packing, I would get lists almost every day of things Yamuna “remembered” she needed. I had researched renting a U-Haul, but the costs were prohibitive. So I settled on driving our reliable 10-year old Nissan truck, and found through research that if I kept the total weight under 1000 pounds, I could also pull our small Scion car filled with possessions. It meant severely limiting what I could bring, but with the help of super-packer friend, Lilamrita, we filled up every inch of space in the bed of the truck and car; and by Krishna’s grace, I made the long trip in eight days with no problems.
Yamuna’s Ideal Ashram is Found — Melbourne Beach — June 2011 Each of Yamuna’s Alachua friends and caretakers told me they were amazed at her perseverance and determination to find a suitable ashram on the water in Florida with our limited budget. She spent many hours each day searching online or telephoning real estate agents. It took nearly two months, but with the help of friends, she eventually found a place which exceeded our expectations on every front. Jitari das: When Yamuna was looking for a place to reside, we drove down to this lakes area in the sandhills. It wasn’t easy for her to drive that distance, but she wanted to look at a house that had a swimming pool in the backyard. So we went down there, pulled up in front of it, and we both just looked at each other and laughed. It was so bad, but she said, “Anyway, we’ve come all this way; I guess we should go in and look.” And it was even worse inside. But she just
took it as part of the process. It didn’t faze her one bit. Srutirupa devi: Yamuna was on the internet day and night searching up and down the Florida coast, for she felt she wanted to be on or near the ocean. My daughter and I were planning to visit her in Alachua, and she asked me to go by a condo she had found, take pictures and let her know what I thought. I took lots of photos, and Yamuna was just thrilled; I also sent them to Dina in Canada to view. Yamuna was so excited by the idea of being on the ocean. Nirmala devi: Yamuna was extremely personal. My husband, Devarshi, and I drove her down to Melbourne Beach to look at a place for her and Dina to relocate to; we chanted most of the way there and back. It was a magical day. We looked at many places and possibilities, and in the end Krishna provided a lovely place on the beach. On the way out of town, we stopped for a picnic at a beautiful park with trees bending down so much they appeared to be offering obeisances…. She had packed an amazing lunch she’d prepared, even though she was not well, and insisted on serving us, pulling out of the cooler two kinds of picture-perfect, mouth-watering galettes (free-form tarts filled with various vegetable combinations). Along with that she had a few different sauces to top them off. It was a gourmet lunch in beautiful surroundings, and Yamuna devi was content that Krishna provided a new ashram for her and Dina to bring Their Lordships Radha-Banabehari to, and an appropriate place to recuperate.
Yamuna with Nirmala and Devarshi, June 2011 Dini—Eureka! Finally found a magical ashram on the ocean, no less. After the last fiasco fell through, I just felt that Krishna must have a better place in mind, and this was a true mercy find. The owner wasn’t planning on ever renting it, but I talked to her several times, and she agreed to a knock-down price. Here are some pictures. —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, MAY 27, 2011 What!!?! Did you take these pictures out of some brochure? I didn’t think there was any
place in mid to south Florida that wasn’t wall-to-wall high rises. Can’t believe you got it within our price range too. You are a miracle worker. The den will make a perfect temple room too. Truly the Krishna Magic. —EMAIL FROM DINATARINI, MAY 28, 2011 You know how we traveled forty miles round-trip to empty the trash at Saranagati? Well, here, you walk out the front door, open another door, and there is a chute with places for recyclables and normal trash. What a difference! —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, MAY 30, 2011 I found out later that the “knock-down” price was not quite as knocked-down as Yamuna represented. Knowing that I was always worried about finances, and that I would never agree to the actual price, she exaggerated that aspect of it a bit. But as with so many other blessings in our lives, this proved to be a magical last ashram for Yamuna. She loved the peaceful surroundings, the minimal maintenance requirements, the beautiful and functional kitchen, and especially the balcony overlooking the turquoise ocean and sandy beaches, where she honored all of her meals. After our porch kirtans, when we offered the pranam prayers, Yamuna would invariably add an “All glories to the Atlantic Ocean!” recalling Srila Prabhupada’s same offering to the Pacific Ocean in San Francisco. Yes, the free-fall of the last six to eight months ended yesterday. We signed a year lease contract. The relief is palpable. Yesterday, I got a sample of the opulence we have been awarded—pure Krishna majesty in the form of ocean as far as the eyes can see; sky as far as the eyes can see; air full of energy; and white sandy beaches. This rental is nothing but pure TM—Total Mercy of the Lord. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, MAY 30, 2011 This place is the opposite of all things Saranagati—upscale furnishings and facility, ample running water, electricity galore, a washer and dryer—all fronting an ever-changing and dramatic endless blue sky and blue Atlantic Ocean. No outdoor maintenance work; it’s just such a different world from our Saranagati world. We have served Their Lordships in diverse places—from Oregon mobile homes to England 17-room mansions—but right now this seems the most magical location. We find ourselves daily in a state of WOW AND GRATITUDE. There is much opportunity for internal growth and health rejuvenation here. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, JUNE 19, 2011
Yamuna on arrival in Melbourne Beach Soon after I arrived, and the Deities were established in Their new temple room, Yamuna sent emails to Radhanath Swami and Krishna Chandra Prabhu and his family, inviting them to visit. Even though her health remained unstable, she felt so much gratitude for their services and care in Mumbai that she wanted to reciprocate by bringing them to Florida, as she had promised. Krishna Chandra das: During the time she spent at Bhaktivedanta Hospital, we got a chance to interact with her, and she had mentioned that she would now be moving to Florida for her health and that she also had to lose weight. So even I had to lose weight, and so did my wife; so she was insisting that we would have to come, and we would all go swimming. She was doing walking in the pool, and it was very effective. I had not heard of this concept, but apparently it did help her for some time. So after that, she wrote two or three letters giving the description of the pool, and saying [we could] come there with her; and she took everything so seriously. Dear “Hospital Friends” Krishna Chandra, Radhapriya, Mu-kunda and Radha, Pranam dandavats to your 40 lotus toes. Jaya Srila Prabhupada and Srila Radhanath Swami. I pray this meets you wellrested in your fast-paced preaching universe at the feet of Sri Sri Radha-Gopinatha, your Guru Maharaja and the Vaishnavas. Thank you from all sides for being in my life; it is increasingly richer because of that. Your sanga meant a great deal to me in the hospital. I have been looking for a new Florida Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari Mandir location practically since arriving here two months ago. In Bhaktivedanta Hospital, Radhanath Swami said he liked to swim in the ocean. Krishna Chandra and Dinatarini said they very much liked to walk on the beach. You, Radha and Mukunda, I envisioned kicking back and drinking it all in, letting young Radhanath love the ocean as only kids do. I long envisioned Radhapriya and I in a private pool somewhere doing water exercises together; this place has a solar-heated pool. Since hearing that, I have been secretly aspiring for an oceanfront residence, and now it has come to pass. I do see this as a Total Mercy find. After what feels like eight months in “free-fall,” yesterday we signed a year lease on a furnished condo facing the Atlantic Ocean, with a rent reflecting that of an (ordinary) condo in Florida. This was simply the mercy of Their Lordships.
—EMAIL TO KRISHNA CHANDRA AND FAMILY, MAY 30, 2011 In early July, our young friends Kartamasa and Radhakunda, who had been greatly feeling our separation, and we theirs, came to Melbourne Beach for a short visit. While here, their rambunctious little child, Ghanashyam, became ill, and Kar and Radha felt their stay here as more a burden than a blessing—though we most certainly did not. Kartamasa das: We only stayed for four or five days in Dina’s room, and we were generally a nuisance. Ghanashyam got some viral fever, which kept everyone up all night, and we ended up taking him to the emergency room the day before we flew back to Canada. As always, we were hosted graciously with amazing prasadam, sweet kirtans and talks, and beach comforts. We honored Bhaktivinoda Thakur’s Appearance Day together on June 30. But for me, it will forever haunt me as a time when I took too much service and caused inconceivable hardship to Dina and Yamuna. It is one of those experiences where you don’t realize what you were doing until you grow up a bit and feel so much shame.
Yamuna, Ghanashyam, Radhakunda, and Dinatarini These sincere young devotees had also been experiencing difficulties within the Saranagati Village community, something we all endured at various times there. While the obstacles or challenges were troubling in and of themselves, Yamuna always encouraged others to try to find strength through adversity, humility through confrontation, and utilize such challenges as opportunities to forge a deeper connection to devotional service, to Krishna and to the Vaishnavas. Yamuna: While I care deeply about the spiritual health and potential of Saranagati, I especially care about the spiritual well-being of you three Saranagati residents. As you have not experienced the pure guidance of a living, pure devotee guru yet, situations like this must be especially challenging to have on your doorstep. This is not the first time this has happened; nor will it be the last. Yet, because of your sincere desire to experience pure, real and honest Krishna Conscious life and share that with others, Krishna is personally giving you the strength and
intelligence to take shelter of Srila Prabhupada, Sri Sri Krishna-Balarama and your service. This too will one day simply be a memory and lesson learned. Purity is the force. I wanted to share something we read this morning in Bhagavatam class—1.13.43. If interested in the context, please read the full purport and feel the power of transcendental wisdom and truth fill your heart and mind. “As a player sets up and disperses his playthings according to his own sweet will, so the supreme will of the Lord brings men together and separates them.” Purport: So we must know for certain that the particular position in which we are now in is set up as an arrangement of the supreme will in terms of our own acts in the past. The Supreme Lord is present as the localized Paramatma in the heart of every living being, as it is said in Bhagavad-gita (13.23), and therefore He knows everything of our activities in every stage of our lives. He rewards the reactions of our actions by placing us in some particular place….” (Srimad-Bhagavatam 1.13.43) Be attentive to what is important for your spiritual life, and when called up, deal with extraneous issues only enough to be responsible. Seek out the association of advanced devotees, listen to and serve them, and feel blessed for that opulence. It will soothe and nourish your heart, mind and soul. Govardhan Academy Ki jaya. We are always here for you and sending love and encouragement. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, AUG. 11, 2011 Yamuna wrote in a similar vein encouraging her sister, Janaki, who also faced grave physical challenges. Yamuna had a gift for speaking in an inspirational and devotional way, yet in a manner relevant to the individual listener. Her email to Janaki, similar to many others like it, expresses this quality of Yamuna’s: These last six months have been a huge wake-up call for Dina and me to focus sincerely and seriously on Krishna’s hidden gifts—far, far away from a distressed body and mind. Of course, an aging, ailing body is always a challenge (at times 24/7), and it is not an easy job to rise above that when in anxiety, pain, discomfort, weakness, apathy, exhaustion, etc. The trick is to live in the body of our destiny, to attend to its needs and do our best—to strive for the solace of distracting ourselves from the externals and live in a world of wonder in Krishna’s hands. Just like tonight: I’m staring through an uncurtained window to see the nearly full July moon and drink in its magic, silver white light; to smell the fragrance of night-blooming jasmine; to wrap up in the coolness or warmth of something soft; reflect on all the past life experiences and joys in your life that took you to high points, and see the hand of Krishna in goodness and humanity; to jump out of the I-Me-My world into the sublime dimension of service to others, and make this world a happier place for whomever we cross paths with. Just some bedtime thoughts from this world to yours out West. —EMAIL TO JANAKI, JULY 17, 2011
Janmastami and Vyasa Puja by the Sea Our Godsister Srutirupa—qualified, intelligent, loving and eager to share all things devotional—came to spend Janmastami and Vyasa Puja with us in Melbourne. Among devotee cooks, Srutirupa’s talent and kitchen standards were appreciated by Yamuna perhaps more than any other. Both had cooked for Srila Prabhupada—Srutirupa in the mid-1970’s—and they would often compare how traditional preparations were adjusted for Prabhupada’s digestive needs over the years. Srutirupa has a keen eye for purity, quality and cleanliness in cooking and offering—something Yamuna also shared—and they would spend long hours dissecting a Prabhupada recipe—discussing how they had prepared it for him then, and how they would adapt it today. They also shared wonderful pastimes they experienced in his service. Srutirupa once related how Srila Prabhupada’s sister, Pishima, who usually cooked for him when she visited, was once prevented from cooking because Prabhupada could no longer digest the highly-spiced Bengali cuisine he so enjoyed. Mustard seeds were especially restricted by this time. So Srila Prabhupada told Srutirupa to inform Pishima that she could not cook. However, out of respect for Pishima, Srutirupa could not bear to disappoint her. So as Pishima began collecting ingredients and grinding spices with a sil bhatta [stone grinder], Srutirupa tried to convey to Pishima that Prabhupada could have no mustard seeds in the spice mix—something which was inconceivable to Pishima. So Srutirupa then took one tiny mustard seed, placed it on the sil bhatta, and smiled; and Pishima diligently began grinding the one mustard seed with the other spices.
Srutirupa with Yamuna in 2011 On Vyasa Puja, Yamuna, Srutirupa and I went to the ocean shore, and Yamuna watched while Srutirupa and I made a murti of Krishna from the sand. This was the first time Yamuna had been able to walk to the beach. Although it was not far away, in her condition it must have seemed like miles, yet she was blissfully happy to celebrate in this way. Later, as she was physically no longer able to organize the elaborate festivities and feasts she had always done
before, she sat before the Deities instead, while mentally preparing each offering with great attention—meditating on each step of the cooking process. Srutirupa and I also contributed our preparations, and then Yamuna carefully calligraphed the menu, read it aloud before Srila Prabhupada and Their Lordships and placed it at Srila Prabhupada’s lotus feet. Yamuna sent the following email to friends on Vyasa Puja: I pray this meets you all well and relishing this occasion [of Vyasa Puja] more deeply than ever before. Here [we observed] about the most joyous one ever. After the morning program, Dina, Srutirupa and I went to the seashore, and while I chanted japa, they fashioned a lovely Krishna Deity in the sand. Then we watched Srila Prabhupada DVDs and told Srila Prabhupada stories. Then we came up with this Srila Prabhupada raj bhoga offering. Nearly all of the dishes are ones appreciated by, taught by, made for or learned from Srila Prabhupada, Anand Prabhu [his Godbrother who personally cooked for Srila Bhaktisiddhanta], or Srila Prabhupada’s sister, Bhavatarini [Pishima]. Aside from this [mental offering], Srutirupa made two kinds of kadhi. I made potato-chickpea tikkis; kale, yellow tomato, sweet potatoes, currant sak; quinoa pilau; and apple-date-orange salad with basil olive oil and cilantro. And Dina made basmati rice pilau. Because I know all of you relish preparing and distributing prasadam on different levels, I thought you might relish this: Srila Prabhupada’s Vyasa-Puja Offering at Radha-Banabehari Mandir—Melbourne Beach–Puri by the Sea VEGGIES: Pishima Mayapur 1976—Datta Posta S.P. Vrindavan 1976—Badi Chachuri Pishima Calcutta 1976—Shukta with Rai and Posta Paste Pishima Mayapur 1976—Neem Begun Mayapur 1976—Stuffed Bindi Mayapur 1976—Stuffed Kerela Pishima Mayapur 1976—Whole Portals, Pan-fried S.P. Vrindavan 1976—Punjabi Badi Sooji Pishima Vrindavan 1972—Begun Sak Pishima 1972—Shukta S.P. 1972—Chachuri with Eggplant, Pea, Potato
S.P. 1972—Chachuri with Potato, String Bean S.P. 1967—Kofta S.P. 1968—Summer Squash, Wet S.P. 1968—Tomato Ras Cauliflower, Potato Anand Vrindavan 1972—Pumpkin Potato Veg S.P. 1969—Urad Badi Sabji in Cooker S.P. 1970—Fried Bitter Melon Chips with Nimbu Wedges DALS: S.P. 1975 Vrindavan—Three Dals, Mixed Khadi Anand Vrindavan 1972—Bhaktisiddhanta Urad Dal Anand Vrindavan 1972—Jagannatha Puri Chana Dal S.P. 1969—Cauliflower Pea Kitchari S.P. 1972—Toor Dal RICE: S.P Cooker—Steamed Soft Plain Rice S.P. 1968—Coconut Rice S.P. 1967—Pineapple Rice with Whipped Cream, Raisins and Slivered Toasted Almonds SAVORIES: S.P. 1967—Samosas S.P. 1977—Pea Kachoris S.P. Vrindavan 1977—Singara with Diced Alu and Coconut S.P. 1968—Urad Badi in Sour Cream Sauce S.P. Vrindavan 1976—Chilka Mung Cheela
S.P. Vrindavan 1977—Dahi Wada with Imli Chutney BREADS: S.P. 1974—Vrindavan Chapatis S.P. 1976—Buvaneswara Marwadi Chapatis S.P. 1968—Luchis with Powdered Sugar S.P. 1973—Hot Parathas with Chutney S.P. Vrindavan 1975—Hot Alu Paratha Puris SWEETS: S.P. 1976—Kumba Mela Besan Halava with Kesar, Elaichi, Kali Mirch S.P. 1967—Sooji Halava S.P. 1975—Calcutta Badam Sandesh S.P. 1967—Gulab Jamun S.P. 1967—Chaval Khir S.P. 1967—Laddu S.P. 1967—Simply Wonderfuls S.P. 1967—Nuts & Raisins S.P. 1973—Hot Jalebis S.P. 1969—Rasgullas S.P. 1969—Tittenhurst Pera S.P. 1969—Tittenhurst Sandesh DRINKS: S.P. 1967—Breakfast Drink SNACKS: Chidwa
S.P. 1976—Kumba Mela Poha This afternoon we will watch and discuss Srila Prabhupada footage and speak on Srila Prabhupada from Dina’s “brown bag of joy.” What a way to relish in a simple way! Praying that you all have balance, good fortune and joy in your spiritual lives. —EMAIL TO FRIENDS, AUG. 20, 2011 Afterward, Yamuna summed up her feelings of gratitude for the gift of Krishna’s blessings: Sharing the gift we have been given is a high point in my life. We are fortunate beyond words, for the depth of that opulence is limitless. Much love and appreciation each day. —EMAIL TO FRIENDS, AUG. 20, 2011
During her last year, Yamuna honored each festival with similar meditative offerings, and for large festivals, such as Lord Balarama’s Appearance or Govardhan Puja, she would email her offerings to devotee friends around the world. In reviewing the correspondence between Yamuna and others during 2011, I found eleven of these widely distributed offerings.
The Dichotomy of Yamuna’s Heart — Physically Diseased; Spiritually Bountiful It is difficult to put into words how blessed I felt to witness Yamuna’s total absorption in devotional life during her last months, especially her sharing of joyful and meaningful devotional exchanges with others. Whether she was encouraging young devotees like Bhakta Mark in his Donut Plant service in New York, or Jahnavi in her inspirational kirtans, or numerous others—each was individual, and each was heartfelt. Yamuna, no doubt realizing that her time was limited, was on fire during these months—a living example of the transformative power of engaging in the practice of Krishna Consciousness. Yet, the contrast between her spiritual dynamism and the gravity of her physical condition could not have been more glaring. Urged on by myself and other devotees who did not want her to leave “just yet,” she dutifully went to local cardiologists, who were cold, impersonal and dismissive. Yamuna called it “Health Care-less,”—a system of corporate-managed health care with the emphasis on the bottom line (money), not the well-being of the patient. Whenever she had an appointment, she would become quiet and grave, and afterward, she would adamantly proclaim that she would not go to any more doctor appointments. By early fall, Yamuna began having what she termed “episodes,” actually small heart attacks, with more frequency. An angiogram was performed, and Yamuna was then admitted to the hospital for three days while a series of cardiologists evaluated her. The angiogram showed that all of her arteries were blocked, and that she was being sustained by the collaterals, or small blood vessels surrounding the heart. Originally they wanted to perform bypass surgery, but later informed her that there was a high risk she would not live through it. So they gave her a cornucopia of medicines and told her to eat a high-protein, meat-based diet. When Yamuna informed them that this was not possible, as she was a vegetarian, the doctor bluntly said, “If you want to live, you have to eat meat.” Later, when we asked for Yamuna’s medical records, this same doctor had noted on her file that she was “uncooperative.” Rather than being disturbed by the prognosis, Yamuna was greatly relieved. She did not want to have bypass surgery, and made me promise that I would not take her to the hospital again. “When it is my time, please let me die peacefully while chanting the Holy Name,” she said. In the meantime, she had become enthusiastic about the heart health program of Dr. Esselstyn of the Cleveland Clinic, and she began following his program—a no-oil, no-fat, largely greens-based diet which had produced verifiable results in patients with irreversible heart disease. With her usual exuberance, she began improving on their recipes—even declaring at one point that she would like to write a cookbook: “Otherwise, people will get bored with these recipes and won’t be able to follow the program.”
Yamuna’s rude and dismissive treatment by her US doctors caused her to appreciate the qualities of the devotees at Bhaktivedanta Hospital even more. We often discussed the differences—contrasting what real health care meant as opposed to what she was now experiencing. Certainly this was not meant as an indictment of all doctors in the US, but in her case, while they may have had medical competency, their attitude was egregious. Yamuna kept Dr. Dwarakadish and others apprised of her condition and expressed her gratitude at every opportunity: I am so blessed to have you for a friend and my true doctor in this lifetime. I trust you completely—your integrity and depth shines before you even arrive on the scene. Interesting that I saw six registered cardiologists in the last three weeks, and not one of them agreed on my prognosis, yet each one speaking with authority and conviction. At any rate, I was released from hospital 24 hours ago with a wave goodbye. A team of cardiologists said they felt the risks were too high for surgery. We are more than happy with this doctor conclusion, and to have avoided that huge surgery. Very grateful to again resume our real life in this tiny ashram by the sea, once again engaging in glorious Krishna Consciousness. Devotee guests from Alachua came yesterday, and we are all relishing like anything. I feel completely protected by Krishna at this time in my life—dependent on His arrangements, shelter and mercy. —EMAIL TO DR. DWARAKADISH, SEPT. 11, 2011
Sinking Into the Ocean of Bhakti with Dear Devotee Guests I remember the last months of Yamuna’s earthly life as being filled with intense joy, laughter, and deeply moving exchanges of love with the stream of friends who regularly came for short periods of time. In late September, I had to make a brief trip to Saranagati Village. I had arranged for Devarshi and Nirmala to come while I was away—Devarshi, with his chiropractic table and wonderful healing gifts, and Nirmala, who would lovingly care for any of Yamuna’s needs. But because of scheduling difficulties, there was a two-day window when Yamuna was alone. When I returned with our dear friend Lilamrita from Saranagati, Yamuna related an astounding story. Feeling an “episode” coming on, she entered the temple room and lay down before Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. She lost consciousness at some point, and when she awoke, she was holding the clay murti of Srila Prabhupada embraced within her arms while still lying in the same position! Some of the devotee friends who came during those first months were Kalakantha das and Jitamrita devi, Bhakta Henry, Rangavati devi and Jitari, Amala Harinama and his sister and niece, Nirmala and Devarshi (three times), and Srutirupa devi, another frequent guest. When I returned from Saranagati Village with Lilamrita, we began reading from Bhakti-ratnakara, and Yamuna was transfixed by the ocean metaphors on the importance of serving devotees. Feeling grateful for the assistance given to me during my short visit there, Yamuna wrote to all of the residents of Saranagati: I pray this meets you all well on this wonderful fall day of 2011. From a distance, I
continue to relish the memory of your sanga. I’m writing to you all because you all came to see Dina, and you took the opportunity to share moments together in sanga. You must know I am there in spirit with you all.
Amala Harinama with Dinatarini and Yamuna O listeners! Sink in the ocean of Bhakti-ratnakara by holding the feet of the multitude of devotees on your head. Devotion is the possession of a devotee, but becomes available to a devotee only when he (or she) assists another person in acquiring it. (Bhakti-ratnakara) —EMAIL TO SARANAGATI DEVOTEES, OCT. 9 2011
Lilamrita devi, photographed by Yamuna
On October 19, Yamuna had another “episode,” her third recent one. She wrote in her update email to friends: Today I had another what we call heart disease “episodes”—these out-of-the-normal health happenings—my third in 23 days. I feel so near death during these events—intense and discombobulating—with my immediate relief being hearing Srila Prabhupada’s kirtans, holding my beads and trying to chant and pray. This one lasted a few hours before subsiding. I feel sorry that Dina is present to witness these things, as I know they take a toll on her strength and goodness. She is an amazing rock-steady servant, friend, inspiration. I am forever grateful for her company. An hour ago, as I slowly came out of the attack, Dina and I discussed the last five days since taking yet a new form of statin drug prescribed by my cardiovascular doctor from hell. We have come to the conclusion that these health “episodes” [might be made worse by] the myriad of side effects from the statin drugs I have been prescribed to take. In each case, I could identify experiencing over 30 listed side effects. Yes, statin drugs may well lower cholesterol, but the side effects virtually cripple life as I know it. So as of tomorrow, stopping them to study if other medications need to be stopped as well. The Holy Name alone is everything. Jaya jaya pure devotional service, appreciation of Vaishnavas and love of the Holy Name. With appreciation, love and respect. Yamuna —EMAIL TO FRIENDS, OCT. 19, 2011 Yamuna was extremely concerned that the statins and other drugs prescribed for her, rather than prolonging her life, would impair the quality of the life she had left. In particular, she often reflected on the “Swan of My Mind” prayer of King Kulasekhara, emphatically reiterating to me again and again that the quality of life was the important thing, and that if she could not focus on Krishna at the time of death due to impaired faculties caused by the medicines, then what was the use of prolonging life? What is the difference if I live five more days, months or years if I cannot meditate or focus on Krishna at the end of my life? That is the very purpose of this life—the piece de resistance of the entire process. —EMAIL TO DINATARINI, OCT. 19, 2011 Yamuna mentioned how she was grappling with this issue in an email update to friends: I’m off to a doctor appointment this morning. Body parts have been a challenge the last two months. It’s easy to understand now how difficult it must be to think of Krishna exclusively at the point of death, though I am getting glimpses, and it helps me appreciate the opportunity I have today that quickly becomes tomorrow. In practical ways, I am glimpsing how every day that you pay attention to Krishna nourishes you far into the future and gives you strength beyond calculation. Regulation in chanting, reading and following the guidelines handed down to us by great devotees is key. Otherwise, there is little hope of more than eating, sleeping, mating—activities in the material world—on and on. Slaghitani to your reading group—to warm your souls into the cold winter and spark more sincerity to explore a Krishna Conscious life. —EMAIL TO FRIENDS, OCT. 21, 2011
In November, a kirtan retreat was held in Alachua, and our cherished young Milkmaids, along with Jahnavi and Nadia, came afterward for a short visit, along with Srutirupa devi and her son, Keshava. This was the last time these much-loved young friends saw Yamuna and, as with all of our times together, they consisted of wonderful kirtans, readings and frank and honest talks about their devotional lives.
Srutirupa, Keshava, Dinatarini, Nadia and Milkmaids Kava, Gopal, Kalindi, and Rasa Kalindi devi (Milkmaid): While we were at Melbourne with Yamuna and Dina, we were very much focused on the form of Krishna’s mercy through the tests He puts us through. Sometimes Krishna will put us through very painful situations so that we can come back to Him. We were talking about examples like Maharaja Pariksit, Prahlada and Haridas Thakur, and how they were all placed in very painful situations, but they all saw it as Krishna’s arrangement and mercy. As we were talking, Yamuna said, “It shows that there is so much farther and higher to go. In our literature, it’s so exciting that we all have role models. We need to have someone that you feel who will really always protect you, and these great souls by their very existence are there as shelter for us. We just have to find them.” As she said this I thought, “But I have found them, and that’s you, Yamuna, and you, Dina. You are my role models; you have both been through so much. You have lost so much, yet you see it all as Krishna’s sweet mercy.” Little did I know that very soon this special pure devotee of the Lord would be leaving us, to again reunite with her beloved Spiritual Master and Lord. Rasa Mandala devi (Milkmaid): Ever since you left Saranagati, I feel like my spiritual life has all but stopped, that I have no spark to ignite the fire of spiritual advancement. When Dina visited, a mere two hours of association and I felt energized and ready to take on the whole material world. Then in the short span of 24 hours in your association in Melbourne, I feel as if I have garnered more spiritual inspiration than the entire year without you. Devotee association is so important, so crucial to spiritual life. I can’t believe how much I miss your association and the stunning faces of Radha-Banabehari, and I can hardly express in words how much having time with you means to me. Serving Radha-Banabehari and having your association are the most
wonderful thing in the world, and there is a giant gap in my life and my heart that is missing it so much, and I don’t think it will ever be filled by anything else. The Ocean of Time Club — Krishna Kirtan Jaya Bhakti Vilas Despite her declining health, whenever guests came, Yamuna would stand for hours preparing opulent meals for them—sometimes beginning the planning one or even two days prior. Although I regularly expressed concern about this, Yamuna could not be dissuaded from the service. Cooking and serving devotees was a highlight of her devotional life throughout all her years of practice and, as ill as she was, it would not change now. After the Milkmaids left, Jahnavi and Nadia were joined by kirtaniya Madhava das, his wife Radhika, and young Ananta das from Alachua, who came for two days of kirtan and sanga—all facilitated by Srutirupa, who appreciated Madhava’s sincere absorption in chanting the Holy Names, as well as his ability to inspire others. Yamuna and I had never met Madhava and his wife, and while our kirtans with them were certainly wonderful, their honest introspection and thoughtful questions inspired us even more. Before they arrived, Yamuna wrote to Kartamasa and Radhakunda, who would soon be coming themselves: All glories to your teaching service in Saranagati. We are so eager though for your almost-upon-us break from that teaching in Saranagati. Time for you to nourish, rest and rejuvenate in this special place. We will make each day a sanga festival in some special way. It’s amazing how rich our sanga is, and that it continues to deepen with passing years. Eager to speak about all you have learned and experienced since we last met. We are so, so, so fortunate. You will be present in every kirtan we celebrate in the coming days. I’ve just [been] watching Madhava on camera at the Alachua kirtans; he speaks like a gentleman—like you, Kar. And his wife seems a lovely soul, a fine counterpart to him, very immersed in the Holy Name—like you, Radha. Devotees like you all herald in a very bright future on the Vaishnava horizon of tomorrow. How glorious it is that we can chant Hare Krishna and make our lives sublime. Hari hari biphale—Appreciation and love. —EMAIL TO KARTAMASA AND RADHAKUNDA, NOV. 27, 2011 Over the course of three days, we held honest, poignant discussions with these sincere devotees on harmonizing challenges in our devotional lives. We began by bringing up how we become bewildered by anarthas and weaknesses, and then read a letter written by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur on August 5, 1926. Dinatarini: Over the last couple of months, we have been having conversations with several devotees about how to harmonize the challenges that come in our life and our devotional life—how to harmonize the fact that anarthas sometimes bewilder us in our Krishna Consciousness, and understand them in such a way that they can act as an impetus to increased absorption, increased diving into the ocean of the joy … Yamuna: Diving into the ocean of joy—that’s a good one.
Dinatarini: So Krishna is so amazing that sometimes, if you contemplate something in your devotional life, something that you feel you need to understand and assimilate, He sends just what you need to hear. I came across this letter, which is like shastra to me. It is such an amazing letter, written on August 5, 1926, by Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati. And he addresses all these points in such an amazing way that it would be wonderful to read it and then discuss amongst ourselves what we are getting out of it—what we are understanding out of it. Dear [unnamed]: You have been serving and protecting the Varanasi Math completely on your own, so I understand why your mind has prompted you to write a letter of this nature. Krame krame praya loka bhava sindhu kula, [Caitanya-caritamrta 2.16.237]—for one only crosses over this ocean of material existence and reaches the shore of transcendental existence by progressing step by step. Genuine eagerness to attain the goal—samat kantha; service to Sri Krishna—Krishna seva; service to Sri Krishna’s devotees—karsna seva; chanting the Holy Name—sri nama kirtan; and being bound by the hope that you will be successful on the spiritual path, all bring about one’s spiritual welfare. If we remain constantly engaged in all varieties of endeavors for the sake of Sri Krishna, we cannot be overpowered by the various allurements of maya. You should always hear and chant and read the shastra, as well as our Gaudiya magazine, as well as the books of the mahajanas. In this way, you will never succumb to lethargy in the process of studying and assimilating our perfect spiritual conclusions or siddhanta. You should engage in mutually hearing and speaking hari katha with all the devotees there with you. As you progress in bhajan, you will gradually experience a mood of humility and insignificance within your heart. You already know that the most exalted devotee always considers himself to be the lowest of all—sarvottama apanake hena kari mane. Furthermore, aspiring for the spiritual welfare of others leads to progress in our own bhajan. Although service to Sri Krishna—Krishna seva; service to Krishna’s devotees—karsna seva; and chanting of the Holy Names—sri nama sankirtan are three different activities, they all share a common objective. By engaging in sri nama kirtan, one simultaneously performs service to Sri Krishna and His devotees. By serving the Vaishnavas—karsna seva, sri nama sankirtan and service to Sri Krishna are performed. And by serving Sri Krishna, sri nama kirtan, and service to His devotees are performed. You should perceive your former life and the impressions from it as conducive to performing bhajan. In other words, you should realize that the unfavorable conditions of your past are in fact a platform for the manifestation of favorable ones in the present. It is the very calamities that arise in unfavorable conditions that subsequently give birth to favorable conditions for bhajan. Everything within this visible world is verily an instrument for serving Sri Krishna. But our aversion to seva inverts our intelligence, which consequently engages us in trying to enjoy these things. Only when transcendental knowledge manifests in our hearts and we are finally able to perceive everything in relation to Krishna will we be safe from the effects of the poisonous fruit of pratistha—honor and recognition. The precarious current of your life is relentlessly pouring into the ocean of time. When a person has attained this wisdom, his tendency to serve Sri Hari will manifest in every step. Therefore, it is our duty to accept, with a satisfied heart, whatever pleases Sri Krishna. If Sri Krishna feels happy by keeping me in a state of aversion to Him, even then I shall respectfully accept any suffering I must consequently endure. Tomara sevaya dukha hoya yato seyo to
parama sukha: All the troubles I may encounter while serving You are actually the cause of great happiness. (Saranagati) This is the realization of the Vaishnavas, and you should try to follow this. When one’s anarthas are purified through service to Sri Krishna, then those very conditions become the cause of our artha, or prayojana, the most desirable permanent welfare…. Due to the result of our previous karma, sometimes we remain healthy, and sometimes we become ill. But the moment we consider ourselves actually healthy, we in fact enter into a state of aversion to Krishna. And as a result we begin to imagine that Vaishnavas who are more advanced than we are, are actually inferior to us. On account of this, Krishna keeps us in various states of distress, pain, illness and disturbance in our lives. Thereafter we try to understand the meaning of the verse beginning tat te nu kampanam—whenever a devotee experiences distress, he perceives it as the Lord’s mercy upon him. —SARASWATI THAKUR, AUG. 5, 1926 Yamuna: So we have to enter into this little blue book any time someone hears something about the ocean. She said the ocean of joy, and the ocean of time—I want you to take a pen and write it down. We are starting that with our Ocean of Time club today. Srutirupa devi: I’d like you to help me understand this one paragraph: (You should perceive your former life and the impressions from it as conducive to performing bhajan …) Yamuna: Unless we taste the opposites … Krishna is so kind that when we came here to enjoy independently of Him, He let us go through all these species, all these experiences. Then we come to the human form of life, so that we can be cogent. That is what the human form of life is for. And unless we have the opposites, we cannot find the center. We can’t find balance unless we are unbalanced. We can’t find happiness unless we find sorrow. We can’t find anything that brings us to the center, which is Krishna Consciousness, without it. So every time we have a really big miserable experience, then we know what it is like to be relieved from that. And we have to learn from that. Just like when we were in Prabhupada’s service. Prabhupada was able to understand each mentality individually, in such a way that he was able to … show us light from darkness, in every aspect of our Krishna Conscious life. But unless we have someone there to reveal that to us, it is a little slow. But in the process of self-realization, we learn from our downsides. That’s our past. Anything averse to Krishna is our downside. Srutirupa devi: What do you mean, “downside”? Yamuna: Forgetting Krishna. Remembering Krishna is the goal. Forgetting Krishna is the constitutional position of the conditioned living entity—that is what we have been doing through all of these species of lives. And when we get to the human form of life, it is so wonderful that we can look back and go, “I have just wasted time. O Krishna! I’ve just wasted so much time.” That is hari hari biphale. Madhava das: I wanted to say something. Just like the waves of the ocean, when surfers miss the wave they get smashed. So unless we’ve been smashed by the waves of maya, it is hard to cry out for the mercy of the Lord. We think we are still controlling, riding the waves as the controller; we pull the strings to make things happen, and it is very hard to [see it differently].
Srutirupa devi: So do you think we should pray for being beat up? Jahnavi devi: Queen Kunti did. Dinatarini: Whether you pray for it or not, it’s going to come. Srutirupa devi: I mean it’s there, I don’t mean pray for it; it’s there, so just embrace it? Dinatarini: Not that you pray for being beaten up, but that you pray for understanding the lessons that you are to learn from whatever challenge you are being given. The whole thing is to try to increase the state of our need for Krishna. The urgency within that we need to cultivate in order to increase our faith and determination. Madhava das: Aindra Prabhu had about three thousand shilas—six or seven plates of shaligrams. Devotees would come from Nepal and give him shilas. And some devotees gave him a shila, but [a sannyasi] came and said that if you worship this shila, you will get all kinds of problems—disease—everything; all kinds of imaginable problems will come to you. But Aindra Prabhu said, “Let the problems come; they may make me stronger. If it doesn’t break me, it will make me stronger. I will just pray like Queen Kunti.” He wasn’t praying for problems to come, but he was praying to Radhe-Shyama to give him the strength to face those problems. And he had many problems—his voice, his health, the management within ISKCON, other devotees, and young people like myself who were in trouble. He had to deal with so many—special mridanga players—all these things. But he was determined, and it made his kirtan deeper and more powerful. Yamuna: I never really met [Aindra Prabhu]. But you know I must say there is a kind of interesting parallel with Prabhupada and Vrindavan. I was supposedly in charge of the Deity program when it was being established there, and one day we were discussing with Srila Prabhupada some things before an engineer came to work on the building, Saurabha was also there. So Prabhupada said where he wanted everything—the garbha grha, the darshan mandap, his asana, and then the kirtan hall was designed to be where tulasi is now. And Prabhupada said, “I want twenty-four-hour kirtan [all the time].” At the time (with my logical mind), I was thinking, “How is this possible?” Because the same challenges that Aindra had in his life [happen] when you serve in Vrindavan. Anyone who is committed to living in Vrindavan has to be a very strong person because it requires a tremendous amount of determination to engage in sadhana without great struggle. You have to be a strong person. I actually prayed to Prabhupada and the previous Acharyas to “Please send somebody to do this, [laughing] because I can’t figure out how this is going to happen”; and then Aindra came. So that is a fascinating thing. The prayers were there, and his destiny was there, or both, and so much more. That is glorious. Our in-depth discussions with this thoughtful group of devotees covered everything from recognizing and overcoming the desire for pratistha (honor) in kirtans and other talents, to understanding the need for more purity and intent in devotional practices. They left Yamuna, Srutirupa and I inspired, enlivened and, most of all, hopeful for the future of our Krishna Consciousness Movement. And thus began our Ocean of Time Club—not limited by time, space or body, but everlasting, as pure and sweet sanga always is. (The transcripts of many of our
discussions will be available for viewing on the Unalloyed website).
Srutirupa, Radhika, Madhava, Ananta, Nadia and Dinatarini
Jahnavi on the beach in Melbourne Afterward, Yamuna wrote to the Milkmaids, who were devastated that their tickets had been non-refundable, thereby forcing them to leave before our Ocean of Time event: Here we were nonstop busy with guests and sanga in November. The last three days of November were especially over-the-top, relishing high-quality, rich and deep kirtans and katha with six special guests—our Godsister Srutirupa (who for a month in advance arranged for, and then paid for, the transport to get all the visitors here, and then paid for nearby beachfront accommodations for four guests); kirtaniyas and harmonium players Madhava and Radhika; heavenly-voiced UK chanter and fiddler Jahnavi; rock solid, quiet kartal player and chanter Nadia, from Alachua; and expressive mridanga player and chanter Ananta, also from Alachua. This was an intimate group of eight devotees who, for three days, experienced a mix of
penetrating and powerfully rich activities—pure and simple kirtan and katha discussions—of course buttressed with prasadam, japa walks and ocean rejuvination. Ages ranged from 18 to 22, 24, 38, 48, 55, 63 to 70! Just goes to show that intent, eagerness, focus and connection cross all superficial boundaries of designation, right? Like we have already experienced and established with our connection at Banabehari Mandir. Kar and Radha were able to listen to our last kirtan, this past Wednesday night: two-and-a-half hours of pure nectar—a slow, gentle, deep, quiet, but intensely moving kirtan experience that went to stratospheric levels of nectar. Wish I could have bottled that and sent it your way post haste. —EMAIL TO MILKMAIDS, NOV. 30, 2011
“Bhakti is the Crystalline Delineation of Reality” — Yamuna Devi’s Last Days Without exception, everyone who either came to our Melbourne Beach ashram, spoke to Yamuna by phone or exchanged emails with her was stunned by her optimism, enthusiasm to share all things related to Krishna with others, and her joyful acceptance of the will of the Lord in her own life. There was no “public” Yamuna and “private” Yamuna. One of her greatest qualities was her guilelessness, or simplicity. Yamuna was unequivocally “Yamuna”; her natural humility, graciousness, sincerity, aversion to honor and fame, forgiveness, equanimity, compassion for others, humor and complete absence of pretentiousness, always genuine, always real. No need to have any concern if things are going well here; all is good, including all the challenges the Lord may award. While I am not recuperating health as fast as I had hoped, I am relishing this opportunity to relish Krishna Consciousness more daily…. I had hoped to be well enough by now to engage in a steady writing schedule, but not there yet. Definitely experiencing ever-increasing moments of deeper gratitude with each passing day, drinking in the merciful sanga of Their Lordships Radha-Banabehari and Their merciful servants. Just this morning I read these words in a letter Srila Prabhupada sent to Jayapataka [Swami] in 1971 that jumped out at me: “Together we have to push on this Krishna Consciousness Movement for a revolutionary change all over the world. It is not our manufactured movement, but it was ordered by Lord Sri Chaitanya Mahaprabhu, and we are simply carriers of His shoes. Let us do our duty carefully so that our life may be successful, although our attempts are not as great as they should have been.” Always praying to be even an insignificant element. —EMAIL TO MUKUNDA DAS AND RADHA DEVI, NOV. 17, 2011 Giriraja Swami: My conversations with her were quite frequent…. Naturally, I was concerned about her medical condition, and so we would be talking about it, and somehow or other, without my knowing how she got there, she would be talking about Krishna and Srila Prabhupada and the Holy Name, and how wonderful devotees are, and how merciful Prabhupada and Krishna are, and how grateful she is. Quite the opposite of what I often experience with myself: I begin talking about Krishna and then—I don’t know how it happens—somehow I’m talking about my body. With her, I would bring up her body—how she was doing and if I could
help in any way—and without my knowing how, suddenly we were talking about Krishna and Prabhupada and the Holy Name and the prayers of the Acharyas and the wonderful service of the other devotees, and just how grateful she was for what she had been given. On the evening of December 12, Yamuna had another heart “episode.” Each time these occurred, I would ask if she wanted to go to the hospital, and she would adamantly refuse. “Don’t take me anywhere. I want to be here.” We again went into the temple room, and Yamuna lay down before Their Lordships Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. As I sat chanting softly and holding her hand, it appeared she lost consciousness. Then, spontaneously and seemingly from an unconscious state, she began singing, “Gauranga bolite habe, pulaka-sarira, hari hari bolite nayane ba’be nira … ” This song of Narottama das Thakur was not frequently sung in our ashram, but that evening, Yamuna feelingly sang it from beginning to end, tears pouring from her eyes. Later, I read from Srila Prabhupada’s purport to this prayer in 1969: And as soon as I shall chant “Hari Hari,” or “Hare Krishna,” there will be pouring down of tears from my eyes. Hari hari bolite nayane ba’be nira. Nira means water. Similarly, Chaitanya Mahaprabhu also said that “When will that day come?” We should simply aspire. But if, by Krishna’s grace, that stage we can reach, these symptoms will come automatically. —GAURANGA BOLITE PURPORT, 1969
Malati devi with Dinatarini and Yamuna The next day, our Godsister Malati devi came for a visit, and Yamuna was her usual gracious and ebullient self. We had a nice visit, and Yamuna never mentioned the episode of the night before. The following day, our dear young friends Kartamasa and Radhakunda arrived from Canada—they had not planned to visit then, but felt “dragged” to be here: Kartamasa das: We were completely caught up in work-life and didn’t think it would be possible or economical for us to visit. Then, during one phone call, Yamuna was very stern with me, speaking in the serious tone of voice she used when trying to get a point across. I was giving excuses why it would be difficult to come, and she was saying, “Mmm, hmmm…” waiting for
me to get to a real reason. So finally I said, “It’s a money thing.” And then she said with such disgust, “Oh, it’s a MONEY thing.” Instantly, things snapped into perspective for me, and I immediately pledged we would come. And, of course, this was all Krishna’s (and Yamuna’s) arrangement. The Krishna Magic. Kartamasa and Radhakunda arrived on Radha-Banabehari’s Appearance Day. Yamuna had arranged a special altar where Krishna and Balarama and Radha-Banabehari were together. Devotees had sent massive amounts of flowers and beautiful gifts, along with personal prayers. Radhakunda devi: Throughout the whole evening, Yamuna was ecstatic to see the Deities together. She would constantly say things like, “This is too much,” or “What a feast for the eyes!” She said after the kirtan that although she usually closes her eyes during kirtan, that night she couldn’t take her eyes off the Deities. At some point, we made a Skype call to the school, and all the children got to see the Deities and the altar and talk with Yamuna. It was very sweet and very special, because it was the last time they would see her and speak to her. Yamuna asked us what we would like to read and talk about during our time there. She said we would call our time together our special “Festival Week,” and whatever we did would be wonderful and like a festival.
Kartamasa had casually mentioned that our dear friend Nimesh (Neem) from Canada had sent a check for Radha-Banabehari, which he had placed on the altar. Radhakunda devi: Before we went home for the night, Dina saw Neem’s check on the altar when she put the Deities to rest. It was wonderful to see their reactions to it. Dina couldn’t believe what was on it—she thought she was seeing it wrong, and her first reaction was, “We can’t accept this!” They were both totally stunned and full of love and gratitude. Yamuna said Neem would get big credits in his spiritual bank account for giving so much to Krishna. They were saying it was the top of an incredible day—the icing on the cake. Then Dina called Neem and gave the phone to Yamuna. Yamuna talked to him for a couple of minutes, saying how stunned she was, and how he needed to get on a plane right now and get down there. She got a
little emotional at one point. Neem—My dear Lord, you are something. Mr. Background; Mr. Quiet; Mr. Understatement; and yesterday, Mr. Present Overwhelm. What you have done in the service of Radha-Banabehari…. I feel fortunate to have witnessed this service in this lifetime, because I know that no matter how imperfect Their direct aspiring servants are, Their Lordships view it all—every action and every intent. You cannot even fathom your good fortune, as neither can I, but know it to be a reality. Still I say, with straw in teeth, thank you from us both. The connection we share at the feet of Their Lordships is far bigger than words. —EMAIL TO NIMESH, DEC. 15, 2011 As Banabehari’s Appearance Day coincided with the Disappearance observance of Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur, Yamuna also sent out the “precarious current of your life” letter from 1926 to friends around the world. Some of the replies were profound and rich with bhakti, and Yamuna was especially enlivened to hear such depth of introspection and realization from the youth: I would like to thank you from the bottom of my heart for sending me this letter that has not only given me inspiration, but has especially helped me to see certain things recently troubling me in my life more clearly. Since the annual Radhadesh Mellows festival here in January (the twenty-four-hour kirtan weekend) has become a rather prominent continental festival, I feel as if my pride for being the organizer keeps on wanting to grow and derange me in my true goal as a servant. [Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati] Thakur expresses in his letter this very same problem: “the effects of the poisonous fruit of pratistha [honor and recognition].” This desire for pratistha is what troubles me. However, when I go deep into my heart, I know that my only desire to organize this event comes from the minimal love I have for the Holy Name, Sri Sri Radha-Gopinatha, and Their many devotees. As written in the letter, these three different aspects of love for Krishna [Krishna seva, karsna seva, sri nama kirtan] are what is most essential within our spiritual life that will always keep us from being “overpowered by the various allurements of maya.” It really gives me incredible hope and faith that in the end that I seem to be doing the right thing. More and more I realize that my ultimate desire is to serve the Holy Name, therefore when I am told that by doing so I also serve all the other purposes, I can only feel as if I am slowly, but surely, advancing on the right path. This parcel of knowledge means a lot to me. —EMAIL FROM MANU DAS, DEC. 17, 2011 Dear Manu, … It is interesting to note that the points you bring up about the fear of pratistha and its insidious effects were discussed at length by some dedicated and serious kirtaniyas who have recently visited us, i.e., Amala Harinama, Jahnavi, Madhava, and now, Kar and Radha. Each of them understands the dangers of pratistha in hindering or delaying the positive and joyful effects of chanting the Holy Name, and each expressed the desire to be vigilant and watchful of its subtle influence. We reminded them to please be patient with this process, because this desire for recognition in any of its myriad manifestations is the principal hallmark of our aversion to Krishna, and we have cultivated this aversion since time unknown. The best thing we can do is to express within the sincere desire for purity and be alert in all of our
services for the pernicious effects of pratistha. When it does rear its unwanted head, we can remove it like an unwanted guest until the next time it revisits. You will find that the more you train yourself in this vigilance and the more you engage in sincere service, the visitations of pratistha will occur less and less. —EMAIL TO MANU, DEC. 18, 2011
“Oh Lead, Lead Me on to Vrindavan” — Yamuna’s Glorious Passing That Yamuna’s final few days were spent in the company of our dear young friends Kartamasa and Radhakunda seemed providential. As we had evidenced so much “synchronicity” in our lives from the very beginning of our association, this seemed like the natural denouement—a heart-wrenching yet powerful closure, and one seen by each of us as Krishna’s Magic. They had not planned on coming, yet they came; and those final days were filled with glorious kirtans, katha, prasadam and loving association. Yamuna was, as ever, blissful, even carefree—as though she again inhabited the body of a young dancer. Radhakunda devi: At one point in the visit, Yamuna commented how our relationship got so much closer and deeper with every passing day. But I think she said that most of the days we spent time with her.
On that last evening, Yamuna asked Radhakunda to lead kirtan. Radha-kunda, though abundant with many wonderful qualities, was always reluctant to sing, but Yamuna loved her chanting and urged her on. I can still hear that sweet kirtan and melody when I reflect on it. When they left to return to their motel, Yamuna mentioned that she felt pain in her neck
and chest. I sat with her and quietly chanted japa. Each time an “episode” occurred, Yamuna would repeatedly express her gratitude for our lives together, our service to Srila Prabhupada, and what she perceived as my service to her. I would answer that it is me who had the great fortune of her association, and it would go on like that. At some point, she said she felt a little better. On reflection, I believe it was her way of wanting to be alone with Prabhupada and Krishna—and she asked me to go to my room. I checked on her again at 2:00 AM, and she was still sitting in the chair, chanting quietly. When I checked again at 6:00 AM, she had positioned herself horizontally on the bed, fully dressed, with her hand still clutching her beads and a Mona Lisa smile on her face. She had passed on in exactly the way she had desired. I cannot express the gratitude I feel for all the devotees who stepped forward to offer assistance immediately after Yamuna’s passing. Srutirupa, Malati, Nirmala, Devarshi, Rangavati and, of course, Kartamasa, Radha-kunda and Haribhakti all assisted with the necessary arrangements. Frankly, I can say with sincerity that I don’t know how I would have dealt with the tumult surrounding Yamuna’s passing without the unquestioning service, sincerity and comforting presence of these and other devotees. The first phone call I received came from Nitai das, who passed away himself shortly after Yamuna. He simply asked to help in any way possible—he would send money; he would send prasadam; or he and Mandali would come themselves and perform any service. This was especially moving to me. I told him that Yamuna would have loved his service attitude.
The Letter Two days after Yamuna passed away, I found a letter she had placed under my pillow. Although most of it is personal, its very existence made it clear to me that she knew she would not live more than a few days (I changed my sheets once a week). Oh! What a journey this has been! Wild, Wonderful—at times Weird; but Oh! the lessons learned, the obstacles cleared, and yet to be cleared. I believe Prabhupada put you and me together because he saw that we questioned our internal motivations; we challenged maya’s attempts to deceive; we helped each other go deeper. What a gift! What a glorious, inconceivable gift! We’ve talked about the next phase—the next journey. How many times I’ve prayed before the Deities this one thing. I recognize my failings, my unlimited faults, but with my limited faculties and intelligence, I have tried my best to make progress in Krishna Consciousness. Especially, I have tried to practice and represent what Srila Prabhupada gave to me—gave to us—pure, unalloyed Krishna Consciousness. So my prayers, a thousand, a hundred thousand times, have been that if I have done enough, please let me go wherever Srila Prabhupada is. If he has returned to the Spiritual World, then let me do whatever I can to follow; but if he has gone somewhere else for preaching and delivering more fortunate souls, then please let me also go there. That is my only wish. —FINAL LETTER TO DINATARINI
Some Reflections on Yamuna’s Last Days There are so many moving tributes and memories of Yamuna by devotees—some close friends and associates, some who knew her briefly, some who met her in passing, yet were profoundly touched by her, and some who only knew her through her chanting, her cookbooks or through stories of her relationship and intimate exchanges with Srila Prabhupada. These memories will all be available on the Unalloyed website (www.unalloyed.org), but I’ve included a few of them here which are representative of Yamuna’s powerful and enduring impact on the lives of so many: Nirmala devi: Devarshi and I last visited Yamuna a month or two before her departure in Melbourne Beach. After Devarshi did some healing work on her, the energy in the room became very quiet and serene, and Yamuna spoke a little about her health and leaving. My husband and I both had tears welling up in our eyes, and so did she. She looked at both of us and said, “I’m ready; I’m ready to go.” Then the tears began flowing, and she said with great strength and enthusiasm, “I have a bright future; you have a bright future; we all have a bright future.” Those were some of the last words she spoke to us in person. After this we had to leave and were getting ready to go, but she called us into her room and we started looking at some old pictures of her with Srila Prabhupada and the devotees in the beginning days. When I told her that I had not seen some of them, she began telling us stories, and soon another two hours flew by. Her remembrances of Srila Prabhupada were so vivid—like it happened yesterday. It was like she had a photographic memory when it came to His Divine Grace. She would get very excited, transported, and of course, so would we. Before we departed she would do her famous kavacha, the three of us standing, locked in a circle with hugs, chanting mantras and respects and an ending prayer for the well wishes of everyone. Jahnavi devi: You have the eye for detail, such refinement: coriander—“no stems, leaves
only”; chopping vegetables—“the first thing Srila Prabhupada taught us”; spicing—noticing every nuance in flavor and texture; nuance in kirtan instrumentation, in dressing Krishna according to season and mood. Your detail in serving others—night chimes, slippers, a little piece of cheese inside the tikkis. Your personal love and care for each person who comes through your door, with a sober face, grabbing them by the hand and bringing them before Radha-Banabehari. You have a nickname for everyone—JJ, Janbee, Jewel Jahnavi. You love everyone so sincerely, and we all love you back. You so carefully try to instruct in the mood of whatever Srila Prabhupada taught you, without any pride or agenda. You freely share the wisdom gathered through a life of difficulty with such honesty—stories about how you were treated by the early men of ISKCON…. You appreciate the jewel in everyone; you welcome and engage. Your lake of Vaishnava jewels speaks of your qualities. You are mischievous, so full of verve and humor, but also with the capacity to be so grave. Like Srila Prabhupada—one moment charming and the life of the party, but alone in private, no veil separates you and Krishna—you are right there!
Rasa Mandala devi (Milkmaid): This is something that I will be eternally grateful for. Tasting this mood of love and simplicity has marked our hearts forever, and though we can still reach for it, even though with Dina we can taste it again, there is still a gaping emptiness where your voice would rise and fall, still moments where we listen for the tapping of your whompers, still times when someone will blissfully puncture the kirtan with a “Haribol!” and we will all be reminded that it used to be your voice calling out. Dearest Yamuna, though we go on, though we struggle to still aspire to what you have shown us and allowed us to taste, the loss of your presence is agonizingly felt. Krishna kirtan will never be the same without your ecstatic remarks of “Nectar! Too much nectar!” without your protective and powerful personality presiding over these kirtans, guiding and filling us all with these inexplicable feelings that threaten to burst through our hearts and spill to every corner of every limb until you have nowhere to put it. Without you, grasping at what we had with you is so much more difficult. We pray to someday be able to feel what you felt while lovingly chanting for the Lord; we pray to always live up to
what you have shown us, taught us, and to always keep pride and false ego at bay and chant only for the pleasure of Krishna. There are no souls more inconceivably fortunate then ourselves. We do not know what we have done in past lives or this life to have achieved such a blessing as to have your association and guidance. The gifts you have left us, the bhakti you gave us, we will strive to give to others, to do as you did and unconditionally give and give. You had no judgment; there was no one ineligible for the bhakti you gave. Everyone had access to this ever-flowing outpour of love that you bestowed. You had such an impact on the youth of our society, such a relationship, because many of us struggle with the difficulties of pride and ego, many of us are tempted or trapped by the snares of fame, but you, you have already overcome these obstacles; you are someone we can look up to, a surviving idol and proof that these things can be overcome—that it is possible to push it all away and reach for the higher taste, for Krishna. You passed no judgment on those who had made mistakes; you merely embraced them without reserve, no matter who they were or what they did. Your upwelling of love and compassion was so deep and pure that whoever was in your presence felt cared for and sheltered. You once said, “You need to have someone that you feel will really always protect you, and these great souls, by their very existence, they are shelters for us all. We just have to find them in more than just words—to find them so it goes into our being and sustains us.” We had found them—in you. You were our shelter; it was you who sustained our beings. You were our first Spiritual Master, our guide, our strength, the fan to our flame. You lovingly cultivated the devotional creepers in all our hearts and kept the weeds at bay; you showered us with the rain of your devotion, and through your care and attention our creepers budded and blossomed into love for Krishna, attachment to His Holy Name, and a deeply abiding affection for serving the Deity and His devotees. You made the young generation feel loved and protected and gave so many of us a true taste for Krishna through your own pure and potent love. This was your legacy; you didn’t leave an imprint on the mind, but on the soul. Your ability to change someone’s life in just the hours or moments they had of your association was extraordinary…. When we were in your presence, the rest of the world melted away, problems became insignificant, and all the time in the world was not enough time to have with you. Your absolute and extraordinarily pure love for Krishna and the devotees was so profound, and your desire to share it with one and all was so deep, that it leaked into our souls. I don’t grieve for your absence, which can only bring contentment for you because you are eternally with Radha-Banabehari and your beloved Srila Prabhupada, but I grieve for myself…. Haripriya devi (Milkmaid): One thing I have been thinking a lot about lately is that we spent so many years with Yamuna and Dina—practically our whole lives—but in the past three years, that is when we started to realize how special that was. I remember in the last months before [Yamuna] left, I would come more and more often. We had been taking them for granted for so long. But for that whole time, they never instructed us that we should come more often—like that. It was like they were waiting for us to realize on our own, and to want to come and to be eager for that association. I felt that they were just waiting for us that whole time. And now it is so beautiful to see how everyone appreciates them so much. We didn’t think about it so much before—that when the Vaishnavas leave, that is when you realize how special they are. And it is like I always feel with Bhaktivinoda bhajans—that Yamuna was so connected to Bhaktivinoda Thakur. It was actually as though, to her, he was living. And she wanted us to realize that—that Vaishnavas never die—and she was always with Prabhupada. What we have to
understand now is that Yamuna hasn’t actually left us. She is actually with us now, as we speak. At this very minute. When she was talking about Prabhupada, she was with Srila Prabhupada. It was like heart to heart. She transferred Srila Prabhupada into our hearts. That is why it is so clear to us. She transmitted that knowledge unto us, and now we have to imbibe Yamuna’s mood, just like she imbibed Prabhupada’s mood. She shared the love that Prabhupada shared with her. And then she gave us that love. Prabhupada’s Spiritual Master gave him that taste, and he passed it down to Yamuna, and to all of his disciples. And then she passed it to us. And that was her greatest gift. And now it is our turn to pass it on. But that is when we actually realize how special it was—when she leaves. There is no greater gift. Like our last trip to Vrindavan. That was her last gift to us. She would always tell us, “I will take you to Vrindavan.” We would have never all of us gone to India if it wasn’t just the way it happened. That was her gift to us. She kept her word. Krishna Consciousness is not something so easy to comprehend. It is so easy to think of things in a material perspective. This is how it is, you have to see it, and then it is real. In the spiritual world, souls are always connected. Like Yamuna is not here, but her presence is here, and that is a spiritual relationship that never ends. It is so hard to understand that. I was thinking like Yamuna is actually watching over us, and the more we try to remember and appreciate her and imbibe her mood, the more she will be pleased. Kalindi devi (Milkmaid): I don’t know what fortune I got to be able to have Yamuna in my life, but I will be forever grateful to her. From her I learned how to behave as a proper Vaishnava; from her I learned how to sing for Krishna, do service for Him and understand Him. Yamuna was like nectar from a flower that never died. Even now when I think of Yamuna, I feel her sweetness. Thank you, Yamuna, for being in my life. I would not have been here, if not for you. Thank you for giving your love so unconditionally. I am forever and ever grateful for your association. Every day I understand more and more how amazing your presence was. When I try to sing for Krishna, I think of you, and you bring me to Krishna. Through you I can connect with Him. Nitai das: Almost a year ago I was in Mumbai and visited Yamuna in the hospital, thinking I would only be there for an hour or so. About seven or eight hours later, I left intoxicated by her presence and deeply grateful that such a great personality has even a spark of interest in my minute existence. I recollect now this was actually the last time I had a physical interaction with her, though we would write often, and I had several dreams, even one that I corresponded with her a few days before she left. It was a dream that I was honoring some kind of milk sweet item in her presence, and she kept probing me, asking me what the various ingredients were I could taste that were used to create this dish—like she would do from time to time when eating with her. It was some kind of exotic sweet rice, one that I will now relish much more than any sweet rice of this world.
Preparations for Yamuna’s Immersion Ceremony During our 1994 pilgrimage to India, Yamuna devi expressed the desire to have her ashes returned to the Yamuna River after her departure. Because Srila Prabhupada had given her the name of that most sacred river, and because she had served Srila Prabhupada in Vrindavan, Yamuna devi always felt an enduring connection with Vraja dhama and the holy Yamuna, and often referred to Vrindavan as her “home.” It had originally been my intention to travel to India for an intimate immersion ceremony with a group of Yamuna’s friends and young devotees, but as word spread, it became apparent that keeping the ceremony “intimate” as Yamuna requested was unrealistic. There were just so many devotees who felt close to Yamuna and wanted to be present to experience the sense of closure such a ceremony could effect. Also, I was initially concerned with the pollution of the Yamuna River—to the degree that I had even discussed with a senior Godbrother the possibility of having the immersion ceremony in the Garhwal Himalayas, closer to the Yamuna’s point of origin. But I became convinced that my vision was materially clouded, and that despite everything, Vrindavan and the sacred Yamuna are eternally uncontaminated.
Yamuna Devi’s Samadhi Phenomenon In the meantime, unknown to me, a group of devotees in Vrindavan wanted to honor Yamuna devi with a samadhi in the beautiful courtyard of the ISKCON goshala. The funds for the samadhi were provided by Parvati devi, and Dharmatma das asked Srutirupa to request some of Yamuna’s ashes from me, as well as to discuss samadhi design possibilities. Dharmatma das: Also, is it possible for you to send me some designs of how you want
the samadhi to look? Then accordingly we will move forward. Her samadhi has to be very, very beautiful, and we will try our very best to do it. The moment Srutirupa called me, I was sitting as usual writing at the computer, and my screensaver appeared, with a picture I had taken in 1994 of the samadhi of Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur in the Radha-Gokulananda Temple compound. Over the years, Yamuna and I spent many hours chanting and praying at the samadhis there, and Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur’s was especially dear to Yamuna. One of her favorite pictures from that pilgrimage was one I took of her offering obeisances before his samadhi. So when our Godsister Jagattarini devi asked for funds to refurbish Narottama das and Visvanath Cakravarti Thakurs’ samadhis, Yamuna and I gave a substantial donation to the project. Later, after the new marble slabs had been carved in Jaipur for Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur’s samadhi, the project was abandoned due to unforeseen circ*mstances, and the intricately-carved marble was left sitting for over fifteen years in the Radha-Gokulananda compound.
Jagattarini devi: Over the years, I would see the carved stone still sitting there. It was incredibly remarkable that no one ever took it, because years earlier, thieves had stripped all the marble decorations off Narottama das Thakur’s samadhi, and that was why we felt an urgent need to redo that one. But this stone remained. And whenever I went there, when I saw the pujari, he would shake his head sadly over the refusal and show his feelings clearly about it. Then the next I heard [from] Parvati that they somehow expertly negotiated what had cost a few lakhs to complete way back then, and were about to rebuild it for Yamuna. I was so happy to hear that. I felt we had somehow had some part to play in an offering of service.
Srutirupa later reported that the Vrindavan devotees were stunned when she called them. “That design has already been made for Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur and has been sitting in the compound at Radha-Gokulananda Mandir for all these years!” So this was an astonishing validation to me that those carved pieces were ultimately meant for Yamuna devi. It is simply unimaginable that in all that time, no one stole them or used them for the samadhi of another Vaishnava.
The Samadhi and Immersion Ceremonies of Yamuna Devi in Vrindavan
On Saphala Ekadasi, January 8, 2012, which marked the one-year anniversary of Yamuna’s passing according to the lunar calendar, her glorious samadhi ceremony was held in Vrindavan attended by many devotees and officiated by Radhanath Swami. Jananivasa Prabhu performed the sacrifices, and many devotees who came from around the world expressed their love and appreciation for Yamuna devi, an unalloyed devotee, in stirring tributes over a three-day period. On the morning of the second day, Yamuna’s immersion ceremony was held at Keshi Ghat, its famous stairs filled with devotees chanting the Holy Names with great feeling. Many of them told me afterward that they had never before experienced such an unprecedented outpouring of love and appreciation and felt greatly fortunate to have been present. Dharmatma das and other Vrindavan devotees worked tirelessly to gorgeously decorate the Krishna-Balarama Mandir, the samadhi courtyard and Keshi Ghat, as well as arrange an elaborate prasadam feast and see to the comforts of the attendees. I thought at the time that had Yamuna herself organized such a program she could not have been more pleased at the result.
Yamuna Devi’s Legacy — An Afterword I initially envisioned this memoir/biography, which became an all-encompassing engagement, as my personal memorial to Yamuna, the fulfillment of a promise made to her and, most importantly, a desire to highlight through her devotional journey the exquisite path of Krishna bhakti and the glorious blessings that accrue to those who dive deeply into its practice. Two metaphorical sequences, each detailing one of Yamuna’s significant contributions, became the undercurrent upon which the stream of Yamuna’s story flowed. One was a cooking metaphor—“Gathering the Ingredients” dovetailed her early life; “Preparing an Offering of Love” equated with her growing commitment and dedication to Srila Prabhupada and Krishna Consciousness; and “Giving the Gift of Bhakti to Others” correlated with the multitude of ways Yamuna influenced others through her unalloyed practice and exemplary presentation. The other metaphorical sequence was a musical one. Drawing on the concept of harmonies, I envisioned a single underlying drumbeat corresponding to Yamuna’s unwavering
steadiness and consistency in devotional service. The “symphony” itself consisted of the same musical movement being repeated again and again, with each repetition incorporating additional instrumentation. I envisioned the musical movement as the daily regulated practice of devotional service, and the harmonizing instruments as Yamuna’s embracing of each obstacle or challenge as an opportunity for spiritual growth. Initially a melody is played with a single flute, and then another instrument harmonizes with it, then others are seamlessly incorporated until an entire symphony plays the same musical movement, yet with such poignancy and harmony that its impact on the hearer is wondrous and extremely profound. This corresponded to the “Miracle Done” aspect of Yamuna devi’s life—that she moved steadily and harmoniously through life, learning from the challenges, overcoming its obstacles, joyfully practicing and internalizing Krishna bhakti and giving it with boundless enthusiasm and compassion to others. This is Yamuna’s enduring legacy. Whether one hears her voice each day on the Govindam prayers or in other kirtans and prayers, reads or utilizes her incomparable cookbooks, or hears her deep, heartfelt philosophical realizations or her entreaties to others to “Just see. Just see,” Yamuna devi will remain with us always as a living emblem of “The Krishna Magic.” He reasons ill who tells that Vaishnavas die when thou art living still in sound! The Vaishnavas die to live, and living try to spread the Holy Name around! —SARAGRAHI VAISHNAVA, BHAKTIVINODA THAKUR
Appendixes
Bibliography A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. Krishna Consciousness. Copyright 1966 by Happening Records. CA2210. Vinyl LP. Adhikari, Vaiyasakidasa. Sri Sri Radha Damodara Vilasa: The Inner Life of Vishnujana Swami and Jayananda Prabhu. Volume 1. Silver Spring, MD: Sravanam-Kirtanam Press, 1999. Bali Mardan Das. Journey to the Pacific Rim. USA: William Burke, 1996 Cakravarti, Sri Narahari. Bhakti-ratnakara: The Jewel-filled Ocean of Devotional Service. Vrindaban, India: Ras Biharilal and Sons, 2006 CBS. Happiness on 2nd Avenue. Film. Directed by Edmund Bert Gerrard. New York: CBS, 1966. The Bhaktivedanta Vedabase, version 2002.1. Sandy Ridge, NC, USA: The Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 2002. Goswami, Satsvarupa dasa. Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, 2nd edition. Grodinge, Sweden: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 2002. Goswami, Tamal Krishna. Servant of the Servant. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 1984. Hari Sauri Dasa. A Transcendental Diary: Travels with His Divine Grace A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami Prabhupada. Vol. 5. Alachua, FL: HS Books, Lotus Imprints, 1995. Hayagriva Dasa. The Hare Krishna Explosion: The Birth of Krishna Consciousness in America, 1966–1969. USA: Palace Press, 1985 Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. Back to Godhead: The Magazine of the Hare Krishna Movement. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 1966-. Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. Bhagavad-gita As It Is. New York, NY: Collier Books, 1972. Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. Caitanya-caritamrta, 9 volumes. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 1974. Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. Srimad Bhagavatam, 12 cantos. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 1988. Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. The Jaladuta Diary. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 1995.
Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. The Nectar of Devotion. Boston, MA: ISKCON Press, 1970. Prabhupada, A. C. Bhaktivedanta Swami. The Teachings of Lord Caitanya. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 1980. Prabhupada Saraswati Thakur. San Raphael, CA: Mandala Publishing Group, 1997. Sajjana-tosani (magazine). Sundarananda Vidyavinoda, comp. Srila Prabhupadera Patravali. Vols. 1-3. Mayapur, India: Sri Caitanya Matha, 1991. Thakura, Bhaktivinoda. Jaiva-dharma. Los Angeles, CA: Bhaktivedanta Book Trust, 2003 Wheeler, Howard. Vrindaban Days: Memories of an Indian Holy Town. USA: Palace Publishing, 1990.
Please visit the companion website to the book: WWW.UNALLOYED.ORG It was Yamuna’s desire that her book be supplemented by multimedia extras. While hundreds of pictures are included in Yamuna Devi: A Life of Unalloyed Devotion, the companion website to the book features an extensive audio and video archive, along with remembrances and tributes collected worldwide. Unalloyed.org also features excerpts from the book, ways you can contribute towards the Yamuna Devi Legacy Project, and more. This comprehensive website archive features: •Audio—Yamuna speaking, singing, kirtans with Yamuna present and songbooks of Bhaktivinoda Thakur bhajan series
•Video—Yamuna speaking, singing, cooking and historical context videos
•Remembrances—Written remembrances, audio and video recordings from memorials and tribute compilations
We encourage everyone to submit any media or remembrances that do not appear on the website for future inclusion. All proceeds from the sales of this book go towards funding a school based on how Yamuna devi shared Krishna Consciousness with others— with enthusiasm, patience, commitment and joy. This real education is something Yamuna and I both feel is integral to the future establishment and success of this Krsna Consciousness movement. Whatever we can do to facilitate that, we want to do.
—DINATARINI DEVI The Situation Although I have come to this human form My Lord, I have passed my life uselessly. I did not care to serve Radha and Krishna And have swallowed poison carelessly. Hare Krishna comes straight from Krsna-loka, But with the chanting I have no connection. Day and night I’m burning in this dark world Without working to make the correction. —SRILA PRABHUPADA’S TRANSLATION TO HARI HARI BIPHALE BY NAROTTAM DAS THAKUR The Solace Our solace is the example and wisdom handed down to us by great Vaishnavas such as Srila Prabhupada and Bhaktivinoda Thakur. —YAMUNA DEVI For Thee Thy Sire on High has kept A store of bliss above, To end of time, thou art Oh! His— Who wants but purest love. O Love! Thy power and spell benign Now melt my soul to God; How can my earthly words describe
That feeling soft and broad? —SARAGRAHI VAISHNVAVA POEM BY BHAKTIVINODA THAKUR The Solution Our challenge is to use that wisdom now—in the living, breathing present—and march forward, O Saragrahi soul. —YAMUNA DEVI I pray to share these things that you have taught me, especially with the younger generation, now poised on the launching pad, in hopes that they may take these instructions to heart. —YAMUNA DEVI, VYASA PUJA OFFERING 2002
The Plan Our ambition is to open a school based on the simplicity and joy of unalloyed devotional service, as showcased in this book, unencumbered by other pursuits. The focus would be on giving students the tools and the taste for Krishna Consciousness. The tools refer to having enough knowledge of the Absolute Truth to navigate their way through the material world without being flustered or distracted from the goal.
We hope that students learn to see every activity, field of knowledge, resource or relationship as an ingredient for service to the Supreme Lord, thereby identifying themselves as Vaishnavas throughout their lives. The taste refers to gaining real affection for the Supreme Lord, by establishing a personal loving relationship with Him through engaging in the nine processes of devotional service. This taste leaves them without an appetite for other flavors of the world. The medium for conveying this will be the lives, examples, songs and writings of the previous Acharyas, along with the writings and words of Yamuna devi herself. Like Yamuna devi, we firmly believe the Vaishnava saints are always accessible and eager to give their mercy to those who turn to them.
The Future Yamuna and Dinatarini’s own beautiful and glorious Deities, Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, will preside over the school and be the recipients of our humble attempts in practicing devotional service. Also used to inspire the students will be the collected sacred articles belonging to Srila Prabhupada and our previous Acharyas, which Yamuna and Dinatarini devis collected and preserved for this purpose. We also hope to publish more books by Yamuna devi, such as her Deity Book and Cooking for Srila Prabhupada. These would become central to the education scheme as well.
For more information or to contribute to this project, please visit the website: www.unalloyed.org Our Goal: Preserve Banabehari Mandir as a monument to Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari and Their servants Yamuna devi and Dinatarini devi Banabehari Mandir: •Conceived, designed and built by Yamuna and Dinatarini. •Every aspect of it is designed solely for the unalloyed service of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari. •Meticulously designed according to Vastu to maximize spiritual potency.
•The longest-term residence of Yamuna and Dinatarini devis (12 years). •The site of dozens of memorable Krishna Conscious programs, events and festivals. •Never used for any purpose other than unalloyed devotional service. Proposed Preservation Plans: •Purchase it from Dinatarini devi so that she can settle in a place that is easier on her health. •Preserve it as “Bhakti Kutir” and restore it as much as possible to the way it was when Yamuna devi and Dinatarini devi resided in it. •Maintain it with the same care and attention it received when it was the primary residence of Yamuna and Dinatarini devis. •Renovate and invest in the nearby cabins for guest facility. •Host retreats at Banabehari Mandir, following in the tradition of those previously held at Banabehari Mandir, such as Bhaktivinoda bhajans, cooking for Srila Prabhupada, and more. •Hold (at least seasonally) daily morning programs at Banabehari Mandir, which affected so many. •Respect it as the default home of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari, and be prepared to host Their service once again if They so desire. For more information about this endeavor, please visit the website: www.unalloyed.org
Expanded Table of Contents Part Two: Offering the Gift of Bhakti to Others CHAPTER 8: A Change of Heart, Vrindavan, 1973–1974 Parikrama with Srila Prabhupada in Vrindavan 1973 — A Year of Rising Turmoil Bombay and the Second Cross Maidan Pandal Yamuna Devi’s Travels Outside of Vrindavan The Yuvaraj of Alwar — An Inspiration and Well-Wishing Friend The Tamal Tree in the Krishna-Balarama Temple “Srimati Radharani Must be Dancing” — Changes in Deity Concepts The Deities of the Krishna-Balarama Mandir Yamuna’s Journal Notes for the Vrindavan Deities An Unusual Role for a Woman Yamuna’s Increasing Fear of Displeasing Srila Prabhupada Yamuna Begins Serving Srila Prabhupada in Separation “You’ve Left Krishna Sitting on the Fence Post” — A Lesson for All Students 1974 — Yamuna’s Final Year on the Krishna-Balarama Project The Opening of the Krishna-Balarama Temple is Again Delayed Yamuna’s Cooking Service for Srila Prabhupada at Raman Reti Srila Prabhupada’s Chapati Chastisem*nt “This Temple Must be Opened by Janmastami” — An Impossible Task To Live and Serve on a Construction Site The Krishna-Balarama Temple Does Not Open on Janmastami
“My Illness is Because the Leaders Are Not Strictly Following” Srila Prabhupada’s Instruction’s to Yamuna on Cleanliness — The Black Floor Debacle A Lesson on Waste The Stapler Story — “You Have Not Cleaned My Rooms Today?” Yamuna Leaves Vrindavan but Keeps Vrindavan in Her Heart Vrindavan is in Your Heart Appreciation of Vrindavan from Yamuna’s Journal A Letter Never Sent CHAPTER 9: The Blessings of Guru and Krishna Affirmed, Oregon, 1975–1978 A Humble Ashram in Southern Oregon Bimala the Wonder Cow A Peaceful Yet Conflicted Span of Time June 1975 — Miracle Done — The Mercy of His Divine Grace “Association Can Be Two or Two Hundred” Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari Come to Southern Oregon The Oregon Ashram Changes Shape The Installation Ceremony of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari “You Must Know that I am Always With You” — 1976 There is No Gift Greater Than Giving Krishna to Others “Just as You are Always Thinking of Me, I am Thinking of You” “More Blessed than Heaven, Sweeter than May” “I Have Taught You Everything; Now You Teach Others” Yamuna’s Last Meeting with Srila Prabhupada in India — October 1976 The Land, the Cow and the Deities — 1977
The Spiritual Master Lives Forever by His Divine Instructions — Srila Prabhupada’s Departure CHAPTER 10: Guru Vani — The Decade of Differing Interpretations, 1980’s Disharmony Enters Banabehari’s Ashram with the Title “Guru” Banabehari Ashram’s Itinerant Travels Begin — England, August 1979 – April 1983 Zoned Out — An Invitation to England A Warm Welcome in England The Unforgettable Women of ISKCON in the United Kingdom Meadow Cottage — An Ashram in Hertfordshire “My Dear Lord, What are You Trying to Teach Us?” 1982 — The BBT and Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, Los Angeles and Three Rivers, California Banabehari’s Servants Return to England 1983 — Deja-vu — A Remembrance of Things Past and a Future Forewarned The Wonderful Resilient Devotees of the United Kingdom Trewidden House — A Cascade of Joys and Sorrows Some Special Memories of Trewidden House New Changes in Directions, Dimensions and Diversions “My Dear Lord, What are You Trying to Teach Us?” — Revisited Chaitanya College and Our Final Goodbyes CHAPTER 11: The Splendid Odyssey of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine, 1980’s–1990’s A Needed Respite in Key West, Florida — May 1984 to September 1985 Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari’s Simhasana A Publisher Takes on Lord Krishna’s Cuisine Banabehari Ashram Moves Again
Into the Fire — New Vrindavan — October 1985 A Strange Timing The Swanlike Separation of the Milk from the Water The Finalization and Publication of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine — New York — 1986 Lord Krishna’s Cuisine Creates a Stir in the Food World The Pulitzer Prize of the Cookbook World — The IACP/Seagram’s Awards A Close Encounter with the Restaurant Business Yamuna and the Media — “I am Simply Giving What My Guru Taught Me” CHAPTER 12: Full Immersion in the Nectarean Ocean, 1990’s Yamuna’s Table on Cherry Hill Lane — Washington DC — 1990–1993 An East-Meets-West Concept for a Cookbook A Weighty Issue Yamuna Promotes the Release of Lord Krishna’s Cuisine in the United Kingdom The Highly Anticipated Yamuna’s Table is Released in 1992 Yamuna’s Table Wins the James Beard Award Yamuna’s Disillusion with the Food World —“It Has Become Something Mundane” Back to Godhead and Lord Krishna’s Cuisine A Long Pilgrimage in India 1993 – 1994 Mumbai — December 15, 1993 Mangalore and Udupi Vrindavan Reflections Jaipur, Udaipur and a Special Darshan at Nathdwara with B. G. Sharma Mayapur
Jagannath Puri Mussoorie A Surprise Visit to the Blissful Poland Yatra A Final Visit to Paris and Return to the United States A Generational Harmony in Washington DC A Fortunate Meeting with Bhakti-tirtha Swami — “We Have Known Each Other Before” On the Road Again — A Search for Simple Living and High Thinking CHAPTER 13: Seeing the Krishna Magic at Banabehari Mandir, Saranagati, 1998–2011 The Idealistic Attraction of Saranagati Village in British Columbia “Who Would Want to Live Here?” The High Cost of Simple Living A Joyful Crew Face an Endless Stream of Obstacles The Surreal Problem of Water or the Lack Thereof A Moving-In Yajna and Yamuna’s Tree of Gratitude Yamuna Addresses the GBC in Mayapur on Behalf of Women Devotees A Sacred Space — The Morning Program at Banabehari Mandir Kirtaniya Sada Hari h— Connecting with the Youth Through the Holy Name A Fortuitous Encounter Opens Hearts to the Joy of Kirtan and Sanga An Invitation from Radhanath Swami to Mumbai and Pune Yatra — January 2001 “You Will Live Ten More Years” More Blissful Association at the Pune Yatra Saranagati Village — The Idealism Versus the Concrete Reality of Community Living Early Saranagati Retreats and Festivals A Spiritual Warrior — Bhakti-tirtha Swami at Banabehari Mandir
Radhastami A Blossoming of Bhakti in the Heart — Kartamasa’s Story Festival for Observing the Appearance Day of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehari Kartamasa’s Worshipful Deities — Krishna and Balarama Yamuna’s Health Retreat and Alachua Visit — Summer 2002 Yamuna with Kartamasa and the Youth in Alachua Churning the Ocean of Bliss — Summer/Fall 2002 Lord Balarama’s Appearance Day Celebration — 2002 Vancouver Rathayatra — 2002 An Inspiration for the Alachua Youth Markine Bhagavat Dharma — A Soulful Beginning to 2003 A Reminder of Nature’s Fury — The Fire of 2003 Lessons on Srila Prabhupada’s Cooker Fanning the Flames of Positive Attachment to the Positive Form — 2004 A Memorable Visit with Radhanath Swami and Friends Adore Ye All the Happy Days — The Bhaktivinoda Bhajans at Banabehari Mandir Banabehari’s Milkmaids A Pilgrimage to India and an Unforgettable Wedding Gitavali — and the Sweetness of Loving Exchanges Kalyana Kalpa-taru — the Desire Tree of Auspiciousness — 2007 A Virtual Govardhan Parikrama and 32nd Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Banabehariji Krishna Kirtan Jaya Prema Nidhan — 2008 A Revealing Look at Yamuna’s Humility by an Unsolicited Appeal for Financial Aid
Vyasa Puja in Seattle with Radhanath Swami Oh! Lead, Lead Me on to Vrindavan — A Life-Changing Pilgrimage with the Youth “It’s Not a Pilgrimage if There are No Challenges” The Long-Promised Chowpatty Visit Comes to Pass “Are you ‘THE’ Yamuna Devi?” — Rishikesh Govardhan Academy Comes to Saranagati — 2009 Another Blissful Summer of Bhajan, Kirtan and Sanga Srila Prabhupada’s Disappearance — 2009 Yamuna Devi at the 40th Anniversary of Sri Sri Radha-Londonisvara A Last Mayapur Pilgrimage “My Body is Finished, but My Spirit is Soaring” — Saranagati — 2010 Yamuna’s Inspiring Talk on Devotional Life to the Students at Govardhan Academy Too Much Gitavali Nectar in Mayapur — Let’s Chant it Again Yamuna’s Saranagati Parrot Festival “I Don’t Want to be a Burden to Anyone” CHAPTER 14: Miracle Done — Your Divine and Loving Grace, 2011—Yamuna’s Final Year Bhaktivedanta Hospital — “A Humbling Experience” So Many Well-Wishers Dina the Doorkeeper Finally Arrives Yamuna’s Health Prognosis — “She Cannot Return to Saranagati Village” Yamuna Leaves Bhaktivedanta Hospital after Three Months — “No Words Can Express My Gratitude” Among Friends and Well-Wishers in Alachua Yamuna’s Ideal Ashram is Found — Melbourne Beach — June 2011
Janmastami and Vyasa Puja by the Sea The Dichotomy of Yamuna’s Heart — Physically Diseased; Spiritually Bountiful Sinking Into the Ocean of Bhakti with Dear Devotee Guests The Ocean of Time Club — Krishna Kirtan Jaya Bhakti Vilas “Bhakti is the Crystalline Delineation of Reality” — Yamuna Devi’s Last Days “Oh Lead, Lead Me on to Vrindavan” — Yamuna’s Glorious Passing The Letter Some Reflections on Yamuna’s Last Days Preparations for Yamuna’s Immersion Ceremony Yamuna Devi’s Samadhi Phenomenon The Samadhi and Immersion Ceremonies of Yamuna Devi in Vrindavan Yamuna Devi’s Legacy — An Afterword
Index 108 devotee group, 198 A Abhirama das, 95, 142, 145 Aditi, 30 Adore Ye All, 266, 285 Aindra das, 253, 363, 428–429 Akash Ganga, 5, 264 Akuti, 72 Alachua programs in, 250, 253, 266, 316–317, 422, 424 “Wednesday Night Bhajans” in, 234–235 Yamuna devi in, 204, 251, 253, 316–317, 397, 402–405, 422–424 youth in, 266 Alberta, 212, 215–216 Aldenham, 109, 111, 130 Allahabad, 349 Alwar, 9–10, 45 Amala Harinama, 330, 420, 435 Ambarish Maharaja, 373 Ambika Kalna, 350 Amrita devi, 134–135, 153. See also Rasamrita Amrita Vani, 304, 318 Anada, 115, 118
Ananda, 342–343, 348, 349, 354 Anand, 11, 37, 41, 415 Anand Niketan, 8, 28–29 Anand, Pooja, 42, 388 Ananga Manjari, 253 Ananta das, 423, 429 anarthas, 230, 424, 426 Ani, 371 Archanam, 371 Art of French Cooking, The, 164 Arundhati dasi, 90 Ashcroft, 207, 212, 267 Ashta-Sakhi Mandir, 15 As Kindred Spirits, 343, 376 Astha Sakhis, 353 Atma Nivedanam, 373 Aunt Edna, 59 Austria, 51 B Back to Godhead, 15, 37, 50, 81, 135, 179, 186, 190, 285 Bada Haridas, 253–254, 270, 287, 302–303 Bailin, Iris, 162–163 Baird, David, 117, 159
Bajoria, Mr. C. L., 89–91 Bala Books, 145, 153 Bala Gopal devi, 269, 296, 326–327 Bala Krishna das, 211, 217–218, 235, 266, 366 Balarama, 12, 14, 15, 18, 24, 35, 38, 46, 191, 239, 249, 254, 255, 257, 258, 259, 260, 261, 262, 265, 315, 335, 338, 417, 432 Banabehari Milkmaids, 225, 289, 298, 304, 309–310, 318, 336, 338, 365, 367, 369, 371, 373, 374, 422–423, 429, 430. See also Gopal Nandini devi; Haripriya devi; Kalavati devi; Kalindi devi; Rasa Mandala devi BBT, 74, 126, 127–129, 145, 205 Beatles, 156, 168, 177–178, 198, 337. See also Harrison, George; Lennon, John Bengal, 101–102, 160, 346 Bengali, 105, 301, 306 Berkhamsted, 111, 115, 117, 119, 122–126, 130 Berkshire, 130 Bhadra, 253 Bhadra Priya), 30 Bhagatji, 69 Bhagavad-gita, 48, 87, 296, 363, 382, 388, 412 Bhagavan das, 47, 129, 132, 133, 135–137 Bhagavatam. See Srimad-Bhagavatam Bhagavati devi, 191 Bhajahari, 137 bhakti, 9, 54, 58, 74, 100–102, 120, 179, 198, 210, 241, 246, 268, 270, 276, 280, 289, 296, 308, 312, 360, 398, 419, 430, 434, 439 Bhakti-caru Swami, 97, 200
Bhakti Kutir, 190, 212, 275 Bhakti-marg Swami, 282 Bhaktirasa, 219 Bhakti-ratnakara, 420 Bhaktisiddhanta Road, 347 Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati Thakur Anand das, cooking of, for, 41, 415 appearance celebration of, 190–191 desire of, 59 disappearance of, 72, 102–103, 207, 247–248, 256, 310, 348, 434 favorite dishes of, 348 murti of, 15, 18, 191 on detachment, 108–109, 124 on difficulties, 124 on diksha birth, 278 on management of Gaudiya Math, 100 on Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur, 101–102 on the Holy Name, 124 Srila Prabhupada on, 203, 248 temple of, 16 writings of, 108–109, 225, 301, 318, 424–425, 434 Yamuna devi on, 278–279, 316, 434 Bhakti-tirtha Swami, 199–201, 203–205, 237, 244–245, 331, 354, 402
Bhaktivedanta Hospital, 238, 332, 361, 376–379, 382–387, 389, 397–398, 400–401, 404, 409–410, 418 Bhaktivedanta Manor, 109, 111, 116–117, 122–123, 131, 193, 206, 343, 349 Bhaktivinoda Thakur appearance day of, 411 autobiography of, 364 Bhakti Kutir of, 190 birthplace of, 347 connection of Yamuna devi to, 441 Deity worship standards of, 188 disappearance day of, 308 on departed Vaishnavas, 447 prayers and songs of, 105, 124, 142–143, 199, 231, 255, 285, 286–287, 289, 297, 304–307, 311, 312, 317, 336, 338, 354–355, 357, 372–373, 397 residence of, 350, 356 reviving Vaishnava dharma by, 101 Srila Bhaktisiddhanta Saraswati on, 101–102 writings of, 100–101, 280, 304 Yamuna devi on, 279, 286, 325 bhakti-yoga, 298, 325, 333, 397 Bharadraja das, 18, 35 Bhava, 366 Bhavananda das, 28 Bhavatarini, 186 Bhavatarini. See Pishima
Bhavatarini dasi, 227, 258, 368, 370 Bhumadeva, 137 Bill, 59. See also Aunt Edna Bimala, 60–62, 72, 76–77, 91, 92–93, 95, 106, 110, 128 Bimala II, 117 Birnagar, 347 Black Madonna of Częstochowa, 196 Blue Lotus guest cabin, 276, 291, 300 Body, Mind, Spirit magazine, 175 Bolitho, Edward, 134 Bolitho, Simon, 133 Bolo, 110, 128 Bombay, 4, 5, 13, 16, 28, 29, 51, 180, 181, 353 Bombay pandal, 4, 5 Bon Appetit magazine, 164, 168 book distribution, 107, 342, 358 Boston Globe, 176 Boston Harbor, 268 Brahma, 212 Brahmananda, 47, 248 British Columbia, 207, 210–211, 240, 270, 331, 397 B. R. Sridhar Maharaja, 126 BTG. See Back to Godhead
Bury Place temple, 342 Bus Party tour, 319–320, 338 B. V. Narayana Maharaja, 228, 242 C Caitanya-caritamrta, 142–143, 189, 193, 257, 276, 281, 292, 334, 338, 363, 425 Calcutta, 89–90, 94, 187–188 California, 30, 38, 79, 110, 126, 128–129, 301, 303 calligraphy, 252, 270, 290 Campanella, Joan, 156, 159, 177. See also Yamuna devi Canada, 165, 211, 268, 274, 277, 346, 356, 366, 383–384, 389, 395–396, 405, 407, 411, 432, 433 Capitol Hill, 200 Carl, Bhakta, 230 Catholic, 59, 194, 334 Chaitanya Chandamrta, 101 Chaitanya College, 125, 130, 137 Chaitanya, Lord mercy of, 270–271, 350 message and desire of, 25, 102, 108 on prasadam, 188–189 pastime of, at Srivas Thakur’s home, 6 Rathayatra kirtans of, 281 room of, at Gambhira, 189 Srila Prabhupada on, 382, 431–432
Vasudeva Gosh, prayer by, to, 270 Vrindavan pastimes of, 2–3 Yamuna devi, fixation of, on, 276 Yamuna devi on, 188–189, 431 Chaitanya Math, 348, 350, 351 Chanakya Pandit, 5–6 Chandan Yatra, 79, 96–97 Chandra, Dr., 7 Charing Cross Road, 172 Chaupattnaik, Mr., 188–190 Chaya, 368, 372, 375 Cherry Hill Lane, 170 Chicago Tribune, 156 Child, Julia, 161–162, 164. See also Art of French Cooking, The China, 296 Chowpatty, 236, 294, 296, 330, 332, 402 Chronicle Books, 199 Chronicle cookbook, 206. See also Vegetarian Table: India, The Church Farm House, 111, 119, 125 Claiborne, Craig, 161, 164 Cleveland Clinic, 418 Cleveland Plain Dealer, 162–163, 177 Cloud End, 192 Collins, Wilkie, 115
Conkel, Dr., 91 Conway Hall lecture, 341 cooking classes, 134, 176, 270, 290, 335 Cook’s magazine, 164, 168 Cornwall, 130, 133–135 Corp of Drums, 134 Croome Court. See Chaitanya College Cross Maidan. See Bombay pandal Cruise, Tom, 192 Częstochowa, 196 D Dadhiharta, 370 Dallas, 111 Dalmia Trust, 16 Damodarastakam, 373 Damodar Priya, 372 Dasyam, 372 Dauji temple, 182 Dayalu, 248 Dean, 59. See also Aunt Edna De Gustibus, 176 Deity Book, 11, 17, 271 Deity worship, 11, 15, 17, 30, 92, 105, 116, 123, 130, 249–251, 255-256, 277, 288, 315, 371
Delhi, 7–9, 14, 19, 23, 27–30, 40, 51, 54, 180, 283, 285, 333, 358 Delhi pandal, 7, 28, 111 Detroit, 84, 203 Devahuti, 367, 371, 373 Devananda Swami, 5 Devarshi, 251–252, 254, 297, 298, 397, 407, 419–420, 436, 438 Dhananjaya das, 296, 326 Dharmatma das, 443–444 Dickens, Charles, 115 Dinabandhu das, 72 Dogwood, 41 Dorney Cottage, 130 Draupadi, 108 Dutton, E. P., 104, 147, 154, 164, 176 Dwarakadish das, Dr., 379, 383, 386–387, 389–390, 398, 399, 419 E Ekadasi, 12, 246. See also Saphala Ekadasi Ekavira das, 352, 354 Eli, Bhakta, 267–268, 280, 288. See also Nitai das England, 51, 75, 81, 108–111, 113, 115–116, 119–120, 124–126, 128–132, 136–137, 156, 158–159, 172, 187, 193, 196, 219, 236, 275, 326, 345–346, 409 envy, 31–32, 121 Ermenonville chateau, 136 Esselstyn, Dr., 418
etiquette, 21–22, 25–27, 191, 200, 275, 328, 352, 396 Eton College, 131 Eugene, 79–80 F Fabricant, Florence, 163 Florida, 53, 110, 142, 205, 250, 251, 283, 297, 299, 304, 320, 326, 383, 397, 400, 402–403, 405, 407–410 Fogal Ashram, 34–35 Following Srila Prabhupada, 111 Foyles’ Bookstore, 172 France, 136, 196, 390 Franey, Pierre, 161–162 Frederick Street, 362 G Gambhira, 189–190 Gandhi, Indira, 9, 11, 24 Ganga, 339, 350 Gangamayi dasi, 4, 115, 118 Garhwal Himalayas, 191, 442 Garuda das, 167 Gateway of Srinathji. See Nathdwara Gaudiya Math, 100, 102–103, 225 Gauranga Bolite, 350, 431–432 Gauranga Kishore, 250, 259, 266
Gauranga Tumi More, 270–271 Gaurangi devi, 393–394 Gaura-Nitai, 15, 18, 91, 245, 266, 315 Gaura Purnima, 33 Gauravani, 262–263 Gauridas Pandit, 350 Gay Gaura Madhur Sware, 234 GBC, 22, 47, 64, 84, 85, 100, 107, 109, 124, 220, 222–223, 321–324 Georgetown, 170 George Washington University Hospital, 171 Ghanashyam Baba, 269 Ghanashyam, Bhakta, 363, 410–411 Ghanashyam das. See Bhakti-tirtha Swami Ghosh Thakur das, 242–243, 368 Giri, 371, 375 Girija devi, 243, 370–371, 373 Giriraja Swami collection of funds by, 19 in Bombay, 5 instructions of, 394 Japa Retreat with, 301–302 on Yamuna devi and Srila Prabhupada, 35–36, 65, 69
dream of, 230 health discussions with, 431 leaving her body, 383 letter from, 340–341 visit of, to, 38 VIHE classes by, 182 Gita. See Bhagavad-gita Gitavali, 288, 297, 306, 312, 317, 336, 338, 348, 350, 353, 358, 363–364 Godrumadvipa, 350 Gopal Bhatta Goswami, 372. See also Six Goswamis Gopal Deity, 184 Gopal Krishna Swami, 283, 358 Gopal Nandini devi, 289, 310, 320, 336–337, 370, 422 Gopasthami, 264–265 Gopimata devi, 119, 132 Gopinatha, 304 gopis, 15, 18, 63 Govardhan Academy, 334–335, 340–341, 361, 365, 368, 374–375, 412 Govardhan (Hill), 2, 309, 327, 338, 350, 377 Govardhan Parikrama, 309, 351 Govardhan Puja, 2–3, 309, 417 Govardhan Retreat, 327 Govardhan shila, 194 Govinda, 250
Govindam prayers, 188, 233, 238, 249, 254, 310, 322, 339, 343, 384, 391, 446 Grants Pass, 60, 74, 76, 92, 93, 94, 104, 110 Greider, Linda, 159 Gunarnava, 43 Guru Carana Padma devi, 118, 137, 275, 342, 349, 403 Guru das, 4–5, 7, 13, 14, 19, 22–26, 33, 40, 43–44, 51, 53, 54, 63, 65, 70–71, 353 Guru Kripa, 2 gurukula, 110, 125, 182, 334, 346 Guru Vandanam prayers, 207 Gurvastakam prayers, 207, 214, 224, 226, 248, 264 H Hamburg temple, 13 Hanif, 366 Hansadutta das, 13, 103, 106–107 Hare Krishna Land, 181 Haribhakti, 254, 266, 304, 326, 337, 338, 343, 348, 351, 353, 356, 436 Haribol, 197 Haridas Thakur, 190, 317, 422 Hari Goswami, 17 Hari hari biphale, 264, 360, 424, 427 Harilila devi, 211, 218, 235–236, 266, 310, 367, 371 harinam (sankirtan), 10, 74, 100, 102, 103, 193–196, 342, 425–426 Haripriya devi, 225, 289, 304, 310, 320, 336, 372, 373, 440
Hari Sauri das, 80–81, 84, 89, 347 Hari, Sri, 426 Harrison, George, 27, 111, 117, 178–179, 198 Hawaii, 78–79 Henry VI, King, 131 Herb Companion, 168 Hertfordshire, 114–115, 130 Hippocrates Institute, 251 Hladini devi dasi, 389–390 Holy Name attraction to, 124 different types of chanting of, 363 glorification of, 297, 299, 301, 303, 357, 378 power of, 9, 319 relationship between the Lord and, 230 taking shelter of, 354 Hungary, 372 Hyderabad, 28 I IACP, 160–162, 164–165, 167, 175, 177 IFAST, 200, 205 Imli Tala, 2, 186 Indore, 318 Indradyumna Swami, 194–196
Indrani devi, 205 Institute for Vaishnava Studies. See IVS International Association of Culinary Professionals. See IACP ISKCON goshala, 443 IVS, 167 J Jadurani, 81 Jaffrey, Madhur, 158 Jagadatri devi, 116 Jagadish das, 47 Jagannatha, 78, 188–191, 239, 281, 310, 357 Jagannatha Kirtan, 277, 314, 320 Jagannatha Mandir, 188 Jagannatha Puri, 180, 186, 187, 188, 190–191, 195, 368 Jagannathastakam, 281 Jagattarini devi, 443–444 Jagger, Mick, 279 Jahnava Mata, Sri, 327, 350 Jahnavi devi, 275, 319, 342, 348–349, 353, 355, 363–364, 403, 417, 422–423, 428, 429, 435, 438 Jaipur, 4, 7, 13, 15–18, 41, 180, 184–185, 329, 443 Jaisacinandana das (Jai), 213–214, 243, 367, 371 Jaiva Dharma, 102 Jalastita, 137
James Beard Foundation, 160, 177 Janaki, 60, 172, 214, 269, 283–285, 325, 362, 412–413 Jananivasa das, 196, 352, 444 Janmastami, 22, 24, 25, 39, 40, 41, 42, 45, 325, 413 japa, 68, 90, 149, 178, 194, 225, 227, 228, 240, 243, 273, 296, 301, 310, 312, 314–315, 318–320, 339, 348, 350, 351, 356, 414, 436 Japa Retreat, 301, 303, 318–320 Jayadvaita Swami, 135 Jayanti devi, 335, 368, 370, 375 Jayapataka Swami, 332–333, 402, 430 Jaya Radha Madhava, 223, 262 Jaya Sri Radhe devi, 319 Jayatirtha das, 64–67, 72, 74–75, 81, 83, 109, 111–113, 115–116, 117, 123–126, 129 Jean-Paul. See Jagannatha Kirtan das Jhulan Yatra, 128 Jitamrita devi, 420 Jitari, 397, 404–405, 407, 420 Jiva Goswami, 74. See also Six Goswamis Johnson, 389–390 Journal, The, 167 K Kabe Habe Bolo Sei Dina Amar, 243 Kafka, Barbara, 164 Kalakantha das, 224, 229, 420
Kalavati devi (Kava), 229, 289, 305, 310, 320, 336–337, 372, 422 Kalindi devi, 227–228, 289, 292, 298, 304–305, 310, 320, 336, 370, 388, 422, 441 Kaliya, 243 Kali Yuga, 74, 101, 225, 385 Kalyana Kalpa-taru, 280, 288, 301, 304, 306, 308, 317 Kamadhuk devi, 114–115, 119, 121 Kanai Priya das, 358, 375 Kanka, 126 Kapila das, 342–343, 345, 348, 354 Kapoor, Dr. O. B. L., 186 karma, 7, 138, 426 Karnamrita dasi, 259, 262, 267–268 kartals, 8, 105, 119, 234, 248, 254, 264, 265, 308, 336, 337, 353, 370, 372 Kartamasa das (Kar), 316, 317, 366 as headmaster of Govardhan Academy, 335 at Melbourne Beach, 410, 432 choice of melodies by, 287, 306 completing Masters degree in Saranagati, 257 correspondences between Yamuna and, 288, 294, 302–303, 304, 312, 314–317, 326, 334, 345, 350, 365, 374–375, 395, 424 desire for kirtan by, 246–247, 304 feelings of separation of, 410 first kirtan recording of, 248 marriage of, 285
on Balarama’s appearance day, 258–261 on Rathayatra at Saranagati, 281 on Srila Bhaktivinoda Thakur, 267, 278, 304 on the morning program at Radha-Banabehari, 229–230, 259–260 on Yamuna devi encouraging devotees, 255, 262, 267 first meeting with, 232–233 instructions on Deity worship from, 249–250 kirtan style of, 263, 288–289 kirtans with, 286–287, 297, 304, 306–307 qualities of, 247 programs for the youth by, 266, 282 with Yamuna devi in Alachua, 253–257 with Yamuna devi in India, 326, 353 worship of Krishna-Balarama by, 251 Kartika, 4, 328 Karuna Manjari devi, 294, 392 Karunamayi, 372 katha, 117, 180, 288, 340, 345, 425, 429, 430, 436 Kaumadaki devi, 296 Kelly, Christopher, 147 Keshava, 422 Keshi Ghat, 4, 182, 196, 444, 446
Kevalastakam, 336 Key West, 142–145, 147–148 King, Martin Luther, 205 Kirtanam, 370 Kirtanananda Swami, 148–150 Kirtan Ashram, 296 Kirtaniyah sada harih, 230, 298 Kolkata, 167, 346, 349. See also Calcutta Krakow, 193–194 Krishnaa devi, 77, 79 Krishna-Balarama, 12, 15, 17, 23, 251, 254, 257–260, 266, 337, 411 Krishna-Balarama Temple, 4–5, 11–12, 14, 15, 16, 17–18, 22, 24, 33, 37, 42, 45, 52, 63, 353, 444 Krishna bhakti, 102, 136, 150, 166, 210, 231, 242, 257, 277, 446 Krishna Chaitanya das (KC), 231, 243, 368 Krishna Chandra das, 236–237, 240, 292–295, 387, 391, 400, 409–410 Krishna das Babaji, 11 Krishnadas Kaviraja Goswami, 339 Krishna Devata devi, 219 Krishna Lila devi, 144 Krishna Magic, 146, 210, 243, 308, 354, 385, 408, 432, 435, 447 Krsna book, 35, 139, 243, 402 Ksirodakashayi Vishnu, 2 Kuladri das, 47–48, 149
Kulangana devi, 121 Kulasekhara das, 245, 340, 367, 368, 370 Kulasekhara, King, 421 Kumba Mela water, 388 Kump, Peter, 160 Kunti, Queen, 428 Kurus, 108 Kutila, 149 Kuvalesaya das, 218, 224, 236 L L.A.. See Los Angeles Laksmi devi, 194 Lala, 372, 375 Lalasamayi, 124 Lalasamayi, 366 Lalita (deity), 18, 353 Lalita, 366 Lalit Prasad, 305 Lennon, John, 187, 341 Letchmore Heath, 130 Leviton, Richard, 165 Lilamrita devi, 235–236, 244, 264, 335, 338, 366, 368, 395, 406, 419–420 Lita, 199 London, 60, 111, 115, 130, 172, 175, 177, 180, 187, 193, 197, 207, 341, 345, 348, 358,
403 Longview, 59 Lord Krishna’s Cuisine BBT and, 126–129, 145 cost constraints for, 104 design of, 117, 135 finalization and publication of, 153–154 in Back to Godhead, 179 lengthy cooking procedures in, 171 material for, 70, 90 popularity of, 333 promotion of, in the UK, 172 publisher found for, 145–147 Pulitzer Award received for, 160–162, 167, 177 recipe testing and writing for, 62, 89, 93 reviews on, 154–160, 162–165 Lord-Lieutenant of Cornwall. See Bolitho, Edward Los Angeles, 64–67, 69–70, 75, 78–79, 81–85, 88, 92, 106, 113, 115, 126, 128, 176, 220 Luiza, 368 M Madan Mohan Goswami, 26 Madhava, Bhakta, 286–287 Madhava das, 423–424, 427–429, 435 Madhava Mangala devi, 283, 358
Madhavananda das, 402 Madhavendra Puri, 184 Madhusevita, 223 Madhvacarya das, 200 Madira, 7–9, 51 Madras, 17 Mafatlal, Anjali, 237, 293. See also Karuna Manjari devi Mafatlal House, 237 Mafatlal, Priyavrata, 237 Mafatlal, Radha, 237, 293, 391, 410, 431 Magh Mela, 349 Mahadevia, Kartikeya, 5 mahamantra, 62, 74, 216, 228, 231, 234, 235, 241, 249, 299, 336, 399 Maharani, 311 Maharishi Mahesh Yogi, 333 Mahasringa, 286–287, 368, 373 Mahatma Gandhi Road, 95 Mahidhar, 370 Mahojvala, 367, 370, 373 Maithili devi, 152, 293, 295 Malati devi, 4, 5, 13–14, 283–284, 301, 345, 379, 432, 436 Mamagachi, 350–351, 355 Manasa Deho Geho, 373
Mandali, 268, 436 Mangalacaranam, 233, 248 mangal arati, 5, 66, 67, 180, 184, 187, 223, 224–225, 227–229, 246, 264, 282, 292, 296, 299, 310, 329, 330, 339, 365 Mangalore, 180–181 Manhattan, 153 Manjuali devi, 66, 75, 109, 111, 113, 115, 117, 124–125, 135 Manorama das (Manu), 319, 435 Mark, Bhakta, 417 Markine Bhagavat Dharma, 267–268 Massachusetts Avenue, 198 Mathura, 9 maya, 48, 94, 307, 314, 359, 425, 428, 434, 437 Mayapur evening kirtans in, 353–355, 356, 358, 363 Women’s Ministry presentation to GBC in, 220–223 pilgrimage in, 16, 34, 138, 180, 346–359 Srila Prabhupada in, 33, 53 Yamuna devi in, 33, 112, 186, 346–359 Yamuna devi leading kirtan in, 187 Mayapuris, 376 Mayapur TV, 356 Meadow Cottage, 114–115, 119 Medicare, 395–396, 406
Melbourne Beach, 407, 409–410, 413, 415, 422–423, 430, 438 Memorial Day, 357 Mewars, 184 Mintzer, Amy, 147 Mira, 220–221 Mondakini devi, 137, 196–197, 390 Montreal, 30 Morningstar Ranch, 66 mridanga, 8, 105, 233, 234, 248, 308, 336–337, 353 Mukunda das, 293, 391, 410, 431 Mukunda Goswami, 362 Mumbai, 29, 144, 152, 180, 236–237, 240, 264, 330, 333, 379, 382, 383, 386, 388, 406, 409, 442. See also Bombay Mussoorie, 180, 191–193 MVT, 296 N Nadia devi, 330, 351, 353, 422–423, 429 nagar kirtan, 342 Nama Cintamani devi, 180 Namamrita, 231 Narangi, 368, 372, 375 Narayani devi, 274, 370, 373 Narottama das Thakur, 105, 124, 142, 231, 244, 255, 355, 431, 443–444 Nathdwara, 19, 184, 186
Nathji, 152, 293, 295 Nectarean Ocean of the Holy Name, 301 Nectar of Devotion, The, 7, 52, 182, 363, 372, 391 Nepal, 28–29, 428 New Dwaraka, 127 New School, 176 New Vrindavan, 110, 148–150, 152, 267 New York, 111, 145, 148, 149, 153, 159, 160, 161, 164, 167, 176, 178, 206, 308, 357, 417 New York Times, 160 Nimesh (Neem), 227, 232, 246, 247, 250, 266, 304, 314, 317, 323, 326, 343, 361, 368, 373, 433–434 Niranjana Swami, 301–303, 386 Nirmala devi, 152, 236, 251–252, 254, 297–299, 397, 404, 407, 419–420, 436, 438 Nitai das, 268–269, 274, 277, 280, 390, 436, 442 Nityananda, Lord, 350 Norma, 59. See also Aunt Edna Nrsimha Caturdasi, 96–97 Nrsimhadeva, 194, 357 Nrsimha prayers, 254 Nrsinghananda das, 302 O Ocean of Time Club, 423, 427, 429 Ojai, 301–303 Omega Academy, 206
Omega Institute, 176 Oregon, 57, 59, 60, 64, 69, 71, 75–80, 85, 87, 88, 89, 92, 96, 103, 105, 106, 109, 110, 117, 156, 159, 177, 214, 220, 283, 409 Orissa, 78 P Pada Sevanam, 371 Padmanabha Goswami, 17 Padukas, 189 Palika (Srila Prabhupada disciple), 28, 30, 64, 70, 79, 81, 84, 90, 115, 126–127 Palika, 236 Panca Tattva, 15 panchakarma, 239 pandas, 188–191 Pandey Murti Kala Kendra, 7, 17–18 Paramatma, 384, 412 parikrama, 2, 309, 341, 350–351, 358, 360 Pariksit, Maharaja, 422 Paris, 196–197 Parrot Festival, 365–374 Partha das, 370 Parvati devi dasi, 443–444 Penguin, 147 Penzance, 125, 130, 133 Pepin, Jacques, 161–162, 164
Pershore, 130 Peter Kump’s Cooking School, 160 Pishima, 2, 13, 42, 48, 89–90, 186, 341, 413–415 Poland, 187, 193–194, 196 Portland, 59, 79–80, 176, 325 Prabhodananda Saraswati, 101 Prabhupadera Patravali, 109 Prabhupada, Srila anger of, 43–44 compassion of, 27, 35, 68 considerate nature of, 41 encouragement of, 4, 24–25, 316, 357 ill health of, 45–48, 78, 94–95 mercy of, 5, 35, 55, 68, 88, 98, 122, 431 morning walks with, 5 humility of, 3–4 on women, 7 on Yamuna devi, 38, 66, 70–71, 187 teaching by example, 4, 122 uncompromising preaching of, 5–6, 87 with Godbrothers, 11–12 Prabhupada, Srila, cited on childhood of, 12
on cleaning pots, 36 on following rules and regulations, 46 on rising early, 46 Prabhupada, Srila, quoted on advancing in Krishna consciousness, 24–25, 382 on Deity worship, 28–29 on detachment and suffering, 107–108 on deviation within the Gaudiya Math, 103 on entering Seva Kunj, 3 on etiquette, 26 on following regulative principles, 63, 65 on following the order of Lord Chaitanya, 431 on intelligence, 49 on learning from babajis, 3 on material attachment, 71 on prayer, 131, 248 on separation, 83, 94 on Srimati Radharani, 13, 16 on Vrindavan in the heart, 54 Pradyumna das, 17 Prahlada, 422 Prahladapriya das (Prahlad), 145–148, 153–154 Pranada, 406 pratistha, 72, 113, 426, 429, 434–435
pravachan, 238 pravesh mandap, 45 Prema-manjari devi, 393 Priya Sakhi, 392 Publishers Weekly, 155, 173 Pulitzer Prize, 160–161 Pune Yatra, 236, 240 Punjab National Bank, 182 Puri. See Jagannatha Puri Purusha Shukta das, 302 R Radhaballabha das, 79, 81–82 Radha-Banabehari appearance celebration of, 91, 207, 247–249, 309, 348, 432 come to Oregon, 69–70 exquisite worship of, 93, 116, 291 in Bhaktivedanta Manor, 111 in Los Angeles, 83 in Melbourne Beach, 409 in New Vrindavan, 149 in Saranagati, 218 in Three Rivers, 128 installation of, 72
in Washington DC, 148 naming of, by Srila Prabhupada, 72 simhasana for, 144 Yamuna devi on, 250 Radha-Damodara, 329 Radha-Damodara Temple, 3, 13, 26, 28, 37, 40, 186, 268, 296–297 Radha-Giridhari, 340 Radha-Gokulananda, 112, 121–122, 349 Radha-Gokulananda Temple, 443–444 Radha-Gopinatha, 238, 329, 389, 410, 434 Radha-Gopinatha Temple, 29, 236–237, 241–242, 293–295, 330–331, 402 Radha-Govinda (ji), 94–95, 184, 329 Radha-Govinda Mandir, 15, 330 Radha-Krishna, 4, 13, 15, 42, 70, 72, 94–95, 191, 353 Radhakunda devi (Radha) as teacher at Govardhan Academy, 335 feelings of separation of, 410 letters from Yamuna devi to, 294, 302–303, 326, 345–346, 374–375, 394–395, 424 letter to Yamuna devi from, 319–320 marriage of, 285 on Bhakti-tirtha Swami, 245 on the cornerstone-laying ceremony, 214 on the morning program at Radha-Banabehari, 226–227 on Yamuna devi
affection and sweetness of, 213 appreciativeness of, 213, 219 first interactions with, 213 genuiness of, 213 kirtan by, 263 love and gratitude of, 433 singing lessons by, 231, 243 programs for the youth by, 282 sewing outfits for Krishna-Balarama by, 258 Radha-Londonisvara, 131, 341, 343 Radha-Madhava, 349, 353 Radhanath Swami and relationship with Yamuna devi, 391 appreciation of, by Yamuna devi, 295, 331–332, 385, 386, 398–399 Bhaktivedanta Hospital and, 332, 383 celebrating Janmastami and Vyasa Puja with, 325 in Saranagati, 283–285, 376–377 lectures of, 265, 269 meeting of Yamuna devi and, 152, 330 on Yamuna devi appreciation of, 332 nature of, 385–386 powerful talks by, 238
singing Govindam prayers by, 238 singing of, 333 trust in devotees by, 389 performance of Yamuna devi’s immersion ceremony by, 196, 444 personal example of, 237, 293 Yamuna devi, Pune Yatra invitation to, from, 236 Radha-Parthasarathi, 7 Radhapriya devi, 237, 293, 295, 391, 400, 410 Radha-Raman (deity), 18, 70, 93, 119, 250, 372 Radha Raman (Srila Prabhupada disciple), 2 Radha Raman, 372, 375 Radha-Raman Temple, 17, 250 Radharani, 13, 15–16, 17–18, 38, 66, 105, 118, 119, 245–246, 283, 285, 309, 338–340, 388 Radha-Shyamasundara, 18, 70, 229, 353 Radhastami, 245–246, 338–340 Radha-Vinod, 329 Radha-Vrindavan Chandra, 149 Radhika, Bhaktin, 199 Radhika, 423, 429 Raja, 388–389 Rajasthan, 9, 184 Ramadevi, 111–112, 349 Rama Navami, 45
Raman Reti, 14, 26, 36, 37, 39, 40, 42, 360 Ramesvara das, 82, 84–88, 127, 129 Ramya, 266 Ranadhir das, 128–129 Rangavati devi, 297, 299, 397, 404–406, 420, 436 Rasajna, 301 Rasa kirtan group, 199 Rasa Mandala devi (Rasa), 289, 306, 310, 320, 337, 372, 422, 423, 439 Rasamrita, 134, 368, 372–374 Rasaraja das, 214–216, 244, 257, 310–311, 368, 370, 373, 393 Rathayatra, 128, 262, 270, 281–282, 300, 336, 342 Rave Reviews, 155 Ravindra Svarupa (Srila Prabhupada first disciple), 357 Ravindra Swarup das, 301–302 Reston, 164, 167, 170 Revatinandana, 72, 81 Richman, Phyllis, 163 Rishikesh, 333 Rodgers family, 76–77, 92, 107 Roman Catholic, 194 Romapada Swami, 301–302, 318 Rsi Kumara, 2 rtvik, 242 Rukmini, 373
Rukmini devi (Srila Prabhupada disciple), 18, 30, 126, 223 Rukmini-Dwarakadish, 83 Rupa Goswami, 186. See also Six Goswamis Rupa Manjari, 399 Rupa Rupesvari devi, 150 Russia, 197 S Sacinandana Swami, 279, 288, 301–302, 327 Sacramento Bee, 164 sadhana, 48, 52, 93, 102, 429 Sahni, Julie, 158 Sajjana-toshani, 101, 280 Sakyam, 372 Samanth, Sri Kanu Charan Puja Panda, 188, 190 Samsara prayers. See Gurvastakam prayers Sanat Kumar, 372 sandesh, 310–311, 373, 378, 416 San Francisco, 24, 79, 176, 192, 409 sannyasa, 28, 53, 59, 70–71, 124–125, 278 Sanskrit, 105, 268, 280, 301, 311 Saphala Ekadasi, 444 Saragrahi Vaishnava, 266–267, 447 Saranagati
building an ashram in, 213–217 community life in, 241–242, 244–245 festivals at, 248, 260–262, 274, 327, 365–376, 376–377 Govardhan Academy in, 334–336 kirtans at, 232–233, 257, 274, 285–286, 306, 317, 336, 363–364 Holy Name retreat in, 242–243 Japa Retreat in, 318, 319 plays at, 300 Rathayatra in, 281–282 winters in, 217, 312, 397 Yamuna devi’s first visit to and impression of, 207, 211–212 Saranagati prayers, 288 Saranagati Rocks, 281, 336 Sarva Mangala devi, 114, 118, 137 Satsvarupa das Goswami, 38, 42 Saurabha das, 14–15, 22, 40, 43–44, 428 Schoellkopf, Henry, 184–185, 198–200, 205–206, 219, 251, 420 Schrader, Donald, 164 Seagram’s Award. See IACP Seattle, 176, 283, 325 Seva Kunj, 3, 13, 182 Sharma, B. G., 184, 186 Shelter devotee group, 198 Sheraton, Mimi, 162
Sheth, Visvambhara, 253–254 Shyama, 371, 375 Shyamakunda, 339 Shyamasundara, 2, 5, 54, 79, 283–285, 390 Shyam Kishore, 368, 373 Siddha-bakul, 190 Siksamrta, 205 Siksastakam, 239, 312 Simple Temple, The, 331 Singh, Sri Pratap. See Yuvaraj of Alwar Sitala, 346–348 Sita-Rama, 9 Six Goswamis, 3, 250, 292, 315 Small Press Journal, 165 smaranam, 318, 370 Soho temple, 131, 342–343, 345 Sonal, Dr., 384 Sravanam, 370 Sridham das, 372, 375 Sri Kama, 137 Srila Prabhupada-lilamrta, 4, 23–24, 42, 44, 47, 118 Srimad-Bhagavatam, 6, 64, 87, 94, 108, 225, 276, 280, 288, 297, 303, 312, 316, 363, 370, 382, 391, 411, 412 Srinathji, 184, 186
Srivasa, 228 Srivas Thakur, 6 Srutakirti, 13, 47–48 Srutirupa devi, 34, 90, 105–106, 117, 142–144, 407, 413–415, 420, 422–423, 427–429, 436, 443–444 Stansfields, 60, 62, 71, 78, 110 Sthanur, 370 Subala Swami, 3 Subhadra, 191, 239, 310 suddha-bhakti, 101 Sudhama Brahmana, 373 Sudharma, 222 Suka, 370 Sukadeva Goswami, 370 Sukishori, 387 Svalakhita Jivani, 304 Svananda Sukhada Kunja, 350 “Swan of My Mind” prayer, 421 Switzerland, 206 T Tamal Krishna Goswami, 5, 40, 53, 66, 86–87, 97, 182, 341 tamal tree, 11–13, 31, 89, 296, 328–329 tapasya, 31, 81 Tastemaker Awards, 160, 163
Teachings of Lord Caitanya, 64 Tejas das, 7, 29, 54 Thakur, Hasmukh, 193 Thakur, Mullick, 94 Thompson River, 211, 275, 346 Three Rivers, 110, 126, 128–130 Tibet, 362 Time magazine, 86 Tirupati, 28 Tittenhurst, 341 Tota Gopinath Mandir, 190 Transcendental Diary, A, 89–90 Tree of Gratitude, 217, 219 Trewidden House, 125, 133–135, 152 Tribhuvanath das, 342 Trilokanath, 370 Trinad api sunicena, 254, 312 Trivikrama Swami, 187, 193–194 tulasi, 13, 234, 299, 371, 373, 375, 429 tulasi puja, 339 Tulasi devi, 75, 371 Tulasi Manjari, 296 tulasi stambha, 12, 213
Tusti devi, 126–127 U Udaipur, 19, 180, 184 Udarakirti dasi (Udara), 228, 235–236, 320, 368, 372, 395 Udupi, 180–181 Urvasi devi, 137, 301–302 Uttama, 281, 310, 367–368, 370 V Vaishnava Charan das (Vish), 111, 125 Vanamali (Vana), 371, 375 Vancouver, 232, 246, 250, 262, 264, 266, 275, 281, 326, 346, 367, 368 vandanam, 318, 372 vani, 26, 94, 96, 98, 292 Vani (devi), 251–252, 298, 308 vapu, 94, 96, 98 Vastu, 144, 212–213, 268, 299 Vasudeva Datta, 350 Vasudeva Ghosh, 270 Vasudha, Sri, 350 Vegetarian Table: India, The, 199 Vegetarian Times, 168, 175 Venables Valley, 211, 217, 271, 324 Vibhavari Sesa, 304 Vicitravirya das, 112, 137, 345
VIHE classes, 182 Viraha Astaka, 103, 108 Virginia, 167, 180 Visakha, 18 Visakha devi at Keshi Ghat, 4 editing and introductions of cookbook by, 126–128, 134–135 in New Vrindavan, 148, 153 in Saranagati, 235 on presentation to GBC about the position of women, 222–223 on the Bombay pandal, 6–7 on Yamuna devi absorption in Srila Prabhupada’s service by, 110 and Bhagavan das, 136–137 appreciation of young devotees by, 118 cleanliness of, 105 cooking corrections from, 95 expert Deity worship of, 105 service mood of, 93 serving devotees in Vrindavan, 34 photos by, 5, 16–17, 77, 92–93, 96, 103–104, 117, 124–125 testing recipes by, 77, 92–93, 95, 103–104 Visalia, 126
Vishaka Priya, 180 Vishnujana, 66 Vishvarupa das, 239, 401 Visvanath Cakravarti Thakur, 105, 443–444 Vraja Kishori devi, 228 Vrajalila, 354 Vrajananda das, 215 Vraja Sevaki devi, 356 Vrindavan appreciation of, by Yamuna devi, 55 austerities in, 41 commitment to living in, 429 dancing of Srimati Radharani in, 16 Deity worship in, 17, 93, 277 etiquette in, 21–22, 26 kirtan gatherings in, 328, 330, 357 parikrama with Srila Prabhupada in, 2 pilgrimage to, 180, 296, 326 reflections of, by Yamuna devi, 182, 359–360 temple building project in, 23–25, 33, 38, 42–43 Vrindavan das Thakur, 350 Vyasa Puja, 45, 46, 98, 325, 413–414 Vyasa Puja homage, 98, 264 W
Washington Cathedral, 198, 206 Washington DC, 59, 110, 143, 159, 170, 172, 197–198, 200, 207, 211, 212, 219, 220, 237, 251 Washingtonian Magazine, 165 Washington Post, The, 159, 167, 179, 206 Waters Murray, Kim, 143, 199, 299 Weimer, Jan, 164 Woman in White, The, 115 Women’s Ministry, 222 Worcestershire, 130, 137 Y Yadubara das, 77, 95–96, 148, 235, 247, 284, 311, 340–341, 368, 372–373 Yami, 366, 368 Yamuna devi appreciation of devotees by, 118, 227, 240, 252, 295–296, 319, 323, 331, 374–376, 418 artistic talents of, 60, 66, 104–105, 170 at Bhaktivedanta Hospital, 238–240, 332, 379–399 austerity of, 31, 42, 48 Bhaktivinoda Thakur bhajans with, 142, 199, 285–288, 297, 304–305, 306, 317, 336, 338, 353–355, 363–364 challenges of a woman, experienced by, 8, 21–22, 25–27, 52, 58–59, 64 compassion of, 198, 351, 406, 430, 440 considerate nature of, 27 cookbooks by. See Lord Krishna’s Cuisine; Yamuna’s Table; Vegetarian Table: India, The
cooking for Srila Prabhupada by, 36, 37, 84, 90 cooking lessons by, 79, 118, 121, 176–177, 178, 290, 335 dedication of, 42, 52–53, 63, 132, 152, 167, 224, 236, 288, 295, 446 Deity worship of, 75, 105, 118, 339 departure from household life by, 53 desire of, to please Srila Prabhupada, 23 determination of, 42, 53, 59, 63, 130, 168, 405 difficulties experienced by, 25–27, 31–32, 34, 41, 48 encouragement of devotees by, 95, 114, 118, 121, 138, 198, 215, 252, 292, 316, 327, 337, 350, 364–365, 393, 412 faith of, 52, 132 final letter to Dinatarini from, 437 first meeting of Dinatarini with, 27, 28 forgiving nature of, 32, 107, 138, 351, 430 genuineness of, 213, 233, 274, 346, 430 glorious passing of, 435–436 graciousness of, 23, 224, 240, 377, 430, 432 gratefulness of, 213, 219, 240, 391, 400, 420, 431, 436 gratitude of, 152, 219, 240, 252, 295, 309, 374–376, 402, 404, 409, 417, 419, 433 hardworking nature of, 35, 216 humility of, 66, 114, 122, 321, 328, 346, 352, 430 humor of, 180, 186, 297, 388, 395, 405, 430 ill health of, 239, 251, 293, 355–356, 360–361, 376–399, 418–436 immersion ceremony of, 444–446
in Alachua, 251–257, 403–409 in Chowpatty, 330–333 in England, 115–126, 130–136, 172, 193, 345, 403–404 in Florida, 251–253 in France, 136–137, 196–197 in Jagannatha Puri, 188–191 in Jaipur, 17–18, 180, 184, 329–330 in Los Angeles, 65–69, 82–88, 126–128 in Mayapur, 33, 138, 180, 186–187, 222–223, 346–357 in Melbourne Beach, 409–436 in Mumbai, 5–7, 180, 236–241, 293–296, 330–332, 382–403 in Mussoorie, 191–193 in New Delhi, 7–8, 19, 28–30, 54, 180, 358 in New Vrindavan, 148–153 in Oregon, 59–110 in Poland, 193–196 in Rishikesh, 333 in Saranagati, 210–379 in Seattle, 325 in Vrindavan, 2–52, 89–90, 180–184, 186, 296–297, 326–330 in Washington DC, 59, 110, 143, 170–179, 197–207 leading kirtan by, 4, 8, 28, 187 learning Deity worship, 17, 93, 250, 277
legacy of, 446–447 letters to Srila Prabhupada from, 23, 54, 63, 64, 96 love of, 276, 433, 438, 439–440 love of, for Srila Prabhupada, 78 meeting with Bhakti-tirtha Swami, 200 meticulousness of, 28, 121–122, 125, 127, 207 nature of, 20, 23, 152, 192, 199, 240, 276, 277, 386, 387, 393 non-enviousness of, 32, 121–122 not wanting to take service, 385–386, 391 on Anand das, 37 on Deity worship, 250 on duty of the disciple, 14 on following Srila Prabhupada’s instructions, 14, 30, 123, 130 on men and women in ISKCON, 22 on offenses to devotees and the spiritual master, 24, 31, 40, 44, 59 on prasadam, 189 on pratistha, 434–435 on serving in separation, 25–26, 98 on spiritual master being the authority, 3 on Srila Prabhupada and staple gun pastime, 50–51 and the tamal tree, 11–13, 328–329 and Vrindavan Deities, 13–16, 353 at Imli Tala, 2–3
chastisem*nt from, 28–29, 35, 37, 38–39, 49, 51, 74 disappearance of, 340–341 last meeting with, 90 on cleanliness, 49, 50–51, 67 on making chapatis, 38–39 on teaching others, 87–88, 130 on twenty-four hour kirtan, 429 on wastage, 50 relationship with, 39, 63–64, 66, 307, 340–341 teasing pastimes of, 5–6 on taking advantage of the spiritual master’s vapuh, 202–203 on the Holy Names, 9, 55, 299–300, 318–319, 357, 363, 378 on the Zonal Acharya system, 113 on Vrindavan in the heart, 54 on Vrindavan temple construction, 24, 33, 40, 44 openheartedness of, 32, 119 organizational skills of, 19, 58, 80, 376 outreach programs of, 198 positiveness of, 23, 430 prayers by, 55, 131, 168, 179, 263, 286, 378, 388 protection of, by Krishna, 192 reciting prayers by, 108, 124 reserved nature of, 27
sacrifice of, 42 samadhi of, 443–444 sincerity of, 24, 430 singing lessons with, 231 singing voice and style of, 226, 253, 261, 267–268, 308 tact of, 23 talk by, at memorial service of Bhakti-tirtha Swami, 204–205 teaching by example, 292, 320–321, 441 training of devotees by, 121, 327, 335–336 tributes to, 437–442 views of the educational system of, 334 willingness of, to “go,” 382–383, 418, 438 Yamuna River, 2, 35, 37, 193, 196, 296, 442 Yamuna’s Table, 170–173, 175–177 Yogesvara das, 145–147, 153–154, 161–162 Yoginath das (Yogi), 228–229, 243, 281, 320–324, 336, 366 Yuvaraj of Alwar, 9–11 Z Zonal Acharya, 100, 106, 113, 129, 132, 135–136, 138
